Adventures of a lead dog

Where was my Blizzard?

I wasn't able to write an entry yesterday. We actually had some snow. Sure, there wasn't much but a dog takes what he can get. Some areas were lucky enough to get blizzards. I guess there are some happy huskies living in those areas. Mommy stayed home yesterday which means that this dog had to eat chicken. She is planning on going out today so at least I know I will be getting some tasty BK burgers.

Mommy has been wasting way too much of her time working and not enough time playing with the dogs--that is the general consensus of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself. I love Christmas, but the humans spend way too much time preparing for it. This is not the North Pole and this house is not Santa's workshop. If it were, there would be a bunch of elves hanging around, and there are no elves in this house.

I know it it lousy, but the humans want to get on the dog's computer. I'll have to get back with you tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Some Snow is Better than No Snow!)

There is No Need to Fear: Demon Flash Bandit is Here!

I have a very important thing to announce. Sandra Marie's Mommy has a broken arm she got while trying to feed the birds. I knew the birds were getting nasty, but they deliberately left the stair slippery so the sweet human who was trying to be nice to them would fall. We dogs need to put a stop to this type of bird behavior before all the humans are hurt. If only they would listen to us dogs and let the birds starve. If you don't want to actually kill them starving them is the next best plan!

It has come to this dog's attention that one of my pals humans has had problems getting a prescription that they need. This dog has taken it upon himself to be a detective and find the culprit in this conspriacy.

Who could be responsible, Rush Limbaugh--known drug addict? Kira Sedgewick (according to Daisy's gossip diary, she doesn't like where Grouman's put her paw print when she is lucky they even put her paw print there. Is it Tom Cruise? What better way to make it look like you aren't into drugs than to announce that drugs are bad? It might even be the same birds who made the stairs slippery--those birds cannot be trusted! The only catch is that the drugs aren't the kind that most people take for fun so it was a really stupid addict--yeah, all the possibilties are still there.

If you are wondering what college kids are doing these days, there are 2 of them that are harboring potential pets in their dorm room. I know you might be thinking how sweet--they are rescuing dogs, cats, rabbitsetc. YOu would be wrong. They had 1 baby alligator, one diamondback rattlesnake, 6 pythons, and 3 chamleleons. I wonder if they were starting a zoo, and if so, I hope it wasn't a petting zoo because this dog has no desire to pet a rattlesnake.

Weatherhumans make promises and then a dog only gets a little bit of snow. They should be ashamed of themselves. I wanted a blizzard!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Detective)

Copenhagen Global Warming Conference--Birds Still Not- Subject!

Thanks go out to Sandra Marie for the driedle on my page honoring the holiday Chanakah. This dog celebrates all holidays in which I get a gift or more than one gift. This dog knows what is important in life---treats and toys!!!

I was reading about a Climate Conference that a bunch of countries are having in Copenhagen. This conference is to discuss the implications of global warming and what can be done about it. Sadly, they are jabbering on about fossil fuels and green house gases, and not one of the stupid humans have mentioned birds. This dog is very upset because how can you expect humans to solve a problem when they still haven't found the true reason for global warming--BIRDS? Dogs, it is up to us to save the planet along with our allies, the cats--the humans will let birds continue to live. Birds will continue to cause problems while the humans are busy changing to electric cars--not that seeing a car going down the road on an extension cord isn't a funny thought. If any of you have ever watched Red Green's show, that is the kind of project he would work on. I personally loved some of his handyman projects. I think that he must have had some long talks with a dog to come up with many of his ideas. However, the Conference has politicians not handymen like Red Green so I have alerted all the dogs in the Copenhagen area to try to bark some sense into the humans there. Sadly, I doubt that it will do any good. I don't care how much you bark at them, they just never seem to understand what we are telling them. We understand human. Why can't humans learn to understand dog? After all these centuries, they still don't understand us--must be those little humans brains they have.

On the subject of weather, finally a 40% chance of snow today and an even greater chance tonight. This dog is happy. I have been very annoyed at this area of Michigan's lack of snow this year.

Demon Flash Bandit (Conference Should be About Birds)

Dead Bird Drawn on Canvas--True Art!

I would like to thank Sandra Marie for the beautiful Christmas tree on my page. As usual, she has such good taste in gifts.

I read today that it has been estimated that Rush Limbaugh will make one billion dollars between 2000 and 2016. This makes me think that Samoa Sunnybear Belle was correct in thinking that Rush might have tampered with my diary entries and those of my lovely wife, Savannah Blue Belle. I realized that my diary entries are a lot more entertaining than his program and he was probably trying to sabotage my entries so that his employers won't realize that Demon Flash Bandit would draw in a bigger audience than him. My diary entries are back online thanks to dogster so I am not holding any grudges, but he had better never try to take one of my burgers from BK or my milkbone. Mess with them and you have stepped over the line. Yes, there is a line. I drew it with my paw. The line is black so it shows up well, and I have made some nice curves in it in various places so it has an artistic flare to it. It made me realize that I could easily become an artist. I can put paint on my paws and step around on a canvas and then give a story about what the colors mean and sell the painting for lots of cash. The most important part is to have a good story. Museums don't just hang any canvas full of colors on the walls. They want to know what the colors mean. You have to give them something good like, the blue line drawn with my left front paw means that the world is a sad place. The yellow circle symbolizes the sun which is going to energize the world, and then draw a dead bird in the center. That is the best part---I don't care if the art critics like it or not. Art should come from the heart and what better thing to make this dog's heart feel good than to see a dead bird?

I hope everyone has a nice week.

Demon Flash Bandit (Multi-Talented Dog--Writer and Artist)

Dear Santa,

I promised a couple of days ago that I would share my letter to Santa Claus so here it is:

Dear Mr. Santa Claus,

I know that you are busy delivering presents to all the children of the world, and it is very kind of you to do so. I know you also include dogs and cats in your annual holiday gift delivery which makes you tops in my opinion. However, I have observed that the children get a lot more money spent on them than do the dogs and cats. I don't mean to criticize your thinking on the subject, but children really don't need video game systems and plasma tvs for their bedrooms. They need to learn to use their imaginations. How do you expect them to learn to adapt to the many circumstances and problems they will have as adults if they have it too easy in their childhood? I'm sure that you are as concerned with their development as I am so I am suggesting that you cut back on what your bring the children. Bring them simple toys that are remnants of a simpler time. There is nothing more wonderful that a gift from the Earth itself--a rock makes a wonderful gift for the child on your list. They can admire it, learn geology facts from it, and it makes a wonderful weapon for putting in your pocket and hitting bullies at school--toy, education, and protection in one low cost or even no cost gift. What could be better? I could give other examples, but Santa I think you get the idea. I was thinking, with the money you save on the children's gifts, you could bring me a plasma tv and perhaps a Bolt video game. Could you have your elves makes more dog toys and some new dog video games? When the present day children grow up to be strong and resiliant, they can thank us dogs and cats for getting their share of the Christmas gifts.

Thank you in advance and you are truly a great guy.

Love, Demon Flash Bandit

You know a dog has to do some serious thinking to write such utter garbage and make it believable. I am such a genius.

Demon Flash Bandit (Letter to Santa)

Dogs Should be Given Burger King

Yesterday was Mommy's birthday, and she had a nice day. She went to out to eat and then she saw the movie, Men Who Stare At Goats. I have no idea why men would stare at goats. Perhaps the goats were doing a show or putting on a circus. Perhaps humans are easy to entertain and they were watching them eat grass. Since dogs aren't allowed at the theatre, I will have to wait until it comes out of dvd before I know the answer to that question.

The Conservatives are working on a new translation of the Bible. They say that scholars translated the Bible and they tend to be Liberal, and they have given it a liberal slant. If you have any suggestions to send to them for this new translation, I suggest you act now. If you don't get your suggestions sent in on time, your vice may still be a sin, and it will be your own fault for not getting your thoughts in on time. Rumors are that the next book to be translated will be War and Peace with more war and less peace. I plan to send in my own suggestion: Thou Shalt Not Feed Your Dog Anything But burgers from Burger King. This dog knows what is important.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)

Don't Even Think About Putting Christmas Lights on This- Husky!

Mommy was running around yesterday and didn't get around to doing my diary. If she hadn't come home with Burger King, I would have been one super annoyed dog! Then she came home last night and had packaging to do. I think much of her time is wasted on pursuits like that, but being a good dog, and having a tummy full of BK, I decided it was best just to take a nap and let her waste her time. At least this dog isn't wasting his time "working". Perhaps the work she does helps buy my Burgers and treats, but I think the humans should find a better way to do so.

Christmas is nearing and this dog is thinking about what he is going to ask Santa to bring me for Christmas. First on the list will be a muzzle for Angel Zoom Smokey who is always telling me off. I'm only joking about the muzzle---if you got her a muzzle, I think she would learn sign language so she could tell me off in sign language. I have no idea why she has yet to learn that I am the boss around here. Fortunately for me, I learned from Daddy valuable tips at how to deal with a girl dog's yapping--I ignore it and take a nap. His advice has been so useful although I have entered the kitchen once or twice, and have yet to be put to work so I think he might have been mistaken about that advice. Anywho, when I get my letter ready, I will post it so that all of you can see what I'm asking Santa to bring me, and perhaps it will give you some ideas for your own list for Santa. Samoa took all us dogs on a trip to the North Pole, and the beavers have been helping the elves so there is an overstock on many items so this is a good year to ask for extras.

One would never know it is Christmas from the weather here in Michigan. If this stupid weather continues, the humans will be putting lights on palm trees. Mommy is very happy about the weather, but this husky does not share her opinion. Mommy saw some light up huskies advertised and she went to get them, and they sold out. I mention this because it shows that some of the humans out there have good taste. I think the important thing is that they have 2 of the real thing. How lucky can my humans get?

Demon Flash Bandit (I Am a Non Light Up Husky)

I Smell A Possible Conspiracy--Get Oliver Stone on the Phone

I didn't write an entry yesterday because, yesterday afternoon, when I tried to get to dogster, I couldn't get to the site so I'm assuming it was a computer problem either with dogster or with my internet service or perhaps it was a conspiracy at the highest levels of govt. to keep Demon Flash Bandit from writing a diary entry. Everyday I share some words of wisdom with my fans on Facebook also and there have been several days when I have not been able to share my thoughts. I have cleverly managed to get my ideas across by having Mommy post my thoughts. That will show the humans that this dog will be heard-no matter how much they try to stop me. Just ask my humans--when I want something, I do not mind whining until I get it. You have probably heard the adage, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. I have found that the crying dog gets what he wants. Getting on the humans' nerves is always the way to go--unless you can climb and get the item yourself. I am not saying that there is a conspiracy to quiet the Deemster, but I'm saying that there could be. I will be trying to get in touch with Oliver Stone in case he wants to do a movie about it. I am willing to play the part of myself, or I will be willing to consult if they want to get another actor to play the part. I would suggest either DJ or Cody--the two dogs who played Demon in Snow Dogs. I might add that I went to the International Movie Data Base and they are listed, but they don't have any important information on them--and they were the stars of that movie. I don't care what anyone says--no one was watching that movie to watch the humans-they are watching the dogs. The information I found is that Cody was on Snow Dogs and DJ was on Snow Dogs and Eight Below. DJ aso played Max on Eight Below--he starred in 2 movies, and all I could find out is the year he was born. What does he like to do when he is relaxing? Is he seeing anyone? How much was he paid? Is he retired in a nice igloo in Alaska. Will People magazine ever do an interview? They have done interviews with Sarah Palin, and what is she going to say in an interview except for how fun it is to hunt, and how all of Alaska's animals taste good on a plate with mashed potatoes? Yes, there are some huskys and malamutes that were very annoyed over that remark. I suppose with Palin and her love for hunting, a dog never knows when she will add dog to her menu. My apologies to those who like her, but my pals, the moose and caribou don't care for her at all. One of them was watching Crocodile Dundee, an old movie, and they thought that perhaps they could hire that gun toting kangaroo to protect them. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I think that was rigged. That is what happens when you watch tv outside of the humans' windows--you don't always see the entire movie. I hope the International Movie Database will realize that we want to see information about every star----not just the humans.

As you might guess from my previous paragraph, I have some important things to discuss--things which the humans obviously were trying to keep me from sharing with my pals. I had chicken yesterday for dinner. I am hoping for Burger King today because Mommy has to go out. Yes, vital information that the govt. might want to keep my pals from learning.

Angel Zoom Smokey has been a bad dog. Perhaps some govt. agents are going to come and arrest her for waking everyone at 4:30 am because she was in the mood to kiss everyone. Of course, who can trust the govt. agents when they let people crash a Presidential dinner? I had to have Mommy call one of our relatives to see if that person was still here or in DC. Everyone knows someone who can't stand to pay for their own dinner. Sadly for those humans, if they were half as cute as us dogs, they wouldn't have to worry about paying for dinner--some nice human would feed them. By the way, to get an interview with those humans, they are demanding money. I think they should not be paid for an interview. It think all of us--including dogs understand cheap when we hear about it. We don't need to know anymore than that. The magazine would be better off finding DJ or Cody and getting an interview. I would like to read what they have to say. Dog World, Bark, Dog Fancy.....pay attention. We want an interview with DJ and Cody---NOW!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Has This Dog Uncovered a Conspiracy?)

Do Yourself a Favor---watch Snow Dogs or Eight Below!

I hope that some of my doggy pals got to take part in the Black Friday sales at the pet stores. I can only imagine how much fun it would be to have a whole bunch of dogs at the pet store together. I'm sure it is more fun than humans should be allowed to have---yes I stole that phrase from David Letterman. I bet his dog said it first.

Because dogs want to know our opinions of the entertainment industry, Jeff invented the Dogsie Awards. Because these awards are so new, we are going to give a bit more time for the dog (and animal) public to vote. I am going to form a new group where those of you who haven't voted can cast your votes. For those who have aready voted, you don't have to re-do your votes. I already have a record of them. I will give more information about the group in tomorrow's diary. I asked HQ to put info on the front page, but I guess the humans at HQ don't care which animal related movies we like best.

On the subject of movies, the sequel to Twilight has come to theatres. It is called New Moon, and if you love the idea of vampires and werewolves falling in love with humans, this is the movie for you. It seems to me that it is a bit of a rip off of many other movies, I remember a movie called Blood and Chocolate that had the story of a werewolf falling in love with a human. Call me cynical, but these love stories rarely work well in real life. Perhaps that is because I've yet to meet a human who knows any vampires or werewolves. This dog does not want to stand in the way of true love or be guilty of saying that love has boundaries, but why would a human want either of those two creatures is beyond me. I'm a dog, and I have more sense. I think the 4th of the books shows how this does not work out well.



SPOILER ALERT

The girl ends up having a baby vampire, and it kills her. I'm still trying to understand how she avoids becoming a vampire herself, and wouldn't that be the logical thing to happen? I also wonder how a vampire can ever grow up since vampires do not age---it even makes a dog wonder how you could have a baby vampire. Of course, the werewolf falls in love with the baby so this story is just getting wierder and wierder.

END OF SPOILER ALERT

Mommy says if Johnny Depp starred in it, she might consider seeing it, but those two guys in that movie are no Johnny Depp--not in looks or acting ability. Anyway, if the humans want to go and see it, I hope you enjoy it, but if I had to choose, I would stay home and watch Snow Dogs or Eight Below---2 very excellent movies, and talk about falling in love with another species, those huskies are gorgeous!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogsie Awards and Movie Opinions)

What is Wrong With Pee?

TurkeyKilling Day is over until next year. It was a great day around here. I didn't get turkey, but I did get chicken. I would have preferred turkey just to teach them a lesson for running around a dog's yard, but the chicken was good. I will say one thing about chickens. There aren't any wild chickens running around here bothering a dog. I had gourmet candy corn last night in candy apple flavor and it was delicious. When it was gone, I was trying to climb on all the furniture in the house to get more. That is a handy little trick. When a dog starts climbing on everything, the humans tend to give you what you want to get you to stop climbing. At least that is how it works around here. This dog happens to be very stubborn and I dont' give up easily.

I didn't get to attend any Black Friday sales. Jeff was only interested in buying dvds. and Mommy said she was going out for some emergency ding dongs. I think she ran out of her stash and therefore, Mommy was out of breakfast food. I'm sure the cardiac dr. did not have that on her list of approved foods, but she said eggs and bacon aren't on it, and it didn't say not to eat ding dongs for breakfast. I think Mommy has the medical establishment there. I love her way of thinking about food most of the time. In that respect, I am proud of her because that is dog type thinking. I know I have never heard a dog discussing nutrition with another dog, but you will find them discussing how to get to the tastiest foods. Anyway, I didn't get to go to PetSmart. I hardly ever get to go to the pet stores anymore since Jeff says Angel and I together are too difficult to hold onto. I think he holds it against me because I met a cute girl husky a couple of years ago, and I did what any red blooded male dog would do in that situation. I tried to pee on her. She didn't seem to mind, but you know the humans. A little pee and they go nuts. I thought it was a sweet romantic gesture. She had a pink bow in her fur, and she was adorable. If only the humans hadn't been there, there might be some gorgeous little blue eyes puppies that look like me. ..... Jeff said he should rename me Demon R. Kelly--I have no idea what that is supposed to mean, but the humans laugh when he says that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sweet Memories)

Why Pardon a Turkey?

It always makes me feel good when I go to my page and see new gifts from so many of my wonderful pals. I woud like to thank Kirby for that delicious roast turkey. I put a lot of gravy on it, and it was superb. Coco Rose and Puff sent me a delicious slice of pie that was very tasty. Biscotte sent me a turkey which is still running around so I can truly enjoy the festive act of turkey killing. I would like to thank Raja for the wolfday Happy Thanksgiving turkey on my page. Raja took a trip to Montreal, and he wrote about it in his blog. Raja travels extensively and then tells us dogs about his adventures. If you would like to read Raja's blog, I'm sure if you write and give Raja your e-mail address, he will make sure it comes to your email. Raja is dogster id# 625179.

It is finally TurkeyKilling Day. This is a holiday that dogs really love. What holiday could be better than one dedicated to eating? I read a story today about Obama pardoning a turkey named Courage. I don't have to tell you that I do not approve of the President pardoning birds. I think this sends the wrong message to the other birds out there. Courage will be living out the rest of his life at Disneyland. Personally, I would have sent him to a totally place where tourists can visit with Courage. I would have sent him to Orlando. FL--to GatorLand. I am sure that Courage would be very happy living with the gators--for about 5 minutes until he becomes Gatorfood. I can't see a gator pardoning the stupid turkey. This practice is a Presidential tradition that started with Truman. If I had become President, it would have ended with George W. This dog would not pardon a turkey!

If your humans enjoy The Office as much as this dog does, I would suggest they read Dwight Schrute's blog that describes his traditional Thanksgiving Day at the Schrute household. I'm just upset that he didn't include a recipe for beet stuffing. Remember Dwight's wise beet advice, "you put the best beets on top---those are the money beets".

Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy TurkeyKillling Day)

Black Friday Pet Sales

I would like to thank Preeti Cassandra for the turkey on my page. I know that turkey is going to be delicious once it is stuffed and roasted.

Since tomorrow is TurkeyKilling Day, I want to wish all you dogs a happy holiday. I know the humans call it Thanksgiving, but you know what you have to do to the turkey before it can become the holiday centerpiece. I hope my dog pals get lots of turkey and have full tummies by the end of the day tomorrow. The humans, after finishing off a huge meal on TurkeyKilling Day often plan for the Black Friday sales the day after the holiday. I am pleased to announce that this year, dogs can take part in the festive sales. PetSmart, where dogs are allowed to shop, is going to have Black Friday sales which include, among other things. 50% of of holiday dog and cat toys. Why would the humans want to shop at any other store on Black Friday? I've seen some of the other sales, and most of them have stuff that this dog could care less about. I think you should make sure your humans take you with them and head for PetSmart for the annual sales. I think there are also Black Friday sales at Pet Supplies Plus, but the internet did not give any details on their sales. No matter which pet store you insist your humans take you to--have a good and safe time shopping. The humans have been known to injure each other during a sale----you know how they get.

Demon Flash Bandit (Black Friday Pet Sales)

Once again, I have some lovely new gifts on my page. I have such wonderful pals on dogster. Thanks to Randi, Margo, and Sadie for the delicious turkey on my page. I loved the crown that Steinway, Boz, Brule, Buddha, and the rest of the pack sent me. Crowns remind me of Burger King and my pals know how much I love BK. My lovely wife, Savvanah Blue Belle sent me a squirrel. I know some dogs might like to chase squrrels and even eat them, but I plan to make friends with it just like I did with Mommy's rabbit, Flash. I still miss that wonderful bunny, but he was old when I was a puppy. I used to hang out with him a lot, and he liked me too.

Since the holidays are fast approaching, I thought my fellow dogs might like to know that many of the humans are planning to buy us Christmas gifts. There was a survey done among pet owners, and 52% of humans polled planned to buy their dogs and cats Christmas gifts. That is up from 43% last year. This is good news for all us pets. I'm glad I do not belong to the 48% of humans who dont' plan to buy their pets a gift for Christmas. I'm sure some of them are just having a hard time because that W guy really made a mess of the economy. That is what happens when humans are allowed to run things. When the humans get smart and start voting in us dogs, things will be better.

TurkeyKilling Day is coming soon, and I hope all the dogs get some delicious turkey for dinner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Looking Forward to the Holidays)

Latest Scientific Findings About Cats

I would like to thank my pals who left birthday gifts for me on my page. My pal, Riley left me a turkey. Angel RIP also left me a turkey. What better way to enjoy my birthday than to kill a couple of turkeys?My pals are so thoughtful and kind. Robin Hood sent me a drumstick and I also got a drumstick from Bodie. Both were good, and no, I didn't share them with Angel Zoom Smokey. I don't want her to get fat. HAHAHA I do appreciate the gifts-2 bird items to eat and 2 birds I can kill. Life is good!

Yesterday I ran across a news item that validated everything us dogs have been telling the humans for centuries. CATS ARE EVIL! Yes, it has been scientificaly proven by human scientists that cats are evil. Dog scientists proved that centuries ago, but the humans never listen to us when we tell them anything. If you want to read the story for yourself, go to:
www.scifisquad.com/2009/11/19/science-proves-cats-are-evil /

The scientist said that cats use their purring to manipulate humans to get what they want. They said their cat purrs are actually supposed to put the humans under their power. I want to mention an important movie series: Austin Powers. In every movie, Austin has to fight off Dr. Evil. Dr. Evil had a cat that he always had with him---Mr. Bigglesworth. Coincidence? I think not. Obviously, Mr. Bigglesworth was the mastermind behind Dr. Evil. Dr. Evil might have been Dr. Good if Mr. Bigglesworth had not been in the picture.
This leads us to another point. Did Toones the cat on Sat. Night Live deliberately drive the car off the cliff to kill the humans. Toonses might have jumped out before it hit bottom--cats usually land on their paws. He might have sacrificed a life to get rid of the humans in the car. They have 9 lives so he would have still had 8 lives to live. Sure, some of the cats seem okay, but that is because we dogs have been keeping them in line all these years. My personal opinion is that cats aren't really evil in themselves, but they get evil out of frustration at not being able to kill birds. Both dogs and cats know that birds are evil, and the humans don't like us to kill them. Cats, being more independent tend to get obsessed with bird killing and then take out their frustrations by acting out. I bet if Mr. Bigglesworth had been allowed to kill a few birds, he would have been a sweetheart. Perhaps the scientists need to start checking out the birds intentions'. I hope it doesn't take them 5 or 6 centuries to get around to it. Since the birds are responsible for global warming, we may not have that much time! Of course, until then, having cats offcially declared evil is good for dogs. We will be getting more treats and we will let the cats smell our breath and eat their little cat hearts out. One thing is fact: we dogs are smarter than cats and a lot more social.

Demon Flash Bandit (We Dogs Still Have a Good Reputation)































































































Demon Flash Bandit

Had a Wonderful Wolfday--Thanks to All My Pals

Yesterday was my 6th Wolfday, and I would like to thank all my pals for their kind wishes. I want to thanks Sandra Marie for the wonderful birthday cake on my page. I didn't think I could eat it all, but I managed to eat the entire thing. I was also sent a cupcpake by the family of Rya, Shamook, Daisy, Lucy and the rest of the pack. Thank you so much for the tasty cupcake. A birthday pie is always welcome and the nice pumpkin pie was sent by Coco Rose and Puff who is still having a few health problems so it would be nice if my pals continued to pray for her. I looked so cute in the party hat that Suika sent me. I'm not bragging--I'm repeating what the humans told me. With all the sweets, it was good to have a nice drumstick, which pleased me so much since it is one less bird in the world. The drumstick was given to me by Angel Zoom Smokey's family--Merlin's Magic Kane and Faithfully Yours Bertie (Angel's parents), and the rest of the pack. I was overwhelmed with all the wonderful gifts on my page. Thanks to everyone for all their kindness and good wishes.

I did get Burger King yesterday. Mommy called it my Birthday Burger King. It is so sad that a dog has to stand around and act like what the humans are saying is cute. I know all of you know what I"m talking about, but I do love my BK so I wasn't going to jeaopardize future BK by being a smart alec. I also got new dog toys. I haven't actually played with mine yet. I was busy taking my Birthday Naps. My brother, the Fster had the nerve to tell Mommy that he knew I was enjoying my birthday since I was napping. We dogs love to nap. The humans should realize that we nap a lot because we are smarter than them and we learn as puppies that dreamland is a lot more fun than reality so we decide to spend lots of time there. I think the Fster is one to talk---I don't see any workaholic humans around here. Besides, one toy was a tug of war toy, and I'm already the champion so why bother to keep playing? When you are the best, you can't get any better.

In the news today at Pawnation, was the story of a cat that was climbing on a policeman named Keith Urban. I suppose the cat could not tell that the man was not furniture. I like cats, but they have such tiny brains, that I think sometimes they have trouble recognizing that other cats aren't furniture.

There used to be a tv commercial that asked how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop, and I have the answer for the dogs who want to know. How many licks does it take for a husky to get to the center of a tootsie pop? One. Yes, one lick was all it took for me to reach the delicious tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop. I could care less how long it takes the humans since any ones I happen to see will be eaten by me. I'm so glad there are some around the house for a dog to find and eat.

I can see by the watch on my paw that it is time for my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Had a Wonderful Wolfday--Thanks to all my Pals)

I would like to thank Biscotte for the wonderful birthday cupcake on my page. It was delicious! Today is my birthday. I am now 6 years old which means if I were a human, I would be old enough for school. Yeah, it takes them that long to be ready to start actual school. They have day care earlier than that and something called kindergarden, but that just teaches them how to take care of plants, and we dogs think it is a waste of nap time, but it keeps the human puppies busy, which is a good thing. Puppies, whether human or dog, tend to be overly active and they annoy us older dogs who just want to enjoy a good nap. I am doing the husky dance because that bag of new dog toys were for my birthday. I was wondering why I didn't get them immediately. The way I see it, they could have bought more for my actual birthday. Why make a dog wait?

TurkeyKilling Day is next week and my birthday is today. It isn't summertime outside so the weather is getting cooler. November is a good month if you ask this dog.

The town of North Pole, Alaska will be allowed to continue their answering of letters to Santa. I'm sure that is good news for children everywhere. I know Angel Zoom Smokey always has her letter ready for Santa--which is asking for about 5 million dollars worth of stuff. She is one greedy puppy.

It is deer hunting season here, and this dog would prefer that the hunters would be out shooting at turkeys and birds. Deer do not steal our snow and cause global warming. Again, the humans are missing the point of hunting--to make the world a better place for us dogs.

I've got to go and start my partying. You put your right paw in, you put your right paw out, and then you start wagging your tail......

Demon Flash Bandit (Birthday Dog)

Museum Of Trash--A Museum That All Dogs Would Love to Visit

I'm sorry I didn't write a diary entry yesterday. You know how it is when you have to deal with the humans. They get "busy" doing things that don't matter to a dog. Yesterday was a perfect example of that--the washing machine had to be repaired. It needed a new belt which, once again is dumb because I've never seen that washer wear a belt and why should it--it doesn't wear pants so why would it need a belt? The machine washes clothes. Yes, my fellow dogs, if it isn't dumb enough that the humans are always batheing themselves--or showering themselves, they also bathe their clothing too. I know it isn't their fault that they don't have a lovely covering of fur, but either you have fur or you don't--clothing is a poor substitute for fur. Anyway, that is the stupid reason that my diary entry didn't get written. Mommy, my secretary, was busy with other things. Sure, the washer only took a few minutes, but she had an entire day of doing useless stuff--I guess it makes the humans feel good, but I have no idea why it would.

My brother lives in an apartment near our house, and yesterday, when Mommy stopped by there, a raccoon was in front and he didn't mind the humans at all. I think he must have been a city raccoon because a country raccoon would probably run away, but the city ones know the humans are generally harmless.

Pawnation had a story about a dog and a cheetah being best friends at the Cincinnati Zoo. I wonder how the dog feels about being in a zoo. It wouldn't be bad if the zoos didn't have those "don't feed the animals" signs. It would be kind of cool to have the humans throwing treats to you all day, but the humans are always interfering with our fun.

As you know, I'm always watching out for interesting things to report to my doggy pals, and today I have a great one for you. I know I've mentioned various museums and places of interest to visit, but imagine how excited I was to find that there is a museum that any dog would be proud and happy to visit! That museum is located in Hartford, Ct, and it is the Trash Museum. That is right dogs, finally some humans with sense realized the enormous contribution that trash makes to our society. The museum even has a fun game that you can play that is called, find the rat. I have mentioned many museums and tourist attractions in my diary entries, but this one has to be my all time favorite. I would love to visit and play where is the rat. I know they use a rubber rat, but wouldn't it be an improvement to the game if they used a real rat? I know us dogs would love it. It would be so cool if they would add a "tunnel through the trash" game for the dogs that visit, and believe me, when words gets out, dogs will visit. I bet the museum gift shop has all sorts of cool things for a dog to buy--half eaten sandwiches and other foods, old carpet, bones, the list is endless. I bet dogs are lined up to to shop there. Be sure that you see the Trashasaurus Rex while you are there. I saw the photo and it is a very cool exhibit--and to think Jeff went to the Carnegie Museum in Pittsuburgh when he was young to see the dinosaur bones there and they weren't nearly as cool as the Trashasaurus. I doubt that the humans at the Carnegie Museum would let a dog gnaw on the dinosaur bones anyway, and they are probably old and dried out. Since most humans vacation in the summertime, you have plenty of time to try to talk your humans into taking you there. The admission is only $2.00==a bargain if you ask this dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Garbage--My Kind of Museum)

Cowbells, Howling, and A Dish to the Head

I would like to thank Sandra Marie for the delicious pie on my page, and the family of Oreo, Rocky, and Toby Lucian for the delicious bone which I have no plans of sharing with Angel Zoom Smokey.

Mommy was watching the dvd of The Best of Will Ferrell yesterday, and normally, he is a very funny guy. In fact, I couldn't agree more with one of the segments about the Blue Oyster Cult's song, Don't Fear the Reaper. That song needed those cow bells. I might add that a couple of husky howls would not have hurt the song, but I'm amazed that a bunch of oysters even realized that it needed cowbells. I have heard that oysters aren't the smartest fish in the ocean--if they are fish, I'm not exactly sure what they are. I'm not a marine biologist. However, I"m not bringing this up to discuss how many cowbells a song needs. There was a segment that annoyed this dog and it was a commercial with him selling his dog training program, Dissing Your Dog. I'll admit that, like most dogs, I do appreciate irony, but when he told the dog that the Palm wasn't taking reservations, and that there was a new chef at another restaurant and although the dog would prefer prime rib, he would have to eat the Alpo, Demon Flash Bandit got mad. I now have a human training video system that I have named, Dishing the Human. I know you might be thinking, why is it Dishing instead of dissing. We dogs may appreciate irony, but a good dish to the head is often far more effective when dealing with the humans. When the humans tries the dissing the dog method and suggests you eat Alpo for dinner, you take the dish in your front paws and whack the human in the head with it. Sure, it will take a lot of tries before the humans gets it, but eventually they will get it because humans appreciate not getting hit in the head with a dish. Take it from Demon Flash Bandit, training the humans is hard, but it is worth the effort. I have to go now. My human is bringing me Burger King......Good human, good human.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Dishing the Human---Available in Limited Quantities--Act now)

Time to Dial Emergency---911---111 in some countries

I have been reading many stories about dogs being forced against their wills to have baths. Don't get me wrong--being clean is nice, but dogs were meant to be clean naturally. Rain and snow happen to be Nature's Dog Washes. Soap is unnatural and was only invented by big corporations who make a ton of money selling humans doggy shampoo to use to bathe their dogs. This is a typical example of corporate greed at its worst. They take innocent dogs and subject them to humiliating baths just to make more money. Sure, there are a few dogs who have been brainwashed to like baths by their humans. Those dogs need doggy batheing deprogrammers who can be hired to capture those dogs and bring their minds back to proper dog thinking. But that is for another diary entry. This one isn't about the dogs who need deprograming, it is about all the dogs who have serious problems avoiding baths. Many of my dog pals are unaware of the help that is available to them to avoid a bath. You don't think the humans are going to tell you, do you? Go to the phone at the first mention of the word bath, or if you see them getting the doggy shampoo ready. Most phones now are push button so all you have to do it touch the numbers with your paw. Dial the number 9 and then 1 and then 1 again. Start barking so that they will put a dog on the phone (like humans are smart enough to speak dog). Tell the dog about your humans diablolical plan to bathe you. Wait for help to arrive. I suggest you dont' press charges since you need the humans around to feed you, but it should teach them to mess with a dog. Speaking of messes, if you get a bath, and are unable to stop the process, look for something messy to roll around in as soon as possible. Don't be picky--the time right after a bath is not the time to be choosy--mud, dead animal, skunk, even lint under the bed--as I said this is no time to be so selective. Roll around until you are nice and dirty and hopefully smelly-with a good dog approved scent--not some stupid human type flowery scent. If you are unable to get help or if you have a particularly stubborn human, you have to be more stubborn than the humans. If the human manages to give you a bath, make sure you are dirtier within 5 minutes of the bath being over. Sure, the humans will probably give you another bath. I know you are thinking, but Demon Flash Bandit, isn't that a bad thing. Sure it is bad at first, but after the humans do that about 100 times, they get fed up and you will never have to worry about them giving you a bath again. For those whose humans use groomers, I will be dispensing the appropriate advice to you in another entry. Until then, remember, that is why cell phones were invented--the dog who invented them was trying to avoid the groomer.

Demon Flash Bandit (Emergency---911)

It isn't PizzaKilling Day. I Want Turkey!

Good news about yesterday. I got Burger King and gourmet candy corn so it was a good day. I bet Mommy plans to stay home today and I will have to eat chicken. It isn't fair that I can't have BK every day. I heard Mommy talking about how she might decide to have the family's ultra traditional Turkey Killing Day pizza. Has my human lost what little mind she has? It is not PizzaKilling Day, it is TurkeyKilling Day. Besides, the Deemster is not a fan of pizza. The holiday is a sentimental day in which the humans spend most of the day cooking a big meal for their dog, and it is supposed to involve a dead bird because many of us dogs aren't fond of the birds that fly over our heads and drop white bombs on us. We are even so kind that we often let our humans partake in the meal with us--some of them eat way too much, but what can a dog do when you want to be hospitable and the humans think it is EatUntilYouDrop Day? I have a genius plan to persuade Mommy to make turkey for TurkeyKilling Day. I have cleverly put photos of dead turkeys in all the books and magazines she usually reads. When she sees the dead turkey photos, she will start drooling (that is what I do when I see a photo of a dead turkey), and she will realize that pizza is not a proper dinner for such an important holiday. I want to share a TurkeyKilling Day song for my pals just to get you in the mood for the holiday.

Over the River and Through the Wood
To kill turkeys we go
The Dog Can Smell The Evil Bird
No matter were he hides

We'll kill the turkey and cook the bird
A TurkeyKilling Day feast we'll eat.
And one less annoying turkey
Can drop a bird bomb on the world.

I know the song doesn't rhyme, but it is the thought that counts.

No that isn't a tear drop on my face. Okay, I don't care how macho a dog you are, no dog can keep from tearing up when they hear that song.

Demon Flash Bandit (When it is TurkeyKilling Day, you are supposed to kill a turkey)

Flying Cars: I Want One

I want to mention that the love story yesterday wasn't about my true love, the lovely Savannah Blue Belle to whom I am about to celebrate my first wedding anniversary. I had to use Angel Zoom Smokey as my love interest because I would not want to insult the lovely Savvy as much as I was insultig Miss Smokey. Miss Smokey is always trying to steal my rawhide bones and toys. Savvy, on the other hand, owns Belle's Chocolates and always bring picnic baskets to Samoa's Pier. I would not want you to think that the story was real--it was a fairy tale. I hate to report this, but I suspect that the made for tv movie that I mentioned that was talked about in the tv show, 30 Rock might be a bogus movie. Mommy says she is unaware of that movie ever being shown. I asked Jeff, the resident movie expert about it because I wanted to order a movie poster and he said that even if it was a real movie, there probably would be no movie poster if it was a made for tv movie. Evidently, they make movie posters to advertise movies that are coming to theatres. Judging from all the movie posters Jeff has, I thought that they were made for people to collect. I guess even a smart dog like me has new things to learn.

Since I can't order the movie poster, I have decided I want a Batmobile to drive around. I am flexible. If the Batmobile is unavailable, I would like the General Lee from the Dukes of Hazzard. I need some serious "ee hah" moments. I think either of those cars woud be able to provide me with those moments. Doesn't it look like fun when those Duke boys are fying through the air? The car is never wrecked after the flying because the Duke boys are better drivers than Toonses the Cat. I have no idea who thought a cat could drive. All dog know better than to let a cat drive, but someone should have warned the humans!

I have to go and look at the mirror. I don't know how the mirror manages it, but it has the best looking dog I"ve ever seen there whenever I look at it.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Want A Flying Car)

A Sentimental Love Story (With Birds)

Thanks to Sandra Marie for the cool Turkey on my page. I tried it and it was as delicious as it looks. I would like to thank my pal Duke for that wonderful love story that I found so entertaining in his diary entry today. I am also sending the power of the paw to my pal Puff who is sick.

In honor of m pal Duke's love story, I am going to relate a love story for the ages. It seems that there was a beautiful young female dog named Angel Zoom Smokey (there, that should win me some brownie points with Miss I Have To Live In The Same House With Her, Angel Zoom Smokey). She was a lovely young Siberian husky who had the misfortune to live in a place with birds in the yard. The birds took all the lovely snow and you could not leave the house for fear of being hit by a white bird bomb. Enter the handsome Prince Demon Flash Bandit, also a Siberian husky, the dog of her dreams. Demon saw the lovely Miss Smokey from a distance and he knew that she needed to be rescued from the place with all the evil birds. What was a dog to do? He noticed that across the main road, a gun store had just opened for business. (There really is a gun shop across the main road--they must have heard about the bird problem around here.) Demon Flash Bandit walked over the to the store, being careful to look both ways before crossing--he learned a valuable lesson from the dead deer in the yard. Cars kill. He asked the man about a gun that a dog can shoot. He knew that a dog can use a gun because he had watched the episode of 30 Rock where they discuss the made for tv movie. A Dog Took My Face and Gave Me a Better Face to Change the World: the Celeste Cunningham Story. Why can I not get this movie on dvd and also that cool tv show mentioned often on Married With Children: Psycho Dad? But I'm not discussing great tv entertainment, this is a love story. Demon Flash Bandit gets the same kind of gun that the dog used in the made for tv movie, and he headed over to save Miss Smokey from the birds. He got there in the nick of time. It was like a scene from that old The Birds film done by Alfred Hitchcock, who once annoyed Frank Bank when he was playing Lumpy on Leave it to Beaver and every dog knows how legendary Bank is compared to Hitchcock (okay, I"m actually not a big Hitchcock fan, but he was right about the birds and you have to give humans credit when they do something right). Demon Flash Bandit took aim and down came bird one, bird two, bird three, you get the idea and I hope you can count very high because there were lots of birds. Demon Flash Bandit saved the day and rescued Miss Angel Zoom Smokey from the terror of the white bird bombs. Miss Smokey than allowed him to take her to Burger King and pay for the burgers. Yeah, I thought there was something I didn't like about this story too. Demon got down on his paw and told her that he would like to live the rest of his life with her, and wouldn't she like to get a job at Burger King so she could pay for burgers for him everyday. She didn't like that idea, but told him that she would be glad to let him pay for her burgers. Have you noticed how in the fairy tales, they never let you know how much it cost to keep Cinderella, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty in burgers? I think those fairy tales must have been written by females--if a male had written them, Miss Smokey would have been paying for those burgers. It is only fair when she was the one who had to be rescued. Anyway, they lived happily ever after and Demon Flash Bandit got back at Miss Smokey or Mrs. Bandit by spending his life in typical male fashion doing as little as possible and taking naps. He was, after all, paying for the burgers.

Demon Flash Bandit (A Sentimental Love Story With Birds)

I would like to thank my pal, Gracie for the trophy on my page. I always appreciate the gifts on my page. I know Gracie is lonely now due to the recent loss Kelly. I know the family would appreciate our prayers. Although we know that the dogs who cross over the bridge are happy and are waiting for us, it is still hard to go on without them with us.


Today is Veteran's Day, and if you know a veteran, please be sure and give them an extra wet sloopy kiss since there is no better way for a dog to show appreciation. As you know, the humans love it when we give them slobbering kisses, and it saves them from having to take a bath. I hope a dog on the other side gives Daddy a wet slobbery kiss from me since he isn't here for me to do it. I'm sure the dogs over there enjoy giving out wet slobbery kisses as much as they did here.
Remember, the veterans are extra special humans and this is their day so make sure those kisses are extra sloppy--the way the humans like them.

Demon Flash Bandit (Veterans Need Slobbery Kisses)

I'm So Glad I Speak Bird!

I just found out today that my pal, Snickers crossed over the bridge last month. I hate to see my pals cross over the bridge even though I know it is nice there. I would prefer they stay here with me.

I would like to thank Charity for the crown on my page. Charity is Snickers fursibling and I know it is a rough time for Charity.

I saw on the internet news today that the Navajo code talkers are going to be in the Veteran's parade in New York City. These are the Navajos who had a code based on the Navajo language that the Japanese were unable to decode. There was a movie made about them called Windtalkers. I think that the most ironic thing about the code talkers is that less than a century before, the native Americans were supposed to learn English and forget their native tongues, yet one of those native tongues was very important during World War 2. It is an example where tolerance for other cultures can be a good thing. Perhaps it is a lesson more humans should learn. I know speaking bird has been good for me. How else would I know what they are planning to do next?

Demon Flash Bandit (Listening for Bird Plans)

Celebrity Interview Time--Of Course I'm a Celeb--I'm Demon- Flash Bandit

I have been tagged by my pal Duke so that my pals can better get to know me.

1. What color collar do you wear. I wear blue to match my eyes.

2. What Kind of food do you eat? On days Mommy goes out, I get Burger King. On days she stays home, I get roasted or grilled chicken breasts. I also have Milkbones and various other dog treats. I have a cup of ice cream at night (although I've measured it, and I think it is less than a cup--I know I'm getting cheated) and I do love Mike and Ikes tropical flavor candy.

3. What are your favorite treats? Candy--I love candy-Mike and Ikes Swedish Fish, caramel, anything the humans tell me I'm not supposed to have will be a favorite of mine. HAHAHA I do adore cheese and bacon flavor milkbones, but they are hard for Mommy to find now. Target quit carrying them.

4. Do you have a Valentine or signifiant other? Yes, Savannah Blue Belle. She helped me in my presidential campaign and we fell in love with each other.

5. Do you get table scraps? Please.....the humans get the scraps I choose to leave them. What kind of question is that anyway? Do some humans think they should get the pick of the food?

6.What is your favorite toy? I love my football, but I also love my squeaky octopus with squeakies in all his tentacles and one in his head--9 in all. I love squeakie noises.

7.When is your birthday? November 21, 2002. This is also my Mommy's dad's birthday although he was born in 1918 so he would be a bit older if he were still with us.

8. How many times a day do you eat? I eat whenever I'm hungry. I usually carry around a box of Milkbones with me at all times--even if it isn't in my mouth, it is nearby.

9.Do you have a favorite color. Yes, it is blue. My blue eyes have gotten me pretty much anything I want so I have to go with blue. As Daddy used to say when I got into trouble, how can you get mad at him, look at those blue eyes?

10.Do you hope all your pals put this in their diary entries? It would be nice, but if they are too busy or they have important alerts like that stupid dr. yesterday who was talking about how pets give humans illnesses, I can understand that kind of thing taking priority over interview type questions.


Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrity Interview HAHA)

Medical Advice From Doctor Demon Flash Bandit

Imagine this dog's disgust when I got on the internet and saw that Pawnation has allowed a human dr. to discuss the diseases the humans can get from their pets. The humans, who already are so obsessed with cleanliness that they carry little bottles of sanitizer with them, do not need an article like this. The article even states that it is okay to let the pets hang around with you as long as you bathe them frequentlly. He is not only insulting us pets, but giving the humans excuses to give us a bath. Before you know it, they will be acting like they have the bubonic plague and you know who they will blame--that's right my fellow dogs, they will find a way to pin it on their pets. I might add that the culprit in the whole bubonic plague scenerio was our arch enemy, the flea. I have been in favor of eradicating fleas since I was a puppy. There has been research done that says that we dogs have antibiotic properties in our mouths which is why we lick out hurts--we are treating them with antibiotics. This dr. said don't let your dog kiss you on the mouth. How are we supposed to treat the human's medical problems if he takes our abiltity to administer antibiotics away from us? I think this so called dr. knows that we dogs are better at treating the humans' medical problems than humans like him who have gone to medical school and he is trying to stop us to keep him from looking bad. I suggest you don't allow your humans to see the article. Drastic measures might be necessary--eat the computer if you have to. If you are lucky enough to have a cat in the house--blame the cat.

Doctor Demon Flash Bandit (Better Than a Human Doctor)

Deer Stalking-Deer Wants To Be My Dinner!

I would like to thank my pal, Sandra Marie for the flag on my page. Veteran's Day is coming up, and I would like to let all the veterans know that they are appreciated. That includes all the dogs who have served in the military--yes we dogs have helped the humans when we were needed. You know us dogs will always be there trying to make life better for our humans.

I also have some happy news to report. My pal, Rosie, who was missing yesterday was found and that is super good news. I was very concerned with Rosie's safety. I know it looks fun to run free, but there are a lot of dangers out there in the big world and you could lose your human furever, and that isn't something a dog thinks about when there is a chance to run free. I'm glad that in Rosie's case, there is a happy ending.

Mommy got me Burger King yesterday so that made me happy. I also found out that a deer jumped in front of her car yesterday. She didn't hit the deer, but she could have and then she could have brought it home for us. I can only assume that the universe is trying to tell Mommy that Angel and I should have a deer for dinner. In one week, a deer dies in our yard and another one jumps in front of Mommy's car. Coincidence? I think not. We have wild turkeys around here, and I am hoping one of them will show up for TurkeyKillingDay because it is a festive holiday that I look forward to celebrating. What could be more fun that killing a member of the bird family?

It is time for this dog to take a nap so until tomorrow--everyone have a good weekend!

Demon Flash Bandit (Deer is Stalking Mommy Until I Get One for Dinner)

Sandra Marie Gave Me Delicious Thanksgiving Cookies--YUM!

I have an important announcement about one of my pals. Rosie (dogster Id#155242), a German Shepherd from Columbus, Ohio, who is missing. she escaped from her sitter's yard Nov. 5 and was last seen yesterday at 10 am around N Star and NW Blvd. If you happen to live in the area, and see Rosie please contact one of these 2 phone #s 614 297-8380 or 614 787-1403. Also, there is a website http://ohiolostdogblogspot.com/
If you can post this on your pages, maybe someone will see it who has seen Rosie, and we can help get her back home safely!

I want to thank my good pal, Sandra Marie for the wonderful Thanksgiving cookies on my page. A dog can never get too many treats. I also want to thank Duke for the info on one of my diary entries. Evidently, you can buy nice smells like Eau De Dead Deer, but you have to do it at one of those stores where they sell sporting goods. Why they aren't in the costmetics section is beyond my comprehension?

Mommy has been packaging stuff for ebay today so that means that she will be going to the post office which also means that Demon Flash Bandit will get burgers today. BK is always a bright spot in this dog's day! It is Friday, and I do hope all my pals have a good weekend, and remember, if a deer wanders in your yard to die, eat it before the humans can keep you from it. What they don't know isn't going to hurt them. HAHAHA

Demon Flash Bandit (I Love Cookies--Thanks Sandra Marie)

Where do I Begin??

In honor of the dead deer that died in my yard, I have adapted a song that describes my feelings set to the tune of the theme from the movie, Love Story-Where do I Begin?(circa 1970's):

Where do I begin
To tell the story of how great a dead deer tastes.
The simple story about dinner I didn't have to chase
Because the deer wanted to be waste.
Where do I start?

With his first spill
I knew that I would have my tummy filled
With venison that needed not to be chilled
A deer that was already killed


How long does it last?
I have no answers now, but I'll check with the FDA
No matter what they say
We dogs have had a very fine day.
I hope another driver sends a deer my way.....

And I'll be there!

As you know, this song is how it should have went, but my humans would not allow me to eat the deer-----Yeah, I'm still mad!

Denon Flash Bandit (I Wrote Lyrics and Everything!)

At Least We Could Have Smelled Like a Dead Deer!

I want to thank all the dogs who voiced their agreement with me that if a deer comes into a dog's yard to die, it is considered food delivery. Of course, no matter how intelligent a dog's argument happens to be, you know the humans never listen. When Mommy got home from the dr. yesterday, Jeff and one of his friends had gotten rid of the deer. Can you believe it? A tasty young buck that Angel and I had been drooling at the very thought of eating, is gone. I feel like Ralphie's dad in A Christmas Story when the Bumpeses dog ate their turkey (I do have to admit, that I loved the dogs getting the turkey.) To add insult to injury, they didn't even allow us to roll around on the deer to pick up that delightful dead deer smell that all us dogs enjoy so much! It is so unfair. Humans, who seem to enjoy new car scent, can actually buy new car scent in a bottle, but have you ever seen dead deer scent in a bottle? I know I haven't. I do think it would be a big seller with us dogs if they did market that scent. I can just see a handsome young dog heading out for a night of fun at the milkbone bar. He sees a lovely young dame and he walks over seductively wagging his tail. Of course, he is wearing Eau De Dead Deer, and she can't resist him. It is like a long ago commericial for Hai Karate aftershave in which the man puts on Hai Karate and has to fight off the girls. You know it happened because they showed the film of it happening. You just can't fake that kind of reaction. Anyway, the dame walks up and says, what is that scent you are wearing, and the male, with all the charm of James Bond, says deer, dead deer. Yes, the perfume companies could be making a fortune if they only listened to us dogs.

Since Mommy went to the dr. yesterday, and I got Burger King so the day wasn't a total loss, but it would not have hurt to have a bite of deer also.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Should Listen to Their Dogs)

I'm Dreaming of a Tasty Burger Just Like the Ones at Burger- King!

I would like to thank Angel Zoom Smokey's actual family for the nice candy corn on my page. I do love those tasty little candies. Have any of you dogs tired the gourmet candy corns? I'm quite fond of the candy apple ones.

I am pleased to announce that I had Burger King yesterday for dinner because Mommy and Jeff went to the movies. Mommy saw Couples Retreat, and Jeff saw Parnormal Activity, and in case you are wondering, Jeff didn't think it was particulary scary.

I'm sure all of us are familiar with food delivery. The human gets on the phone and orders a pizza (for example), and depending on how many lives the delivery person is willing to risk, the pizza is at your house in either 20 minutes for 6 hours. Yesterday, we had a food delivery that we didn't even have to get on the phone to order. Angel Zoom Smokey and I could be dining at this very moment on venison. A deer was hit on the main highway adjacent to our house, and he wandered into our yard to die. That is how the human explains it. My explanation is that the dogs' snack arrived on time. Mommy will not allow us to eat it. Is that fair? A snack delivers itself to a dog's house and the humans say the dog can't eat it. If a pizza comes to the door, I guarantee that my humans will be having a feast. As I've mentioned in the past, Angel Zoom Smokey and I are big fans of The Office. I told Angel That Dwight would understand. I could tell him it is a After Howloween miracle and he would tell my humans that there is no harm in gutting the deer and letting the dogs enjoy their dinner. My grandparents would have put the deer in the freezer. Did my Mommy learn nothing from her parents? Although we should be eating venison, the only bright spot in the day is that Mommy has to go to the dr. today so she will be bringing home Burger King. I do think it would be wonderful if Burger King delivered. Why can't I walk out in the yard, and find Burger King burgers have wandered into my yard? That would be a dream come true.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dreaming of Burger King Delivery)

The Story of TurkeyKilling Day

Now that Howloween is officially out of the way, the next holiday on the horizon is TurkeyKilling Day. I think the humans call it Thanksgiving because they are being "politically correct" and don't want to upset the turkeys in society. It also is a good idea not to let the turkeys know what you have planned for them. I don't think they like the day anyway. The humans also call it Thanksgiving because they are thankful that they get to eat all day. Actually, Thanksgiving is the time when humans celebrate eating too much. That is the true meaning of the holiday. It also ushers in the Christmas season, which is also a season of overeating. You would think the humans were bears preparing for hibernation the way many of them eat on TurkeyKilling Day. It actually dates back to 1621, and as you know, I am always willing to share my historical knowledge with my doggy pals. Many years ago, Europeans came here to this continent. The first winter was kind of rough. The Native Americans, which they called Indians for many years because, as still happens today, the humans aren't particularly well versed in geography Anyway, the newly arrived Europeans were starving so the Natives shared their food with them and then, in return, the Europeans gave them smallpox and made reservations for them at hotels that hadn't even been built yet. I'm sure that the Natives appreciated their thoughtfulness when the hotels were built and they got their rooms before the rest of the humans--at least that was the Pilgrims' rationale. Everyone had a good time and they realized that it would be cool to have a holiday every year when you can get together with relatives, many of whom you have less in common with than the Natives and the Europeans and have a big turkey to share while everyone eats as much as possible. The absolute best thing about the holiday is that turkey is the main meat at most tables, and turkeys, being members of the bird family, are evil like all birds and need to be eradicated before they destroy the world with global warming. I'm glad I was able to explain the holiday to those dogs who have not read my past entries about TurkeyKilling Day. It is one holiday that brings out the sentiment in this dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Relating the History of TurkeyKilling Day)

Trick or Treat for Vegetables!

I want to thank Sandra Marie for the tasty steak on my page. You would think that Dogster would add Burger King for dogs like me! Coco Rose and Puff sent me a bat, and I'm wondering if a bat tastes good. I'm sure there is a dog somewhere who has tried one. Thanks also to Sammy-PSDit for giving me a blue ribbon for being a good dog. It is always nice to have proof that I am a good dog in case my humans accuse me of doing something bad.

An update on yesterday's entry: the haunted adobe house on ebay did not sell because the reserve was not met. It might be relisted so those of you who want a haunted house might want to occasionally check ebay.

Yesterday was Halloween (Howloween for us dogs), and it was what the humans refer to as a nice day here so Jeff sat outside and gave out candy. He had a tv out there watching The Mummy Returns. We dogs stayed in with Mommy because we tend to get excited over the arrival of children, and I get annoyed that the humans are giving away MY CANDY!!!! Last night I was contemplating the whole trick or treat idea, and I came up with a brilliant plan that is good for everyone involved. Instead of handing out candy to the trick or treaters, they should be given vegetables. Broccoli is better for them anyway, and that leaves the candy for the dog. I don't like veggies so I have no problem with giving them to the children. This is only fair since some of the humans even make their dogs dress in humiliating costumes and still don't give us candy. Next time a trick or treater comes to your door, only give out candy if the visitor is walking on 4 paws--give veggies to those on 2 paws.

Demon Flash Bandit (Children Should Trick or Treat for Veggies)

If You Act Fast, You Can Buy a Haunted House on Ebay!!!

I would like to thank the Divine Miss B for the new pumpkin on my page. Miss B happens to be a very busy dog who takes part in shows. I think they would interfere greatly with this dog's nap times, but Miss B does not seem to mind all the time they take. I think I neglected to mention in yesterday's diary entry that my pal, Brynne, crossed over the bridge. She was a lovely white husky with blue eyes who did much good in her life on this side of the bridge. I'm sure she is finding out how wonderful it is on the other side of the bridge, but her humans and her friends on dogster really miss her.

I'm sure I don't have to tell all my doggy pals that it is Howloween. I hope you have been practicing your howling. Last night my human brother Jeff put all the candy bags in a large caldron and I had my head in it smelling all the delightful smells of chocolate. My annoying brother put it out of my reach--and I was dreaming of a Milky Way bar. I'm hoping that Mommy won't try to put me in any of the silly costumes she has for me. I do not like to dress up. I think I look great as I am. I told her I would dress as a Snow Dog. I think I look great in my husky costume.

I thought I would share with my readers some news with the "spirit" of the Howloween holiday.

Walmart is adding caskets and urns to their line of products that you can order from their website. I'm sure there will be a big demand for them if Walmart decides to have drs' offices on site. Having a dr. practice out of Walmart reminds me of the lawyer who had an office in a flea market. For those of you who want to know more---he had an actual office set up with a door and everything. He was actually a step up from a lawyer Daddy ran into one time when he was walking into a store who practiced out of his car. That lawyer gave a whole new meaning to the term ambulance chaser.

Now for those who really want to celebrate Howloween, I have an ebay listing for you. For those of you who arent familiar with ebay, you click advanced search, and put in the item# 180414565873. This item up for auction is a confirmed adobe haunted house in a New Mexico ghost town. The auction ends tonight at 15:03 PDT. There are currently 33 bids and the price is now at $30,100, but the reserve has not yet been met. If you act now, next Howloween,you could be celebrating in your own haunted house. What better place can you find to celebrate Howloween? You would also live in the same state as my pal, Kirby, who is one of my leading helpers in the fight against killer tomatoes which I have mentioned in past entries. I know that the idea of killer tomatoes in New Mexico might be scary, bit if you live in a haunted house, how scary can a tomato be--even of the killer variety?

I might add that new movie Paranormal is in most theatres now. If you ask me, the truly scary thing about that movie is that it cost $11,000 to film and is making more money than the studios are making on their bigger budget films.

In case you are wondering--yes, I did get Burger King yesterday and bacon that William brought home from his burger. I was a happy dog.

I will leave you with one final Howloween thought: BOO

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Howloween Dogs and Your Humans)

If You Act Fast, You Can Buy a Haunted House on Ebay!!!

I would like to thank the Divine Miss B for the new pumpkin on my page. Miss B happens to be a very busy dog who takes part in shows. I think they would interfere greatly with this dog's nap times, but Miss B does not seem to mind all the time they take. I think I neglected to mention in yesterday's diary entry that my pal, Brynne, crossed over the bridge. She was a lovely white husky with blue eyes who did much good in her life on this side of the bridge. I'm sure she is finding out how wonderful it is on the other side of the bridge, but her humans and her friends on dogster really miss her.

I'm sure I don't have to tell all my doggy pals that it is Howloween. I hope you have been practicing your howling. Last night my human brother Jeff put all the candy bags in a large caldron and I had my head in it smelling all the delightful smells of chocolate. My annoying brother put it out of my reach--and I was dreaming of a Milky Way bar. I'm hoping that Mommy won't try to put me in any of the silly costumes she has for me. I do not like to dress up. I think I look great as I am. I told her I would dress as a Snow Dog. I think I look great in my husky costume.

I thought I would share with my readers some news with the "spirit" of the Howloween holiday.

Walmart is adding caskets and urns to their line of products that you can order from their website. I'm sure there will be a big demand for them if Walmart decides to have drs' offices on site. Having a dr. practice out of Walmart reminds me of the lawyer who had an office in a flea market. For those of you who want to know more---he had an actual office set up with a door and everything. He was actually a step up from a lawyer Daddy ran into one time when he was walking into a store who practiced out of his car. That lawyer gave a whole new meaning to the term ambulance chaser.

Now for those who really want to celebrate Howloween, I have an ebay listing for you. For those of you who arent familiar with ebay, you click advanced search, and put in the item# 180414565873. This item up for auction is a confirmed adobe haunted house in a New Mexico ghost town. The auction ends tonight at 15:03 PDT. There are currently 33 bids and the price is now at $30,100, but the reserve has not yet been met. If you act now, next Howloween,you could be celebrating in your own haunted house. What better place can you find to celebrate Howloween? You would also live in the same state as my pal, Kirby, who is one of my leading helpers in the fight against killer tomatoes which I have mentioned in past entries. I know that the idea of killer tomatoes in New Mexico might be scary, bit if you live in a haunted house, how scary can a tomato be--even of the killer variety?

I might add that new movie Paranormal is in most theatres now. If you ask me, the truly scary thing about that movie is that it cost $11,000 to film and is making more money than the studios are making on their bigger budget films.

In case you are wondering--yes, I did get Burger King yesterday and bacon that William brought home from his burger. I was a happy dog.

I will leave you with one final Howloween thought: BOO

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Howloween Dogs and Your Humans)

My Plan to Save CA From Fianacial Ruin

I would like to thank my pals Bodie and Kiara for the lovely diamond on my page and my pal Raja for the crown. I also appreciate the heart that Sandra Marie gave me. I am sorry that I am slow in the thank yous for the diamond and crown, but Mommy doesn't like to wear glasses which also means that many of my diary entries have typos because Mommy doesn't see up close that good anymore. She won't admit this fact and continues to type my entries without glasses, and it makes this dog look bad.

I saw a truly frightening news item on the internet. I'm sure you might be thinking, is it a new possible terrorist attack, did the stock market plunge, did Burger King close their doors (truly a scary thought). It was even scarier than any of those scenerios--it was Octomom in her Howloween costume. If it isn't scary enough that she has more babies than the average dog has in a litter, she decided to dress up as a pregnant nun. Am I the only dog who thinks that the last thing Octomom should want to do is look pregnant? Thank Dog it is only a costume. She is dressing the babies as little devils. This is why I, DEMON, had to bark out on this article. I do have a word of advice for the state of CA. Take Octomom off your financial aide and your state will have money again. From what I've seen, all your money is going to Octomom. If you ask this dog, the kids would be better with someone sane anyway. There is no way that woman is sane--why would a sane person want so many kids that she can't handle them without a staff? I don't mean to offend those humans who think that having 50 babies is normal, but this dog just doesn't think it is normal. A dog mom will get one group raised before she starts again, and puppies mature much faster. Some of the human puppies aren't mature when they are adults.

Mommy has to go out today so this dog will get Burger King. I like it when Mommy has errands to run.

Demon Flash Bandit (Yeah! I get Burger King today)

I Would Not Bother With X-Box Points--I'd Order Dog Stuff

Did anyone see the news story about the dog named Oscar, a lab/hound mix that chewed on a pastic controller and in so doing, purchased 5,000 points on his human's X-Box Live account? His human got an e-mail confirming that he spent $62.50. If you ask me, this dog should be customer of the year. I wonder if other dogs will start ordering from X-Box Live now that they know they can. I think if a dog is going to order on the internet, he or she should order from a company that has cool dog stuff like toys and treats. I personally could care less about X-Box points.

I mentioned Charley being in a Halloween costume contest in my entry yesterday, and today I will update that information because I know Charley woud appreciate your vote. The photo that needs to be voted for is of him and Chloe as Danny and Sandy from the movie Grease. The site is www.thefox1049.com Look for Hot doggie costume contest. If you want to see their dogster pages, Charley is id 704869 and Chloe is id# 998336. I'm sure they would love to have dogs look at their pages. As my readers know, if my humans want to put me in a costume, they just might lose and arm, but Charley and Chloe and little dogs and they don't mind being dressing up. Some dogs are okay with it and some of us aren't.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day.

Demon Flash Bandit (How Can I Chew My Way to an Order of Dingo Bones???)

We Have to Watch the Humans Which is Why so Many of Us are- Watchdogs!

I would like to encourage my readers to cast their vote for the Dogsie Awards. If you want us dogs to have more clout in the entertainment industry, you have to put down your rawhide bones and vote for the ones you like. You can guard your rawhide bones while you vote.

My pal Charley is in a Howloween costume contest and would appreciate your vote. Check his diary entry for information on how to vote for him.

On the subject of the Dogsie awards, this dog had to be extra cautious that Mommy wouldn't sneak in to the computer to put Johnny Depp on the ballot for Best Actor for his role in Pirates of the Carribean. That movie was not made in 2008 and could not be put on the ballot, but you how the humans are--you have to watch them every minute to make sure they stay out of trouble. When Angel was a puppy, she kept telling me that the humans would pee on the floor and then claim it was her. She said she would never pee on the floor--she has dignity.

I am happy to announce that I did get Burger King for dinner yesterday so the humans do occasionally do what the dog tells them to do--not nearly often enough, but sometimes.

Don't forget-Howloween will be here very soon. If you see a dog size costume, hide it now. Don't wait until the last minute. It could be too late, and you will have too see yourself in the mirror wearing a silly costume picked out by sillier humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Have to Watch Humans)

I Want Burgers--NOW!!!!

I would like to thank my pal Alley for the cool jack o lantern on my page today. This is Alley's first Howloween over the bridge, and I know her human misses her as much as she misses being with her human.

Sandra Marie has written Dogster HQ to ask them to add a Burger King burger to their gift shop. It sounds like a wonderful idea to me. Mommy is supposed to go out today so I will be getting some delicious BK burgers for dinner today. It is about time. I was getting sick of chicken. Angel Zoom Smokey loves it, but it is not my favorite thing to eat, but I put up with it most of the time except for the days when I refuse to eat because I want burgers.

According to Paw Nation, there is a yoga calendar featuring dogs doing yoga positions. I personally am about as likely to pose for the humans in a yoga pose as I am to volunteer to wear a Howloween costume, but the calendar is cute, and Im sure the dogs who chose to pose didn't mind doing so. Your humans might want to check out the calendar. I have to admit, it is better than a calendar featuring cats. There is even a stupid song about calendar cats which annoys this dog. Cats already have big egos. They don't need a song to enourage them to have even bigger egos.

It is time for me to get off the computer and get encourage my humans to get up off her tail and go get my Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Should be Eating my Burgers NOW!!!)

I Want Burgers--NOW!!!!

I would like to thank my pal Alley for the cool jack o lantern on my page today. This is Alley's first Howloween over the bridge, and I know her human misses her as much as she misses being with her human.

Sandra Marie has written Dogster HQ to ask them to add a Burger King burger to their gift shop. It sounds like a wonderful idea to me. Mommy is supposed to go out today so I will be getting some delicious BK burgers for dinner today. It is about time. I was getting sick of chicken. Angel Zoom Smokey loves it, but it is not my favorite thing to eat, but I put up with it most of the time except for the days when I refuse to eat because I want burgers.

According to Paw Nation, there is a yoga calendar featuring dogs doing yoga positions. I personally am about as likely to pose for the humans in a yoga pose as I am to volunteer to wear a Howloween costume, but the calendar is cute, and Im sure the dogs who chose to pose didn't mind doing so. Your humans might want to check out the calendar. I have to admit, it is better than a calendar featuring cats. There is even a stupid song about calendar cats which annoys this dog. Cats already have big egos. They don't need a song to enourage them to have even bigger egos.

It is time for me to get off the computer and get encourage my humans to get up off her tail and go get my Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Should be Eating my Burgers NOW!!!)

I Have a Lovely New Trophy on my Page--Thanks Sandra Marie!

I want to thank Sandra Marie for the trophy on my page. I do think it is about time we dogs got our barks and howls voiced about the Entertainment Industry. I would love to mc the show along with my stand up comic brother, Jeff. To be more accurate, he has done stand up comedy, but he prefers writing. He has almost finished writing a movie script, and I have read it. I am not exaggerating when I say that it woud be a terrific movie if the industry has the good sense to film it. It can only be a hit because dogs are included in the movie.
Anyway, be sure and get your votes in for the Dogsies, and remember all dogs can vote--if there is more than one dog in the family, all of them can vote. Duke asked about that and I want to make sure everyone knows so that no dog's opinion isn't taken into consideration. Cats can also vote.

Baxter, the therapy dog from San Diego who was featured in the book, Moments with Baxter: Comfort and Love from the World's Best Therapy Dog, has crossed over rainbow bridge. He was 19 years old, and now he can rest and enjoy life. I know he is meeting all the humans who passed over who he comforted in their final days on Earth. Baxter, you were a good dog, and you make the rest of us dogs proud to be dogs!

I hope all my doggy pals had a good weekend, and if your humans are back to work today. keep the home fires burning until they get back--whatever that is supposed to mean. I hope it doesn't mean to burn the house down because that woud be stupid.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Love My New Trophy)

Jeff finally posted the Dogsie Award candidates for 2008. The movies are a bit dated, but it is a trial run for the Dogsie Awards for 2009. I have to tell you that part of the reason he is starting with 2008 is because the studios had the good sense to make several good dog movies last year, and that is what the Dogsie Awards are all about. Sure, there are some non dog categories. The Dogsie would have very few awards if not for including some humans movies. I have to tell you that a couple of my favorite categories are Bark Out Loud Funny and Best Movie to Shut the Humans Up--a dog does need to relax every now and then and when the human is watching a movie, that human isn't bothering the dog. You can lay down and take a nap unbothered by the silly humans yapping away in a dog's ears. I think Sandra Marie made an excellent point in her comment about there being more theatres that allow dogs and that Burger King should be sold at the concession stand--or they can put a franchise in the theatre. With a Burger King franchise in a theatre, you turn a regular theatre into a dinner theatre, which sounds a lot more elegant.

Riley is having a story in his diary called Sirius Rising, which is about all our pals who have crossed over the bridge. Rosie started the story with Harbinger of Darkness in her diary entries. I suggest you check out the stories. I'm sure you will be glad you did. Savvy recently finished a pirate story in hers which included the dashingly handsome Sgt. Flash Bandit. If you want to read it, I suggest you go to her diaries and read it while you can because I'm not sure if Savvy is going to leave it on dogster too long.
The studios may not provide enough dog entertainment, but it is nice to know that the humans on dogster are always ready to provide that entertainment. The Dogster humans are extra special humans.

Mommy got Angel Zoom Smokey from Frank and Deboraha. I'd like to ask my dog pals to pray for Frank because he is having some serious health problems with the circulation in his legs. They are extra nice humans, and I'm sure both would appreciate your prayers and the power of the paw. I'm sure that he will get much better with all the prayers from the dogs out there.

Until tomorrow.....

Demon Flash Bandit

The 2008 Dogsie Award Nominees

Hello ladies and germs! (I just came up with that one!) :-P I, Demon Flash Bandit, am proud to announce the nominees for the 2008 Dogsie awards! I know this is sort of dated, but these nominees are to help raise awarness for the 2009 Dogsie nominees coming early next year (after I've seen most of the movies of 2009). You may vote via comment or message. Please, only vote once for each category (why does that word have to have cat in it?). You may vote till December 1st of 2009. The winners will be annonced on December 12th of 2009. And here are the nominees...


*BEST DOG FOCUSED FEATURE FILM
BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA
BOLT
MARLEY & ME
SNOW BUDDIES


*BEST DOG CHARACTER IN A LIVE TV SHOW OR MOVIE
BUDDERBALL -SNOW BUDDIES
CHLOE -BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA
MARLEY -MARLEY & ME
PAPI -BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA
SHASTA -SNOW BUDDIES


*BEST DOG CHARACTER IN AN ANIMATED TV SHOW OR MOVIE
BOLT -BOLT
BRIAN -FAMILY GUY


*BEST NON-DOG ANIMAL RELATED FILM
KUNG FU PANDA
MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA
SPACE CHIMPS
STRANGE WILDERNESS
THE TALE OF DESPEREAUX


*BEST FILM (TO SHUT THE HUMANS UP WITH)
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
THE DARK KNIGHT
GRAN TORINO
IRON MAN
VALKYRIE


*BEST COMEDY TV SHOW (TO SHUT THE HUMANS UP WITH)
FAMILY GUY
MY NAME IS EARL
THE OFFICE
ROBOT CHICKEN
TWO AND A HALF MEN


*BEST DRAMA TV SHOW (TO SHUT THE HUMANS UP WITH)
BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
DEXTER
HOUSE M.D.
RESCUE ME
SUPERNATURAL


*BEST BARK OUT LOUD FUNNY FILM
HAMLET II
STEP BROTHERS
STRANGE WILDERNESS
TROPIC THUNDER
ZACK AND MIRI


*BEST ANIMATED FILM
BOLT
KUNG FU PANDA
MADAGASCAR: ESCAPE 2 AFRICA
STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS
WALL-E


*THE FLEA AWARD (AKA WORST FILM)
BABYLON A.D.
BANGKOK DANGEROUS
DISASTER MOVIE
MEET THE SPARTANS
SAW V


*BEST FILM DIRECTOR
GUILLERMO DEL TORO -HELLBOY II: THE GOLDEN ARMY
CLINT EASTWOOD -GRAN TORINO
DAVID FINCHER -THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
CHRISTOPHER NOLAN -THE DARK KNIGHT
BRYAN SINGER -VALKYRIE


*BEST HUMAN ACTOR IN A FILM
TOM CRUISE -VALKYRIE
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. -IRON MAN
CLINT EASTWOOD -GRAN TORINO
HARRISON FORD -INDIANA JONES 4
BRAD PITT -THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON


*BEST HUMAN ACTRESS IN A FILM
CATE BLANCHETT -THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
SCARLETT JOHANSSON -THE OTHER BOLYN GIRL
NICOLE KIDMAN -AUSTRALIA
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY -THE DUCHESS
JULIANNE MOORE -BLINDNESS


*BEST HUMAN SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A FILM
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. -TROPIC THUNDER
AARON ECKHART -THE DARK KNIGHT
HEATH LEDGER -THE DARK KNIGHT
BRAD PITT -BURN AFTER READING
BRANDON ROUTH -ZACK AND MIRI


*BEST HUMAN SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A FILM
ELIZABETH BANKS -ZACK AND MIRI
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL -THE DARK KNIGHT
GWYNETH PALTROW -IRON MAN
LIV TYLER -THE INCREDIBLE HULK
RENEE ZELLWEGER -APPALOOSA


*BEST HUMAN ACTOR IN A DRAMA TV SERIES
MATTHEW FOX -LOST
MICHAEL C. HALL -DEXTER
HUGH LAURIE -HOUSE M.D.
DENIS LEARY -RESCUE ME
EDWARD JAMES OLMOS -BATTLESTAR GALACTICA


*BEST HUMAN ACTOR IN A COMEDY TV SERIES
ZACH BRAFF -SCRUBS
STEVE CARELL -THE OFFICE
JASON LEE -MY NAME IS EARL
SETH MACFARLANE -FAMILY GUY
TONY SHALHOUB -MONK


*BEST HUMAN ACTRESS IN A DRAMA TV SERIES
PATRICIA ARQUETTE -MEDIUM
JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT -GHOST WHISPERER
EVANGELINE LILLY -LOST
MARY MCDONNELL -BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
KATEE SACKHOFF -BATTLESTAR GALACTICA


*BEST HUMAN ACTRESS IN A COMEDY TV SERIES
AMERICA FERRERA -UGLY BETTY
TINA FEY -30 ROCK
JENNA FISCHER -THE OFFICE
ANNA FRIEL -PUSHING DAISIES
JAIME PRESSLY -MY NAME IS EARL


*BEST HUMAN SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA TV SERIES
JENSEN ACKLES -SUPERNATURAL
JAMES CALLIS -BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
JOSH HOLLOWAY -LOST
TERRY O’QUINN -LOST
WILLIAM SHATNER -BOSTON LEGAL


*BEST HUMAN SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY TV SERIES
ALEC BALDWIN -30 ROCK
JON CRYER -TWO AND A HALF MEN
JACK MCBRAYER -30 ROCK
JOHN C. MCGINLEY -SCRUBS
RAINN WILSON -THE OFFICE


*BEST HUMAN SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA TV SERIES
JENNIFER CARPENTER -DEXTER
TRICIA HELFER -BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
ELIZABETH MITCHELL -LOST
JENNIFER MORRISON -HOUSE M.D.
GRACE PARK -BATTLESTAR GALACTICA


*BEST HUMAN SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY TV SERIES
KRISTEN CHENOWETH -PUSHING DAISIES
TRAYLOR HOWARD -MONK
JANE KRAKOWSKI -30 ROCK
NADINE VELAZQUEZ -MY NAME IS EARL
KRISTEN WIIG -SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE



I hope you enjoy voting (or not voting) on your favorite shows and movies of 2008. I hope that we can all turn the Dogsie Awards into a big deal! Be sure to tell your friends to vote on the nominees!

-Demon Flash Bandit (Offical Dog of the Dogsie Awards!)

I Want to See More Dogcentric Entertainment

I'm sorry I haven't written a diary entry for a couple of days. I will be posting the list of Dogsie movies for 2008 later today. My brother Jeff will post them since he is the one who came up with the idea. I do have to tell you I like how he thinks. Too many of the humans don't bother to ask a dog's opinion, and if you ask me, ours if the only opinion that should matter.

I had a good day yesterday because Mommy brought me Burger King. I do love my burgers. I will eat the stupid chicken she gives me on non BK days, but I prefer burgers.

I have been doing some serious thinking about entertainment due to the Dogsie Awards, and I have come to the conclusion that there are not enough dogcentric shows on tv and not enough dogcentric movies at the theatre. I know we aren't allowed in theatres, but if we were, how many dogcentric movies are there? Not enough, if you as my opinion.

Demon Flash Bandit (Entertainment Needs to be More Dogcentric!)

Happy News and Upcoming Dogsie Awards!

Tomorrow I plan to announce the movies that are up for the Dogsie awards for 2008. I think it is about time that movies are given awards from a dog's point of view.

I saw some happy news on the internet about a German Shorthair Pointer named Mollie that fell into a dry well and was rescued by the fire department and reunited with her humans. I am delighted that this story had a happy ending. I'm very happy that Mollie was unhurt when she fell. Dwight Williams is the volunteer firefighter that rescued Mollie so if any of you dogs happen to run into him, give him some big puppy kisses so that he knows he is appreciated.

Mommy went shopping yesterday and this dog got Burger King---it was wonderful!

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy News to Report)

This Dog Avoids Mopumentaries

I have to announce the sad news that my pal, Kelly has crossed over the bridge. I know it is nice there, but I wish my pals would quit crossing over.

I would like to thank Dogster HQ for the cool new skeleton on my page.

Since we are nearing the Halloween holiday, I thought I would mention a new movie that is opening at our local theatre this weekend. It is called Paranormal Activity which happens to be a mockumentary. Reportedly some humans have walked out on this movie because it is too scary. If you ask this dog (and the humans who live here), if you want to really be scared, go to a mopumentary film. A mopumentary is a movie where the movie goer is handed a mop and told to clean the house while being filmed--- really scary stuff . Work--that is what scares this dog.

Mommy has to go out today so I have my paws crossed for Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (Mopumentary---Very Scary)

H.R.3501--Happy Bill==Tax Deduction for Pets???

I'd like to thank Sandra Marie for the cool new trick or treat ghost on my page. She will be posting a photo of a bear and the 2 bear cubs that trespass in her yard (if I were her, I'd leave them alone--their teeth and claws look a lot more fierce than a dogs' teeth and claws). For those of you who would like to see the guests in her yard, check out her page. Her humans will soon be posting photos of the bears. I'm glad there are no bears in my yard.

My pals Duke and Dusty Rose have humans who are planning to get a sled for them to pull. This dog thinks if the humans want a sled, they should pull the sled and let the dogs ride on it. Whey don't the humans ask us dogs if we want to pull a sled? I'm not saying that I would always mind pulling a sled--as long as I'm pulling it to Burger King's drive thru. This dog knows where he wants to go.

I want to be sure and mention that there is a Congressman from Michigan, Thaddeus McCotter, who is co-sponsoring bill H.R. 3501 or the HAPPY Act (Humans And Pets Partnered through the Years). If enacted this bill would amend the tax code so that pet owners could get a tax deduction of up to $3500. a year. This dog thinks this bill is a good idea because if a dog gets sick, the vet bills can get very expensive and can be hard for the average family to afford. Of course, most of the humans posting comments are making fun of McCotter and calling him crazy, but it doesn't really sound that crazy to this dog. As long as there are some rules to keep humans who are mean to dogs from getting them just to get the deductions which would not be that difficult if the humans have to show what amount they spent (vet bills, etc.). Whether you support the legislation or think it is the craziest bill ever to be introduced, you can let your voice be heard. I do think that many dogs out there would benefit from the passing of this legislation since there are humans who would love to have a pet, but can't afford the cost. This bill would help in that regard. Be sure and bark you opinion either way so that the humans in the House know how you feel about it.

I think I feel a nap sneaking up on me. Bark at you more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Are Worthy of a Tax Deduction--This Dog's Opinion)

Seven Facts About Myself

I'd like to thank my pals Maya, Matilda. and Malacai for the cool jack o latern on my page. Malacai, although very young, has already crossed over the bridge. Matilda is new to their family and I'm sure Malacai is happy that another dog will have a home since he has a wonderful new home over the bridge. My pal Alley, who is also over the bridge says the Burger King there is free and you can have all you want.

My pal, Duke, who I now realize is a genius says that instead of firing my human Mommy, I should make her take me to BK, and that is such a good plan that I am wondering why Duke isn't in DC solving the problems of the world. Smart thinking like that would be good in DC. I bet the counter surfing there is excellent too. I told her to go to BK and bring back some burgers, but so far, she isn't moving. I"m keeping my paws crossed because it is still early and she has time. Besides, our local BK is open 24 hours a day. I like their thinking on that. I do get annoyed that they decide to close on Thanksgiving and Christmas. A dog gets hungry on holidays too!!!

My pal Duty Rose asked me to list 7 facts about myself so here they are:

1. I am a Siberian Husky, but just because I'm a working breed, don't
assume I actually like to work--that is the humans' idea--they didn't
bother to ask us huskies how we feel about the concept.

2. If you want me to be happy, bring me lots and lots of Burger King.
Dog food was meant for humans--they will eat anything! Some of
them even eat bean curd and tofu. YUCK!!

3. I have a rare talent for napping that would win me best in show if
the AKC has the good sense to have a napping competition.

4. I love snow, ice, and cold temperatures. I think Alaska is paradise.
No, my humans do not share my opinions.

5. I hate birds. Birds cause global warming and steal a husky's snow.

6. I sometimes speak human, and I'm fluent in cat. I can understand
bird, but I don't speak it. What dog would want to speak the
language of such a horrible creature?

7. I look good as I au fur. Human type clothing is unnecessary--this
includes Howloween costumes.

Now that I' ve listed 7 facts about myself, I think it is time for a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (7 Facts About Myself)

These are a Few of my Favorite Things in Autumn

My pal Duke wrote and asked me to list my 5 favorite things about autumn. After considerable thought---okay I admit it, I was busy chewing my rawhide bone and thinking about Burger King so I didn't really give it a lot of thought--here is my list.

1. Many birds fly south for the winter in autumn. Good riddance!!!!

2. It starts getting colder, and I love the cold.

3. Candy-Howloween is a candy holiday and this dog loves candy. It
is a shame that some of it gets stolen by neighborhood kids who
should be arrested for stealing a dog's candy--why do you think
they are in costume? It is to avoid being arrested as thieves!

4. Cider Mills are open which means that it is doughnut season. What
dog can resist a tasty doughnut?

5. Sometimes it snows in autumn and snow is my one of my absolute
favorite things in the world

Did I mention candy?

I'm sorry I haven't written an entry in a couple of days. My secretary (Mommy) has been busy or as I like to call it, in danger of getting fired by the dog. If she didn't work free, she would be out of here.

I hope all you dogs have a good weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Some of my Favorite Things)

Birds are Either Bums or Bombers.

My pal, Ruby Dust, is another wise dog who realizes that if something is for sale at Walmart and it is made in the United States, it should be the first news item to be reported. Perhaps they are trying to keep it quiet since the Walmart executives may not know that something made in the U. S. slipped onto their shelves. I can assume that would be a store crisis if they discovered it.

Duke says that parakeets have made Lake Michigan their home and, as I've mentioned in past diary entries, birds main mission in life is to drop their white bombs on anything below them. Naturally, if they are hanging out along Lake MI, that is what they will be doing Duke says they think they are geniuses, and I think Duke truly understands how birds think. If they eat some birdseed, those feather brains think they are smart. If they were smart, they wouldn't be eating birdseed, now would they? For dogs who have not read my many previous bird bashing entries, birds are horrible creatures who steal a dog's snow. When you hear them start their "singing", the snow is always disappearing, and they are hoping that no one notices the coincidence. This dog has had to waste time and effort learning to speak bird so I can warn the humans of the birds' evil plans. I tell the humans and all you hear from the humans is "listen to how nice they sing". You'd sing too if you were trying to hypnotise the humans into a false state of security, and then WHAMO---global warming. At least a bright spot next month is the annual holdiay--Turkey Eating Day, which always brings a ray of hope to us dogs. Maybe one day, the humans will eat all the birds, and there will no longer be the threat of global warming. Sea gulls are typical birds even if they are bigger. They tend to hang out at restaurants around here to see if they can get some free food. Birds never want to pay for their dinner. They are always trying to get handouts. Therefore, even if a bird isn't evil (which is very rare), they are bums who do nothing good for society. I hope all the dogs reading this work extra hard to get through to their humans that birds are bad. We have to keep trying to get through to the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Birds--Who Needs Them?)

Birds are Criminals!!!!

If some of the dogs reading my diary entry yesterday got the idea that I approved of arresting cats just for being cats, I did not mean to imply that--it isn't this dog's fault that seeing a cat in prison is funny. However, we dogs do have our dreams and I'm sure many dogs dream of arresting cats and putting them in jail so it is a pleasing idea. My pal Duke has a point that arresting a cat just for being a cat is like breed restrictions for dogs--it is wrong! Of course, just being a cat means that they are going to get into trouble within 5 minutes anyway so you can officially arrest them for "being cats", and by the time you get the cuffs on their paws, they will be in the middle of something that is a criminal offense. I happen to be okay with cats, but not all dogs are as tolerant as I am. I think that any animal who wants to kill birds can't be all bad. I don't know how many times I have watched that cartoon where that nice cat, Slyvester, tries to kill and eat that stupid bird, Tweety, and the cat always get mistreated. The same goes for the nice coyote and that evil bird, the roadrunner. Why do you think so many humans who have pet birds have them in prison? Even the humans who have them as pets know they are bad and need to be kept in cages for their own good and that of society in general.

There is an ad on my diary entry page for No Grainers. These biscuits and treats are sold at Wal-Mart and the reason for the ad--the big news is that they are made in the United States. I'm amazed this fact didn't make the headlines. When Wal-Mart is actually selling something made in the United States, that is major news. Perhaps the news, which is owned by a vast corporation, isn't happy that Wal-Mart is selling something made in the U.S. Maybe there are afraid it will bring on a new trend. I think I'd like to try them. I had better let Mommy know. I'm guessing that they are available in other stores too which is good since Walmart is not Mommy's favorite place to shop, and sometimes a dog does want to try things.

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Are the Real Criminals!)

Cat, You are Under Arrest for Being a Cat!!!--Sensible Law- if you ask a dog

I would like to give a Demon Flash Bandit salute to Lady Bird and Jake and their humans who are walking to raise money for their local animal shelter. Skyler, who used to walk with them crossed over the bridge after the walk last year so they are also walking to honor Skyler. These kinds of efforts to help dogs without homes touch this dog's heart. I'm sure the local shelter dogs will appreciate your efforts.

I had a few comments about yesterday's entry about the squirrel costume. Duke, I'm glad your Daddy had some common sense about how a dog would feel to be dressed as a squirrel. My Daddy would say the same thing if he were still with us. He knew no dog wanted to dress as a squirrel. I think Mommys are worse about falling for these kinds of tricks. It has to be a trick the store is pulling which must be why Halloween has tricks or treats. This dog will stick to the treats, thank you.

Puff, I have solved the question of why the dogs wearing costumes in ads and in photos look happy. My answer is photo shop. The humans can do so much with computers these days. If the dog's humans don't take advantage of photoshop, then the other reason they would be smiling is that the human said they will take the costume off if the dog smiles and they get a photo--that is known as blackmail. I think it is illegal among humans, but the human law doesn't cover dogs.
I also wonder if a few of them might be smiling thinking about how the human will look missing an arm. Those are the only 3 things I can think of that would make a dog look happy in a Halloween costume. I want to mention that everyone should check out the 10 reasons dogs hate Halloween on dogster's main page. It has photos of dogs dressed in costumes, and I can only say that even this dog can appreciate a dog dressed in a police outfit that has a cat dressed as a prisoner in jail. A squirrel costume may be over the edge, but arresting a cat is something dogs usually only dream about.

I hope all you dogs are having a wonderful costumeless weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cat, You Are Under Arrest For Being a Cat)

Halloween Costumes Run Amok

I have already mentioned that the Halloween holiday is fast approaching, and since the humans get odd ideas of what we dogs enjoy, many will be dressing their dogs in costumes. I know that many of us do find the whole costume idea annoying, but it has went from annoying to absolutely scary. No, I'm not talking about the dogs dressed as witches or devils. I have come to the conclusion that the real reason we dogs aren't allowed in most stores is so we won't see the latest things the stupid humans have come up with for us dogs. Being a dog who likes to report things to my fellow dogs, I've been keeping my ears open for anything that the humans might slip and and say not thinking that a dog is listening. Thanks to my constant ear on the spot, I have something serious to report. My humans were talking about their latest visit to Target, and Target has a large line of Halloween costumes for dogs. Angel Zoom Smokey is still mad at the hot dog costume they bought for her there when she was a puppy, but this year they have overstepped the line of what a dog will put up with. They have a SQUIRREL costume for dogs!!!! Yes, I could barely believe my ears too. Why would any self respecting dog want to dress up as a squirrel? Many dogs take pride in chasing squirrels from their domains, and the humans think it would be cute to dress a dog up as one? Do the humans have a brain and if so, do they know how to use it? I can just imagine how awful Halloween will be. A dog sees a squirrel and starts chasing said squirrel. If he catches the squirrel (and let's hope it survives because some dogs pounce immediately), how is he going to feel when he finds it is another dog in a squirrel costume. I know if I were him, I would be hiring a doggy lawyer to sue someone for false advertising. When do the humans ever realize that they go way too far with the whole costume idea? If a human wants to dress as a squirrel, we dogs don't care, but I do hope that the humans enjoy running because this dog is going to assume it is a giant squirrel that is trying to take over his domain. A squirrel that size could be a space squirrel who is here to take over the world. A dog can't be too careful.

I hope that my pal Pepper is feeling better. I hope all my friends will send the power of the paw to Pepper. I hope that Puppy Pepcid will solve those tummy problems. Arnold, don't worry that you are part Great Dane. I'm sure some Great Danes live a long time. I do think there should be some serious research done so that more Danes live longer. My new pal, Duke was diary pick of the day today. If you need any counter surfing tips, he is the pup to call for advice.

Mommy isn't going out today so I'll be fed chicken. I ate it yesterday, but I wish she would get up on her paws and go get me BK. I do love my BK burgers. By the way, Duke asked me if I would get so fat eating Burger King burgers that I would be too fat to pull a sled. I have been eating them since I was a puppy, and I've never had a weight problem. I happen to be a very picky eater though and I don't eat a lot of other food. However, I don't plan to pull a sled anyway I told my humans if they want Angel and me to pull them, they had better go on diets. Maybe they should eat Burger King more often. It sounds like a plan to me. They could lose weight and they would be going there everyday anyway so they can bring some food back for the dog--and I'm not talking about a salad. HA

I hope all you dogs have a good weekend, and if you see a squirrel runing through your domain, take a good look and make sure it isn't some poor dog forced by the humans to wear a squirrel costume.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should Never Be Mistaken for a Squirrel)

I Think I Should Get Burger King Everyday!!!!!

It is a shame Booomer, the big dog in the news isn't one of my pals on Dogster since Savannah Blue Belle's mom has been cooking a lot and I'm sure Boomer would enjoy stopping in and sharing some human food with them. Puff is right about larger dogs not living very long. I learned recently that Great Danes usually only live about 7 years. If you ask this dog, the vets need to start doing some research to help those nice dogs live longer. I would also like to thank Brandy III for my nice new football. I do love footballs. I like all balls, but footballs are my favorites.

Mommy was gone for quite awhile yesterday which means I got Burger Kind and new rawhides on which to chew. I always enjoy BK and rawhides. I think she is staying home today--which means that this dog won't get Burger King---BUMMER!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who LOVES Burger King)

Boomer-A Very Big Dog!

I know most of the time the human news isn't that interesting unless you enjoy bad news or hearing about how stupid the humans are (like we dogs don't already know that). On occasion, there will be a news item which peaks a dog's interest. Today is was Boomer, who lives in North Dakota, and is a Landseer Newfoundland who happens to be black and white like me. His human, Caryn Weber, plans to send Boomer's measurements to Guiness Records because he might be the world's biggest dog. The last record holder was a Great Dane who died last year. Boomer weighs 180 pounds and eats about 20 pounds of dog food every couple of weeks. Personally, I think Boomer could eat more food. He is only 3 years old and therefore he is still a growing dog and needs his food. I am sure he would prefer 20 pounds of human food if he is anything like all us other dogs--and I'm sure he is. I am glad to be able to report a nice news story about dogs. I think the human press hates to mention us too much because you know the humans don't measure up well in comparison to us dogs so the humans end up feeling inferior when there are too many news stories about us dogs.

I do have to admit that the news story about the new, more Conservative Bible that I wrote about yesterday was entertaining so I"m not saying that human news can't be funny at times. In fact, I was wondering why the Conservatives don't just drop the New Testament since that Jesus character was a bit too liberal, and go back to the eye for an eye part that is called, in the Christian Bible, the Old Testament. My humans have referred to the people involved as being insane, and Mommy added something about conservatives running the risk of being hit by lightning bolts. I think she disapproves of changing the Bible to suit a politcal agenda, but then again, she disapproves of mixing religion and politics anyway. She has a point--most people think of politicians as being one step below used car salesmen (yes, I'm sure some are good politicians, but most humans don't trust the group as a whole). I was hesitant to run for President in 2008 because of the negative image of politicians, but then I realized that only applies to humans. A dog who runs for political office can be trusted.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs In the News)

A New Holiday: Take Your Gun to Church Day!

I have a happy announcement for Conservatives who are annoyed that the Bible is too liberal. Yes, I know it has to be super annoying when Jesus says things like, "forgive" or "love thy neighbor". What if your neighbor is a liberal who you have been seriously thinking of shooting with your gun? The Golden Rule doesn't even have anything to do with money. What was Jesus thinking when he called it the golden rule? He could have said something a Conservative would appreciate like "he who has the gold makes the rules". The Bible, due to its being written before the invention of firearms, doesn't say a word about taking your guns to church like a good American. Now that oversight can be fixed with a new Conservative translation that should be ready sometime next year. I can only hope it will be ready in time for "take your gun to church" day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Conservatives and Religion Can be Entertaining!)

I Care Enough to Give the Very Best and it Isn't Hallmark!

I want to thank Dublin Rose O'Belle for her wonderful comment to yesterday's diary entry about finding a mole. If a dog can find enough of them, you can have your own Whac A Mole game without even having to buy it at the store. I do think that whacking a real mole sounds like a lot more fun than whacking a fake one.

It won't be too much longer before 2009 will be over and 2010 will be here which means the humans will need a new calendar. As many of us dogs have observed, there are lots of calendars from which to choose. They have calendars with photos of different dog breeds, cats, rabbits, historical places, lighthouses, comedy--you get the idea. I am happy to announce that the humans will be able, once again in 2010 to buy a dog poop calendar. If you or your humans want to check out this calendar, the website is http://www.monthlydoos.com/
In addition to the dog poop calendar, you can also buy dog poop sueaky toys--poop tarts, diet poopsie, fruit poops, and gray poopon debone musturd. The website also has poop themed greeting cards, and choc doo drops. The motto, "when you care enough to give a crap" brought a tear to this dog's eyes. Be sure and check out the site--I doubt that you can buy any of these cool items in your local store. I would write more, but I have a website to go to.

Demon Flash Bandit (This Dog Does Care Just Like the Motto Says)

Hip Hip Hooray It's Weasel Stomping Day!!!!

Mommy and Jeff went to see a movie yesterday called Zombieland. If you ask me, I don't think I would want to live in Zombieland. It doesn't sound like a fun place. I think I would enjoy living in Burgerland as long as the Burger King is the ruler. I wouldn't want to live in a place ruled by Mayor McCheese. This dog does not want a ruler who looks like a hamburger telling me what to do! Since the humans sometimes come up with video games based on movies and movies based on video games, I am waiting for the humans to invent a new game-Zombieland Later they could invent a game that is a combination of Candyland and Zombieland--the game where the zombies eat candy instead of humans. I bet that would make for an interesting game for the human puppies to play. There are a lot of games that could be combined for more fun. Candyland could be combined with Monopoly to create a game where the players try to get a monopoly on candy. That is a game that this dog could get into since I do think candy is delicious. If you combine Monopoly and Life, it would be a game that would have a bunch of big companies, the Monopolies, to take over the world and try to over-charge for everything they do. Wait a minute, that game would never become popular because that is reality. If you combine Hungry Hungry Hippos with a Barrel of Monkeys, would the Hippos steal the monkeys' bananas? A combination of Chutes and Ladders and Mousetrap would give the humans who are afraid of mice a place to run so that they don't have to get up on a chair--they will have a ladder to climb. Ants in the Pants could be combined with Aggravation because ants happen to be very aggravating little pests. Don't Break the Ice could be combined with Operation because many times, when the humans fall through the ice, they will need a dr. afterwards. I can't end this diary without mentioning a game that is a favorite among us dogs--Whac a Mole. The only thing more satisfying to a dog than whacking a mole is catching one and having it as a tasty snack. I do wonder if the lyrics for Wierd Al's, Weasel Stomping Day was inspired by the Whac a Mole game. Ido know that dogs do tend to get really happy when we sing along with Wierd Al......
So Come Along and have a laugh
Snap their weasely spines in half
Grab your boots and stomp your cares away (dogs prefer bare paws)
Hip Hip Hooray it's Weasel Stomping Day!!!!!

I think this last game shows that games are fun. What can be more fun for a dog than stomping the mole's guts right out. Some humans know how us dogs think.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Love Weasel Stomping Day--Doesn't Every Dog?)

Battle Dog--It Has a Nice Ring to It!

I would like to thank my pal, Sandra Marie for the never empty bowl of dog food. I think I need to have a talk with the nice people at Dogster since I think I speak for all dogs when I say that they could have made it a never empty plate of human food. I have yet to meet a dog that, when given a choice, chooses dog food over human food--unless that human food is a vegetable of course. HAHA Sandra Marie also told me about an item you can get to put on a bike that will make it safe for the biker to take his dogs for a ride, and also for people who might approach the biker. I think if you are going to bike with your dogs, that this item would be a necessity. I have to tell you that my humans don't ride bikes, and therefore, they don't keep up with new items like that, but if your humans do ride bikes and they want to take you along, be sure to tell them that there are safe ways to do it. I'm sure if they go to a store that sells accessories for bikes or a pet store, someone there can show them what they need to get for their bike.

Today I have decided to discuss a cartoon from the past (which was also made into a movie). That cartoon is He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Very much like Superman and his alter identity, He-Man is actually Prince Adam. and when he needs super powers, he uses his Sword of Power to become He-Man. He has a pet cat named Cringer. Cringer is a typical useless, lazy cat, but when he is needed, Prince Adam can use the sword to tranform Cringer into Battle Cat, and he rides Battle Cat like the cat is a horse or camel. Am I the only dog who has problem believing that a cat can be useful? I don't dislike cats, but I have to tell you that they are basically useless creatures. If Prince Adam's land was overrun by rats, a cat might be useful, but other than mouse chasing duties, most cats just lay around and act like they are too good for the humans to pet them. Is it any wonder that many dogs are suspicious of them? We love our humans and are willing to be petted anytime, anyplace, and anywhere. I will admit, cats have the right idea about one things--one can never get enough naps. It is time for me to take one now. I'll be back tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (He-Man Should Have Had a Dog-Not a Cat!)

Did anyone see the item on the home page of dogster about the lady in San Jose, CA who died when the leashes of 2 huskies whose humans was riding with them on his bike caused her to fall? The lady was named Beverly Head, and this was an accident that could have been avoided. I'm not saying that a human can't ride his bike with his/her dogs, but there are some common sense rules that can be followed to make it safer.

Now onto more pleasant topics. I would like to mention that my pal Daisy 2004-2007 has a very entertaining diary about celebrity gossip. I was catching up on the entries, and I particularly enjoyed the entry from Aug. 11 which is on Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP which Daisy has made her own as POOP, and it is well worth reading. I might add that she covered the story of Jessica Simpson's missing dog that was taken by a coyote. It seems Jessica has a reward for the dog, and I agree with Daisy. I seriously doubt that coyotes can read although judging from Wile E. Coyote, it might be possible that the coyote can read. Perhaps he is holding the dog for ransom so he can get money to buy some new Acme products to help him catch the Roadrunner. I hope that is the reason he got the dog because I don't want to even consider any other reason why a coyote would take a dog. I do have one point on which I disagree with Daisy. She mentions that the Enquirer has become a trusted news source. I happen to think that if you want the real news, you get the Weekly World News//Sun. The Enquirer is good for celebrity news, but for other breaking news (like aliens and monsters) the Weekly World News/Sun is the place to go. I also trust Jon Stewart to report the news truthfully. The other news sources just don't seem to know what they are doing anymore.

My wife, Savvannah Blue Belle, commented on yesterday's entry. It seems her Mommy's Barbie had tattoos. Now we know where the new trend came from--Barbie once again has shown the way.

I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit

Candyland and Barbie

I would like to thank my pal, Sammy, for the cool frisbee. As any dog will tell you, frisbees and balls are impossible to resist. I think dogs invented both items, but I'm sure there are some humans who stole the credit for their invention. I also have to agree with Sammy. I think Frosty Paws is awful compared to human ice cream. If you have never tasted human ice cream, it might be okay, but Daddy stopped at Diary Queen drive thru when I was a puppy, and guess who was sitting in the middle and managed to get Mommy's cone before he could get it to Mommy? If you guessed Demon Flash Bandit, you would be correct. That cone showed me then and there that ice cream is one of the most delicious snacks on the planet. Yes, Daddy did get Mommy another cone. Obviously, I had no plans to give up the one I had my paws on. HAHA

On the subject of Candyland. From the two comments from my lovely wife Savannah Blue Belle (also the owner of Belle's Chocolates which is quite popular at Samoa's Pier) and Dorothy "Dot" Louise (who has crossed over the bridge--so she has far more knowledge than any of us dogs on Earth), the consensus has been that Queen Trostina is too good for King Kandy. I am sure that they are probably correct in their accessment. However, I do have to add that anyone called King Kandy could be an okay husband if he can keep the Queen supplied with tasty candy. I would venture to say that perhaps she married him for candy. I am not saying I blame her. Savvy might think I married her for candy, but SAvvy didn't own Belle's Chocolates when we got married so she knows I didn't marry her for the candy she makes. However, the candy is very delicious, I'm glad I married her before some candy loving dog could have done so!

Mommy did go out yesterday, and I'm happy to announce that I did get Buger King.

There was some toy news on the net today that says that a new African version of Barbie has arrived on the scene, and that some have said that the doll enforces racial stereotypes. Mommy, who was quite fond of Barbie as a child, thought it was quite funny since she says she doesn't know too many women who look like the original Barbie, and none of her friends had a home in Malibu or a convertible. However, when the competitor came up with the Bratz line, that company is trying to make them seem like Barbies, but they are actually space alien dolls. I know the humans dont know it yet. I'm sure that the announcement will come out when this generation grows up, but if you look at the size of their heads, there is no way they coud be human. I think I might have mentioned in the past that many years ago when Barbie first arrived on the scene, Ideal brought out a competitor called Tammy. Ideal, in a major marketing fiasco, made the mistake of marketing a family for Tammy. Barbie's little sister, Skipper, didn't meet with too much resistance, but Tammy had parents. Parents were always telling the kids what to do so I suppose the last thing the kids wanted was a doll who had parents telling her what to do. Mommy's parents bought her Tammy probably because Barbie was $1.98 and Tammy was probably $1.49. Mommy did eventually get Barbies, but the parents of the older generation evidently did not understand the cultural impact that Barbie would have on society. If they had, they would have spent the extra 49 cents and then put the doll up so it would stay in mint condition. Perhaps it was best they didn't understand or Barbie would have never been the cultural icon she became. It is hard to be a cultural icon when you are collecting dust in an attic.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Games and Cultural Icons)

I'll Have 5 Plain Burgers, Thank You!

I'd like to thank my pal, Nakita Sophia, who left a comment on my recent diary entry about the board game, Candyland. I had no idea that it had changed. How can the humans have the nerve to change a classic game that has entertained children for decades? I guess the old version was too awful for children to have to deal with. The only thing that boggles this dog's mind is that these are the same children who will, in a few short years, be playing video games like Grand Theft Auto where they will be creating mayhem as they cruise the streets of Videoland. It seems that Candyland's problems would be small in comparison. Wait, I guess since they are the thief instead of the victim, it must be okay.

I would also like to thank Arnold for his suggestion about Frosty Paws, but I tried it. Mommy got me some, and I refused to eat it. I learned as a puppy that the stuff the humans eat is a lot tastier than what they give the dogs. I know a lot of dogs like Frosty Paws, and if you enjoy it, I'm happy for you, but I'll stick with the human treats. By the way, thanks Sandra for telling me I am handsome.

Have any of you seen that there is a new Buddies movie coming out. It is called Santa Buddies. I am going to take a wild guess and say it involves Christmas.

It is time for this dog to get off the computer since Mommy does my typing for me and she has places to go today. I am keeping my paws crossed that one of those places is Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (How Much is That Burger in the Window?)

Paws Off My Ice Cream

Mommy gave us chicken tonight. I refused to eat it last night, but tonight I was hungry so I gave in and ate it. Angel Zoom Smokey was not happy because she thought she was going to get an extra piece. She is always volunteering to eat the food I don't eat. Sometimes I have to eat the chicken just to make sure she doesn't get fat. HAHA I don't always care if she gets my chicken, but I do draw the line at my ice cream. We both love our ice cream every night. You don't mess with the Deemster's ice cream. I feel a nap calling me. Until tomorrow....

Demon Flash Bandit (Keep Your Paws Off My Ice Cream)

This Dog Happens to Like Candy-Particularly Swedish Fish and- Mike and Ikes

I know that many children now tend to play video games, but years ago before they had video games, children played board games. I know it may sound like they were playing games that bored them, but that is not the case. They were not bored games, but board games which probably means that you needed a "board' or a table to play them on. I have heard the stories of marathon Monopoly games that went on for days. Today I am going to discuss a classic board game which is considered an excellent game for young children--or a "first game". It is caled CandyLand, and it was made by the people at Milton Bradley. This is a game that Demon Flash Bandit could get excited about since I happen to be quite fond of candy. The only thing about this game that annoys me is that I don't see any dogs on the box. I think this is a subtle message to children that they should not share their candy with their dog. As usual, someone needs to stick up for dogs everywhere and say that dogs should be added to the art on the box of the Candyland game so that children will know that dogs like candy too. There was a time when the Trix Bunny never got the Trix. Some smart alec kid would tell the bunny that Trix are for kids, but then they had a vote, and the kids said the bunny could have Trix. Ever since that time, you will hear that Trix are for kids, and sometimes for Tricky Rabbits. We dogs need to follow in the paw prints of the Trix rabbit and demand our share of candy in Candyland. I think this is one thing we need to keep our paws firm about.

Demon Flash Bandit (Candy is For Dogs)

I Want to Visit Pawvillage

Mommy was about to enter my pedigree in Pawvillage, but I told her not to worry, I woud take it there myself. Doesn't Pawvillage sound like an awesome place to visit? With all those dogs, what dog wouldn't have a good time there? She decided to do it later. I think that is Mommy's official motto: Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow. I still think I'm going to sneak there with my pedigree. Why should humans have all the fun?

I have a correction to make. When I announced the new Dog Awards, I said they were Dogsy awards but Jeff said it will be spelled Dogsie. I would like to know when did the humans decide that they could tell a dog how to spell and what gave them such a grandiose idea in the first place? Have they forgotten that we dogs are a lot smarter than them? I have more brains in my paw than most humans have in their whole body!

I hope that all my doggy pals are having a good weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Pawvillage is the Place for Me)

Warning for Dogs

I saw an interesting news item today about a Pomeranian who has been ordered to leave Aspen, Colorado because the dog has bitten two humans. If the dog is found in Aspen again, he will be put to death. I am wondering if the dog is going to appeal the sentence. I think it would be wise for him to move elsewhere. A death sentence sounds serious to me.

As all of us huskies are aware, autumn needs to come and go so that winter can arrive==a husky's favorite season. This reminds me that it is never too early to issue the Halloween warning. I've been told the stores already have doggy Halloween costumes and I know some of the dogs out there are okay with dressing up and making the humans happy, but I am one of those dogs who think dressing a dog up for Halloween is cruel. On my first Halloween, my humans bought me a Superman outfit. I will admit that I would make a handsome Superman, but it never happened. They would put one front paw in the stupid outfit and when they were putting the other front paw in I pulled the first paw out. It was actually a fun game for me, but the humans didn't care for it and gave up. I did allow them to tie on the red cape. I love my humans even if they do get some silly ideas in their little brains. This is my official warning. If you see a bag come into your house with a doggy Halloween costume in it, take no chances, get it out of the bag and destroy it immediately. I cannot stress this action enough. If there is no costume to wear, the problem of dressing for Halloween is solved. It is not necessary to thank me. I love watching out for my fellow dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning Warning)

Important Announcement for Dogs

I have an announcement to make for my humans particularly from my brother Jeff. He has decided that there are not specific awards for dogs in movies and tv so he has decided to start the Dogsy Awards. More details on these awards will be announced later and he will be asking for votes for varying categories. I have to tell you that I am excited about this concept myself because I still think the dogs on Eight Below should have gotten Oscars, but they were snubbed completely, and why were they snubbed? Because they were dogs, of course, I'm glad Jeff is finally planning to put an end to this kind of discrimination. Wait until the humans complain that they aren't up for a Dogsy. They will teach the a lesson.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogsy Awards--Covering the Real Stars)

The Dawg Should Always be the Sheriff---Not the Deputy!

In the past, I have mentioned the occasional cartoon dog. One I don't remember talking about is that great law enforcement hero, Deputy Dawg. As the name implies, Deputy Dawg was a dog. The sheriff was a human but all the real crime fighting was left to the dog. There were some "varmints" that were in the cartoon. There was Muskie, the muskrat and Vincent Van Gopher whose vision was not good so he usually had to hang onto Muskie's tail when they had to leave. The animals lived in the backwoods of Tennessee in a place called Creekmud Junction (not to be confused with another tv location--Petticoat Junction). Muskie loved to steal eggs from the Sheriff's henhouse which was usually one of the big crimes on the cartoon. As you can see, Creekmud Junction as a place that was teeming with work for a deputy to do. I suppose the humans would say that Deputy Dawg wasn't the world's best deputy, but if you ask this dog, I think the lazy sheriff should have been the one to chase Muskie. They were his eggs that were being stolen. If you ask me, it is just one more incident of humans trying to push their work onto a dog. What do I think the best thing about the cartoon happened to be? The fact that is stars a dog, of course. A cartoon can never go wrong with making the star a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Would Be the Sheriff if I Were the Star)

Demon Flash Bandit---Real or Cartoon Dog? Which Will it Be?

The ad at the side looks promising. It says turn you pet into a cartoon. I think I would make a great looking cartoon. I think the big advantage is that a cartoon dog can get into a lot more trouble than a real dog since cartoons allow more freedom. If they didn't, the coyote would have been killed by Acme products while chasing the roadrunner decades ago. I think cartoon dogs are able to have more fun that regular dogs. They don't have to follow all the silly rules that apply to real dogs. For example, the laws of gravity don't apply which can come in handy if you happen to fall off of a cliff. I think I need to give the cartoons a try.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Would Enjoy Being a Cartoon)

I Have Written Another Children's Book!

I want to start this entry by telling my pals to send their positive thoughts to Hannah the Brave. Hannah is a dog that has had more than her share of suffering, and I think she needs the collective power of the paw. Hannah, we dogs are pulling for you!

Mommy went to the theatre yesterday. Jeff wanted to see District 9, but Mommy didn't think she would like to see yet another human and alien movie so she went to see Madea: I Can Be Bad All By Myself. It is an appropriate title since the movie wasn't one of Mommy's favorites. Mommy said that movie might have been improved with a couple of aliens added to the cast. Madea wasn't in it that much and Mommy thinks Madea is very funny and she likes her character. When Madea is not in a "Madea" movie much, the movie suffers.

I have written several sequels to my book. Guess who is behind on the illustrations? If you guessed Jeff, you would be correct. The kid needs to get a move on it. I know that he is no dog, but can't the humans draw faster? Does Angel Zoom Smokey have to show him how to zoom through a job. She does know how to go fast. That is why her middle name is Zoom. I am fast too which is why my middle name is Flash.

For all my pals in the southeast, I hope you are staying dry. I hear you have had a lot of rain. I bet it is the birds' fault. Those lousy little snow stealing cultprits probably didn't sell it fast enough and it started melting and caused all the rain. Birds are evil and must be stopped!

Demon Flash Bandit (Talented Dog Author)

My Commentary on the Humans' Language

Since I understand human language and can even speak some human words, sometimes it does occur to me how silly the humans and their language can be. Actually, I'm not the only dog who has noticed this. We dogs have a lot of laughs about it around the water dish. Politics has made this even sillier. For example, you would assume that conservatives would also be conservationalists since both words are a lot alike, but for the most part conservatives only worry about conserving money which is kind of silly since money itself isn't particuarly useful. I'd trade paper money for a dingo bone or a hamburger any day of the week. You can eat a burger or enjoy a bone. The only really useful thing you do with money is spend it. You can write on it, but that might even get you in trouble with the govt. because they don't really like you writing on the money. On the other hand, liberal is a word that should be associated with freedom, an open mind, or new ideas. What has it become associated with? Spending too much money. Sure, some people do "freely" spend a lot of money, but when it comes to politics, it seems to this dog that both groups spend a lot of money, but they spend it on different things.

Some words do make sense. For example, if something horrible happens, it can be called a catastrophe. I don't think there is a dog alive who would argue that many major disasters are CATastrophes. Cats do cause more than their fair share of problems in the world. They also have those nine lives so they can cause problems over and over again--you can't just get rid of them in one life.

Some words are just odd. Look at the word, hors d'oeuvres for example. Is this an appetizer for a horse or is it an appetizer made from a horse. The word hot dog is also one of those odd words. The humans sometimes give us hot dogs, but they don't make hot dogs for dogs--they are offcially made for humans. The name implies that they might be made from dogs, but they aren't. Humans should sit down and do some work on their languages. Some of their words make them sound silly even when they are trying to be serious. I"m glad our barking isn't so silly, but then again, we dogs are so much smarter than the humans. To quote the dog in the movie, Good Boys, "you don't see us picking up their poop".

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting On Human Language)

Shiver Me Dingo Bones

Dogster is celebrating Pirates and this is Capt. Demon Flash Bandit wanting to know where my rum be hiding. A pirate needs his rum. Yo ho, and shiver me dingo bones, it be Capt. Angel Zoom Smokey with my rum. Put the rum down, Angel. You know ye had a DUI when you were a puppy because of drinking rum. Does ye want to get a DUI from the Coast Guard? I have been plundering and hiding me treasure from that evil Capt. Jackie Sparrow--not that handsome Capt. played by Johnny Depp. Capt. Jackie Sparrow is a real bird, and he is as evil as any bird that ever flew over the sea. I told me mates to shoot the cannons at him, but alas, he got away. I see land ahead so I'll be heading into port to find a pretty wench and wet me whistle with some more rum. Angel Zoom Smokey has drunk all the rum on the ship. This is why she is a capt, in name only. She is always drinking too much to run the ship. Ahoy. Where is the rum?

Demon Flash Bandit (Yo Ho Ho and Several Bottles of Rum)

Demon Flash Bandit Exposing the True Story of Beauty and the- Beast

The real story of Beauty and the Beast.

Beauty was a beautiful dog and the beast was a human. The dog was so lovely that all who saw the dog were amazed that so much beauty could be in one dog. The beast was a typical human--walking on 2 legs, with that odd little nose that, despite it being very bad at sniffing things out, they are always complaining about some smell that we dogs are delighted to smell. They have those teeth that can't chew through hardly anything. Their paws have no claws to speak of. Their ears are small and can't hear half of what we can hear. Yet, Beauty, the most enchanting dog in the world, fell in love with a silly looking human, an event which happens everyday which is why you see so many humans and dogs together. Even the other humans know who the good looking one of the two happens to be. If they are out walking, the dog will get all the attention from the other humans. Why would they bother with another "beast" like themselves when they can admire another gorgeous dog? However, when the humans decided to turn the story of Beauty and the Beast into a movie, you notice that they switched the roles around. The humans became the beauty--like that could happen. However, they knew that a dog as the beast woud be too unbelievable so they changed the dog into a different type of animal, but all us dogs know the true story. Because we dogs are so nice and we do love the ugly humans, we didn't interfere with their entertainment. We let them think that is the true story. The only thing that bothers me is," since humans are so ugly, why did they invent mirrors". Do they enjoy feeling bad about themselves? It does make a dog wonder.

Demon Flash Bandit (Handsome Dog)

Captain Demon Flash Bandit--Pirate Dog

My humans have been watching on older show on tv called Six Feet Under. I think it is about time the networks made a tv show about us dogs and our digging. I haven't seen a toy or bone, or morsel of food that could not be improved by digging a big hole, burying the item and digging it up a couple of days or even a couple of months later. Humans don't seem to enjoy burying their treasures unless they are pirates, and as many of you on Dogster have noticed, they are honoring dog pirates so the subject seems to be appropriate for me to mention. Some of the pirates have done a super good job of burying their treasure. On Oak Island, for instance, humans have been trying to find the treasure for years, but it has been so difficult because the treasure pit is designed to fill with water so that the people trying to get to the treasure can never seem to do so. I know it could have been someone other than a pirate, but my theory is that it was buried by that famous pirate, Bones, the Pirate Dog. I think he went to so much trouble because the chest is full of dingo bones and milkbones and he didn't want any other dogs to find it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Ahoy and shiver me dingo bones)

When Will the Humans Understand the Evil Hearts of Birds?

As my regular readers probably already know, this dog does know a bit about comic books largely because my brother Jeff happens to like them. Life does have its ironies--a dog of my intelligence and breeding lives with a human brother who reads comic books. I can sympathize with Brian on Family Guy. The dog is a genius, and look at Peter Griffin--a total and complete idiot. I think most of us dogs feel that way. All of us dogs have to deal with humans who possess far less than our intelligence. Anyway, back to the point, most comic books are okay. I actually don't mind them. Even us smart dogs need a diversion every now and then. However, today I discovered a comic book called Birds of Prey. As many of my dog pals already know, I hate birds and I have been on a campaign to rid the world of those awful little creatures who cause global warming. The scientists think it has something to do with lifestyles and carbon dioxide, but that is what the birds want them to believe so that the scientists won't suggest an out and out war on the birds. Occasionally, you get a human like Alfred Hitchcock who tries to warn the other humans, but they think it is fiction and pay no attention. Anyway, this comic has depicted birds as heroes. Yes, you heard me---HEROES. Dogs can be heroes. Birds can only cause trouble. I can only hope that my fellow dogs and myself can warn the humans in time before it is too late and all the snow and ice have been stolen by those evil birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Are Not Heroic)

It Is Not Nice to Fool Mother Nature!

I have refused to eat chicken for the past 2 days, and the humans finally got the message and went to Burger King today to get me what this dog wants to eat. I might add I "wolfed" the burgers down as soon as they were broken into tiny, bite size pieces. You don't expect me to have to bite the burger into pieces myself, do you? That is the human's job.

It is hotter now than it was in August which is kind of strange if you ask me, and I wish Mother Nature would discuss these kinds of things with me because I would tell her to cool things down a bit. I think she is just trying to get even with the humans for all those Parkay commercials years ago when Parkay margarine was fooling Mother Nature into thinking that the margarine was actually butter. The humans are always annoying Mother Nature with those kind of antics, and we dogs have to put up with Mother's Nature's revenge. I think all us huskies should get together and go bite those people at Parkay for making Mother Nature mad.

Demon Flash Bandit (Being Nice to Mother Nature)

Chicken Joke

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Angel Zoom Smokey. If the chicken has any sense and knows what is good for him, he will stay out of her way. I'll just say that Angel Zoom Smokey does love to eat chicken so, if I were a chicken and I saw Angel Zoom Smokey coming, I would be getting away from her too. Perhaps I should consider doing an act at the Comedy Doghouse. I doubt that I could compete with that Great Dane. I heard he has been offered a contract to do a DBO (Dog Box Office) comedy special. I wonder how many Milkbones that will pay. I don't think I will try stand up comedy since it might hurt my chances of becoming President if I decide to run again in 2012. Sure, some of the candidates are funny, but I hate to take risks. I don't want to lose votes because I am not taken seriously.

I have to get back to my Milkbones. Angel Zoom Smokey might be trying to get some of them while I'm on the computer.

Demon Flash Bandit (Chicken Stories)

Angel and I Enjoyed the Comedy Doghouse!

...and the cocker spaniel laughed so hard he spilled his drink on the Irish setter who...oh, I didn't know I had an audience. I was just telling Angel a joke she missed when she had to go and get a snack when we went to the Comedy Doghouse. I have to tell you that the Great Dane stand up comic had all of us barking in the aisles. I think he will be famous one of these days. Last night I was watching Eight Below, and that was an excellent movie that shows how heroic we huskies can be and how smart we are. However, I wanted to bite those humans who left them there. What were they thinking? They could have left some equipment behind and put the dogs on the plane. Were they afraid the penquins were going to take over their stupid equipment? Penquins have more sense. They could care less about the humans silly equipment. I hope everyone has a nice weekend, and I hope all of you dogs can catch that Great Dane at the Comedy Doghouse. He is one funny dog!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves the Comedy Doghouse)

I Love Milkbones!

I would like to thank Agadore Spartacus for the nice heart gift on my page. Hugs are always welcome.

I hope that all my pals are having a good weekend. I had a crisis last night. I ran out of Milkbones, and Mommy had to go to the store to get me more. I didn't eat that many, but I like to carry around a box of Milkbones the way some children carry around a security blanket. It makes me feel good to know they are there when I need a snack.

I had better get back to guarding my milkbones because sometimes Angel Zoom Smokey thinks she should get to carry them around. Silly puppy! The milkbone box is for Demon Flash Bandit

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Milkbones!)

Thanks for the gifts on my page!

Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are very happy because Mommy came home from the hospital yesterday. She even got us Burger King which was a pleasant surprise for us--she missed us as much as we missed her.

I would like to thank all the dogs who sent gifts on my page. Coco Rose and Puff sent a lovely vase of flowers. the family of Gracie and Kelly sent a lovely bouquet of flowers. The Odd Couple (Preeti Cassandra and the cat--I'm sorry I don't remember the cat's name at the moment) sent a rainbow. Kiara and Bodie sent a power of the paw, and that was extremely thoughtful considering Kiara had to send her part from over the bridge. I hope she is adjusting to all the new fun things she will be doing over there. Angel Mica (who is also over the bridge, but has had more time to adjust) and Mirra also sent a power of the paw. Shadow sent me a tasty drink. It always makes me feel good to see all the cool gifts on my page, and I want everyone to know how much I appreciated them. It made Mommy feel better when she saw all the love that my fellow dogsters have for me and my family.

As you know, I do sometimes comment on the news, and an article I saw that deserves a Demon Flash Bandit comment was the situation in Congress when Rep. Joe Wilson yelled out "You Lie" during Obama's speech. Evidently, someone needs to explain to Mr. Wilson that it is not considered appropriate or polite to yell out your opinons at that time. He has since apologized--probably because his party is making him do so because many of them are intelligent and understand the rules. However, rumors are circulating throughout Washington DC that if Wilson happens to run into Obama on a playground, he is going to call him a "lying doodyhead", and Obama will use his standard answer to the Repulbican bullies on the playground. "I know you are but what am I?" If the playground face off does occur, Wilson cannot win because he will face a mandatory Congressional time out--which means he will have to stand in the corner for an hour and think about how silly he has been. The amazing thing to this dog is that Wilson is actually paid to represent the humans in his district-and he gets paid even when he is in time out.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog-Mommy is Home)

Good News and Bad News

I am late in getting this written today. Mommy is still in the hospital, but she had the heart catherization done today, and they found 2 blockages. They are now fixed and she comes home tomorrow so Angel Zoom Smokey and myself are very happy about that.

I was honored to be a diary pick of the day. However, it is still a sad day for me. My pal, Alley, who was one of my first dogster pals has crossed over the bridge. Alley had a bad start in life with a human who didn't treat her well, and she had some very unusual experiences in her life--including a plane crashing in her neighborhood that even singed her fur. When I ordered the vanishing paint from Acme which never arrived, it was Alley who invented the bird zapper. I know Alley is having a good time over the bridge, but I am going to miss her. Molly has also passed on. Too many of my pals are crossing over the bridge. I want them to stay here and play with me. I know they are happy and enjoying themselves there, but they could have fun with me too. I wish they had stayed.

Demon Flash Bandit (Good News and Bad News)

Kiara, You Went Over the Bridge Too Soon

Mommy is still in the hospital, but I have talked to her on the phone and she tells me she loves me and misses me and will be home soon. I am writing a short diary entry to say that I am very sad today because my pal, Kiara, a fellow husky, went over the bridge. I miss you Kiara. I know you are happy where you are, but you should have stayed wtih us longer.

Demon Flash Bandit (A Very Sad Dog)

Not A Happy Camper!

I have been very upset over the last day and a half because my mommy had to go to the hospital. She is feeling better now and should be home in a couple of days but that leaves me stuck in the house with no one but Angel Zoom Smokey and the Fster (aka my human brother Jeff). I am glad that Angel and Jeff are here to keep me company, but I am worried about my mom and want her back home NOW. After all, the humans do refer to me as "Dr. Demon", shouldn't I have some say as to how and where my mom is treated. Humans will never learn. Silly humans, medical school is for dogs.

Anyway, Jeff told me that it might make me feel better to write a Dogster diary as usual to get my mind off of mom being in the hospital. He is actually helping me write this...and he is no mommy! I have a special bond with my mom, one in which I sleep and she types what I am thinking. It works for both of us. The Fster expects too much out of me. Like...um...you know...stuff. Well, maybe I'm being a little hard on the Fster, but the point is that I want mom to write this!

If you couldn't tell, I'm not a happy camper. To be fair, with all the bugs and small animals, I doubt most people are truely "happy campers". Plus, when you go camping, birds sometimes annoy you. BIRDS! Didn't anyone learn from Alfred Hitchcock that birds are not to be trusted! Anyway, I hope mommy starts to feel better soon and I hope she knows that I'm worried about her. Angel, William, and the Fster are also worried about her. I hope she is back home soon.

-Demon Flash Bandit (A bird should be in the hospital, not mommy)

Common Sense by Demon Flash Bandit

I thought once I got done with my run for the Presidency that I could relax and enjoy more interesting entries, but today I have to touch on a news story that has made this dog realize that I have to occasionally make a political statement. I know that many of you are upset that Obama won the Presidency instead of me, Demon Flash Bandit. However, when Obama plans to encourage children to work hard and stay in school, that is not politcal. Children should work hard and stay in school. It is practical-not political. By the way, if he wants to push a political agenda, he is President, he doesn't need the school children to do so. They can't vote so it would be a tremendous waste of his time and energy if that was what he was trying to do. When humans start trying to make everything political, it can have many repercussions which many of them don't even consider. What is next? Should Portuguese Water Dogs be banned from the country because Obama has one? If Obama drinks orange juice, should they switch to grape juice? Yes, both ideas are ridiculous, but so is taking a child out of school for the day so they won't be encouraged to work hard and stay in school. Obama did win the election. You can love it You can hate it, but deal with it because that is reality.

Now onto a far more important subject. A goat wondered into a nursing home in the Bronx. This is an important story because a cow used to wonder into Mommy's high school years ago. At least you can understand it happening in Ringgold, Georgia, but to have one wondering the street in the Bronx is far more unexpected. I guess it must be a city goat. If there are any more goats running around the New York City area, I hope they are covered in future news stories because this dog enjoyed that story. It sure beats the human news.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Common Sense)

I Finished Writing My Children's Book

Thanks for the grill Sammy. I love grilled food. On that subject, Mommy grilled enough chicken for Angel Zoom Smokey and me for 3 days yesterday. Mommy set the food on the counter to cool and Angel did some husky counter surfing and she ate all the chicken--every bite of it. That dog has to be part pig! I'm a good dog. I rarely take food like that. I know the humans will feed me so why bother? It isn't like I am going to eat dog food anyway.

I finished my children's book yesterday, and it is up to Jeff to do the illustrations. I would never ask Mommy to help me with them. She only draws stick people and stick dogs, and even they aren't good. Then when Jeff is done, the book can be turned down by publishers, because that is their job, and I suspect they have no idea what dogs like to read. I doubt if they have even have a dog on their staff---what kind of logic is that. I can understand them not hiring cats, but not hiring dogs is just silly. We dogs happen to be highly intelligent and we possess very good taste.

Demon Flash Bandit (Book is Finished)

My Solution for the Economy

Once again, my Mommy left the house yesterday without my permission! I have no idea why the humans think they can make decisions on their own without consulting the dog, but they do it all the time. Perhaps that is why so many of them have so many problems! Anyway, Mommy went to see The Time Traveler's Wife, and she liked it. I don't know why. It wasn't like it was The Dog's Human. Hollywood needs to have more dog programming.

I saw a news story about a pit bull in Hope Mills, North Carolina that started eating a police car. The deputy's car was in the driveway to get a complaint about another dog in the neighborhood, and the dog proceeded to eat all 4 tires. The dog's human has to pay $500. 00 to have the tires replaced. If you think about it, this dog must be one very intelligent dog. Some dogs enjoy chasing cars, but the cars usually get away, but a car with 4 flat tires would not be able to get away when the dog is chasing it. I would like to congratulate this dog in my diary, but I can't do it formally since his name was withheld--I guess he must be a minor. Personally, I don't see why a name is withheld because the dog works in a mine, but of course, I don't understand why the humans do most of the things they do. I'm sure all my dog pals will agree with me about that. I wonder what kind of mine the dog works in? He might be a rich dog who has found gold. I hope so. It is about time we dogs were in charge of the serious money. I personally could fix the economy within a week. I would take over the banks and let people have money to buy stuff and if anyone says I can't do it, I would growl, snarl howl, or even bite them. Humans need to learn that kind of behavior. I bet they would do a lot better in life. When some idiot tells them to do something stupid if they turn around and show their teeth. Perhaps we dogs should start giving seminars on that very behavior.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Brilliant Ideas)

Pals!

I have a new pal who is a very smart dog. She is on dogster--id 853415. Her name is Sweetie and she has a website"
www.SweetietheSmartestDog.com. She is in a contest and needs votes, and if you go to her site or to her dogster page,you can read all about the contest. I am glad that Sweetie is able to let the humans know how smart we dogs can be.

I would also like to thank my new pal, Sammy for the rainbow star. I know Sammy will make a lot of veterans happy when he becomes a therapy dog. I also got a tasty steak from the family of Gracie and Kelly. A dog can never get anough tasty steak! Thanks for the gifts!

I saw on AOL internet news that scientists have been studying the genetics of how dogs like the first dog, Bo, got his good looks. I do have to agree that he is one handsome dog! Anyway, they are taking blood samples from pure breed dogs and studying the genetics. Since there are diseases that affect both humans and dogs, the study of the dogs' genetics might lead to a cure for those diseases. The good thing is that they can do it with blood samples and no animals have to be kept in cages or have bad things done to them--they just take a little blood from the dog. Sure, a dog may not love it, but it is beneficial since if the researchers find a cure for humans, it might also cure dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Vote For Sweetie)

My Paws Are Tasty!

I know I must not be the only dog with a problem human. I decided that licking my paws is a fun activity and besides that, they taste yummy. My humans keep trying to stop me from my fun activity. They tell me to quit licking my paws, and they are upset with me that I now have spots without fur on them. I don't know why they care since a spot without fur can't shed and they don't seem to be overly excited about my fur shedding either. I guess there is no pleasing the humans. Mommy bought some neosporin spray for my paws. She has tried (dog) cortisone spray. She uses spray because I don't like anyone touching my paws except me. I don' t know why the humans are always trying to tell a dog what to do, but I'm getting very tired of it. Yesterday they had hot dogs for dinner, and the 2 that were left ended up missing. The plate was on the floor and they knew it wasn't me because I dont' even like hot dogs. It was Angel Zoom Smokey who ate them. I told her it was not a smart move for her to bring one to bed and eat it in front of the humans. They didn't seem to mind. She gets by with stealing hot dogs, and they nag me about licking my paw. If they spent more time guarding the food and less time bothering me, they would have had 2 extra hot dogs. I think they need to keep their eyes on the puppy and leave the big dog alone.

Demon Flash Bandit ((My Paws Happen to Taste Good)

Dogs Aren't Supposed to Like Brussel Sprouts!

My wife Savannah , Angel, Samoa , and Dubs are returning from our visit to Kirby in New Mexico where we visited Area 51, and Roswell, and actually met a real alien. Then there was the whole brussel sprout problem, where the aliens were using mind control to make all the dogs eat brussel sprouts. If you want to read more about the adventures, check out Savannah Blue Belle's diary entries. I am looking forward to a stop in Philadelphia on the way back to Samoa's Pier so that we can eat some cheesesteaks. This dog does enjoy a good cheesesteak!

I hope all my dog pals are having a good weekend, and if you get a craving for brussel sprouts, start checking your area for UFOs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Brussel Sprouts!)

One Diary Entry by Demon Flash Bandit

Mommy is reading the book, One Nation Under Dog, and I approve of her literary selection. A dog can never be too careful about what the humans are reading when it comes to the dog- human-relationship. Humans have weak minds and are easily corrupted so if a book about dog training comes into the house, the best thing a dog can do is to pee on it, shred it, or both. This new book, One Nation Under Dog, has an author's name, but I have to tell you, from the summary that I read, I think this book might have been written by a dog--or at least a human who has been well trained by his or her dog. It makes this dog proud to see the time and work some of us dogs have put into the training of our humans. I know it gets discouraging when you are training the humans and they think they are in charge, but it is best not to give up because the humans need us to teach them the actual relaties of life--namely--dogs are in charge, humans aren't. They have a hard time learning this concept, but we love them anyway.

Demon Falsh Bandit (Dogs--In Charge Now and Always)

I Want a Throne!!!

I am looking through catalogs to see about ordering myself a throne. If you look on my page, I have 3 crowns and I have decided that if anyone is in charge around here, it is me so a throne would be more logical for me to sit on than a regular chair. It also makes me think of Burger King, and thinking of BK always makes me happy. Anyway, I have several catalogs that I"m looking though and so far, no dog thrones. I haven't even found a human throne which makes sense because no one wants a human running things. I was thinking about ordering a nice, comfy throne in blue to match my eyes. Perhaps a bit overstuffed so it would be super comfortable. They have stores that sell office furniture. Why don't they have stores that sell thrones and other royalty related items like crowns? I will have to end my diary now so that I can get on the internet to look up thrones. Good day and a nice weekend to all my subjects.

Demon Flash Bandit (A King Needs a Throne)

Pawtographs Are Hard Work

I have got to tell my pals that giving out pawtographs is hard work, but I do care about my many fans so I was glad to do it. I did have a bit of a problem with the pupparotses. It seems that the pupparotses are fans of mine too so they got a little too excited about seeing me, and they were following me so closely, I fell into a pond which was a little too much like a bath for this dog's taste. On the good side, I realized that the puppaROTses are always rottweilers so now I know who to avoid. HA I'm sure not all Rottweilers are pupparotses, but it does help to know who might be one. Yesterday was a busy day, but I knew it would be when I offered free pawtographs for my fans. I knew that my fans would be ultra excited, and I'm sorry there wre so many that I had to turn some of you away, but that is the price of fame. Speaking of fame, I have some appointments that I must keep. Until tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Learning PuppaROTsy Secrets)

I'm One of Dogster's Diary Picks of the Day Again This- Week!!!!!

I'd like to thank Bailey and Montana for the nice steak they sent me on my page. It was delicious. I wonder when dogster is going to have a BK burger in the gift shop because I know I'm not the only dog who likes Burger King. I was one of Dogster's diary picks of the day today--for the second time this week. What can I say? The humans at Dogster obviously have good taste. I wonder if they know Charie the Tuna. Star Kist never wants him because although he has good taste, they are looking for tunas that taste good. I bet he would choose my diary entry too. I bought another "diary entry of the day" t-shirt because Angel Zoom Smokey hid the one I wore yesterday. Little does she realize that I can order a truck load of them if I want. Silly puppy!!!

I am pleased to be such a famous dog, but I have to tell you that I did feel bad when I edged out Johnny Depp in popularity. He is handsome for a human, but let's face it, he is no Demon Flash Bandit. Humans can only look so good. All us dogs know that even an ugly dog will have the humans oohing and ahhing and saying how cute the dog is. You don't see them doing that to an ugly human!

I didn't have a chance to work on my book yesterday since I was busy passing out pawtographs which, if you act quickly, are available today free of charge. That is right--you heard me---free. I know you are thinking, wow, we are so lucky that we can get Demon Flash Bandit's pawtograph free today. I can't blame you. A free pawtograph from me is like hitting the lottery. I don't think there is much chance of this family hitting the lottery because they hardly ever buy a ticket. If they won, they probably wouldn't know it because the idiots forget to check the numbers. It reminds me of the chihuahua joke where the chihuahua is about to lose everything and she asks God to let her win the lottery. She loses her rawhide bone, then her favorite squeaky, and she is about to lose her doghouse when she hears God say, "work with me and buy a ticket". Okay that is actually a modified blonde joke, but it is still funny. I don't mean to pick on chihuahuas, but I'm not stupid. I'm not going to substitute Dobermans. I dont want a Doberman mad at me. Chihuahuas are safer. A chihuahua would have to get on a ladder to stare me in the face.

I would love to write more, but my fans await. If your humans have Facebook, I do have a fan page on there. All they have to do is type in Demon Flash Bandit. I know I"m going to be swapped with requests for my pawtograph since it is free today. I do appreciate my many fans because without them, I'd just be a ruggedly handsome, highly intelligent dog who doesn't have to worry about being followed by the pupparotses.

Demon Flash Bandit (I'm Still the Same Sweet, Down to Earth Dog I Was Before I Was AGAIN Chosen as a Diary Entry of the day.

That will be $$$$ for my pawtograph-----

I would like to thank Coco Rose and Puff for the cool crown on my page congratulating me on being chosen as a diary pick of the day on Sunday. This is quite an honor particularly since I've already been chosen a couple of times. Angel Zoom Smokey, who has only been chosen once, thinks it has gone to my head, but I think that wearing a "diary pick of the day" t-shirt is very normal behavior. I am wearing sunglasses because I happen to look adorable in sunglasses. Many celebrites charge for autographs so I don't think the fee for my pawtographs is outlandish. I think Angel Zoom Smokey is jealous. I can't say I blame her. I am a lot of have to live up to. I don't like to brag, but fact is fact.

Mommy and Jeff went to the theatre yesterday. Jeff saw GI Joe, and Mommy saw Funny People. Mommy said her movie was good. I think Jeff's will win an Oscar in the "blatant attempt to market a toy company's toys" category, a category that is shared by the 3 more recent Star Wars movies. The orignal trilogy must not have sold enough toys so more movies had to be made in an obvious attempt to sell more toys. I do have to mention that the action figures from G Force are available, and Mommy said why would anyone want to buy a GI Joe when they can buy an adorable guinea pig? Did I mention Mommy said that movie is "cute"? Yeah, I know, I find that kind of comment sad too, but what is a dog going to do She is making chicken for us today, and if we say anything, we could end up eating dog food so sometimes a dog as to humor the humans. It keeps the good food coming.

I have to go. I have to get back to my pawtographs. Being a celebrity is hard work!

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrity Dog)

The weather has cooled off which means that Mother Nature is giving us huskies a break from the heat. It is also a Monday which means something to many of the humans, but dogs don't really care which day of the week it happens to be--and humans think they are so smart for inventing clocks and calendars which only make the humans miserable. You aren't supposed to waste time and intelligence inventing things that make life worse. One of us dogs should explain that to the humans, but you know they would never understand with their small, human brains. I'm sure they will continue inventing things that make more work for them. It just seems to be the way the humans are wired. No matter what silly thing the humans invent, we love them anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Are Silly)

I'm Blaming the Birds!

I know I promised in yesterday's entry to talk about other bird stand up comics, but I'll do that at a future date (not to be announced--I like surprises) because we dogs can only talk about birds so long until we want to go out and zap a few of them. My pal, Alley, invented a bird zapper. It is like a bug zapper, but it works on birds instead. I'm glad Alley invented that new product since I ordered that vanishing paint from Acme, and it never arrived. No wonder the coyote can never catch the Roadrunner. He needs to find a new company to order his stuff from Acme is obviously a poorly run company. I'm amazed it is still in business. He should point out that his cartoon is not good advertising for the company, and they should send him better products if they hope to compete.

It was nice of be one of dogster's diary picks yesterday. I've got my sunglasses on and I've been walking around in a tee shirt hoping I don't get recognized. Being a celebrity is nice, but sometimes a dog wants to water a tree with some privacy.

My humans were cleaning yesterday, and I hate it when they clean because their definition of garbage and my definition of garbage are completely different things. I'm sure my dog pals know what I'm talking about. They throw some of the coolest things in the house, and sometimes they even throw out dog toys!!! That really irks me since those are mine or Angel's and they don't even ask us if we want to keep the toy or not---the answer would always be yes, we want to keep it so there is really no point in even asking us. They aready know the answer, yet they throw it away anyway. If you ask me, they are very disrespectful to us dogs.

I am actually a bit mad today because there was a news story about a couple in GA who were killed by a pack of wild dogs. Of course, the in depth story had to mention some expert who said Siberian Huskies and Alaskan Malamutes are more genetically related to wolves than any other dog. Since German Shepherds have a definite "wolf" look to them, that means that all 3 breeds would be more likely to attack humans. However, we huskies are usually friendly dogs. I notice that there are far more humans killing other humans than there are dogs killing humans, and no one goes around saying that all humans are bad. The article stated that chihuahuas and terriers are less like wolves. Someone should inform that "expert" who wrote that news article that chihuahuas and dachunds are the most likely dogs to be aggressive. I think whoever wrote that article should apologize to us dogs for making us look bad. Since there are so many of us living with humans, if we were so aggressive and nasty, wouldn't there be a lot more dog related human deaths? Those experts would look really stupid if they blamed a pack of dogs, and it turned out that the couple was killed by another type of animal. There are coyotes in most neighborhoods and the humans don't even know about them. There are other animals capable of killing humans. Personally, I think it was probaby a big cat or perhaps a bird. I'm going to go with birds. All us dogs know they are evil

Demon Flash Bandit (Sticking Up for Dogs Everywhere)

Larry the Cable Bird---Right to BEAR claws--Watch out for- Yogi!

I am sorry that I didn't have a diary entry yesterday. Mommy had to run a bunch of errands, and she "didn't have time" to type my entry for me. I know that she should have made the time, but since she came home with Burger King, several boxes of Milkbone, and rawhide chips, I forgave her. At least she knows the priorities when she is shopping.

In my last diary entry, I was telling you about birds and about bird stand up comics, but I didn't go into details about the individual comics. I mentioned how birds love to drop their white bombs on freshly washed cars, and that is ultra popular with the birds. There is one comic who is a master of that humor. He has the feathers on his claws shaved because he has the right to "bare" claws. He is Larry the Cable Bird. For the dogs out there who aren't familiar with his humor, I will sum up the last routine I watched him do in our back yard. He was flying around the back yard saying Get Er Done. For a bird who is telling all the other birds to Get Er Done, he doesn't seem to do much himself except pass gas and drop white bombs. I might add that Larry the Cable Bird could use a trip to the bird bath. He does often say, Bird Lord, I apologize, but I have no idea what he is apologizing for or to since I have never thought that it is possible to have a supreme bird. All us dogs know that bird spelled backwards is Drib. We all know what dog spelled backwards spells. He would be better off if he apologized to us dogs. After he says Get Er Done about 1000 times (example, I ate some Pringles---get er done), he does have other topics like how many moles his family is sprouting. At least that peaks a dog's interest because moles are things that we dogs could enjoy biting off. If we happen to bite the bird's head off in the process, that is the kind of accident that happens when a dog removes a mole. The whole right to bear claws must mean he likes to eat those bear claw doughnuts. I can tell you that the bears love that humor and one of them told me he plans to put his "bear claws" into Larry's throat if he makes one stupid comment about bears having gas. I know the last time he did it, he apologized to the Bird Lord, but he should have been apologizing to the bears. Let's not forget the last time I heard him he was talking about the Dixie Chickidees who should shut up and sing when he seems to spend a vast majority of his time yapping on about his political opinions and since he didn't vote for Demon Flash Bandit, I was ready to go and bite him on the butt. You had 2 humans running and me, a dog. Of course, a bird would vote human. Actually, the reason why I got annoyed at his remarks about the Dixie Chickadees is that he said one of them was fat, and I'm not a major fan of country music, but I looked up their photo on the internet to see just how fat this obese chickadee must be for him to make that comment and they are all thin. Larry the Cable Bird must not look in the mirror much because he looks like he has been hitting the bird feeder a bit more than the other birds. My humans hit the food a bit too much too, but at least they don't go around calling other humans who are thin fat. Maybe he needs glasses. I think that the term bird brain was coined after giving Larry an IQ test. To show you how low his IQ his, he thinks he is a southerner and he is from Nebraska. The last time I looked at a map, Nebraska was not part of the south. I think this is the reason Mommy gets annoyed with him. Since she is from the south and lives in Michigan, she says the south does not need more birds making southerners look like they don't have half a brain. I think he must have a problem with thinking up his own stuff because I have heard him use comedy that other birds have already used--Tim Alan Bird and Bob Saget Bird in particular. My humans get very annoyed at comics who steal other people's jokes and act like they made them up. Since I watch a lot of human comedy thanks to my brother being a stand up comic himself, I am more sensitive to that kind of behavior. Until he started stealing everyone else's humor and being so nasty to people like the Dixie Chickadees, my humans liked him. I hope that eventually, he learns to be a bit nicer to the other birds, and makes up his own humor because he can be a funny guy, but he needs to lighten up. The last dvd Mommy bought of his, his intro said, the bird who should be the next President of the U. S. Please---can you see him talking to a foreign dignitary about using the Lowes race car for a bird bomb. Somehow I think the impression of the US would suffer tremendously.

In the future, I will cover other comic birds.

DemonFlash Bandit (Don't Get Er Done)

Everyone Should Understand Bird Language

Stanley the bird laughed with his typical evil laugh. I don't feel like flying south for the winter. I can stay here in Michigan and steal Demon Flash Bandit's snow. The other birds, when hearing of Stanley's diabolical plan, decided that staying and stealing snow was a good plan since birds are basically lazy. and they don't enjoy flying south for the winter. They are also very stupid or they would have devised this plan centuries ago, but they aren't called bird brains without good reason.

Yes, I Demon Flash Bandit heard this with my own ears. It is such a shame that the humans are not bilingual feathered or they too could understand the things the birds are always yapping about. I might add when you hear birds talking, it is never good. Sure, sometimes it may just be silly stuff like which bird is dating whichever bird (like a dog really cares) or which bird left a white bomb on some human's car. Yes, they do think doing that is incredibly funny. If they didn't, they would drop the bomb beside the car instead of on the car. Sometimes they just sit in the tree and wait for the human to wash his car so they can drop the little bomb on the car as soon as he is finished washing it. That is the equivalent of stand up comedy for birds. The other birds sit and watch and laugh their tail feathers off when the "comic" does that.

Meanwhile, Demon Flash Bandit is sneaking up on the birds. Yes, I got a couple--2 birds that don't have to worry about flying south for the winter. Bird problem solved by Demon Flash Bandit, dog who can understand bird, and knows they are evil!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Can't Be Trusted)

It's Time for Congress to Add a New Holiday!

I want to thank my pal, Katie, for the cool duck swimming around on my page. That duck has the right idea. On a day like today, the only sport a dog or human should be thinking about is swimming. Of course, playing ball inside is okay if there is air conditioning, but it is too hot for a dog to be running around unless he or she is inside under the air. I do think the person who invented the air conditioner should be honored with a holiday. Washington has a holiday and he was just the first president. If you ask this husky, the inventor of the air conditioner is a lot more important. Some of the humans may disagree with me on that, but I guarantee that if they had the heavy coat of fur we huskies have, that they would agree with me on the importance of the air conditioner. I do think that if you are outside, swimming would be a smart thing to do. Of course, we dogs never worry about how we look in a bathing suit because we always look good. I never hear a dog worry about if he looks too fat or too skinny or if the color of his suit matches his fur. Humans worry about silly things, don't they? I think that is one reason we dogs have more fun than they do. I do hope all my doggy pals and their humans are staying cool and I do think it is time to petition Congress to do something important by creating a holiday to honor the air conditioner's inventor. The way this dog sees it, the humans can never have too many holidays to spend with their dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Time For Political Action)

It is Good To Be the King!

I want to thank my pal, Coco Rose for the cool crown on my page. Now I can declare myself King of Burger King. I also want to thank Snickers and Charity for the cool ice cream cone, and Ice gave me a steak which was delicious. Katie gave me a crown also so I actually have 2 burger kingdoms; and, as all us dogs know, two burger kingdoms are better than one. Speaking of Burger King, I think Mommy needs to go there and get me some of their tasty cuisine.

There isn't much going on here today, and I've got to go and practice my sad face in the mirror so Mommy will get off the computer and go and get me some burgers.

Demon Flash Bandit (King Of Burger Kingdom)

Thanking my Pal, Coco Rose

I would like to thank my pal, Coco Rose, for including me in her diary entry and paying me such a nice compliment. She is a beautiful dog herself.

I have to tell you that I am much happier today seeing a bank advertising on my page instead of dog food. Purina had a lot of nerve thinking I would endorse dog food. I prefer people food. Today Mommy tried to feed me a steak burger, but I refuse to eat it. Then she tried to feed me chicken which I also refused. I eat what I'm in the mood to eat, and today it was Burger King. The humans around here need to get with the Demon Flash Bandit program.

I have to go now. I have to bark at Angel Zoom Smokey. A dog's work is never done!

Demon Flash Bandit (Thanking My Pal, Coco Rose)

I Did Not Endorse The Dog Food!!!!

Yesterday I realized the impact my diary entries have on the world of advertising when I had written about older men wearing hats because some of them are missing some head fur 2 days ago, and then yesterday, there was a Hair Club advertisement on the top of my diary entry page. Imagine how upset I was today when I got on the computer and noticed the ad was for dog food!!!!! I do not nor have I ever endorsed dog food. Sure, I have no problems with endorsing dog treats, but not DOG FOOD. It isn't like they are advertising Burger King or even Diary Queen (yes, I do love ice cream), but they are advertising that hard kibble stuff they put in bags and sell at prices that are much cheaper than people food so that the humans can spend less money feeding us than they do feeding themselves. You don't think the humans would eat that kibble do you? No they woudn't touch it (except for a few odd ones who will eat anything), but they give it to their dogs and act like the dogs should be wagging their tails and kissing them. Some dogs do it just because they do like to eat and they know that their humans will only feed them that stuff and at least they are hoping for the better kibble and not the bulk type Wal-Mart kibble. If you want this dog to wag his tail and kiss you, my food had better come in a bag that says Burger King and, for all you smart aleck humans that think, great, I'll get a BK bag and put kibble in it, it had better have actual BK burgers in it. Some dogs may put up with humans who feed them kibble, but this dog has standards.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Dog Food Ads on HIS Page)

My Diary Entries: Their Impact on the World

I can only assume that the Hairclub advertisement on the top of my dogster diary page is because I wrote the entry about hats yesterday and mentioned the popularity of hats among older men who are missing some head fur. It says you can grow hair back in 4 weeks. Sure, they promise you can grow hair, but they don't promise that you can grow head fur. Humans need to be careful when they read because some of these clever companies know how to word things so they sound good, but don't do what they are supposed to do. I have to tell you I was surprised that my diary entry is being read by so many companies, and I do feel honored that they realize its popularity among my fellow dogs. I hope I don't have to waste too much of my valuable napping time fending off product placement offers in my upcoming book which, isn't exactly upcoming yet. I've heard that publishers often have bad taste in books and sometimes turn them down. I can't imagine them turning down a book written by Demon Flash Bandit, but it is possible. I don't think I have to tell my fellow dogs what bad taste the humans have. The ones with dogs have their dogs working to make their houses look better, but the humans go around behind the dog trying to change it. I wonder--does anyone know of any publishers who are dogs? I think a dog would love my book. I have another important point. Does the Hair Club allow dogs who are missing fur to join? I hope they don't advertise on a site for dogs and only allow humans. I think that would be considered false advertising.

Demon Flash Bandit (Pondering the Impact of My Diary Entries on the World)

King Demon Flash Bandit

Today I'm going to discuss hats. I want to go on record stating that I do not like to wear a hat. I know there a lot of humans who love to wear hats. I've noticed that They are particularly popular among older men who seem to be missing some of their head fur. I suppose the hats keep them warm, and if they are happy with their hats, I have no problem with them wearing them. However, I am not missing any head fur, and I do not want to be seen in a hat. Sure, Mommy and Jeff think I'm adorable in a hat, but that is just natural since I'm adorable any way you look at me. However, I have a reputation among other dogs. I don't want big dogs laughing at me because my silly humans put a hat on my head. The worst part is that they seem to get worse and worse with their choices of hats. My first hat was a leather Harley Davidson hat which I didn't care for, but it could have made a tasty dog chew, and at least it was considered macho. However, the last hat they bought me was a Davy Crockett hat. Yes, you heard me--Davy Crockett. They found it at a store in Pigeon Forge, TN. I should have known the place was trouble when we parked there. I think it was called Hill-billy Village which does not conjure up images of really cool stuff in my mind. It isn't like a dog would park there and think, wow, it might carry the kind of innovative dog products that a place like Sharper Image might carry. Rest assured, my fellow dogs, my first impression was on target. Of course, my humans loved it. What do you expect from them? They are humans--not dogs. Anyway, the place carries souvenirs and, from what Mommy said, the area used to have a lot of souvenir shops like that when she was a kid. Anyway, being a typical dog, as long as people were walking by and petting me and telling me I'm pretty, and of course, the inevitable idiots who have to ask me if I'm a wolf, I was quite happy and I didn't care what kind of shopping they were doing until they came out with----THE HAT!!! Yes, the dreaded Davy Crockett Dog hat. Who would even think of making one of those stupid hats for a dog? Daddy bought one for himself. He was obviously getting senile at that point in his life because Daddy hated to wear hats too. I supppose maybe he just hated to wear hats unless they were ultra silly hats that other humans wouldn't wear. Anyway, I have been told that these hats were very popular among kids in the 50's. I might add that I told Mommy that she could find a time machine and whisk mine back to the 50's, and by the time I come on the scene, hopefully, the hat will have rotted in a landfill somewhere. This is a warning to all the dogs out there reading this: be careful when your humans go on vacations. I think there is something about vacations that cause all sensible taste and judgment to recede and you are left with a human that will buy anything and everything as long as it is stupid. I have even heard of humans who go on vacation and buy vegetables or pick strawberries-and they act like those items are unavailable at home. I hope none of you have to live through a Davy Crockett hat experience like I did. I guess I wasn't the only victim. Daddy booked tickets for the Comedy Barn, and bought a bunch of souvenirs there too including Comedy Barn Chicken Shirts. Daddy bought Jeff a chicken shirt which he wisely, managed to keep losing until the day when he found it and it was ruined. There are times when Jeff is my hero---he is someone to look up to. I would have ruined the chicken shirt too. Who wants to walk around wearing a chicken? Humans!!!! I do have to leave you with one nice comment about hats. Mommy brought me a Burger King crown which I wore long enough for them to snap a photo. However, it isn't a hat. It is a crown and I am royalty around here!

Demon Flash Bandit (My Opinion of Dog Hats)

Earth Dogs and Space Dogs All Agree---Burger King is the- Best!

Space--the Final Frontier--these are the voyages ofthe Star Ship Burger King---our mission--- to take hamburgers to the dogs on Sirius the Dog Star. Capt.'s Log: This is Demon Flash Bandit, Capt. of the Star Ship Burger King, our mission is to get these burgers to the dogs in space. Along the way, we have faced many obstacles, the first was that all the crew wanted to stop on the Planet Trees R Us to water the trees. This was not approved by Star Fleet, but I let them do it anyway. Why? I wanted to water some trees too. We are approaching the Dog Star now. I can tell because I can see the fire hydrants already. They are going to be so happy. They love the shipments of burgers we bring them. This is Demon Flash Bandit signing out.

Demon Flash Bandit (Even Space Dogs Love Burger King)

Amazon's Dedicated Work Force!

I know most people have heard of Amazon that sells books, cds, and dvds. on the internet. I think Amazon is an amazing company considering that they can run such a large operation in the middle of the Amazonian Rain Forest. Just getting to work must be a challenge since they have to brave poison dart frogs, snakes and the occasional Big Foot. Yes, they have Big Foot. It was covered in the movie Strange Wilderness which is a great movie. It was also highly educational. Had I not watched that movie, I wouldn't know that bears attacking fish happens frequently, but there are very few reports of fish attacking bears. Anyway, those are truly dedicated employees so the next time you deal with Amazon, be sure and thank them for going to so much effort to take your order. I wonder if their warehouse is in the Amazon or if it is somewhere normal---like a city.

I do not want to make the people in New York City feel left out. They too have to dodge many dangerous situations to get to work. They have to ride the subway, dodge the muggers, and try to get to work without getting murdered on the way. I could never leave out the New Yorkers.

I hope everyone made to to work today and then made it home safe tonight.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thanking Dedicated Workers Everywhere)

There are many stories classified as fairy tales that are based on true stories. Because so many of them have been passed down over the centuries, very often they have been distorted. This happens far more frequently than you would imagine. I think I have told this before, but thanks to an archealogical team, and my painstaking research, I will now tell you the updated true story:

Little Red Riding Hood, the Neighborhood Brat

There was once a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood. She was called this because she was always riding a red bike around the neighborhood which she stole. After saying, there is the girl who stole the red bike and is riding through the neighborhood, it was shortened to Little Red Riding Hood.

One day her Mommy called her into the house and suggested she take a basket of goodies to her grandma. It was actually an empty basket, but her Mommy felt that it was a good enough excuse to get rid of her for the day. Her Mommy couldn't stand her so she was always trying to send her to a relative. Meanwhile, her Grandma was trying to sell her place and move to Florida, which is where the intelligent senior humans go so they won't have to see their grandchildren. Sure, there are a few grandparents who enjoy their grandchildren, but they are the senile ones who have lost all touch with reality.

On this particular day, Little Red Riding Hood took the basket and decided that it would be a good day to annoy her grandmother. Otherwise she would have told her Mother to take it there herself.

As she was walking through the forest, a well dressed and gentlemanly wolf happened to run into her. He asked her if she was okay and if she needed any help in finding anything in the forest. Of course, she knew the way to Grandma's because she had been there many times in the past since her Mother was always trying to get rid of her. However, she acted innocent and said she was hopelessly lost.

The wolf kindly escorted her to Grandma's house, and when they arrived, her Grandma was highly upset to see her there. The wolf was amazed and asked her Grandma why she didn't want to see her adorable granddaughter, at which point, the brat kicked both the wolf and Grandma in the knee. While both were doubled over in pain, she went to the closet and got Grandma's gun and shot both Grandma and the wolf. There were hunters in the area, and they heard the shots and went to investigate. When they neared the house, she shot them too. She then returned to town and shot everyone who knew her including her mother. Then she told everyone who met her after that the bogus story about how the wolf caused all the problems and most humans believed her. The reason the true story can be told is that there was one survivor, and he recorded the true story of what happened on that fateful day, and now you have the true story of Little Red Riding Hood.

Demon Flash Bandit (Exposing the Truth Behind Fairy Tales)

I Have Made My Paw Choice!!!

I'm sure all of you are on the edge of your tails wondering if I decided which paw to use for pawtographs. I decided to use my front right paw. If you decide to use your left paw, you become a lefty, and since most humans are right handed, most things are geared up for right handers which probably explains why leftys get hurt more often. I am not going to risk getting hurt just so I can use my left paw. I know it is lousy for you left pawed dogs, but humans decide these things and we know how silly they are. I would go on one of my doggy crusades to get something done about it, but you have to pick your battles, and the battle to get us dogs more freedom is far more important than left paw vs. right paw.

Mommy went to the dr. this morning. I decided I didn't want to go with her since all drs. have one thing in common---NEEDLES, and we dogs don't like them

My pal, Mirra was diary entry of the day. Congratulations Mirra. Be sure and check out her page is you have never met her. She is a wonderful dog, and her human works very hard raising money to fight a dog disease.

I've got to get back to napping.

Demon Flash Bandit (Choosing Paws)

My Plans

I have to write a follow up to yesterday's entry. Jeff loved my book (what's not to love?), but suggested I add some chapters to it which makes me think that he is jealous that he has taken so long to write his script and wants to make me do more work. However, I have written a second chapter, and I know that I will still get mine finished way before he finishes his and he started months ago. I have to get it done. I have napping to do, and can't have my naps disturbed for months so the book has to be done fast. In fact, my biggest problem at the moment is deciding which paw print to use for pawtographs for my fans. I notice that Shakespeare guy doesn't bother to give out his autograph which makes me think he must be kind of snobby and I know that won't endear him to his fans. I have also never seen him do a talk show which I am more than happy to do. I'm sure I would make a great guest on Conan's show. Perhaps he could get me on when he has Gaffigan on so I can tell him how much the humans enjoy his humor. There are so few brilliant commediennes out there, but when he sings Hot Pockets, this dog laughs. As a public service, I could let him book Angel Zoom Smokey too so she can demonstate her ever popular puppy slaps of justice so that humans can learn how to defend themselves.

I'm thinking that I might buy 2 Burger King restaurants--a regular one and a vacation one because I can't think of a better place to spend a vacation than at Burger King. I bet there are lots of dogs who would agree with me on that point. I can order all the hamburgers and milkshakes I can eat which is the true measure of success in our society---being able to eat whatever you want. I can't wait to be successful.

Demon Flash Bandit (I'll Vacation in Style)

I Wrote a Children's Book!!!!

I woke up this morning with the inspiration for a children's book, which I promptly wrote. I, Demon Flash Bandit, can write a book in a day while Jeff has been working on a script for months. I understand that it takes him longer. Humans just don't have the brain power of us dogs. But back to the subject, I think it is a great book and you can trust my judgment since I am totally unbiased in my summation of the book. It is written by me, is about me, and features me. I can't think of a better subject to write a book about than Demon Flash Bandit. I have even included Angel Zoom Smokey. Every book needs a gorgeous girl so that guys will read it. Otherwise, I've been told guys don't like to read much, and I can understand that since guys have other things to do. It isn't that men aren't smart, but they have so little time. They get lost and spend most of their lives driving around trying to figure out where they are since they refuse to ask directions from anyone. But I digress, back to the subject at hand, I was proofreading my book and the thought occurred to me that most humans would prefer reading my book than one written by that guy, Shakespeare. Most humans think he is a good writer (yet he didn't write even one book about dogs). Therefore, I think it is safe to say that my book is great literature. The next step is getting it published and you know how the humans are. If a human writes a book it is okay, but let a dog write a book and humans think that it isn't worth publishing. Is there no end to the humans' prejudice against us dogs? We aren't allowed in restaurants, amusement parks, and stores yet humans are allowed in all those places, and I've seen some very questionable humans entering places. Anyway, you can rest assured that when I am a famous writer, I will still be the same sweet Demon Flash Bandit that you already know. I will just be the owner of my own personal Burger King restaurant.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Author)

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Author)

G Force: Cutest Movie of the Year????

I didn't write an entry yesterday because Mommy had to go and pick up the van from the shop. I told her that allowing a baby woodchuck to live in our yard was not a good idea, but all my fellow dogs know that the humans never listen to our wisdom. Anyway, the varmint ate threw a wire. If she had listened to the wisdom of Demon Flash Bandit, the van would not have needed any work. I told her to send the woodchuck the bill, but I am quite sure that freeloading jerk wouldn't pay it.

Another little event has occurred. The side of our house faces a main road, and a deer was hit by a car and he is sitting at the side of that road and he is emitting a delightful odor which, as a dog, I feel I must investigate, but the humans won't let me near the dead deer or the main road. How is a dog supposed to investigate delightful odors when he has to live with such silly humans? What do they say about the odor. YUCK!! Yeah, humans are so original with their reactions, aren't they?

Anyway, after Mommy got the van back, she and Jeff went to see the movie, G Force, which is why Mommy wasn't here to type my entry for me. Does she really think a dog is going to appreciate his work being neglected so she can watch a movie about guinea pigs which she described as "cute". Is there even an Oscar category for "cutest movie or the year"? Of course there isn't. Movies aren't supposed to be cute and guinea pigs aren't much better than the stupid woodchuck who damaged Mommy's car. Humans!!! Will we dog ever understand them?

Demon Flash Bandit (I Can Take Care of a Woodchuck!)

Don't Mess With the Police Dog

The next time a human complains about a dog barking too much, that human should consider the news item about the 26 year old man in Three Rivers, Michigan who was arrested for barking and shouting at a police dog. The dog was inside a patrol car when the man started tormenting the dog and got it very excited and agressive. He was charged with disorderly conduct, but if you ask this dog, I think he should have been charged with obstructing justice since he was annoying an officer of the law--who happened to be a dog. I think the dog should have arrested him.

I have to get back to annoying Angel Zoom Smokey. A dog has to have some fun!

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Mess With The Police Dog!!!)

Give Me a Stuffie, A Dingo Bone, and Hold the Shot

Demon Flash Bandit is back online howling at all the dogs who read my diary entry-I know there has to be one dog who ready my diary and wants to know what I'm barking about. on any particular day.

I see that Wal-Mart might start giving out vaccinations at their stores. I hope this includes dog vaccinations because then we dogs will have an excuse to enter a store which up until now has been off limits for us. It makes sense for them to include us. We need vaccinations too and they have a large selection of dog products and they would sell those items a lot better if we were there to pick things out. Don't kids persuade unwilling parents to buy all sorts of toys? If kids can do it, I think dogs can do a much better job of it. We can beg better than kids, and Mommy will tell you that I can whine with the best of them. We can also use our teeth to bring the point home so I say if kids can get the toys they want, we dogs can do even better at it. The humans are just lucky we dogs are less greedy than children or the humans would probably be broke. By the way, the only problem with my plan is that I can't see Mommy getting vaccinations at Wal-mart herself and therefore, my plan could be in jeopardy before it even gets started. Mommy prefers getting vaccines from the dr.--not from the retail industry. From what she has seen of Wal-mart, she thinks they work their employees enough as it is, and knowing the retail industry, they wouldn't want to actually hire enough people. That would cost more money and Wal-Mart in particular is not known for wanting to spend money. If they did, their own employees would have health insurance so Mommy is very cynical about their concern for the general public's health when they have so little concern for their employees' health and the employees are the humans who make Wal-mart profitable. No, I'm not saying it isn't a good idea--just that Mommy probably won't be one of the ones lining up for a shot.

Was that a yawn? Yes, I believe it was. That is my body's way of telling me that it is nap time. Until tomorrow........

Demon Flash Bandit (I'll Take 3 Stuffies, 4 dingo bones and a box of milkbone, thank you.)

I Will Miss My Pal, Raja Babu!

Due to technical difficulties, I haven't been on the internet and neither have my humans. I observed an interesting thing about the humans. When the internet is down, the humans, in an obvious attempt to avoid boredom, actually do things around the house. It has to be a human thing because I've been taking my usual naps and I wasn't the least bit bored.

The bad thing about not being on the internet is that in my absence,my pal Raja Babu died. I think he was too young to go, but I'm sure that God allowed Raja Babu to come down here for awhile, but because he was such a special pup, God couldn't bare to be separated from him any longer so he called him back to heaven. I know it is very nice there, and I'm sure that since Raja Babu has crossed over the Bridge that the rainbow is shining even brighter now. Raja, Babu, I will miss you. Be sure and give Daddy a kiss for me until I get there to kiss him myself. Make sure it is a super sloppy one.

I will write more tomorrow. I am too sad to write more today.

Demon Flash Bandit (Raja's Babu's Pal)

The 3 Annoying Pigs and the Nice, Misunderstood Wolf

Today I am going to share a fairy tale from a dog's point of view with my dog pals. I hope you enjoy it.

The Nice, Misunderstood Wolf
And the Annoying Three Pigs
by Demon Flash Bandit

Once upon a time there were 3 little pigs, and if you have ever been around pigs, you will know that they aren't the best smelling animals on the farm. These 3 pigs in particular was so stinky and annoying that their parents moved to a new pigpen just to get away from them. They were lazy and even their parents had given up on them ever making anything out of themselves other than bacon. Of course, they thought they were the most intelligent, suave pigs to ever wallow in the mud so they decided to move off the farm and go to the suburbs to build a house. So off they went to the suburbs.

The first little pig, Fred, found a lot in an area where he thought the property values would go up and make his house not only a place to live but also a good investment. He knew this because there was a sewage plant next door, and what pig wouldn't want to live near a sewage plant? However, he spent so much on the land that he didn't have much left for a house so he bought some straw and built his house from straw.

The second little pig, Larry, wasn't quite the genius at investment that his brother was so he bought in a slightly less desirable area and he had a bit more money for his house so he built his out of sticks. He didn't have the ultra popular sewage plant near him, but he did live next to a landfill so he was super proud of himself.

The third little pig, Sam, bought a brick fixer upper and because he got a good deal, he had to put up with a flower garden next to his. To his credit, he didn't complain even though the sweet smell of roses kept wafting through his window.


This is when we meet the very nice wolf who just happened to be visitng the suburbs and he went to the door to welcome Fred to the neighborhood. Fred saw the wolf and paniced because he thought he was from the IRS. He took off out the back door and about that time a big wind came along and blew the house down which didn't take much wind since the house was made from straw. Of course, Fred blamed the wolf and took off to Larry's house. When he got to Larry's house, he told Larry everything that had happened, and Larry said not to worry because his house would hold up far better than a straw house. The very next day, the nice wolf came to Larry's door, and Larry assumed the wolf was a werewolf (he had probably watched that movie Twilight a bit too often) so he decided to blow up the house and he took off just before it went up in flames. Once again, the wolf is just standing at the door when disaster strikes.

Fred and Larry ran to Sam's house. I don't think I have to tell you how shocked all 3 were to see the wolf at the door of the brick house the next day. All 3 pigs, let the wolf in because this time they thought he was there to install cable tv. Didn't I tell you they weren't the smartest pigs in the pig sty? The wolf then delivered a summons to court to Fred and Larry because the pigs were being sued by the govt. for bringing down the value of the sewage plant and the landfill.

As you can see, the pigs were annoying and the wolf was a misunderstood representative of the court.

Demon Flash Bandit (The True Story of the 3 Little Pigs)

Adventures in Burger King Land

Jeff is excited because they are planning to film a movie based on his favorite comic book character, The Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds has been cast in the role of Green Lantern, and Jeff is concerned that since he often plays comic roles that his depiction of the Green Lantern might not be good enough to satisfy the many fans of Green Lantern that will go to the movie (my guess is there is at least 100 of them). I told him to relax because Ryan might do a good job and he was a better choice than the lamp in the director's living room that he almost cast in the role. If you ask this dog, a lamp would make a far better Green Lantern than a human, but as usual, no one asked me what I think. I have no idea when this movie is coming out, but I'm waiting for them to make one of the good comic books into a movie--you know like Hot Stuff-the Lil Devil that had his own comic book or possibly a re-make of the best comic book movie ever made (this dog's opinion) Howard the Duck. A dog has to appreciate a cartoon hero that can threaten to give the humans that are annoying him SPACE RABIES. Even that nice group of teens from the Archie comic series would make a fun movie for a dog to watch. They could add a bunch of dogs just to make the movies more interesting. I can just see Jughead sitting down to eat a bunch of burgers and then---surprise--his dog eats them for him. Yes, I would buy a ticket to see that happen in a movie. Jeff can go see Green Lantern. I want to see burger eating dogs in a movie. I think Jeff should write a comic book about Angel and me and our adventures at Burger King. I've got to go. I see the Demon signal in the sky. It must be dinner time.


Demon Flash Bandit (A Comic Movie About Burger King Would be a Hit With Me)

I'm Not Going to be Put to Work!!!

I didn't get around to writing an entry yesterday. Some days a dog does not like having his naps disturbed just to write a diary entry. I'm sure many of my dog pals would prefer to sleep rather than read what I've written anyway. Mommy was watching Hotel for Dogs again last night. Sure she has seen it several times but if you ask Angel Zoom Smokey and me, you can never watch a dog movie too many times. Jeff said it was a kid's movie and I had to sit him down and have a long talk with him about the core audience for movies. Sure, kids would like Hotel for Dogs because most kids have the good sense to like dogs, but that does not mean that tasteful adults who enjoy a good dog movie won't love this movie. He liked it so what does that say about him? Judging from the toys in his room, he is a big kid himself. Other than watching a movie, there isn't much going on around here. Mommy was cleaning out the cabinets in the laundry room yesterday, and Angel didn't even bother to help her. There is no way I'm going to help her because I avoid the laundry room. This dog is one smart dog. I know better than to go into rooms that require work being done. Daddy, a very wise man, warned me of the dangers of being put to work if you enter a laundry room or kitchen. He said the best defense it to avoid entering those domains, and if you do have to go into one of those room, act as stupid as possible so you won't be asked to help again. I am a good dog who listened to the wisdom of Daddy because anyone who said I should eat at Burger King everyday has the be the wisest human who ever lived.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should Listen to the Wise Humans)

Demon Wants a Gourmet Cookie

Did I just see a doggy birthday cookie on my page? It looked tasty. I wonder if you can order a birthday cookie when it isn't your birthday because a dog can use a tasty cookie everyday--not just on special occasions. I think I should tell Mommy to order one for me. I've had Burger King so I think a cookie would be a nice dessert item for me after the burgers. I will have to stop writing this early today so I can go and tell Mommy all about the tasty cookie on my page. I hope all you dogs go and tell your humans about the gourmet cookies. That is a company that deserves to prosper.

Demon Flash Bandit (Demon Wants a Gourmet Cookie)

Doggy World--We Need a Dog Theme Park!!!

Mommy is going out today so the Deemster will get Burger King which always makes it a good day. Since summer is here, and summer time means vacations for many humans out there and for a lot of their dogs, it has made this dog think of theme parks. I have mentioned in past diary entries that we dogs aren't welcome in theme parks (at least in the ones Mommy has checked on). There is that large one in Florida that allows a mouse to run it, but dogs aren't allowed. I know this seems totally unfair to this dog so I did a bit of research, and I found that in 2006, a dog theme park opened in Beijing, China in which dogs are not only allowed, but the park is designed for dogs. It is Coolbaby Theme Park and it has a swimming pool, a playground, an obstacle course, and a restaurant for dogs which allows you to bring your human(s) with you when you eat there. It shows how nice we dogs are. We don't ban humans from our dog restaurants. The dog's menu is even based on nutrition for dogs of different breeds, sizes and ages. If you ask this dog, the United States should be ashamed that we don't have a theme park here. I think it is about time us dogs in the USA got together to complain about our lack of vacation destinations and recreational opportunities. Once we get one opened, I think they could call it Doggy World. That will show that mouse in Florida who is boss!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy World--Just What Dogs Need)

Demon Hates Fleas!

Here I am again. Today would be a good day to talk about the utter and complete eradication of fleas and other annoying biting bugs because the ad on the side of my entry today is for car insurance. Yesterday it featured those adorable little squishies and I think they must have a mind control device inbedded in them because when I saw them, I just wanted to play with them and lost all interest in killing fleas. However, despite my rude interruption by the squishies, I think that I got my point across. Besides, dogs read my entry and I don't think it requires a lot of persuasion to get dogs to agree that fleas should go--permanently.

This summer is one of the best I have ever experienced. It isn't nearly so hot as the ones I have had to endure in the past. I'm keeping my paws crossed that it will stay this way.

I need to take a trip to the kitchen to check on dinner. I hope all of your meals involve human food!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Does Not Like Pesky Fleas)

Here I am again. Today would be a good day to talk about the utter and complete eradication of fleas and other annoying biting bugs because the ad on the side of my entry today is for car insurance. Yesterday it featured those adorable little squishies and I think they must have a mind control device inbedded in them because when I saw them, I just wanted to play with them and lost all interest in killing fleas. However, despite my rude interruption by the squishies, I think that I got my point across. Besides, dogs read my entry and I don't think it requires a lot of persuasion to get dogs to agree that fleas should go--permanently.

This summer is one of the best I have ever experienced. It isn't nearly so hot as the ones I have had to endure in the past. I'm keeping my paws crossed that it will stay this way.

I need to take a trip to the kitchen to check on dinner. I hope all of your meals involve human food!

Demon Flash Bandit

A Dog Needs Squishables

I'm sure the people at PETA will disagree with this diary entry, but all fleas should die. I've discussed this matter with other dogs, and we are in full agreement. I have yet to meet a dog who likes fleas yet they still exist. Shouldn't the humans have invented something to kill them long ago? I'm not a fan of ticks either. They should be eradicated along with fleas, and while we are killing stuff, you can add mosquitoes to the list along with wasps. What purpose do any of these annoying little creatures have except to be annoying and there are more than enough annoying humans in the world. We don't need anymore annoying creatures.

While I"m in the middle of my tirade about getting rid of annoying creatures, an ad is next to my entry that features squishables. They are so cute and you are supposed to hug them. How is a dog supposed to continue his tirade about fleas and ticks dying when I can see cute cuddly creatures. Is this a ploy by fleas to make Demon Flash Bandit back down on his anti flea position. It isn't going to work. In the first place, fleas are not cute like that little duck and penquin type cuddly. Are they dog toys or human toys--like a dog can't claim a human toy. HAHA

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, I was talking about how cute the cuddlies are--one looks like a turtle and one looks like a pig, and there is a chicken. I think they would be fun for a dog to have.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Want a Squishable)

I got Burger King yesterday. Mommy went to see the Transformer movie yesterday and she said it was okay. Evidently, the girl on there went to the Angel Zoom Smokey School of Training Stuffies. She had a small Deceptacon robot that she was "training", and she told it that if it was a good robot, she wouldn't burn its other eye. Angel gets the stuffie and says, "if you are a good stuffie, I won't have to bite off the other eye". I never realized that Angel Zoom Smokey had franchised her training methods. To her credit, the stuffies do not bother her once she has trained them. Since the robots do not transform into dogs, I fail to see why anyone bothers to see the movie

I have been using my time wisely---that is correct--I've been napping, and it is time to get back to my main activity today---napping. I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit

I Made an Avatar to Take Care of the Farm!

Mommy now has a cyber farm in Farm Town on Facebook, and it is keeping the Deemster busy. I had to create an avatar of myself because all farms need a dog, and the dog they offer is one of those stupid, cyber type dogs who doesn't know how a dog is supposed to act. I was appalled at the farm when I got there. The goats, a cow, a turkey, and sheep, are running around like they own the place. There is a bunny hopping around, but I"m okay with him since I used to have my pal, Flash, the Dutch bunny who lived here with me. Anyway, I realized that that the only way to make any kind of sense out of the "farm" was for my avatar to take care of things--as usual, leave the hard work to the dog. Anyway, I have barked at the cow, told the goats to stay out of trouble, and given the dog stare to the turkey and the sheep. I've made sure everything is watered (and I didn't even need that silly watering can HAHAHA). I have dug holes and even more importantly, I have added needed fertilizer to the farm and I do keep watch over those silly farm animals. When my avatar isn't busy watching over the farm, I head to the cyber Burger King because I think the Burger King owns the town. After all, he is the "king".

Demon Flash Bandit ( Is it Me or is it my Avatar?)

Bring on the Treats!

I hope all you dogs enjoyed the holiday yesterday. I think there should be more holidays, but then again, I think work is highly overrated, but the humans never listen to the wisdom of us dogs.

The town of Clare, Michigan has opened a new doughnut shop called Cops and Doughnuts. The bakery was going to close after 113 years so the pollice stepped in and it is now 100% police owned and will continue offering tasty treats. For the dogs in Clare, MI, have your humans stop by and get you some treats. Perhaps they will add some dog treats to their menu although this dog is perfectly happy with human treats. I wish them success with their bakery! If you ask this dog, there can never be too many treats.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Bakeries)

Happy Birthday United States, From Demon Flash Bandit

Today is the birthday of the United States. It is a holiday, but it is kind of strange when countries have birthdays since humans may party, but they never bother to get the country a gift. I know on my birthday, I get dingo bones and squeaky toys, but I seriously doubt that the country wants any of those things for its birthday. Perhaps that is why the humans are always complaining about the politicians. Maybe they would do a better job if the Senators could sit around and chew on a dingo bone, and make nice, squeaky noises. I know it makes this dog happy to do those things. If you ask this dog, the humans are way too stressed out and could use a bit of fun!

Here is the song I heard the humans singing:

Happy birthday United States, Happy Birthday United States
I'm singing this today bacause tomorrow it would be late.

Okay, the song is kind of stupid, but what do you expect from humans?

I'm sure most of the humans have heard about Sarah Palin resigning from being governor of Alaska. I heard she is planning to go on the road in a revamp of Annie Get Your Gun which will be called Sarah, Get Your Gun. I suggest that animals find out her itinerary, and stay out of her way. She won't be shooting blanks. The life you save may be your own.

I hope that all you dogs enjoy the Fourth of July holiday!

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing Everyone a Happy Holiday!)

Dogs Offer Humans Help and are Unappreciated!

I have been helping Mommy clean, and believe me, the humans are not nearly as good at cleaning as us dogs. If Mommy has anything that she isn't sure if she wants to keep or not, by the time Angel and I get done with it, she has no problem deciding to throw it in the garbage. We dogs are excellent at helping the humans make the tough decisions like that. Just the other day, Angel Zoom Smokey managed to get a stuffed mommy and baby husky that was Mommy's and by the time she pulled off the eyes and noses, they were hers to keep! Do the silly humans appreciate all the help we dogs give them? Of course not, they never do. You would think we dogs were causing trouble which is something we would never do. It is time for me to go now. I've got to go and get into.....I mean go and do some dog stuff.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Providing Humans With Loads Of HELP!)

Humans and Paper--We Dogs Will Never Understand!

We are nearing the birthday of the United States which is exciting for most citizens because a lot of them get the day off from work. Speakinga s a dog, the humans could use more holidays. This work thing that so many of them go to everyday seems kind of silly. They work all week and bring home paper. Leave it to humans to work for paper. Of course, the system works well because they can take it to other humans who will do almost anything to get their paws on the paper. If you ask this dog, the humans are a bit nutty. They love some paper while other paper gets thrown away. I've learned you may not understand the humans, but you have to live with them so I've been known to hoard that paper they like so much. I have gotten it from Mommy's purse when it is open and hidden it in with my toys. I do this because when Mommy hands the nice people at Burger King the green paper, I get my dinner, and I know it is silly, but if that is what the people at BK want, Demon is willing to give them what they want. It is only fair--they are giving me what I want. I got burgers yesterday. Mommy went to see Public Enemies and she said it was a good movie. When are dogs going to be allowed to to the theatre?

Demon Flash Bandit (What is so Great About Paper?)

You are There with the Founding Fathers in 1776

I have some very important things to share with you from the news today.

Did you dogs know that the town of Tallmadge, Ohio actually thought of banning those people who dress up in costume to bring in business to stores? The good news is that they decided to allow the costumes to continue, but what human in their right mind would even consider not allowing them to do so? I know a lot of Constitutional rights have been infringed upon in recent years, but particularly when we are nearing the nation's birthday, we need to remember what made those people back then decide to break away from England. I'm sure the founding fathers were sitting around in Philadelphia back in 1776, and one of them said, "you know, if King George III had his way, he would degree that no one can dress as a chicken and dance around in front of a chicken restaurant", and of course, the response was that we need to break away from a ruler who wouldn't allow someone to dress as a milkshake or a hamburger. Yes, they wisely fought the Revolutionary War so that one day, a person could put on a gorilla suit and proudly spend the day beating on his chest while trying to get humans to notice a new muffler franchise that has just opened. It brings a tear to this dog's eye when I think of their wisdom. I am so glad that Tallmadge, Ohio did the right thing. Would they also ban Ronald McDonald, Mayor McCheese, and the King of the Burgers? I am thankful that intelligence prevailed and if you happen to visit Tallmadge, Ohio, you just might get a glimpse of the guy dressed as a cup of coffee in front of the lastest Dunkin Doughnut franchise. It is good to be live here in the U.S. --particularly if you want to wear a costume!

Sarah Palin has done an interview for some stupid running magazine, and she stated that she can outrun Obama. Perhaps she can, but can she outrun a husky?

I am a busy dog so I must be running.

Demon Flash Bandit (Historical Perspective---YOU ARE THERE!!)

Pabst Wins Ugliest Dog Title

A new winner has been announced in this year's Ugliest Dog contest at the Sonoma-Marin Fair in California. The winner this year is a boxer mix named Pabst from Citrus Heights, CA whose owner is Miles Egstad. The pedigree category was won by Miss Ellie, a Chinese Crested Hairless. Congratulations are in order for the winning dogs--and for all those who competed--maybe you'll win next year.

I did find an interesting bit of news about Wal-Mart having to drop ads that stated how much money a customer would save a year if they shop at Wal-Mart vs. the competition. This dog is always amused at the humans who actually believe ads like that anyway. Wal-mart's ads said that a customer would save $700.00 a year by shopping there vs. the competition. Any dog could tell you that it largely depends on what you buy and how much you spend. I know this dog would never believe what a store tell him about the competition. I would go to the competitors and check their prices myself. It also depends on what you are buying. One of Mommy's friends was excited that she got chicken gizzards for a super cheap price at Wal-Mart which meant nothing around here because no one here would even consider eating a chicken gizzard. However, for the chicken gizzard gourmets out there, it would be a bargain. One family might save $200.00 a year and another might save $2,000 a year. It depends on what you buy and how much you have to spend in the first place. I think store ads would be more intelligently written if they hired dogs to write them and quit depending on the silly humans--and there would be far more sales on dog toys and dingo bones.

I hope all you dogs had a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Tail Wags for Pabst, a Winner)

Home is Where The Air Conditioning Is!

How is the weekend going where you are? Our town is having a Balloonfest so Angel and I can watch hot air balloons. It would be more fun if the humans would take us there in person because dogs are allowed. I think Angel and I should go without the humans because they plan to stay home all day. I just think they don't want to go outside where it is hot. On second thought, they have a point. It is hot out there, and the house is cool. I think I agree with the humans this time.

I think it is time for Demon Flash Bandit to take a nap. These diary entries make a dog tired.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cool Dog--Literally)

One "Flush" Puppy

Jeff read my diary entry yesterday and Mr. Smarty Pants told me that puppets with strings are officially called marionettes. I maintain that if Demon Flash Bandit calls them puppets, they are puppets. I don't need some "smarter than the dog" human trying to tell me I'm wrong. The dog is always right. Now that I've got that thought out of the way, I'm going to move onto something more important.

Did anyone see the story about the one week old cocker spaniel puppy that was flushed down the toilet? The story has a happy ending because the puppy was rescued by the drain experts, Dyno-Rod because firefighters were not able to locate the puppy and Dyno-Rod used their cameras to find him. Four year old Daniel Blair decided to give the puppy a bath, and he used to toilet to bathe the dog. He pulled the chain and the dog went down into the pipes. I'm glad the dog is okay. However, this is a yet another reason why I'm against baths. Not only do they wash all the nice smells off of a dog, but look at what happened to this poor puppy! He is lucky he survived! By the way, he is being named Dyno which is a very appropriate name for him since he wouldn't be here if not for the nice folks at Dyno-Rod.

Our town is having a Balloonfest and Demon Flash Bandit is planning to watch the hot air balloons. Have you ever noticed that are a lot of humans who are full of hot air?

Demon Flash Bandit (No Doggy Baths and I Love Air Conditioning)

Transformers Who Are Dogs!!!

Mommy was busy yesterday--yes, too busy to type my entry for me. When are the companies going to make dog computers more dog friendly? They should realize that we dogs have things to say and other dogs to keep in touch with. Anyway, I have forgiven her and told her to do better in the future. I've wasted enough time complaining about Mommy's lack of dedication to the Deemster's diary entry so I will move onto another subject.

There is a new movie out called the Transformers. My humans haven't seen this movie yet, but unless the humans transform into a dog, I don't see the point. Once again, Hollywood misses the chance to make an interesting dog related movie.

As my readers know, I do tend to ask the tough questions and here is the today's tough question-----Do hand puppets get jealous of puppets controlled by strings? Isn't that the kind of question that humans worry about? If it isn't, I don't see why not. They worry about every other silly thing in the world.

I would like to add that I thought it was ridiculous that the handler had 7 show dogs die under her care because she left them in the van when it was hot. Are we dogs supposed to understand how she could leave the dogs in a hot van whie she went inside to take a nap? Those dogs would have had no problem sharing the bedroom with her, and she would have been protected from any invaders. I hope those dogs who crossed over are enjoying nice cool breezes. That handler was another human who can't do her job right. If you ask this dog, there are way too many of them out there. Sadly, this time it cost the lives of 7 dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Transformers: Dogs are Better than Machines)

Angel Zoom Smokey is a Grouch!

I am happy to report that I got Burger King yesterday, and just after I ate the BK, I ran over and tried to eat Angel Zoom Smokey's chicken. Of course, I didn't really want it, but it was there, and it annoyed Angel. By the way, she can be a grouch when you bother her food. I was doing her a favor. Aren't girls always on a diet? I was trying to help her stick to her diet. Evidently, Angel is not on a diet.

My aunt's dog, Christa, passed over the bridge yesterday. I'm sure she is happy and enjoying all the milkbone she can eat. My aunt will miss her a lot.

Until tomorrow..........

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping Angel Zoom Smokey)

Woodchucks Would Take Advantage of a Vegetarian Dog!!!

I have a bit of bad news. The Deemster was sick this morning and I have to tell you that although I am a very tough dog, I was little scared, but I'm okay now. I don't like being sick. I'm glad I got over it. Perhaps I shoudn't have gotten into those human cookies last night, but they were good. Mommy says I probably ate a few too many of them. What does she know? The humans I live with aren't dainty eaters. I had to have something. Mommy didn't go to BK and she was out of chicken so she served us---prepare to be annoyed--Benefal (sp?) dinners in the little plastic container. Angel ate hers like it was delicious. That dog will eat any garbage the humans put in front of her. I know it had chicken in it (which is not one of my favorite foods), but they had the nerve to add vegetables. Do I look like I'm a vegetarian? I wouldn't want to walk outside and have the woodchuck smell carrots on my breath and think I'm one of those tree hugging vegan dogs who won't eat a woodchuck if the need arises. You have to keep the wild animals on their paws. If they think a dog is "soft" on invasions, you'll have a yard full of every kind of species that can climb or burrow under a fence. Anyway, back to the story, because I was offered utter garbage to eat for dinner, I went into the kitchen and helped myself to a package of human cookies. They were dog safe. They didn't have chocolate chips or raisins. They were also very tasty--far more delicious that the "dog food" dinner than Mommy tried to pawn off on the Deemster. I personally don't think I ate too many cookies. My stomach was empty and I was hungry. If the humans around here would get with the program and go to Burger King everyday instead of just the days they go out, this dog wouldn't have to go to the kitchen and find my own dinner. I have to tell you that I am a very stubborn dog when it comes to getting what I want to eat.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sometimes A Dog Has To Fend for HImself)

I Think It is Getting Too Hot!!!

I am quite sure that most, if not all, the dogs on Dogster have noticed that is is getting hot. I'm not fond of the heat, and I think I speak for many of us dogs who feel that way. I have alluded to it in a past diary entry, but do any of you happen to know if Mother Nature is a bird? I know there used to be a margarine commercial that had Mother Nature on it, and she looked human, but commercials do not have the most accurate information available.

In addition to Dogster, the Deemster now has a fan page on Facebook which I go to everyday to add my bits of wisdom. I don't have time to do everything so Facebook usually only gets a sentence ot two on there. I feel that is enough since most of my fans are humans, and you know humans can't handle too much wisdom at once. It has to be doled out in little pieces that they can handle.

There isn't much going on around here today. I hope all you dog manage to stay cool--and I mean that literally--not the cool meaning you are one up to date dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Hot Weather)

Demon Flash Bandit Hopes Fathers Have a Happy Day!

I hope all the fathers out there have a happy Father's Day. I do miss my Daddy, but I am glad he isn't in pain anymore and now he can run like a husky. I' m sure we will have lots of fun running together when we are reunited. Mommy says that had better be a long time from now because she wants me with her. It is nice to be loved.

I see on the news that Korea is threatening to send a missile to hit Hawaii, and the U.S. military has safeguards in place to protect Hawaii in the event that they follow through and are successful. My first thought is that I hope the anti missile things that the military is planning to use weren't made in Korea. I also hope it is an idle threat.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing Fathers a happy day)

Does Any Dog Really Care What Time it is? No They Don't.

It is getting hotter here, and this does not bode well for us huskies. I think summer is trying to slip up on us. Finally, we had a nice winter that looked like it was never going to end, and a husky got his hopes up, and once again is foiled by Mother Nature. Is Mother Nature a bird? It is Saturday already which basically means nothing to me because I'm a dog. Days of the week were invented by humans so they would have something to ruin their lives. We dogs are too smart to name days of the week. We also don't have clocks or wear watches. Uh oh. Maybe I shouldn't have pointed that fact out. I can just see some manufacturer reading my entry and saying "yes, that is just what we need to start making--watches for a dog's paw. The dogs are much too happy without them". Doesnt that just sound like a human?

Mommy is making dinner and I might actually grace the kitchen with my presence. I seldom go into the kitchen. Daddy always taught me that it is a dangerous place because you can be put to work if you enter that room so Demon Flash Bandit doesn't go in there much. Daddy was such a wise man. Mommy says he was lazy. I vote wise because wisdom and laziness usually go paw in paw. Do you think I want to be put to work? Anyway, a dog does occasionally have to keep an eye on the humans. I had Burger King for the past 2 days, and from the fact that Mommy is cooking dinner, it looks like she is staying home today which means no BK for Demon. Why don't the nice people at BK deliver. Sure, I can drive, but the humans won't give me the car keys.

Demon Flash Bandit (No Time Like the Present for Burger King)

Was It a UFO or Was It Smoke: King's dominion Should Have- Said UFO

Did any of you dogs see the news article about the famiy that thought they saw a UFO over King's Dominion theme park in Virginia? The park says it was just a perfect circle of black smoke that came from Blaster, one of the roller coasters; because everyone knows smoke tends to make perfect circles. I think if this is a UFO, it could have the potential to be one of the best theme park rides yet. Imagine the thrill of being beamed up onto a space ship! It kind of makes the roller coasters look tame in comparison. I do wonder about its validity. Don't you think that a UFO would be more likely to hover over a larger theme park like Disneyworld. Imagine the marketing genius that would follow. t-shirts that say, I was beamed onto a UFO or I Met An Alien at (fill in the theme park), snow globes with a UFO in them, drinking glasses with a UFO on them, towels, inflatable UFOs, the list is virtually endless. I think the theme park should have been a lot smarter and declared that it was a UFO even if it wasn't. Those humans are missing a major business opportunity. Obviously, some of these companies should have someone like myself, Demon Flash Bandit in charge. I can't believe they would miss such an opportunity for added revenue. The people who would flock to Virginia hoping to see the UFO would boost business. What are they thinking? Look what that UFO crash did for Roswell, NM. Sure, the govt. says there was no UFO crash, but humans are still talking about it, and it was a long time ago. Humans!!! We dogs will never understand how they think.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks King's Dominion Missed GOLDEN Opportunity)

In Good Paws?

Many commercials over the years have ranged from cute and effective to silly and annoying, but Mommy was telling me about a particularly stupid one that they showed at the theatre when she went. If it isn't annoying enough that you pay to go to a movie and then get shown commercials, Allstate has outdone themselves with their ad. As I think all the humans and most of us dogs (yes we dogs can be affected by the economy too) know there is a serious economic recession. Allstate has taken that information and made a commercial which has a narrator telling the audience that it doesn't matter how little you have, what matters is the people you are sharing your life with and the things you are doing. Okay, on the surface, this sounds like the kind of thing a dog would say so it is okay. Then he tells the audience that no matter how little you have, make sure it is insured with Allstate. Why don't they just say, we know things are tough, but we want to continue making our usual salaries so insure all that cheap stuff you have with Allstate? I could understand if they offered a policy to replace something as important as my squeaky octopus, but I bet they don't even have a dog toy policy. It tells me that insurance companies are run by humans who don't understand the important things in life--dog toys, balls, a dingo bone and treats. No, Allstate, I won't be insuring my dingo bones with you because you don't have a dingo bone policy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Why No Dog Toy Insurance?)

I'm Not Responsible for the Ruins

Mommy went to see My Life in Ruins yesterday and contrary to what it may sound like, it is not the result of Angel Zoom Smokey and myself doing zoomies around the house. I am a good dog. The Ruins were in Greece. I think the dogs there must have been quite busy because they have done some serious damage. Despite the 'ruins', Mommy said she enjoyed the movie. I got Burger King so it was a good day for the Deemster. Mommy should go out more often. By the way, Mommy says the leading man in the movie was trying his best to be a husky in the beginning. He had lots of hair on his head, and a face full of hair. It always does a dog's heart good to know that some of the humans have the good taste to try to look like us. Sure, they can't look as good as we do, but some of them try so hard!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (I Didn't Ruin Anything)

I Have A New Bone on My Page==Thanks Kiara

I would like to thank Kiara for the pawsome bone on my page. I always appreciate my gifts even if I don't always mention them in my diary entries. I don't think there is a dog alive who doesn't appreciate a good bone. It has been a busy day so I'll write a regular entry tomorrow. I hope all of you dogs have had a good day and all of you get a good night's sleep.

Demon Flash Bandit (Love The Bone)

Demon Flash Bandit's Billions Would Make a Great Movie

It is Monday again which means that this dog's day wasn't any different from any other day except that it is called Monday instead of Tuesday, Wednesday, etc. I do want to let you know that Mommy was watching a movie called Bailey's Billions yesterday The movie is a dog movie so I would suggest that all the dogs out there watch it. His human, who happened to be very wealthy, wisely left all her money to Bailey, her dog instead of to her annoying human relatives. I think any movie that shows a wealthy human leaving all her money to her dog makes for great entertainment. The only thing that could have made the movie better is if it were called Demon Flash Bandit's Billions. A dog can dream, can't he?

Demon Flash Bandit (A Dog With a Dream)

Don't Eat the Golf Balls

Normally I don't like to tell other dogs what to do, but I saw the news story about an 8 month old Rottweiller puppy in Mass. named Wally who ate 8 golf balls. He had to have surgery to remove the 5 that didn't come up naturally. I hope he recovers quickly, and I'm sorry that he had to go through so much pain so I'm giving some advice that all you wise dogs will take. Don't eat golf balls or balls in general--baseball, tennis, etc. They are meant to be played with and a dog can have hours of fun playing with them, but eating them is not recommended. They don't taste good, and they can make you so sick that you have to have surgery. If you want something tasty to eat, head for Burger King.

It is boring around here so now that I've issued my golf ball warning, I'll bet back to napping.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Golf Balls)

A Whole New Meaning for Doggy Bag!

As I've mentioned, Mommy often watches old tv shows on dvd, and last night she was watching Married With Children. That show has a cool dog named Buck, who makes this dog laugh. Yesterday's episode had a great idea for us dogs when our humans do stupid stuff that makes us wish we could avoid being seen with them. Al, the dad on the show, had a library book that was decades overdue, and he took it back. To avoid paying the helty fees, he slipped the book back on the shelf, a moment which was captured on video cameras and then aired on tv. His family, thanks to the embarrassment of him being a loser on tv, had bags to wear over their heads whenever they went out. Buck the dog, walked in wearing a bag over his head, and I have to tell you that this dog was impressed with his intelligence.

I did see an interesting headline on the news today that said, according to scientists, going warp speed would be dangerous. I suppose this is largely because you would be pulled over by the space police and be issued a ticket for going over the space speed limit.

Another headline said that 700,000 calls were received by the digital tv hotline. Of the 700,000 calls, 450,000 called to tell them that the blank tv program was more interesting than the programmng in the past, and they want to make sure that the blank program is not cancelled.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Knows How Stupid the Humans Are)

How Much Wood Does a Woodchuck Chuck?

I found the news about the feud between Palin and Letterman to be boring and uninteresting. The big problem here is that Letterman should have held onto that joke for 2 years. Willow will be 16 in 2 years, and the legal age of consent in Alaska is 16. I don't agree that he owes all the young women in the world an apology because he is the reason for their lack of self esteem. Does she really think that young women in Nigeria are watching his late night show? Besides, I would think that beauty pageants and the fashion industry have hurt the self esteem of young women far more than any Letterman joke ever could. I have the solution, Letterman, no more jokes about Willow (for 2 years), and Palin, get out of politics. You can't handle it. Now that this dog has solved yet another breaking problem, I need to get back to important matters. As I told you, there is a woodchuck in my yard, and I happened to find out that wood chucks like to chuck wood (do they throw it or eat it or sit on it--what exactly does it mean to chuck wood?). The humans have come up with a difficult question. How much wood does it chuck? How is a dog supposed to know these things? It isn't like we talk. I can't go up and say, "hey, woodchuck, do you chuck wood and how much do you chuck?" I guess I could ask the squirrels, but they aren't very chatty. I think they distrust dogs, and you know how I feel about birds. I wouldn't believe anything they say anyway so now I have a problem with no easy answer. I will have to think about it for awhile.

Mommy talked to my aunt last night and her dog that is 13 years old probably will be crossing the bridge soon. The dog is diabetic and has been diagnosed with cancer. My aunt is very upset and I'm sure all you dogs will remember both of them in your prayers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Human Problems are Easy to Solve--Woodchuck Problesm are Hard to Solve)

Unwelcome "guest"

I want all the dogs out there to know that my yard-yes this dog's domain is being threatened by an intruder. That intruder is an animal called a woodchuck. Mommy saw him (or her) hiding in the shrubs in the front yard yesterday, and I am not allowed to go near him. How is a dog supposed to protect his territory when the humans won't allow you to go after intruding creatures? I think that woodchuck needs to know that this area belongs to Demon Flash Bandit and Angel Zoom Smokey. I am making a no trespassing sign, and if that doesn't work, I am going to have to find a way to get rid of that critter who should not be here. Mommy says it is just a baby so that must mean that there are some adult woodchucks around here somewhere. A dog's work is never done!!!

Demon Flash Bandit ( A Dog's Yard Is His Yard)

Lizards, Magic, and Bad Shelter Workers

Yesterday Angel Zoom Smokey wanted to write her opinion of a news article so I allowed her to write it instead of me, and I have to tell you that I couldn't agree with her more. I also think Obama inherited an economic mess and is doing the best he can to fix it. It seems to be getting better, but it is going to take time to see how it is going to turn out. When a salamander starts criticizing the President, it is time for a dog to remind the humans that they should not base their thinking on the opinions of an amphibian. I have no idea why the internet news would even bother publishing his opinion. If a dog wants a "lizard's" opinion, we'll ask for it. I have to add an additional comment that Angel Zoom Smokey didn't mention. What is it about newts that make them so popular with witches? Whenever you see some old hags hanging out around a cauldron, they always have a recipe for black magic that involves adding an eye of newt. If you ask my opinion, they could throw that whole Newt Gingrich person in the cauldron and the world would be a better place, but it would probably ruin the potion. Besides, I suspect those old hags don't want to hang out with the likes of him.

Now onto more important topics. I saw a story out of Lodi, CA about a man who wanted to adopt a dog, and he went to the shelter and chose a Pit Bull He was not allowed to adopt because he had been issued a citation because his dogs had escaped his home and chased a mail carrier. He says the dogs were his roommate's dogs, and he was issued the citation because they give it to the homeowner. The dog has been euthanized, and the shelter says they will now help him choose a dog because his not being able to adopt was a "misunderstanding". They now claim the dog was too agressive, and had to be put down. I am a fair dog, and I know that not all humans are honest, but this story smells rotten to this dog. A lot of humans have prejudice against Pit Bulls, and some communities have banned them which is not right. Pit Bulls can be as nice as any other breed if they have nice humans who bring them up properly. I hope someone will check on that shelter and make sure they aren't killing innocent dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Some Shelter Humans Should be Euthanized)

Angels and Demons: Not on the Big Screen!

You aren't going to believe how stupid my Mommy happens to be. She lives in the same house with Demon Flash Bandit and Angel Zoom Smokey, and she went to the theatre to see Angels and Demons. She sees us everyday here at home. Jeff was smarter. He went to see The Terminator because he knows he sees Angels and Demons everyday. I might add that I think it should be called Demons and Angels. I think it sounds better when you put the Demons first. One good thing about it is that I got Burger King and I do love getting Burger King.

I know we dogs enjoy bringing interesting items that we find to our humans, but a dog in Berlin, Germany brought a "live" grenade from World War 2 to his human. I bet she wasn't expecting that. The grenade was defused, and now no one will get hurt thanks to that nice dog finding a potentially harmful item and alerting the humans. I bet that human will be happy when the dog brings a dead mouse next time they are out on a walk.

I think I need to get off the computer and join Angel Zoom Smokey is the sequel to Angels and Demons. The sequel is titled: Angels and Demons: Dinner Time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Angel and Demon--No Need for a Movie Projector)

Bo, the first dog decided that a microphone looked tasty, and decided to give it a try. I hope Bo shares what the experience felt like with us normal dogs who don't get a chance to eat a microphone so all of us will know what it tastes like. He needs to write a diary on dogster. He didn't get much of a chance to eat it because after a couple of bites the humans got it away from him. You'd think the humans would let the first dog enjoy the microphone for more than just a couple of bites!!!

As if we dogs don't have enough problems, the humans have come up with a new thing that they can add to our collars. It is an Uncle Milton 1538 Pet's Eye View Digital Camera with a suggested retail price of $38. The humans can put this camera on your collar and it takes up to 40 photos which they can upload onto their computer to see what you have been doing throughout the day. This is a clear and simple case of invasion of a dog's privacy and should be stopped. If my humans decide to buy this camera for me, I will be getting in touch with the ADLU (American Dog Liberties Union) and I will sue the humans for all the dingo bones they are worth!!!! Is this the same Uncle Milton that brought us the Uncle Miltie ant farms? My brother had one of them when he was a kid, and I have to tell you that the ants were horrible farmers. They never raised any crops or made any money. I have no idea why anyone would want them in their house anyway. They are not even fun to watch unless (I have never done this myself, but I've had this info passed onto me by other dogs) you shake the farm up a lot and watch the little ants go nuts.

I happened to see an item about Will Ferrell's latest movie not doing well at the box office last weekend. Of course, the article was being very hard on Ferrell, but he is a very funny guy, and I don't think it is his fault. Land of the Lost was probably not the best tv show to spend 200 million dollars making it into a movie, but Mommy saw trailers for it last weekend, and it looks promising. The problem is that the tv show wasn't meant to be funny so, if you haven't seen Ferrell in the trailer, you might think it is a serious movie instead of a comedy.

Wow, time does fly. It is already nap time.

Demon Flash Bandit (

Humans Make a Lot of Noise Themselves

As my loyal readers already know, I'm not a fan of birds, but there is a rooster named Mr. Clucky, who rides a bike in Miami Beach, Florida whose owner has been given notice that he can't keep Mr. Clucky because Mr. Clucky is a farm animal. Mark Buckley, his owner was given a $50 ticket by a code enforcement officer, and he was given notice to get rid of the rooster. This rooster was the grand marshal of the King Mango Strut in Coconut Beach, FL last year, but the city wants him out of the city because he insists on crowing every morning at 6 am. A rooster is supposed to crow in the morning, and this dog happens to live next to a main road, and if you don't think the humans don't make noise at 6 a.m., try living around them. There are sirens going off in the middle of the night, and I won't even get into all the noise they make if they need to do any work on the road. I wouldn't even notice a rooster crowing compared to all the other noise in the city, and Howell, MI is not big city. I think those people in Miami are showing a great deal of prejudice. Farm animals do not ride bikes. Farm animals don't act as Grand Marshals. If you ask me, this is the same type of stupid thinking that put the Notasulga post office in the news when a lady complained that Sammy the cat who lived there wasn't paying taxes and she was allergic to him. Did anyone ask Sammy if he was allergic to the piece of human garbage who complained about him? No they did not. The last I heard the cat was banned from the post office, and I do hope that eventually the town will quit protecting the human who had complained about him so that all the normal humans can obstracize her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated--like the piece of human filth she is. I know some rules are necessary, but the humans tend to get ridiculous with them. It isn't like someone is about to start a chicken farm in Miami Beach-it is one rooster with a talent for riding a bike.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans are Noiser Than Animals)

I'd Head for Burger King if I Won the Lottery

It is a typical weekend around here. I got my Burger King yesterday, and I'll be having BK again later today. Angel is having her chicken. Yesterday Mommy finished watching the second season of Psych, which is a show she happens to like so she bought it. I think the show could use some dogs, but as you know, I think that about all tv shows. Last night we did watch Hotel for Dogs, and I have to to tell all you dogs that it is as good a movie as Mommy said it was, and we dogs had to wait to see it on dvd. It is a shame the way we dogs are treated by the humans. You would think we are pets instead of part of the family. Cats are pets. You can't take a cat to the theatre. They are too catty--sometimes I amaze myself at my cleverness.

It did this dog's heart good to see the young man who won the lottery jackpot. I hope he enjoys the money. If I were him, I'd be heading to Burger King to celebrate, and I can guarantee you that they would let me come in to eat because I would rent the place our for a couple of hours, and I would insist on one of those tasty oreo shakes all for myself. I get a little bit of one, and it is delicious. I don't care what the humans say about it not being good for me to have one of my own. I'd be ordering one and it would be the big one. Would you believe that people were commenting on his win, and some of them were complaining about the taxes? I found it amusing that they are complaining about taxes that they aren't even having to pay. What is wrong with these humans. The young man spent a total of $15.00, and he has won enough to live comfortably for life. I think taxes are the least of his worries. His biggest worry is how to eat all those burgers and not get sick. At least that is what my biggest worry would be if I had that kind of money. Speaking of lottery wins, can a dog win the lottery and are we allowed to buy tickets?

There was an interesting piece of news from Louisville, Kentucky. On June 27, the New Bethel Church is having a bring your gun to worship day. This is to celebrate the birth of the United States and to celebrate the second amendment--you know the one that says that citizens have the right to bear machine guns and flame throwers. Wait a minute, those hadn't been invented in the 1700's had they? I guess the next news item will be the shootout at the local church. Humans could learn a lot from dogs. We never feel the need to carry a gun. I think we would have trouble pulling the trigger since it isn't exactly paw friendly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Can a Dog Eat a Zillion Burgers in One Meal?)

Editorial Comment on News Stories

Congratulations are in order for my close pal, Raja Baju, who is the Dogster Dog of the Week. It is nice to see Raja Babu's face on the home page when I get on Dogster. If you don't already know Raja Babu, he is a great dog with a great human and a lovely sister named Preeti Cassandra.

I wrote about Stephen Cobert yesterday, and today I saw on the news that he will be going to Iraq to entertain the troops. I think that is a very good thing for him to do. He has also been asked to be a guest editor for Newsweek next week. This proves my point about the people running NASA. They might have actually raised some interest in their programs had they named the space station Colbert. As it is, they tend to make the news only if they something goes seriously wrong and that isn't exactly good publicity.

The humans running things are always good for a laugh. I see that Obama wants a govt. run no profit health care program. A bunch of those silly Republicans are against it--not because it will cost too much, but because private insurance companies that operate to make a profit won't be able to compete. I think this proves how out of touch and stupid they are. Many Americans have no insurance and can't afford to be sick. A trip to the hospital could bankrupt them. In the days before private insurance, people could actually afford health care, but the "for profit" insurance companies have run up the cost so much that many people die from a lack of care. I think if the humans had any sense, they would insist that the Senators and Congresshumans forfeit their insurance, which, coincidentally is the best in the country. If private health insurance companies can't sell their product anymore, big deal, they can sell other types of insurance--life, car, house, dog health, etc. The average human getting health care is far more important than the companies making more money, and having more competition for the other types of insurance would be good for everyone.

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on the News)

One Small Squirt for Dogs, A Giant Flood For Tranquility

To show just how stupid and out of touch the humans at NASA happen to be, they had a poll asking people to name the Space Station, and of course, that wonderful comedian Colbert asked that people write his name in, and he was the top choice in the poll, and that was even with the humans doing write in votes. Did NASA listen? No. They named the Space Station Tranquility in honor of landing on the Sea of Tranquiltity.....blah blah blah blah blah. Aren't these the same scientists who had a problem aa few years ago because they mixed up the proper system of measurement and that stupid metric system of measurement? A side note here, I don't care if the metric system makes more sense and it used by the rest of the world, the other system is the American system and once we have learned something, we stick with it. If we keep adding useless knowledge into our heads, we won't have room for the important stuff like the difference between DangerMouse and the mice in Pinky and the Brain, but I digress. The important point here is that if the jerks at NASA want to name it themselves, they should have done so. If they don't understand that there are far worse names than Colbert that could have been written into the poll, they should get out of the lab and talk to regular humans. They do plan to name a treadmill Colbert. Who names a treadmill anyway? After spending a horrible day at Cape Canaveral in FL a few years ago, and watching without contest the most boring 3-D movie ever made about life in the space station, they should be happy that the govt. hasn't shut them down. If Mommy were running things, they would have been cut off years ago. If the scientists are so smart, why haven't they come up with a way to finance their projects without having to ask for money from the govt.? People complain about the bail-outs while this agency continues to grab money and they basically do nothing. If they had half a brain, they would quit wasting money. If space travel is possible, all we have to do it to wait for aliens to visit and show us how. If no aliens show up, space travel probably isn't feasible. Look at all the money that would have been saved if they had thought of that brilliant plan decades ago. I know they have inadvertently brought us some new things like transistors and computers, but those items could have been invented without going to space. In fact, some of the things that were used for space travel aren't even cool. For example, a pen that writes when it is upside down is cool. Tang, the drink of the astronauts is horrible, and should have stopped any smart humans from going into space just because they would have to drink that concoction. Mommy says her Grandma used to buy it and the only way it was bearable is if you put at least half a cup of suger into the glass, and that would mask the flavor of the Tang.

Although the Space Station won't be named Colbert, at least you can watch him on tv, and he is one funny guy. By the way, this dog knows that the metric system makes more sense, but I, like my humans, see no need to change anything. Isn't differences what makes the world such an interesting place. I wonder if all us dogs can get together and pee on the Space Station. That will show those humans that named it Tranquility what we think of them. It would be One small squirt for dogs, and one giant flood for the Space Station. If they had any taste, they would have named it after Sirius, the Dog Star.


Demon Flash Bandit (No "Tranquility" for NASA)

Dog Days in Court--We Want Justice!!!!!

Stephen and Sally Miller, co-owners of Chem-Nutra, Inc. are pleading guilty to charges in connection with melamine tainted dog food sold in 2007 that may have killed or sickened thousands of dogs and cats. The melimine was added so that the food would have a high enough protein content and it was cheaper than adding the actual protein. It was shipped here from China and they sold it to pet food companies who used to to make pet food. They didn't necessarily know that the product was toxic, but they did know that the product was shipped here under false pretenses and failed to notify their customers. My heart goes out to the dogs and cats affected by this product of human greed.

I am wondering how many of you dogs out there use cologne or perfume on a regular basis. No, I'm not talking about rolling around in poop or perhaps drenching yourself in the rancid water with maggots that you found in that pail outside. I'm talking about an actual product. I learned to use human cologne when I was a puppy, and Mommy said that I could manage to knock a person out with my perfumed scent. I think that was a compliment because we dogs know how to wear fragrance. We aren't wimpy like the humans. When we wear scent, we wear scent. Anyway, there are many dog products out there to choose from. In fact, one company sued one of the dog perfume manufacturers for infringing on their copyright. Tommy Hilfinger actually sued and said they thought their customers might buy the Tommy Holedigger brand by mistake thinking it is theirs. The judge in the court in Manhatten where the case was "almost" tried threw it out and said that the company should chill and get a sense of humor. I have to agree with the judge on that one. Are the nice people at Tommy Hilfinger saying that their customers are so stupid that they can't tell the difference in Hilfinger and Holedigger? If you ask me about humans who pay outrageous prices for designer stuff, they may have a point. Personally, I think the people who make Tommy Holedigger should sue the Tommy Hilfinger folks. Who wants to be associated with the Hilfinger people? If some of you dogs want a wider choice of items, there are other brands to choose from. You can get Aramutts for male dogs or Liz Claybone for bitches. There is also CK-9. Now that all us dogs know that we can smell good, I suggest you do it for the humans in your life. I think half a bottle is the right amount to wear to make sure the humans can smell you. They have small, weak noses so they can't smell as good as us dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs In Court)

Find The Vampire of Your Dreams (or Nightmares)

Good news!! I got Burger King yesterday. Mommy and Jeff went to see Night at the Museum Battle of the Smithsonian, which Mommy said was a very good movie, but she did say it could have used some dogs in it. Can't they all? Jeff's birthday was Saturday, but they waited until Monday to go out because they thought they could avoid all the crowds. Before I forget, when I mentioned good vampire movies yesterday, I only named Love at First Bite, but Once Bitten was also an excellent vampire movie. If you want a vampire that isn't scary, those are the movies to watch. Yesterday, I didn't have much time to do research before I wrote about Twilight because Mommy was going out yesterday so I had to make my diary entry short, but I do have some extra good news for those fans of Twilight who really want to "experience" the movie. Through painstaking research, yeah, I typed vampire into the google search, I discovered that there is at least one vampire dating site. You didn't expect me to bother to go to page 2 of the search, did you? This dog has napping to do so I don't have the luxury of wasting so much time. For the women out there who think that Edward guy is "so dreamy", you might find the vampire of your dreams (or nightmares if you ask me) on that site. There is also a vampire religion called Temple of the Vampire which is registered as a religion with the United States Govt, and is a worldwide organization. I'm guessing the fans of Twilight aren't planning to go quite that far, but how sad for the women out there that they may never find that perfect vampire that they can fall in love with. If you ask this dog, the real reason the movie is so popular is that a lot of young women think that it is so romantic to fall in love with a guy that their parents hate. I think it is kind of a Romeo and Juliet type fantasy, but because few people actually want to read Shakespeare to the end (or even to the middle), they fail to realize that both Romeo and Juliet kill themselves at the end of the movie. I'm not saying that a couple in love should care what their family thinks, but sometimes there is a reason the family hates the guy and it could be because he is a jerk. When the old adage, love is blind, comes up, I have to tell you that I have seen situations where love is blind, deaf, stupid and emotionally impaired. I might add that those couples seldom live happily ever after unless your idea of happiness is to be in constant misery (which knowing some of the humans could be the case). Anyway, I have provided my Demon Flash Bandit public service by providing those fans of the movie the ability to find the vampire of their dreams, and speaking of dreams, it is this dog's naptime.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Dog Movies)

Twilight: The Movie

Jeff came in last night to tell Mommy that Twilight has won a bunch of M-TV movie awards. I have never mentioned Twilight largely because I haven't seen it on dvd yet. (I will spare my readers my usual tirade about dogs not being allowed in theatres.) Why haven't I seen it on dvd? Mommy said that the world didn't need another vampire/werewolf movie so she probably won't ever buy the dvd. My aunt is a major fan and the more my aunt tells her about the books and movie, the more certain that she is that she made the right decision for her in not watching it. I know it has lots of fans, and I'm glad they enjoy it, but Mommy prefers comedies, and she isn't usually fond of vampire type movies with the exception of Love at First Bite, which was a great one. Besides, if she wants to see a handsome leading man type werewolf, she has me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Fan of Twilight)

I'm Glad Burger King Was Invented!!!

I forgot to mention in my diary entry yesterday that it was good to see my pal Mirra as dog of the day.

Mommy has been watching a tv series called Deadwood because she often watches old tv shows on dvd. I have no idea why they call this show Deadwood because it seems to have nothing to do with lumber, and all us dogs know that lumber is wood so you would think that is what the show should be about. Anyway, it takes place in the 1800's and I've got to tell all you dogs out there that this was a primitive time in history. The humans couldn't just touch a switch (or even clap) and get the lights to turn on. They had to use candles and kerosene lamps which, if you ask this dog, weren't that great at lighting a room. I didn't notice any tvs so there must have been a serious lack of entertainment in those days. The worst thing about this show is that whenever they show the town, there is no Burger King. I don't think I have to tell all you dogs how much that upset me. What did dogs eat back then if there were no Burger King restaurants? I can only state that I am lucky to live in this era of history so that I can eat Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (How Can a Dog Survive Without Burger King?)

Love Them or Hate Them: Cats Are Useless

In Oregon, 2 courageous dogs chased off a cougar. Chiquita, the chihuahua and Rosie, the border terrier whose human is Loren Wingert showed that big cat who is boss--the dog!!! This is a story that will make dogs everywhere proud. Housecats are snobby enough, but the big cats are downright annoying.

On the subject of cats, most humans think that cats are hunters who like to catch mice. I have a web address to share with you showing a cat and mouse together and you can make your own judgment. Mommy thinks the photos are adorable. The address is:

http://www.bertc.com/subfour/truth/uselesscat.htm

I happen to like cats. However, all us dogs know that they are useless whether we like them or not.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Cats)

Comic Con or BK--This Dog Can Make the Wise Decision

Jeff goes to Comic Cons at least once a year, and this dog has always wondered what a Comic Con must be like because as usual, DOGS AREN'T ALLOWED!!!! Yesterday, I was watching a movie with Mommy that cleared up that whole issue for me. The movie is called, Comic Book, The Movie. The movie is a mockumentary which means that is is true. I think using "mock instead of dock" means that there are no boats in the movie because boats dock when they come into port. The amazing thing about this movie is that the "star" looks like an older version of Mark Hamill--the guy who played in the first 3 Star Wars movies, the ones that you could watch without wanting to gather the villagers together with their pitchforks to go after George Lucas for making 3 really, really bad movies. Suffice it to say that Mommy is not a fan of the prequels. Anyway, the man who looks like Mark Hamill is a history teacher from Wisconsin named Donald Swan. He also happens to be a comic book fan, and he and one of his friends started a fanzine called Once Upon a Dime and he has a comic book store as well. Because of the folllowing who read Once Upon a Dime, he has been asked to be a consultant on the new movie one of the studios is doing based on the comic book character, Commander Courage. Commander Courage along with Liberty Lad helped fight the Nazis during the 40's, but the character has been re-vamped as Codename Courage along with Liberty Lass to fight terrorists in the movie version. The studio has hired him so that they can add his portion to the dvds when the movie comes out and add a few more dollars to the price so they can make more money. The big "payment" he is receiving as consultant is that he gets to go to the SanDiego Con free. It is the largest of the Conventions, and (editorial comment)may move to Las Vegas in the future. The whole movie shows him walking around the comic convention and you see all the humans dressed as different characters, and they discuss Commander Courage--his history and the changes the movie plans to make. Swan does not like the changes, and all through the movie, he discusses how wonderful Commander Courage would be if they kept him the way he had been in the past. Throughout the movie, he interviews Kevin Smith, Stan Lee, Bruce Campbell, and Hugh Hefner. This dog was glad to get to see what all the fuss was about, and I stand by my earlier diary entry when I say that Jeff wasted $40.00 on an autograph of Carrie Fisher when that could have bought 40 burgers at Burger King. When it comes to laying out cash, the humans should get their priorities straight. Anyway, if you want to see the kind of silly things humans do with money that could be spent on us dogs, be sure and watch this movie.

Demon Flash Bandit (Burger King, The Burger)

Doggy Cakes

A 5 year old girl in Russia has been taken into custody because her dad left her in a filthy apt. to be raised by the dogs and cats. I know this is a poor excuse for a parent, and I think he deserves to be punished, but I have to tell you that I don't see what the authorities are upset about. The child laps food from a bowl and barks which shows that the dogs did a good job with her. It isn't like she bit anyone so you know the dogs taught her some manners. You know it was the dogs and not the cats because she barks. Had it been the cats, she would meow. Additionally, if she had been raised by cats, she would have no manners at all becasue cats are rude. It is so sad that the father cared so little about his own human puppy, but it was good that the dogs were watching out for this child. The dad took her away from her mother because her mother wasn't doing a good job of taking care of her. Can you believe that statement? Some humans aren't worth the bullet to shoot them with. That is the opinion of Demon Flash Bandit. I hope this little girl has a better life in the future.

Since June is coming up and it is the month for weddings, I wanted to let the dogs know that there are places on-line that sell doggy wedding cakes. I know what a hassle wedding planning can be since Savannah Blue Belle and I got married earlier this year. Okay,
Savannah did all the work, I mainly sat around chewing on rawhide bones, but that is what a groom is supposed to do. However, Savannah had a lot to do so I thought it might be helpful to let other brides know about these cakes. I found a lovely cake with "bone" trimming that any couple would be happy to eat. These cakes can be customized for your event, and a 2 tier cake starts at $69.00 at the place I checked out which is a bargain compared to a human wedding cake. That isn't the only bakery that sells dog wedding cakes, but you don't think I'm going to waste time clicking on more than one site, did you? I have napping to do. They sell doggy birthday cakes too so they aren't just for weddings.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes Cake)

Burger King--Something to Smile About

I related the incident in my recent diary entry about Britney, the terminally ill bulldog who saved her owner by barking when the house was on fire so that both escaped the fire. Britney has been put down. Her owner said she was in so much pain that the pain medication wasn't helping enough, and he didn't want to see her suffer. Britney, all us dogs are sad to see you go over the bridge, but you will be happy there. Her human is very sad that he had to let her go, but hated seeing her in so much misery.

I had to give that sad update, but now it is time to move onto more "fun" topics.

I saw on the internet news that 4 states will no longer allow people to smile on their driver's license photos. How big a problem is this anyway? From what I've heard about the Secretary of State here in Michigan, there isn't a lot of smiling going on there. I'm assuming that they are lucky if the humans in the photos can manage an "I'm not completely miserable" look. Do some humans get happy about buying tags or up-dating licenses? If so, wouldn't letting them smile be a good idea so the state will know which of its citizens must be insane and they can step in and get treatment for them before they start a shooting rampage?

Demon Flash Bandit got Burger King yesterday so it was a good day. You would think they would buid a BK next to my house. I wonder why the people running BK haven't thought of that. It takes a dog to come up with brilliant ideas like that. BK executives, are you paying attention? Demon Flash Bandit wants one of your restaurants closer to my house. Mommy has to drive about a mile to get to the one she goes to, and I should have one closer.


I have to get back to my rawhide bone so I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Smile When I Get Burger King)

Editorial Opinion of Demon Flash Bandit

Now that the holiday is over and most of the humans are resuming their usual lives, which means most of them go to work. For most of the humans, work doesn't seem to be much fun; but being humans, they do it anyway. That is why it is great to be a dog.

This brings me to the subject of the terminally ill bulldog that saved her owner's life in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Brittney woke her human, Scott Seymour with her barking which enabled both of them to escape from the burning home alive and well. Brittney has cancer, and Seymour made the decision a couple of weeks ago not to have her put to sleep. This dog thinks Brittney is a heroine, and when she crosses over the bridge, I'm sure there will be a lot of her fellow dogs there to welcome her and keep her company until her human joins her when it is his time to cross over. What would our humans do without us around to protect them?

There is a 13 year old named Daniel Hauser who was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma who chose to refuse chemo and radiation for the cancer. The drs. say he will die without treatment, and the court has ruled that he must endure the treatment even though he doesn't want it, and his parents agree with him. His mother, Colleen and him escaped for awhile, but after a nationwide search, they are back in Minnesota, and he must undergo the treatment. He has a 90% survival rate with the treatment. Mommy has a story to tell about that particular disease. My brother had the same kind of cancer, and he was diagnosed when he was 19 years old. They found it early and he had an 80% survival rate. He went through chemo, and the tumor shrank like it was supposed to, but the tumor came back after 6 months, and the drs. decided he needed a bone marrow transplant, and they used his own marrow. Afterward, he had radiation just to make sure the tumor wouldn't come back. The tumor came back once again--this time even faster. The drs. decided to do a second bone marrow transplant using a donor. This time the tumor wouldn't shrink enough with the pre-chemo regimen for them to even start the transplant so they removed part of his lungs so they could do the transplant. He died when he was 22 years old on May 2, 2002--not of cancer, but of graph vs. host disease because the bone marrow of the donor attacked every organ of his body.

I told that story to illustrate a point about ordering treatment for minors. The disease should have a CURE. If a parent refuses a blood transfusion that would save a child's life or if the child has pnemonia or something that can probably be successfully treated, I have no problem with the courts stepping in, but there is no cure for cancer. The treatments work on a lot of people and fail on a lot of people. If you ask this dog, it is a gamble either way.

In case you are wondering, my Mommy is very grateful to the drs. at the University of Michigan and at St. Joseph hospital in Ann Arbor, MI. They did the best they could do to help my brother. One dr. even stopped by everyday to spend time with Robby because both he and my brother had something in common--they both knew the ancient Greek language. I know his drs. did the best they could to save him. I was told by one dr. that he could never see Thomas Jefferson without thinking of Robby. The point here is that Robby chose to go along with the treatments, and I am glad he did, but it is a hard choice, and sometimes you have to let other humans make those choices for themselves and not have the medical profession and the courts do the decision making.

I know this isn't my typical diary entry, but sometimes a dog has to step in and tell the humans when they are wrong, and ordering someone to do something without knowing if it will work or not is wrong. Mommy tries not to think about my brother when he had cancer. She prefers to remember the intellectually gifted young man who planned to be a Constitutional lawyer. However, the story about Daniel has made her exceptionally angry at the court system. Robby would want me to tell this story. He would also wish Daniel a successful outcome to his treatment.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Sometimes a Dog Has To Remind the Humans how Little they really Know)

Quick Update!!!

Hello all you lovely dogs out there (and their humans of course), this is Demon Flash Bandit with an important update! I, Demon Flash Bandit, am now on Facebook! That's right, all you Demon Flash Bandit lovers, you can now become a fan of me on Facebook! I would become a fan of Demon Flash Bandit myself, but sadly, being Demon Flash Bandit, I cannot become a fan of myself. :( People sometimes look at me, Demon Flash Bandit, and say "Hey! Demon Flash Bandit! I want to become your fan on Facebook!" Okay, maybe that's never happened, but a puppy named Demon Flash Bandit can dream, right? I know, I know, you're thinking...isn't Demon Flash Bandit getting a little full of himself? Well, I'm not. (You probably thought I'd say Demon Flash Bandit again then, well I, Demon Flash Bandit, don't have to say my name every few seconds.) So join the Demon Flash Bandit fanclub and become a fan of me, Demon Flash Bandit, on Facebook. To think people think that the I, the almighty Demon Flash Bandit, have an ego! HA

Here is a link to my page:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/pages/Demo n-Flash-Bandit/103038313687?ref=nf

You could also just type my name, Demon Flash Bandit, into the search engine of Facebook. In case I haven't mentioned my name enough for you to remember it, type in Demon Flash Bandit.

-Demon Flash Bandit (the Demon Flash Banditist)

Memorial Day

Today is Memorial Day which means that a lot of us will be eating barbequed food, and I have yet to hear a dog complain about that!!!
Being a dog, I want to make sure all the other dogs know that many of our fellow dogs have died in service to their country. 30,000 dogs have served the United States in the past 50 years. The saddest era for dogs was the ones sent to VietNam. During World War 2, the dogs were given respect and allowed to return home to normal lives, but during VietNam, the dogs were considered to be equipment and only 200 out of more than 4,000 dogs who went to VietNam were allowed to return--many of them euthanized in country when their "careers" were over or they were handed over the the army of the Republic of VietNam. This is the type of treatment they got after saving an estimated 10,000 American lives!

President Clinton in 2000 passed the "Robby Law" that a military dog can be adopted by his handler. It is too bad that this law wasn't in effect for the dogs who were sent to Viet Nam, However, it is a good law. This dog is taking this opportunity to remember the dogs who have given their lives in service to their country.

I will always miss Daddy. Although he didn't die in combat, he died as a result of the pesticides that were sprayed when he was in VietNam so I will be honoring him today. I know he would like that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Misses His Daddy)

Dogs vs. Cats--Cats are Crazy!!!!

Dogs and cats are both popular with the humans, but I thought I would write a diary entry about our differences. However, I happened to find a website that had a diary entry written by both a cat and a dog, and the cat has all the eloquence of a Demon Flash Bandit diary entry. I assure you that if you go to this web address, you and your humans will be laughing at the cat's entry. I don't think I could write one any better so I will refer you to this page.

www.http://www.goodeatsfanpage.com/Humor/otherhumor /dog_
cat_diary.htm

I know you wil enjoy this page as much as I did.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cats are Crazy!!!)

Memorial Day Weekend

I know not all the dogs on dogster are citizens of the United States, but here in the US, it is the start of Memorial Day weekend which is a weekend in which the humans in this country remember the soldiers who have died. Since it is the last Monday in May, it also happens to be the official start of summer so many citizens take trips while they have an extra day off. Many people around here are on the lake in their boats. Most of the large amusement parks open this weekend. Around here, the big one is Cedar Point in Ohio (about a 2 hour drive) which used to be a fun place for my humans to go until they decided to take out many of the "regular" rides so they could add more giant roller coasters, and my humans are not roller coaster fans so they quit going there. Anyway, in honor of the holiday, the propane dealers are putting less propane in the propane barbeque tanks. It is their little Memorial Day gift to themselves. Isn't it touching how our corporations celebrate holidays with price gouging? Not to be left out, the gas stations have raised their prices too. Yesterday, the local stations were up to $2.50 a gallon with one raising it to $2.56 from the time Mommy drove by it the first time to the time she drove by an hour later. It does a heart good to see how big business is always thinking of how they can make more money.

In honor of those soldiers who never make it back, I am going to mention a name of one of Daddy's friends who died in his arms when Daddy was in VietNam. His name is Dennis LaDage and he had just received a photo of his baby who he never got the chance to see in this life. War is sad for both sides and for the families it touches.

Demon Flash Bandit

With Great Burger Comes Great Appetite!!!!

I don't know how many of you dogs watch My Name is Earl on tv, but this dog finds the show very funny. NBC has decided to cancel this show along with Medium. I'm sure the executives at NBC must have their reasons--like they are mentally ill or perhaps just really stupid and tasteless. However, I don't think that mental illness or stupidity on the part of network executives is a good reason to cancel a tv show. As it is, most of the offerings on the networks that are worth watching are so few and far between that a dog can hardly be bothered with watching anything they have to offer. You would think the networks would realize that at this point in time, there are no longer 3 major networks competing for viewers. Humans can actually choose between many different channels and even use dvds or video tapes to completely avoid all network programming if they so choose. How do the networks deal with all the new offerings? They continue to act like that did in the 50's, 60's, and 70's when people had only 3 choices. If you are annoyed about the cancellation of My Name is Earl, there is a way you can let the idiot running NBC know your feelings about the show. The fight to save Earl is on Twitter--go to EarlTwitition on Twitter and let your voice be heard. The fans of Chuck saved the show from being cancelled by letting NBC know how much they like the show, and I might add I am pleased because Chuck is also a good tv show. If you ask this dog's opinion, the one who needs the axe is the person named Silverman who runs the network.

On the subject of Twitter, which is a social network, what is with the stupid bird? I appreciate their effort to save Earl, but must a dog have to look at a stupid bird on the site. Do the people who run Twitter not understand how evil birds happen to be? So many of the humans are cluelss as to the fact that birds cause global warming.

I have another important event to talk about today. Anchorage, Alaska kicks off an important world event today. It is the 2009 World Beard and Moustache Championship with more than 200 competitors from 12 countries taking part in the event. I think the humans in Alaska must be trying to look like the sled dogs there. It touches this husky's heart that the humans want to be furry like us. All in all, it sounds like a fun competition, and do I smell the makings of a movie based on this event. Of course, with idiots like Silverman running things, I'm sure he would miss the opportunity for a movie about beards and moustaches because he is probably too busy trying to find something uninteresting to put on tv. I can prove he has no taste because you don't see any tv shows on NBC (or the other networks for that matter) centered around dogs and I happen to think dogs make great tv. I know Angel Zoom Smokey and I would be watching a show if it starred an all dog cast, and so would my humans. I will end with a quote from another great tv show, Family Guy, because it is so appropriate for the event in Alaska. "With Great Moustache comes great responsibility." Family Guy is a perfect example of the stupidty of the networks because it was cancelled and brought back when its dvd sales were so good. It took that to make the idiots at the network that cancelled it realize it had a lot of fans. I will end with a another quote from Family Guy for the guys in the moustache event. "You must stash your moustache in the must stash." Those are words to live by.


Demon Flash Bandit (With Great Burger Comes Great Appetite-and Burger King makes Great Burgers)

Festivals and Parties

Yesterday I re-capped an article about how to meet a space alien, and my pal Kirby wrote me a paw mail wanting to know why I left Roswell, New Mexico out of the entry. I mean no disrespect to Roswell, site of a UFO crash in the 40's, but the writer of the article I was referring to didn't mention Roswell, and I'm assuming it is because the aliens might not want to fly over a spot where their buddies crashed. I also did not cover Hangar 18 of Wright Patterson Air Force Base outside Dayton, Ohio where the military supposedly took the remnants of the Roswell crash. My humans went to the large air museum at Wright Patterson, and they had to drive on base to see the exhibit of Presidential planes, and the base had signs warning people not to go to Hangar 18 which is kind of odd if you ask this dog.

For those of you who might wonder if Roswell would be an interesting place to visit in order to see where the UFO crashed, I thought I might mention another attraction in the area which happens to be totally unrelated to UFOs for the dogs out there who could care less about alien encounters. One of the nearby attractions, Carlsbad Caverns, is 96 miles south of Roswell, and it has 100 known caves including the nation's deepest limestone cave. Mommys cousin, Linda Phillips worked at Carlsbad Caverns during the summer of 1979, and on July 10, the caves were taken over by 4 terrorists. Mommys cousin was taken hostage and was released unharmed which was a great relief to the family.

For the dogs out there are who truly alien enthusiasts, there is an Alien Festival in Roswell every year. This festival includes a parade, an alien chase, an alien costume contest, and an alien pet contest.

A recent party in Manhatten was staged for Star Trek fans in honor of the recent movie. I have to add that this dog is a fan since the Star Trek is one of those shows that is optimistic about the future. I do think that humans have the capacity to improve the future if they listen to their better natures. Live long and prosper.

Demon Flash Bandit (I'll have my BK alien burger plain, thank you)

How A Dog Can Spot UFOs

Mommy had to go out yesterday so this dog got Burger King. It is always a good day when a dog gets BK. Perhaps BK would like to use that in their promotions. Of course, I woud let them use it, but since it is this dog's intellectual property, I would have to get some free burgers in exchange. A dog has to think fast on his paws to remember to ask for something in exchange.

Michael Vick, the football player who had to go to prison because he was involved in dog fighting is getting out of prison today. He now faces 2 months of home confinement. His football career is uncertain, and there are people who think he should have a second chance at playing football. This dog thinks he has a second chance. He has the chance to continue living and enjoying life, and that is more that can be said for many of the dogs that he is responsible for killing. I hope he has changed. I think it would be nice if he helped urban youth discontinue the practice of dog fighting, but I think that the vast majority of humans never get the first chance for fame and fortune that he had. If he chose to ruin it by getting involved in something that is not only illegal, but also just plain wrong, that was his fault. I do not think this man deserves a second chance to play football. Perhaps if he had to get out and struggle to make a living the way most of the humans have to do, he might actually be a better person. That is the opinion of Demon Flash Bandit and my humans.

Now that I have covered the topic of Vick and his dog fighting, I have an even more important news item to share with all the dogs on dogster. I happened to find a Nov. 17, 2008 copy of The Sun/Weekly World News, the newspaper who isn't afraid to print the real truth. There is an article entitled, "How to Meet An Alien" which was written by Alan Burgroft. It stands to reason that is you don't want to meet an alien, make sure you don't follow the advice in the article.

1. Keep an Eye on the Time.
It seems that nearly all UFO reports take place during the evening.
However, if you stay up later, you are even more likely to spot a
UFO which means that aliens must not be morning people.

2. Head to a Hot Spot.
Most sightings take place in CA, FL, IA, TX, OH, PA, NY, MO, KS,
IL, IN, and Minn. The best spots in these states is in a rural area
particularly if it is near an industrial plant or military base.
Perhaps this is so they can steal our advanced technology so they
can take it back to their home planet to sell at their antique shops.

3, Go for a Drive.
Most encounters take place on rural roads in clear weather, and
the car often will experience electrical failure before the UFO is
visable which means that the UFO must be taking power from the
car's battery to run their spaceship. Those spaceships must take a
lot of energy to operate. I'm guessing 12 or 13 D cell batteries at
the very least.

4. Listen to Children.
Chidren see UFOs more than adults because children are usually
not busy doing much because most children don't even work yet.

5. Put Out a Mailbox.
Steve Medlin, maintains one of the local landmarks along the
"Exterterrestrial Highway" near Area 51 in Nevada which is a
mailbox with the words, "Alien Drop Box". Groups often assemble
by the Black Mailbox at night to watch UFOs overhead. So far, no
one has witnessed an alien getting any mail so my guess is that
the aliens have a post office box.

I need to add that now that I have passed on this valuable information, I hope you dogs will remember that approaching an alien spaceship and peeing on it might be seen by the aliens as as a breach of ettiquette.

Demon Flash Bandit (Peeing On Aliens in not a Good Idea)

Chilly Dogs--A Movie With Dogs!!!

Angel and I were watching Chilly Dogs yesterday. No, I'm not talking about the kind you eat, but I'm referring to the movie, Chilly Dogs. I thought it was a wonderful movie. It was made in 2002, and it is the story of a young man from California who inherits his Grandfather's place in Alaska, but to get it, he has to take part in the Iditrod sled race. He got a team of huskies which were stolen soon after he got them so he got a team from the dog pound which consisted of different breeds. I personally enjoyed this movie. I'm sure the humans might say it wasn't exactly realistic, but if you want realistic, you could have an accountant film a tax audit, but I doubt that it would make popular entertainment. I know I woudn't watch it. Anyway, it has everything to make a movie great--dogs, dogs, and more dogs. I'm sure the people who don't like it are probably cat lovers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Recommending Only the Best Movies)

Move Over Mouse, Make Room for the Gator

I think it is about time my peeps took me to Orlando to see the main attraction there. No, I'm not talking about Disney World-the theme park that doesn't allow dogs yet lets mice run the place. I have complained about this in the past and I don't want to bore my regular readers by repeating my complaints. By the way, my humans do like it there, but what do they know? I want to talk about Orlando's main attraction, Gatorland. Gatorland was a must see for my human brothers. They liked it as much or more than the mouse run park, and it sounds like a great place to go. Personally, I would have to make sure those gators don't think I'm a snack, and I think I could accomplish this very quickly. If they had the nerve to show me their teeth, I would show them my teeth and I have some nice teeth that could take a big bite out of a gator. Sure, I've heard that gators are nasty and can eat dogs, but those are probably small dogs like chihuahuas and it is probably the only way to shut those yappy little dogs up. I mean no insult to you chihuahuas out there, but you do like to bark and it probably annoys the gators. There are times when barking is not a good idea particularly when you are the size of a chipmunk and you are barking at a gator who likes things to be quiet.

If you get tired of looking at the gators, there is Allie's Backyard where there are animals that can be petted. I am assuming that there are no gators in Allie's Backyard because gators aren't overly affectionate animals who like to be petted. If you get too hot, you can stop by the Gator Gully Splash Park which I believe is a newer addition to the park. It is near the area where they have the Gator Jumparoo Show. There are so many fun things to do. If you want to relax, you can ride the train. It sounds like a very fun place. Check out their website. The entrance looks like you are walking into a gator's mouth. What could be more fun than that? Anyway, my humans said this is a great place, and I have to admit that I haven't checked to see if they allow dogs, but a place that is so nice to gators must be okay with dogs. Of course, it is best to check with the humans running it since humans aren't always very logical about things like that.

I will tell you that if you are a husky, I think visting Florida in the summer is not the best plan. It does get hot there in the summer, and we huskies aren't big fans of heat, but it is still a fun place to go. If you have to go in the summer, it is okay as long as you don't overexert yourself, and be sure you drink plenty of water. There are actually huskies who live in Florida.



Demon Flash Bandit (Gatorland Isn't Run By a Stupid Mouse)

Carrie Fisher is No Demon Flash Bandit!!!!!

Jeff went to the Comic Convention yesterday, and Mommy went out for lunch with her cousin so Angel and I had to babysit with our brother William. I got Burger King, but I do think I should get additional pay for watching him. We dogs are really taken advantage of by the humans. Jeff came home with a bunch of new autographs. He spent 4 hours in line and $40.00 to get Carrie Fisher's autograph. I would have given him my paw print for $20.00, and I happen to a lot better looking than Carrie Fisher. I am far more talented too. Can Carrie Fisher sniff out a hamburger that is buried 3 feet below the ground? Can she find the used kleenex in the bottom of the garbage? I think not. Therefore, I should be the one being paid for a pawprint. I would have given Jeff one without charge. I have been known to leave lovely pawprints all over his pants when he is going out. The imprint of muddy paws always gives the humans an air of distinction that is unrivaled among dogless humans who go out looking clean. How disgusting to have to go out looking clean!!! Anyway, Mommy had a nice time and Jeff thinks he had a nice time, but I dont' see how since he was wasting perfectly good Burger King money on autographs.

Jeff has discovered that there is a Superman Museum in Metropolis, Illinois, and he wants to go there. The owner of the museum, Jim Hambrick, has over 20,000 Superman items in his museum. He actually owns more than 100,000 Superman items and he plans to move to a bigger museum one day. I hope Krypto isn't left out of the museum. I think I should be the museum's honorary Krypto since I didnt become President, I should have some kind ot title, and Krypto is a nice title. I think I could live with being Demon Flash Bandit, Superdog. Let's hope Jim is reading this and gets the message that Demon Flash Bandit would make a great Superdog.

I hope it is a nice Sunday where you live.

Demon Flash Bandit (Superdog)

Why Would Anyone Want Worms?

There is sad news today from Grass Valley, CA. Gibson, a harlequin Great Dane had to have a leg amputated due to bone cancer. Gibson is the world's tallest dog according to the Guinness Book of World Records. His human, Sandy Hall, says he will undergo chemotherapy, and then he will return to work. Gibson is a certified therapy dog who works with cancer patients, sick children, burn victims, veterans, and amputees. Gibson is recuperating at home, and has heard from well wishers from around the world who hope that he makes a speedy recovery. I would like to add myself to the list of those who hope Gibson makes a speedy recovery. Let's hope that nasty cancer doesn't return.

My brother Jeff is at the ComicCon. He got us up early this morning. I know Angel and I didn't have to get up, but you know if the peeps are up, the dogs are going to have to get up to see what is happening. Personally, this dog likes to sleep late so I think the kid should get with the program and go later in the day. He is going with a friend who must be one of those early birds who gets the worm. Who wants a worm anyway? When a dog gets worms, they give you medicine to get rid of them. I think this is just another reason that birds should die. What intelligent,useful animal wants a worm? Even a computer doesn't want to get worms yet those silly birds are out looking for them. Birds are stupid!!! I actually discovered that a movie was made called Dead Birds when I was doing some research yesterday. Imagine my surprise when I typed in the words, Dead Birds, and found there was a movie by that name. Doesn't every dog type dead birds into the search engines? I like to type in things that make me happy, and see what shows up. Anyway, this must be a great movie and I'm hoping I can get Mommy to buy it, but it will be a hard sell because I don't think she will like the title as much as I do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Who Wants Worms?)

Vegetables Cannot be Trusted

I have an important message for all the dogs out there. I have covered the story of killer tomatoes in the past, and I have warned that there could be problems with other vegetables, and my warning has turned out to be true. Mommy had some errands to run yesterday, and she was driving down Highland Rd. (M-59) from Howell, MI to Hartland, MI, and along the way not too far from the intersection of Latson Rd. and M-59 going east, there is a vegetable stand that sells vegetables and fake palm trees in wierd colors. Anyway, just before you get to the stand, there was a huge sign which said (and I'm not making this up), KILLER CORN. The sign had to be true because there was no one at the roadside stand. All that was left was empty tables and 3 palm trees. I have to assume the corn killed everyone there. There was no evidence of corn in sight so I'm thinking the corn must have killed everyone there and moved on. Anyway, I want all the dogs to be alert to possible killer corn. That innocent looking ear that your humans bring into the house could be a killer. Your humans need your help to save their lives not to mention your own life. Killer Corn needs to be stopped before it can kill again.

Demon Flash Bandit (Killer Tomatoes and Now Killer Corn)

Post Office Overstepping Their Authority

There are a lot of dogs out there who hate the mail carriers and with good reason. In Clarksburg, West Virginia, a 20 pound Jack Russell terrier is causing the mail delivery to be halted to 7 homes on Milford Street. The terrier, Cozmo, got out of his yard and chased a postal carrier who fell and was injured. His humans, Jimmy and Justine Marino says he has never bitten anyone and he is usually in the yard, but he occasionally manages to escape. Cathy Yarosky, a spokesperson for the post office said mail will not be delivered to those 7 homes until the Marinos get rid of the dog. I think this is a bit excessive on the part of the post office, and I think some humans need to step up for this dog. If the postal worker had stood his ground, the dog would not have chased him, and any human who understands us dogs know that we love to chase and we can tell when the human is afraid of us. I might add that refusing to deliver mail to 7 homes is ridiculous since the dog only lives in one home, and if loose could easily be waiting for the postal carrier at house #8 where the mail is being delivered. Leave it to the humans to turn a small thing in to a big problem. The postal worker was not actually injured by the dog--the injury was caused because he was running. What if he falls while delivering the mail? Does mail delivery get suspended because he might fall again? My solution to this problem would be to tell the owners to keep the dog from running loose, teach the mail carrier how to deal with dogs because that should be done with all mail carriers who aren't in vehicles because this is not an isolated incident. I see no reason why humans should be ordered to get rid of a dog who didn't actually bite anyone. I am not suggesting that it is okay for dogs to run loose but the problem here is that when dogs do get loose, there are better ways to deal with it than to run. If the worker had stood his ground and the dog had bitten him, it would be a different story, but I think this incident was as much the postal worker's fault as the dogs fault, and it should be treated accordingly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Postal Workers Need Training to Deal with Dogs)

Moose, We Miss You

There is sad news out of Clinton, Maine. A 500 pound moose is dead. He apparently jumped off an overpass to his death on the road below. The authorities have assumed it was not a suicide since the moose left no note behind for his family or friends. The assumption is that he got scared of the noise on the highway and jumped off in the wrong place. I don't think they should be quick to rule out homocide. Has Sarah Palin visited Maine during the past week? I know she loves to kill moose. Did anyone ask Bullwinkle if he knows the moose or if it is one of his relatives? Perhaps the moose just had a bit too much to drink at his frat party at Wossamotta University and when he left the party, he got a bit confused and fell over the guard rail. I think there should be a full investigation into his death. I know all of us are saddened by the loss of one more moose in this crazy not enough mooses world.

Demon Flash Bandit (We Miss You Moose)

Fashion Trends--Poodle Skirts

A fashion trend among young girls in the 1050s was to wear a poodle skirt. No, this did not involve stealing a skirt from a poodle. It was a skirt with a poodle applique sewn onto it. These skirts were very popular, and I can understand why. What better to enhance an outfit than to put a dog on it? I am still wondering why the humans haven't invented husky coats--you know a coat with a husky applique on it. If anyone knows how to stay warm in the winter, it is a husky.
Most of the women in the 50's wore dresses most of the time, and they tended to look a lot like June Cleaver on the tv show, Leave it to Beaver. She, like many other tv housewives, wore dresses always--even when she cleaned the house. Of course, a necessary part of the outfit was high heels. I think house cleaning back then must have been very important for the people to dress so well in order to do it. You might ask me how I know these things, but all you have to do is watch old tv programs because I'm sure they were an accurate depiction of life in the 50's. You know this dog always does research before writing my diary entry. At least I do research if the research involves Burger King or dingo bones. If it doesn't, the research isn't necessary. It is nice to know from the poodle skirts that we dogs have always been important to the humans. The truth is, without us, the humans couldn't find their way out of a paper bag--that is an actual fact. I did the research at the website, www.humansgetlostinpaperbag.com. Until tomorrow.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Poodle Skirts, and No Husky Jackets?)

Star Trek, Fortune Cookies, and Dead Birds

Mommy and Jeff saw Star Trek yesterday, and both said it was a good movie. Why do we dogs have to wait for the movies to come out on dvd? Samoa said he might start showing the movies at the Pier so we dogs don't have to wait so long, and the theatre at the Pier won't allow humans. That will teach them!!! My humans went to a Chinese restaurant and brought Angel and me a fortune cookie. My fortune said, "you are a most handsome dog who should be allowed to do whatever you want to do". Those fortune cookies are uncanny in their wisdom.

Because of my great love for Burger King, Jeff now has all 4 Star Trek glasses, and 4 of the toys. I think this shows what a classy restaurant BK happens to be. Only the classy restaurants have promotional movie toys and glasses. Some of the low class restaurants try to charge more and they have nothing special to offer except food, and their food isn't even as good. They fool the humans, but all us dogs know that it doesn't take much to fool a human.

I saw some complaints in the news about Obama's stimulus package not bringing road construction jobs to areas with high unemployment. I think this is mainlly because they are starting with projects that are already ready to go. This is what happens when humans are in charge of things. The main road next to our house was widened last year, and it too YEARS for the humans to get started on it. They had to do transporation studies to see if it was needed, and then they had to do environmental impact studies to see if it would hurt any species of animals or effect the wetlands. I think there is more time and money spent in studies than they spend in actual road building. We dogs could do it faster. When I go out to dig, you don't see me asking if it is going to affect a family of frogs or chipmunks. If any birds happen to die in th process, that is a bonus. If the animal species don't want to be affected, I suggest they stay our of this dog's way. If they put dogs in charge of road construction, it would cost less, be done faster, and there would be more dead birds. I really love the idea of dead birds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fortune Cookies Are On Target)

Have It Your Way

Good News. I got Burger King yesterday and I think I"m going to get it again today. A dog can't ask for better news than that. I have to add: "hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, hold the condiments because they are messy, special orders don't upset them, BK loves to let me have my burgers my way. I have it my way at Burger King". I'm surprised this catchy little tune didn't get some kind of award like a grammy or whatever award they give music. I know it is one of my favorites, but my top favorite is Demon is the Champion which the humans sing everytime I win a game of tug of war.

I hope all the dogs reading this are having a good weekend, and remember, you can have your burger your way at Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (I'll Have the Burger Plain, Thank You)

Smelling Stuff Is Fun!

I will start my diary today with a quote I found on MyTopDogs.com which illustrates my common complaint about how we dogs are discriminated against by the humans. "I went to an exclusive kennel club. It was very exclusive. There was a sign out front: "No Dogs Allowed". (Phil Foster). I think this says it far better than I ever could. Only the humans could have a kennel club with no dogs allowed. The same website provides reasons it is great to be a dog. I do have to agree with the one that says, "you can spend hours just smelling stuff ". The humans are always requiring something interesting to do, but how many of them just run around the place smelling stuff? I think they would be happier if they did. They have no idea how many interesting smells are in their own immediate environment.

I am happy to report that I got Burger King for dinner again yesterday so I'm a happy dog. Let's hope Mommy has to go out for something today because I am in the mood for BK again today. I guess that is no surprise to the dogs who read my diary entries.

I hope all of the dogs and their families have a happy weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Likes To Smell Stuff)

Burger King Makes Me Happy

Did any of you catch the news about Chanel, the oldest living dog who recently celebrated her 21st birthday? She is a dachshund from Port Jefferson, New York. Her humans got her from a shelter when she was 6 weeks old. If I were Chanel, I would be very annoyed. Isn't a girl supposed to be able keep her age a secret? Now the nosy humans have posted it on the internet. Can't a dog have any privacy? The humans tell our ages without even consulting us. If any of you dogs have a degree in law, I would suggest getting in touch with Chanel because I think she has a case against the news agencies who are so quick to pubish her actual age. Anyway, I'm glad to hear that Chanel is still alive and kicking and tonight she is going to be kicking some humans for running their mouths about her age.

I have had Burger King for the past 3 days, and I've been one happy dog. I hope my pals out there have been enjoying tasty meals. Mommy brought us dingo bones too so it has been a good week around here. Mommy is going out again today so that means I will probably get BK again today. What more can a dog ask for in life?

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Dog)

It is Always Time for a Burger!!!!!

I saw on the dogster home page that the American Kennel Club is going to start allowing mixed breed dogs to register. They will be allowed to compete in agility contests which is nice. I am sure that dogs don't have to be full breed dogs to excel in agility and perhaps even be better depending on the mixture of the ancestry. I doubt that they will be allowed to compete in the Westminister Dog Show, but that is because that show is a show to judge "breeding stock" for the particular breeds. I bet if you asked the average dog on the street, they wouldn't care if they were registered with the AKC or not. I am registered, and I don't compete in dog shows or in agility events. If they had a competition that mattered like "Be the Front in the Line at Burger King", that contest would catch my interest, but I really don't care if another dog can jump over an object better than me or not. This brings me to my major point. Why would a human with a mixed breed dog want to pay for a registration? It sounds like a way for the AKC to make more money and I suspect all those humans at the AKC are heading to Burger King to spend it. That is what I would do. If you are a mixed breed dog reading this, tell your human to take the money they would spend on registration and take you to Burger King. Believe me, you will enjoy the burgers more than those silly papers sent out by the AKC. Yes, that is right, they send paper. What possible use is paper to a dog other than ripping it up or peeing on it? That is the opinion of Demon Flash Bandit, and is not necessarily shared by the humans.

Speaking of burgers, Obama and Biden went on a Burger run because they were in the mood for a burger. No, they didnt go to Burger King, but they went to a local, independent hamburger restaurant called Ray's Hell Burger. The entire motorcade went for burgers since the two "top dogs" wanted a burger. They walked up to the counter, placed their orders, got a number and waited for their number to be called before they sat down to eat. President Obama treated his staff and the press pool to lunch also. This event has only made this dog realize that he is a truly good President. Any President who makes a special stop to get a burger has received my Demon Flash Bandit seal of approval. I hope he remembered to take one home to Bo. I'm sure Bo would like a burger too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog in Favor of Burgers)

How Does a Straw Work?

Yesterday was a good day. Mommy and Jeff went to the theatre to see Wolverine, and I got Burger King. I was just sifting throught the garbage, and I found a cup with a top and a straw that Jeff brought home from the theatre. I rescued it and I have it in my front paws (my paws are free because I'm dictating this to Mommy today), and I have the straw in my mouth. Has anyone found out how this works? I am not getting any drink from the cup so I don't know if I'm doing it wrong or if I'm doing it right but the cup is empty. Life is filled with problems for us dogs to solve, isnt it?
I've heard they serve popcorn and candy at the theatre. I don't care about the popcorn, but you would think they could bring a dog home some candy. Isn't it bad enough that the silly theatre doesn't allow dogs in to watch the movies. I'm tired of having to wait for the movies to come out on dvd. There is no end to the discrimination against dogs by the humans, is there?

Mommy got me Burger King today, and it is time to eat so I've got to go.

Demon Flash Bandit (Working With the Problem Straw)

Demon Flash Bandit is GRR-EAT

I have noticed that there are occasional auctions which raise money for various charities which include some dog charities. I have thought of offering a date with me, Demon Flash Bandit, as a prize, but then I realized that only the super wealthy dogs could afford to bid; and I kind of like regular dogs better so I decided not to do it. No, I don't have a overly high opinion of myself, but I do happen to be a great dog. As you know, we dogs always tell the truth.

We were watching Marley a couple of days ago, and when Marley the puppy was left in the garage and he started crying, Angel and I were both watching the tv because we were concerned when we heard a fellow dog crying. That Marley was quite a dog. If you ask me, Marley should be an honorary husky because of all the stuff he got into. I thought only huskies could were the kind of dogs who got kicked out of obediance school. I was proud of Marley. I have said many times that obediance school is a waste of a dog's time and energy.

I am getting tired so it is definitely my nap time so until tomorrow...

Demon Flash Bandit (Great Dog)

Dogs Invented Tools

Yesterday I exposed a plot among my humans to buy cookies that I can't eat. By the way, have you ever noticed that many of the things that are "poison" to dogs happen to be stuff the humans like to eat? Yes, this dog is onto their evil plans. Tell the dogs they can't have it, and then keep the good stuff for themselves. They tell us we can't have chocolate (I've had it and it is delicious), and then they put carob in our treats. I tried carob and refused to eat it. It is a poor substitute for chocolate. If it were so tasty, the humans would have it on their "poison for dogs" list. I learned when I was a puppy that if the humans won't give it to you, you have to get it yourself, and as anyone who has a husky knows, we are very talented at getting into what we want. You know how they have archaeologists who theorize when humans first used tools. It was huskies who taught them to use tools. Our ancestors wanted some cookies that were out of reach and we invented tools. The humans were impressed and copied us and that is how humans started using tools. This is a true story passed down from generation to generation of huskies. We know how it happened; but you know how the humans like to take credit for all their dogs' discoveries. I thought all the dogs on dogster should know the truth. We dogs need to be proud that we are dogs and not humans. I can prove we are superior, just spell dog backwards. If this were a court of law and I were proving this fact, I woud now rest my case.

Demon Flash Bandit (We Discovered Tools)

I'm Being Deprived of Peanutbutter Chip Cookies

I know some of the humans may say I am paranoid, but what is a dog supposed to think when his Mommy's favorite cookie is chocolate chip and his brother's favorite is oatmeal raisin which, both of which contain items that we dogs are not supposed to eat? They could get nice, peanutbutter chip cookies which we dogs can eat, but they don't. Jeff actually hates the peanutbutter chip cookies. Doesn't this sound like a plan to keep from sharing with the dogs? They aren't fooling this dog. I know they are trying to eat all the goodies themselves and not share with the Deemster. Last week Mommy did bring home a package of oatmeal cookies without raisins for us, but it was only one package. I could eat that in about 2 minutes and be ready for more. Mommy said that is why it is only one package. She actually accused me of preferring human desserts instead of more nutritious food. She is one to talk--the one who has a diet coke and a ding dong for breakfast. Mommy is not a morning person, and she says that if she has to get up, there had better be something to eat that she likes and that doesn't require any effort on her part. She does like eggs, and traditional breakfast food, but she said they don't make themselves which makes them an inperfect breakfast food. I do agree with her up to a point. I won't eat eggs, but Angel does like them. I do enjoy bacon, but I'm not fond of sausage. Mommy had the nerve to say that for a dog, I'm very picky. Evidently, some dogs will eat anything you offer them if humans eat it. I can't help it that I have doggy gourmet taste buds.

Since heaven if supposed to be a place where you are happy, I think cars must cross over when they "die" because I can't imagine Daddy being happy on the other side without a car. Since Pontiac is now officially deceased, I'm wondering how many of them have crossed over. I'm guessing Daddy is driving around in a mid-60's GTO because it was one of his favorite cars. Of course, Mommy said that Daddy had so many favorites that she assumed that if it had tires, it was a favorite. That isn't completely true, but he did have a lot of favorites.

I hope it is a nice Sunday where you are, and you are enjoying your humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (When it is Reality, It Isn't Paranoia)

A Rose by Any Other Name Would Still Have Thorns

Many citizens of Florida were upset to find that their recent governor, Jeb, was Jeb Bush and not Jeb Stuart. In tv interviews, they were very vocal about their feelings. Several questioned Jeb's military experience and wanted to know if he had helped General Lee of not. There was the inevitable complaining about how if Lee would only move to Florida, he could be their governor. Then they said at least George Washington had won a couple of new terms as president again. I don't think I have to tell you that some of the people living in Florida are living in the past. However, this plays into my next paragraph which is about modern names given to children. There was a time when people tried to name their children names that were at least semi-traditional, and not "unique" names. I know many of the celebrities use unique names. Because the humans want names that no other child will possibly have, I have thought of some interesting names to give children--sure many are words that already have meanings, but if they sound good, I say go for it. I will now give you some of those names.

1. Ambrosia
2. Delicious
3. Heavenly
4. Schnectedy (why stop at Paris when there are other cities?)
5. Mercury (Mercedes is a car, but Mercury is a car and a god)
6. Depression (give it a French pronunciation, and it is a "classic")
7.Latrine (Don't use Outhouse because it sounds low class)
8. Diamond
9. Deduction (This is perfect for an accountant's baby)
10. Clearance' (also French pronunciation--perfect for a shop-a-holic's
baby)

I could go on and on, but I think you dogs get the idea. There are so many potential names, and what child wouldn't appreciate being named Pig by their parents? We can only hope these children can live up to their names. A child named Worthless won't even have to work very hard to live up to the name. What a lucky child!

Demon Flash Bandit (Glad I'm a Dog)

Re-united and It Feels so Good-The Dog-Human Bond

I just read a wonderful story about a lost dog from Waterbury, Connecticut named Flint, an Australian Shepherd. In February, Flint got spooked and bolted from his yard. He has been living for more than 2 months on his own. The Diaz family has been setting traps for Flint--filling them with McDonalds cheeseburgers and chicken selects, but Flint has been grabbing the food while avoiding the traps. Flint happens to love McDonalds food as much as I love Burger King. Perhaps he has never tried BK, but anyway, he was finally caught by a trap he couldn't outwit. It sounds to me like Flint was having a good time--doing as he pleased, exploring, and still eating his favorite foods, but it is good that he was caught since a dog running loose doesn't always realize the danger he faces. Let's hope Flint decides to stay put and put the exploring behind him.

I wonder how many of you saw the story from Waterford, Michigan about the chihuahua that was carried away by some 70 mph winds that hit Michigan recently. Tinker Bell, whose humans are Dorothy and Lavern Utley, was found when a psychic told the humans where to look for her. Perhaps if you have a missing pet, asking a psychic wouldn't hurt since it worked in this case. Do I sense a new tv show here? There have been tv shows, Medium and In Search of. They could be combined into Medium in Search of Pets. That is a show that this dog would watch.

I hope all of you have a nice weekend--and avoid high winds if you only weigh 6 pounds.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reunions In the News)

Pigs Need a Lecture

I'm sure that some of your humans might be worried about the swine flu that has been in the news recently. Some schools have closed because of it, and I bet if you interviewed those students, they would tell you that even bad things have a good side. Many children don't really enjoy going to school, and are always praying for a "snow day". I think the Center for Disease Control should round up the pigs who started it and give them a good lecture.

I just read that Sacha Baron has interviewed Paula Abdul as his character Bruno, and Abdul was unaware that Bruno was actually Sacha Baron. I'm not sure how good this Bruno movie will be. This dog personally prefers his characters, Borat and Ali G. Paula is still unaware that it was Sacha Baron--probably until the news hit the internet today. I know the name Paula Abdul, but I don't know anything about her since I don't watch American Idol. I think I could be better entertained chewing on my paw. My paw happens to be very tasty.

There is an important item written by news columnist Jill Lawrence entitled, Liberals Get Patriotic and Ditch the Volvo. I have a better title, You Can't Judge a Person by the Car they Drive, and if I were her boss, she would no longer be paid to write a column. I am still wondering why the word, moderate, doesn't seem to be in so many vocabularies. Most people are moderate, and it seems that the majority are being left out by the ones who are extreme which seems silly to this dog.

I am still trying to understand how the humans ever got put in charge, but I'm waiting on the sidelines because they get such silly ideas so I know we dogs will be taking over soon.

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting to Take Charge)

Happiness is: Two Dead Birds

Mommy went to the store yesterday, and she said there were 2 birds that were laying there dead by the main door of the store. She assumes they must have hit the window of the store and the impact killed them. One thing we dogs have in our favor in the fight against birds is that they are stupid!!! I asked Mommy why she didn't grab them and bring them to Angel and me, and she said she wasn't picking up disgusting, dead birds. How can my human call a dead bird disgusting? I think they are delightful. Actually, they are a bit disgusting, but that is what makes them interesting. Humans should learn to appreciate disgusting things. I like to get used kleenex out of the garbage, and my humans don't like for me to do that either. How is a dog supposed to have any fun if he listens to the humans? No wonder they are always so unhappy. They need to learn how to have fun. We dogs could teach them if they weren't so set in their ways.

Demon Flash Bandit (Applauding the Dead Birds)

My American Dream

I'm sure all of us have heard of the American Dream. I guess there are differing dreams for different people, but for the humans, it seems to involve owing a home, and most take it a step farther--being rich. We dogs tend to think differently than the humans. My American dream is to live in a birdless world, a world where there is a Burger King drive-thru in every town and burgers are free, no baths are allowed, trees needing watering are everywhere, Diary Queen gives dogs free blizzards, dingo bones grow along with grass, and dogs are in charge. This is the kind of world we dogs strive to attain. Sure, there are times when things look bleak. However, a dog should never lose sight of his dreams. Now things are looking brighter, and this dog is pleased that our dreams are closer than ever to coming true.

Did anyone see that Vick, the football player who abused dogs is having to go back to square one with his bankruptcy? He based his recovery on being able to play football again which may not happen so the judge told him he has to take that into consideration. I don't enjoy wathing humans have problems, but this man deserves what is happening to him. He had a good job and plenty of money. Instead of making life better for his dogs, he made their life horrible. Sometimes we dogs do see justice. I hope there is justice for Lucas in TN who was horribly abused. I think his abuser should be in prison for a LONG TIME.

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Thoughts)

Birds Are Jerks

I hope all of you had a nice weekend. Mommy went to a movie yesterday, The Soloist. Jeff went to see Fast and FURious which is the story of car driving dogs who like to race their cars. Paul Walker was in it from Eight Below, and I'm sure he prefers working with dogs to humans. I know I would.

A robin has built a nest in a bush next to the main door of the White House Briefing Room. I am so glad that Bo is there to put a stop to bird antics like that. What's next? Squirrels thinking they can live in the White House? A raccoon that eats the White House garbage? This is why having a dog is so important. Without a dog, other animals get the idea they are in charge because all of us animals know that humans are stupid. It sounds like it is bird killing time in Washington, DC.

I saw a story on the news that is upsetting to this dog. A lady in Tampa, FL had an alligator on her doorstep. See what happens when birds steal your snow--you get gators running around the neighborhood. There are no gators running around in Michigan because gators don't like snow. If birds aren't stopped, one day you could potentially have gators running around in Anchorage, Alaska and that would not sit well with Snowzilla.

Demon Flash Bandit (White House Birds and Gators Running Loose)

Mad Scientists At Work Again.

South Korean scientists have created a flourescent puppy. Ruby Puppy (nicknamed Ruppy) is a cloned beagle who is able to glow in the dark. Ruppy looks normal in daylight, but in ultraviolet light, she glows and looks red. I think this particular experiment is stupid. Are they cloning the dogs so that people can see in the dark? Is the dog supposed to be an answer to the energy problem? Do they think that one day people won't need electric light bulbs because they can use glowing dogs to see in the dark? I think it is sad for poor Ruppy since Ruppy could have medical problems due to this experimentation. I hope she has less problems getting to play with other dogs than Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had. I have an idea. Take the scientists, and fix them so glow in the dark. Since they think it is such a "brilliant" idea, I'm sure they would be thrilled if it could happen to them.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Many Scentists Are Be Stupid)

Nice Weather Today--Birds Must Be Gone!

I had a subject ready for my diary entry on Tuesday, but then Mommy saw that my Dogster Plus membership had been billed--twice, and she told me I couldn't post an entry until it was fixed. Yesterday afternoon, Dogster refunded one of the subscriptions, but there is still a bit of a problem since they cancelled both, and it looks like I'm no longer a Plus member. However, the page looks the same, and I still have my zealie balance, and the date when more zealies will be added so Mommy is allowing me to return to Dogster. I enjoy Dogster so I am hoping it will be completely fixed next week, and I will have the cool little Plus thing on my page again. I told Mommy they would fix it because the people at HQ seem quite nice.

Did any of you dogs in the Toledo area manage to kill that stupid new bird that showed up there--the mountain blue bird? The last thing we dogs need is another stupid bird showing up to annoy us. It was kind of hot yesterday, and I'm holding that bird personally responsible!! It sounds like the wind is howling outside now so I guess some of you must have eliminated that stupid bird. Thanks for being good dogs.

Michelle Obama has referred to Bo as being "crazy", and said he was up past 10 o'clock pm playing. I'm glad he is playing because he is a puppy, and puppies do need to play. I'm sure he was busy all day running the country so he needed some time to play. I am sure I am not the only dog who is happy knowing one of our species is taking care of things. If you leave the humans in charge for too long, you will have problems.

I think I should get back to my serious napping.

Demon Flash Bandit (Nice to Be Back)

Can A Killer Tomato Kill a Bird?

Yesterday, Mommy was watching that documentary that I often refer to, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. I think she was watching it to refresh her memory since it is the season when people start planting them. You would think the humans would quit planting the tomatoes knowing that some of them in the past have been of the killer variety, but as usual, the humans are clueless. It makes a dog wonder how they have survived over the years. I do think carrots should be watched closely because at the end of the documentary, it shows them talking--and it isn't about the weather.

Special NewsFlash for dogs in the Toledo, Ohio area. A rare mountain bluebird has been spotted in your area. You know what to do. Eliminate the bird. I would love to go there myself and do it, but Mommy isn't going to drive me on a 2 hour drive to kill a bird. I am busy trying to think up an excuse to go to Toledo. There must be a reason to go there--perhaps some of those hot dogs that Klinger always talks about on MASH. I think the store that sold them here is no longer in business so a drive to Ohio could be necessary, but the problem is that I don't eat hot dogs so I think Mommy would see through it. I am still thinking. Until then, if you live near Toledo and see an annoying mountain bluebird, it is your duty as a dog to kill it. No wonder we don't have snow now. A new bird thief is in the area!!!
I wonder if a killer tomato thrown at a bird would kill the bird.....

I do have something good to report. The mayor of Warren, Michigan was pulled over for going 45 in a 40 mph zone. He was given a warning, but asked for a ticket instead because he didn't want humans to think he was asking for favoritism since he is a the mayor. Congratulations Mayor Jim Fouts for reminding us that there are plenty of people in politics who try to do the right thing.

Demon Flash Bandit (Killing a Bird With One Tomato)

Maple Syrup is Wonderful!

I was pleased to see that my pal, Bodie is Dogster's Dog of the Day. It is nice to see one of your pals on the front page of Dogster.

I'm sure I'm not the only dog who has looked at news headlines and gotten mad. Today maple syrup was listed as one of the possible things that might vanish from the American table. Maple syrup has risen in price, and Cracker Barrel is even diluting their maple syrup--some restaurants have taken it off their menus, but I do hope it doesn't disappear completely. I have had it on pancakes (they could skip the pancake part) and it is like lapping up candy. This dog loves it. Let's hope that the maple crop is better in the future because this dog would gladly be the spokesdog for the syrup. It is right up there with Burger King.

Jeff was out with a friend yesterday, and we wanted to accompany him. I'm sure he and his friend would have a lot more fun with Angel and me with him.

I hope all you dogs are having a good weekend. Remember, lap up all the maple syrup you can just in case your human quits buying it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who is Pals With the Dog of the Day)

Stop Spongebob Before He Cleans a Dog

Yesterday was a good day for Demon Flash Bandit. I got Burger King, rawhide bones, and new dog toys. I am one very happy dog.

Today I have some questions about this Spongebob character that I have been hearing about. As I have mentioned in the past, I don't like to get a bath. I'm sure I am not the only dog who feels that way about baths. Sponges are often used in the bathtub so does this Spongebob person have anything to do with a bath? If so, he needs to be stopped before he cleans something.

I have also noticed that there is a Spongebob and a Bob the Builder. Does Spongebob clean up after Bob the Builder because I've heard builders often make messes? Have you noticed that if you spell Bob backwards, you get Bob? This dog is always giving out fascinating information.

The weather today is what my humans call a nice day which shows they have no sense or taste. A nice day for a husky involves at least a foot of snow.

I like to include good things, and a Michigan man, Jim Dancy, who won $10,000 playing MI's Club Keno game donated all his winnings to the United Way. I think this man deserves my Demon Flash Bandit salute. I want to add that there are plenty of good people in the world--but you don't often read about them in the news.

I feel a yawn coming on so I have to end this and take a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Nomed Hsalf Tidnab--My Name Backwards)

Identity Theft is Not Just a Human Problem!!!

Once again, I wrote a diary entry that caught the eye of scientists. Why else would the internet have a news story on how all octuposes are venomous? I wrote about the Octo-mom crawling out of the sea yesterday, and they run the story about them being venemous today. It makes a dog feel good to know that my diary entries are being read in scientific circles. I am curious to know if the babies are safe to touch. I know this dog isn't taking any chances. I'm staying as far away from this octo-mom and her babies as a dog can get. Since she is in California and I'm in Michigan, I think I am safe. I can only hope that Californians will have some sense and do something before she detroys the state. You can never be too careful when dealing with odd creatures.

I know many of the humans are concerned about identity theft, but I have to tell you that I feel sorry for Bo Obama. The dog barely gets his paw in the door at the White House, and what happens? You guessed it, he has imposters on Twitter. Coco, the Blogging dog has 11 different dogs following the blogs all claiming that they are Bo Obama. I wouldn't be surprised is Bo is still getting settled in. It takes time to sniff the trees, water the shrubs, etc. I hope the Secret Service and the FBI are working on this because Bo is the first dog, and there is only one first dog.

A story out of Boulder, Colorado says that Abby Toll has been arrested because she wrapped her boyfriends' dog, a Shiba Inu named Rex, in packing tape and stuck him to the refrigerator. Rex is now up for adoption. I do hope the humans have a punishment that involves taping Abby Toll to the refrigerator. Since she is so fond of taping dogs to the fridge, I'm sure she would have no problem if it is her taped to the fridge. Perhaps that might teach her some manners.

I am hoping for Burger King today.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Concerned about Dogdentity Theft)

Puppies Grow up to be Dogs

In honor of the tea parties yesterday, I have to tell you that I think these people have a point. If the economy goes into a depression, they might get lucky and not have to pay any taxes at all. How lucky can a human get? I'm sure the lack of income is okay since the most important thing in the world is not to pay taxes. Am I the only dog who think these people must have failed math in school?

I saw that there is some odd new creature in California called an "Octomom". This often happens when you live near the sea. Strange creatures appear from the water. She is one of those creatures. She crawled out of the ocean, and she seems to be similar to an octopus, and she has a bunch of octo-babies. Of course, some of the humans get all excited over babies, but I have to remind them, babies are cute and they symbolize hope, but you never know how they will turn out. Some of the human babies, like Mother Teresa do wonderful things, but there was a time when little Adolph Hitler was a baby too. I'm sure some people thought he was a cute baby although I'm guessing he might have been an odd looking baby with that mustache. I'm sure he didn't look any odder than baby Bin Laden with that beard of his. I have to tell you that it is different for puppies. Puppies are worth getting excited over. Of course, that is because a puppy will grow up to be a dog, and what could be better than that?

In yet another situation of injustice against us dogs, 4 pythons got loose that were on a plane in Australia. Dogs can't run around the plane, and they let snakes loose!! I bet all the dogs out there are as outraged as I am over this injustice. I can guarantee that most of the passengers of this plane would rather be sitting next to a dog than a snake.

A stolen $3,000. chihuahua was returned to a Long Island pet store with a note of apology. The humans wanted a dog (at least they had good sense), and they couldn't afford $3,000. Someone needs to explain to these humans about the concept of animal rescue. You don't have to spend a lot of get a wonderful dog. We are available, and you can get some of us free is you are an incredibly lucky human!

I hope all you dogs out there have a nice day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Praising Puppies)

Liver and Onions Tea Party

I read that some of the humans plan to have a Tea Party Protest against taxes. They are all going to dress in their best party dresses and bring their dolls along. It will be a fabulous tea party, and it is so sweet that all are invited. I do hope they remember to include the previous administration in this event since they are responsible for it. Some of us had thought that their economic policies were bad, but thanks to them, there will be a party, and everyone LOVES a party. I only hope that the attendees will be okay with tea since most Americans prefer coffee.

I have to tell you that there are more important things going on than tea parties. I am not allowed to go into restaurants, but Mommy has told me some things about them, and this is a serious issue. When you go to a restaurant, they hand you a menu. This menu gives you the choices of the different foods you can order to eat. I know it sounds simple, but there is something that I think needs to be talked about. Some restaurants serve----liver and onions. Yes, they assume humans will want to eat liver, and they have it right there on their menus. I was as disgusted as my Mommy. I won't even eat liver flavor stuff and I'm a dog. We eat a lot of flavors the humans don't like. I thought liver was somthing that the humans were forced to eat because they were too poor to afford good food. Even then, it was a hard choice--starvation or liver. I can't even tell you how many chose starvation. Then a restaurant has it on the menu--and expects people to pay to eat it. The humans have overstepped the line on this one. Mommy said she asked the waitress if anyone ever ordered it, and the waitress said yes, but Mommy has never observed it on anyone's plate so her theory is that it is some kind of code. When a person orders liver, the restaurant knows they are some kind of super spy and they are given special orders in the liver. Of course, they aren't going to eat it, they are getting their orders. This seems the only logical explanation because why else would a place put the vile smelling and tasting food on the menu? Once again, you can't fool Demon Flash Bandit.

Demon Flash Bandit (Hold The Liver)

A Sane Perspective

I have to go on record as saying that my family has become of sick of reading what all the animal activists groups are saying about Obama's dog and that we are fed up with all of them and will probably refuse to support them in the future. You can't stop stupid irresponsible people from getting a dog. If a person gets a dog because of what someone else has, that dog will likely wind up back in a shelter because that is the wrong reason to get any dog. Humans should get the dog because they want the dog and love the dog. Dogs who are rescue dogs who end up back at the shelter are more likely to be euthanized than a dog who is at the shelter for the first time. It is also very traumatic for a dog to have to switch humans constantly. Recently the movie, Hotel for Dogs, came out and it was an excellent movie and encouraged the adoption of shelter and rescue dogs. I think a movie like that is far more effective in encouraging humans to adopt dogs who need homes. I would suggest that they quit yapping about everyone in the public eye, and encourage more positive moves like Hotel for Dogs. Hotel for Dogs just showed how sad it is that dogs need homes, and the humans who respond to it are far more likely to keep the dogs they get than a human who gets a dog because "someone else" has a dog like it. Many of the humans who do that don't really want a dog in the first place, and they will get bored with the dog very quickly, and that is sad!

Demon Flash Bandit (A Sane Point of View)

How I Spent My Easter

I hope all my pals had a great Easter. I got an extra surprise last night--a granola busy bone, and I have only one comment. Granola--are the humans trying to turn us into tofu eating health nut dogs? I ate it anyway, and it was good, but if I get a tofu busy bone, I'm going to get very angry. I did get Burger King yesterday. Thank dog they weren't closed for Easter!!

I am glad that the humans actually shot some of those awful pirates. It needed to be done. Until the countries start standing up to them, they will continue to take hostages, and as time goes on, power will go to their heads, and they will get worse to the hostages, and start taking more and more ships. There is a time to take action, and this was one of those times. Besides, not one of those pirates was a cool as Capt. Jack Sparrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Easter Gift for Pirates--A Bullet)

Easter Football and Bo Running the Country--Life is Good!

I am happy to report that there is a White House dog so the country has some good leadership thanks to his presence. The dog is a Portuguese Water Dog, and it is 6 months old. His name is Bo, and I am very happy to annouce that the dog was given to the Obamas by Ted Kennedy. I wouldn't have cared if Obama got his dog from a breeder or a shelter, but since the nuts at PETA have been so vocal on this subject, I'm glad the dog didn't come from either. Every person should be able to make their own decisions, and most of the trouble in the world is caused by humans who think they should tell other humans what to do.

It is Easter, and I hope all you dogs are having a wonderful day. I got a rawhide bone and new toys. One of my new toys is a plush squeaky football so I plan to go and play football now. Happy Easter everyone!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy With My Easter Football)

I Will Put the PEE in PETA. HAHAHA

This diary entry is being written by one very angry dog. Joe Biden bought a very adorable German Shepherd puppy from a breeder. Now his breeder is being made into a villain and has had her life threatened because Biden got his puppy from her instead of a shelter. PETA ran a commercial that said, "buy one, get one killed" about buying a dog from a breeder. PETA has to have the dumbest humans of all helping it. For all you humans who seem to have lost all your common sense, that is utter and complete hogwash. Humans do not HAVE to own dogs--they make that choice. If they can't get the dog they want from a breeder, they can also opt not to get a dog at all. Normally, my Mommy isn't a stubborn person, but if she was told that she had to get a dog from a shelter, my Mommy is just the type to get stubborn and not get a dog at all. I have papers, and I make no apology for it or for coming from a breeder. Perhaps some of the humans who got their dogs from shelters did so because it is cheaper and they really wish they had gotten them from a breeder. If so, shame on them. We dogs are special, and our humans should be happy to have us--whether we have papers or not. If any of those PETA jerks come around me, I plan to pee on them.


Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Plans to Put the Pee On PETA)

Before I do my usual entry, I would like to tell my pals to be on the lookout for a lost Siberian husky. His name is Neo, and he is a gray and white husky. Neo lives in Kelso, Washington, and was in a car accident in Snowville, Utah on 4-4-09. His human, Joyce Moore, was killed in the accident, and he knows she has passed on so he is probably one scared and confused dog. Joyce was headed to Rochester Hills, Michigan for the birth of her grandson. The dog was there when the ambulance came, but ran off when bystanders tried to help him. Her sister wants to be contacted if you happen to find Neo. He probably is trying to get back home, but he could be anywhere. Deb Moore, Joyce's sister would very much like to have Neo returned to her, and she can be reached at 360-636-1824. I do hope Neo gets back to the family safely.

I think I speak for many dogs out there when I say that the movie, Howard the Duck should have been a major hit. Howard the Duck was inspired by Marvel comics I was watching it yesterday, and was quite impressed with the duck from outer space. Sure he might technically be a bird, but ducks aren't typical birds so they are okay as are swans and sea gulls. When this movie came out in 1986, it was a box office bomb that critics hated, but my humans loved it. It has finally came out on dvd, and Jeff bought it from Amazon so we dogs can now watch it too. The best Oscar for 1986 went to Platoon which was also an excellent movie. (I was amazed the Oscars actually picked a good movie for best picture.) However, sometimes you want a movie that is just entertaining. There is a lot to be said for mindless fun. If you want to be entertained, I suggest putting this movie in the dvd player and get yourself a big box of Milkbones. The Deemster gives this movie my Demon Flash Bandit Seal of Approval.

Did anyone see the article about PETA? They want the musical group, Pet Shop Boys to change their name to Rescue Shelter Boys. I think PETA has a lot of nerve whining about a musical group's name when last year PETA took in 2,216 dogs, cats, puppies, and kittens and found homes for only 7 of them. I bet if they would spend more time trying to actually help animals instead of all the advertising stunts that make them look like crazy people to most other people, they might actually be a group that could do some good. I hope the humans start donating their money locally to rescue groups that are actually rescuing and finding homes for the animals-at least until PETA gets their priorities straight.

Demon Flash Bandit (Fan of Howard the Duck)

Protocol Can Be Stupid

Sometimes a dog wonders how humans have survived so long when most of them don't have the sense of the average goose. First, there is a bunch of humans actually debating about Obama's protocol when meeting with other leaders. Humans actually worry about such silly issues. It was enough that there was an entire thing about Michelle Obama hugging the Queen, and now there is a silly story about Obama bowing-they can't even agree on whether he bowed or not. Can you believe that? Do the humans have to have a dog to remind them that if you can get along with other humans and have peace and prosperity, who cares? Sure, you an be the big dog on the block and meet other people with a guns blazing like you are a cowboy in the old west, but most of those cowboys ended up in a cemetery with a tombstone that read something like, "Ned, got in a gunfight and is filled with lead". If you want protocol that means something, I will tell you what to do. When there is a meeting between 2 nations' leaders, both should smell each other's butts. When are humans going to follow their dogs examples, and do something intelligent for a change? I might add that a well placed growl or snarl can show another leader that you mean business if you don't like his smell.

The Vanderbilt mansion in Rhode Island is now operating tours of what living there was like for the staff which includes seeing where they lived. I might add that it doesn't surprise this dog that the staff didn't live that well which is sad because the family had plenty of money to make the staff's quarters much more livable, but I suppose that thought never occurred to them. Of course, the family must have learned to adjust to a more practical style of living because, according to Star Trek, Thomas Vanderbilt was the first president of the United Federation of Planets (Star Trek Generations-- as shown in Picards' family album).

We dogs keep trying to teach the humans, but it is a hard job since they aren't as smart as we are.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting Stupid Human Behavior Since Puppyhood)

My Little Demon Flash Bandit Pony

Easter is almost here, and I saw that Mr. Obama is including gay families in the annual White House Easter Egg Roll. They were also included under George W., but I guess his heart wasn't in it since he doesn't seem to be a very happy person. I know the humans are hard to understand, but just what is so unusual about having happy people at an egg roll? Shouldn't all of them be happy, and isn't whatever these people decide to do with their lives their own business--what does it have to do with children hunting eggs? Personally, I want to be invited to a candy hunt. Believe me, if you invite Demon Flash Bandit to a Mike and Ike's hunt or Hunt for Swedish Fish, I will find them. However, they won't be brought back for counting because they will be eaten immediately. Have you noticed how much tastier food happens to be if it is served outside with a side order of dirt and grass?

I saw a very important news story today that effects all of us. Mari Kusurinen is a sculpter/painter from Finland who takes the toy, My Little Pony and modifies it. I had no idea that the world needed any of the following:

My Little Alien (from the movie Alien)
My Little Batman
My Little Stormtrooper
My Little Superman
My Little Skeletor (from the cartoon series, He-Man)
My Little 60's Batman and Robin
My Little Edward Scissorhand
My Little Harley Quinn

There are many more, but you get the idea. Although I had no idea anyone needed any of these items, I must admit that after giving it some serious thought, who doesn't need some of these lovely ponies. I just want to know why there is no My Little Krypto or My Little Underdog? Those 2 would clearly be superior to the others.

Demon Flash Bandit (My Little Demon Flash Bandit Pony is Unavailable)

Happy Ending, and Easter Turkey?

My pal Bodie, posted a story in the Husky Heaven group about an Australian Cattle dog named Sophie Tucker, who fell overboard in rough seas off Australia that has been returned to her owners after 4 months. Sophie's family, the Griffiths, thought Sophie had drowned. Sophie swam 5 nautical miles to get to St. Bee's Island, and learned to live off feral goats until her family heard that rangers had captured a dog on the island. Her family contacted the rangers in the hope that it was Sophie. Sophie is now re-united with her humans and I'm so glad that this story had a happy ending.

I saw a news headline today about Mr. Obama leaving Turkey. You can imagine how my mind was racing. Why was he visiting a turkey anyway? Are we finally declaring war on those evil birds. Is he going to make turkey the standard Easter dinner to help in the on-going campaign to rid the world of birds? Then I read the article. Turkey is a country. What kind of tasteless humans would name their country after a bird? Are they trying to annoy the dogs that live there?

Demon Flash Bandit (Happy Ending and Stupid Birds)

Husky Bedtime Story

Once upon a time, there was a bratty little girl wearing a red cape who was taking a basket of goodies to her Grandma. It was a cold day with a foot of snow on the ground so the girl who was called Little Red Riding Hood was cold. Along the way, she met a handsome husky who Miss Hood mistook for a wolf because Miss Hood wasn't one of the smarter humans of the pack. He offered to let her ride a sled to Grandma's house, but she refused. A few hours later, the husky stopped by Grandma's house to see if she had made it there okay. When Grandma heard that Little Red Riding Hood was on her way there, she was annoyed. Grandma was already late for her Bingo game, and had no time for an annoying brat. When you hear the expresssion, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, this family proves that point. When Miss Hood arrived at the house and saw that her Grandmother wasn't there, she decided that the "wolf" must have killed her so she got her Grandma's gun and went after the wolf, and to this day, humans with dumb families blame wolves and try to kill them. Now one of these families is in the news every chance they get, and they are still trying to kill the wolves. I thought it might be nice to tell you a husky bedtime story that has been passed down from generation to generation.

When you see bad news, it is easy to overlook the good things, like the CEO of Bolinger Insurance who took his bonus and gave each of his cmployees $1,000. When you read stories about all the greedy CEOs from various companies, it is important to remember that some humans do try to do the right thing. Likewise, hen you hear a fairy tale about a bratty little girl, you need to remember that some children are nice and not all Grandmas play bingo.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bed Time Story)

Burger King Trek: The Wrath of Tomatoes, Worms and Star- Trek

I have to tell you that the dvd on my diary entry yesterday does not exist. However when you are dealing with a subject as important as the killer tomatoes, it is important to keep reminding the humans of the threat. Despite Hollywood doing several "documenataries" on killer tomatoes, most humans still bring tomatoes into their homes never knowing if one of the killer variety is hiding in that package of innocent looking tomatoes. It makes a dog think that if there are killer tomatoes out there, do we also have killer cucumbers, killer carrots, etc.? I do think that there was a book written about killer potatoes. Who knows just how many killer items are out there?

The problem with many of the humans is that they watch Hollywood movies and assume they aren't factual. Take the sci-fi movie, Dune, for example. The real reason this movie and mini series was made was to warn us of the danger of giant worms. I have never bothered to watch either of these, but I've walked into the room when Jeff was watching them and I saw giant worms so I know that was what they were about. The humans were actually riding the worms in worm rodeos which is too odd for a dog to watch. Anyway, I saw an ugly worm on the internet news the other day found in an aquarium, and they had to remove it because it was causing problems. They gave it its own place. I would have given it a place 6 feet under because it was ugly and stupid looking. People watch these shows and assume things don't exist, but then they discover this worm creature and it shows that movies are trying to warn people without creeping them out too much.

On the subject of Hollywood, a sequel to Star Trek is already in the works. Since Angel and I already know that they have made a Star Trek 2 (Wrath of Khan), it has left us dogs wondering what the up-coming sequel will be called. My guess is that it will be called Star Trek Tu Tu: The Wrath of the Ballet. Angel thinks it will be called Star Trek Toe Toe: The Wrath of Rain Down in Africa (Toe Toe is a musical group that did the song, Rain Down in Africa). Of course, if they want a realistic version of the future, they would call it Star Trek: THE WRATH OF THE KILLER TOMATOES. On second thought, the killer tomatoes should be kept out of Star Trek. I don't think anyone wants to see Capt. Kirk kissing a tomato. Green aliens are one thing--tomatoes are over the edge.

If you ask me, all this emphasis on Star Trek is a waste of time. If I were trekking somewhere, it would be to Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (Tomatoes, Worms, and Star Trek)

The Great Tomato War--Killer Tomatoes, Carrots, and- Cucumbers

I know I've written in the past about killer tomatoes, and some of my pals have been concerned about the threat. My pal Kirby has been watching for killer tomatoes ever since. Recently when many of us dogs were in Ireland with Angel Zoom Smokey and Samoa Sunnybear Belle, there was the incident involving the rabbit hypnotist and the killer tomatoes, but I won't go into the details of that now. Samoa has already done that in his diary entries. Imagine just when a dog thinks he is safe and can relax, another killer tomato problem!!!

Of course, as all of us know, compared to the Great Tomato War, the rabbit and his group of killer tomatoes was nothing. The war is over, and all we can do now is ask ourselves some questions. The important question is, did we learn anything from the war? Killer Carrots decided to side with the Killer Tomatoes. The Killer Cucumbers were on both sides which means that you could refer to the non-human side as a Killer Salad. The story of this infamous war is now on a direct to dvd documentary that came out in May, 2008. It is called Attack of the Killer Tomaotes: The Animated Documentary Series. The background and scenery in the film was inspired by actual war footage, and it tells the story of the war by veterans from both sides. The voices of the various characters are provided by many well known people: Bill Gates, George Clooney, Martin Sheen, Matt Damon, Rowan Atkinson, Tim Robbins, Sean Penn, etc.

I highly recommend this film since it is important to learn from the past in order not to repeat the same mistakes. Will tomatoes and humans ever learn to get along? I think the outcome looks grim. Will the tension between man and vegetable ever end? Isn't a tomato acutally a fruit? Does this mean that we have to worry about killer bananas and oranges too? Will there ever be peace? Only time will tell.

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Give Up Hope)

Sometimes You Need to Wear a Silly Hat

I woke up today to hear the wind howling. Is there any sound in the world more lovely to a husky than that of wind blowing? I was busy talking about trees yesterday, and I didn't get around to making any comments about the "incident" where Michelle Obama hugged the Queen. From what I understand, no one is supposed to touch the queen so the internet news was wasting their time with this silly story. Why do I say it is a silly story? Because it is. She is lucky she didn't meet Angel Zoom Smokey or she would have been wet by the time Angel was done. Angel doesn't just hug you--she "showers" you with kisses. All protocol aside, the humans have some serious issues if you ask us dogs. Mrs. Obama is not a British subject, and Americans can't be expected to do what the British do. If the queen didn't like it, that is her problem, and if you ask me, the royal family has some serious issues-perhaps it is from all the inbreeding or perhaps it is because they don't allow other humans to touch them. If you ask this dog, they could use some hugs. All of us need love, but the humans are the only ones dumb enough to walk away from what they need. We dogs aren't ashamed to ask for love which is one reason we are a lot happier than the humans. By the way, that little war with the British back in the 1700's--we won it. The US is a bigger, stronger country than Britian so maybe Americans should be more concerned with the queen being nice to us than the other way around. I guess some of the humans need a history lesson. The British once owned the US. They had to come to America so they could have the freedom to wear white wigs and silly hats. The French also came here. The British and the French started fighting over who owned the land that was actually owned by the native Americans. The British gained control, and they ordered the colonists (that is what they called the US back then) to quit wearing their silly hats and wigs. That caused the Americans to write the Declaration of Independence which states: In the course of human events, it can become necessary to wear a silly hat. I'm sure all you dogs know what happened after that so I won't continue except to say that I think the news is running out of news to cover such a stupid story.

Demon Flash Bandit (Advising Stupid Humans Since Puppyhood)

I Enjoy Watering Trees

Being a dog, I usually think of trees mainly as something to be watered, and I tend to water as many of them as possible in typical doggy fashion. However, I have never given much thought as to whether or not the tree appreciates my efforts. Personally, I think the tree should be very grateful that I, Demon Flash Bandit, woud be concerned with the tree's survival. However, as many of us realize, sometimes our view isn't shared by everyone. Imagine my surprise when I heard about situations where trees can tell you what they think. There are the Ents in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. Ents are trees that talk, think, and occasionally walk around. While Ents are basically nice trees, there are the ones in The Wizard of Oz that get a bit nasty. Perhaps it was justified because I do think that Dorothy character stole one of their apples. There is the story of the philosophical elm tree in Ehiopia that talked to a couple of philosphers. The tree heard them ask the question, should we use wood or bricks to build a house, and the tree told them to use bricks. Do I hear a bit of self interest on the part of this tree? Alexander the Great and Marco Polo are said to have chatted with the Indian Tree of the Sun and Moon. The tree's job, as the name denotes is to tell them whether it is day or night--since most humans can already deduce that themselves, the tree wasn't a great help to either explorer. Druids say that oaks can tell the future, and for some odd reason, it seems to involve telling humans to kill squirrels which I am sure has nothing to do with squirrels eating their acorns. In Ireland, a tree might help you find the leprechaun's pot of gold--or at least the one with the marshmellow lucky charms. If any of you happen to hear a tree chatting with another tree, it might not do any harm to ask them how they feel about us watering them. Until then, this dog will continue watering trees.

Demon Flash Bandit (Watering The World One Tree at a Time)

Time for A Bath--April Fools

This morning I got up and told Angel Zoom Smokey that she had dirt on her nose, and I overheard the humans say she needed a bath. She is now hiding from the humans and the Deemster is able to nap in peace. I will say April Fools when I see her, but at the moment, I am basking in my brilliance. As most of my readers know, I do spend a bit of my computer time doing research, and I know there were those among you that might like to know why pranks are so common on April Fool's Day (also known as All Fool's Day). Although there is no actual history of the event, it seems to have occurred in France. Prior to 1582, the new year was celebrated on March 25 and it had an 8 day celebration. The Gregorian Calendar changed the date to Jan. 1, and businesses changed it to a one day celebration because they didn't want to pay holiday pay for 8 days. Even then, corporations had their eye on profits. Some things never change. The workers were mad that they didn't get the full 8 day holiday pay because no human in their right mind wants to work on a holiday. They decided to retaliate and play pranks on their bosses. There were the inevitable whoopee cushions, fake dog poo, and chewing gum that makes the teeth different colors, but the workers realized that these pranks just weren't enough to make their employers give them their 8 day vacation back. What did they do? They went to work and spent a total of 8 days on the internet. Sure, they had to do it over the course of the year, but they got their days off, and it stimulated the economy so much since they were buying stuff on e-bay and from all the internet businesses that prosperity abounded. The employees, in a continuing effort to keep the economy going well and their jobs secure, decided to spend more and more time on the internet until the present day. Now if you go into an office, if an employee is actually doing any company business, that person is probably just on break from the internet. Now that I've explained the holiday to all the dogs on dogster, let's enjoy it like the humans. I think I need to go buy some new dog toys from www.petsmart.com

Demon Flash Bandit (April Fool's Day is Fun)

The Name is Bandit--Demon Flash Bandit

How does a dog become a 007, a spy for Control like Max on Get Smart, or even a double notch spy like Jethro on the Beverly Hillbilles tv show? Some career choices are easy. There are companies that need people and you apply and get the job. Some of the really lucky humans even get to work at Burger King. However, if you want to be a spy, those jobs aren't as easy to find. In fact, most of us know very little about the whole subject since a spy's goal seems to be to avoid having other people know he or she is a spy. I have some super news for those of you who are interested in that line of work or who are just curious about the subject in general. Washington DC is home to the International Spy Museum!!!! I have to tell you that I can't personally recommend this museum since I have never been there, but I'm sure that you will be able to see the "Cone of Silence" that was used in the tv program, Get Smart. They might even have the ejector seat that Jethro used in the truck that would eject Granny into the air and out of the truck. A dog gets excited just thinking about all the cool stuff that this museum might contain. Your human might even find all the records of their cell phone calls, etc. that the govt recorded while under the reign of the W. You can watch with amusement the expressions on some of the touring Republicans' faces when they have to admit that their call to Pizza Hut didn't merit national importance-or did it? Can you really trust a pepperoni and what about cheese? Some cheeses are made in other countries and shipped here. There is nothing worse that terrorist mozzarella. You can take a Spy City Bus tour. Who could resist seeing all the cool spy related sites around DC? Perhaps in a few years, they will add the Ghost Spy Bus Tour which will show all the sites in DC haunted by spys who have passed on. For those of you interested in spying, this is your vacation spot.

Demon Flash Bandit (Helping Dogs Become What They Want to Be)

Wile E. Coyote vs. Acme Company

There seems to be some concern among the humans about Wile E. Coyotes' many relatives who happen to live among us. Many of these coyotes live in the suburbs and cities, but they generally avoid humans so the humans have no idea they are anywhere around until they happen to see them. Coyotes, who once were mainly found in the Great Plains and the southwest are now virtually everywhere in the United States. Because the wolf population has diminished, the coyote population has increased. I guess someone had better warn that crazy Alaskan lady that if she continues killing the wolves there, she may have a new foe to deal with--Wile W. Coyote. I know many of you dogs are thinking, what is the problem? He and his kind are so busy chasing the roadrunner that they won't bother humans. That is generally the case, but you have to consider that although they prefer to eat birds, mice, and perhaps a rabbit, you know by watching Wile E. that they depend far too much on Acme products, and are seldom successful. In fact, the 'Lectric Law Library has a case in their files, Wile E. Coyote vs. Acme Products. This lawsuit was filed on Sept. 28, 1995 in Tempe, Arizona. I couldn't find whether the court ruled in Wile E.'s favor, but if he had won, it could explain why the coyotes are moving to the suburbs. The internet says one was discovered in Central Park, NYC. I'm sure the coyote was probably just on vacation. I fail to see why humans would be afraid of a mere coyote when humans can roam through the park with guns and knives. One stopped in a deli in Chicago. Can't a coyote get a sandwich wihout everyone getting all upset about it? There are a lot of them running around in Colorado. Mommy has seen one in our front yard here in Michigan. For the most part, they aren't a big danger to humans or pets. Yes, they have attacked dogs and cats, but mostly because they see us as competitors--not dinner. I'm sure some dogs have been mistaken for coyotes also since some humans think I'm a wolf. You can't expect the humans to be as smart as us dogs. Anyway, I would suggest that all the dogs keep an eye out in case they might pose a danger to us. I wouldn't want to see any dogs or their humans hurt by a coyote, but I also think that many of the wild animals don't usually bother us if we don't bother them. On the rare occasions when this isn't true, go for the coyote's throat. There is nothing worse than a rude coyote.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning About Wile E.'s Relatives)

Summer was Meant for Fun

I have a special announcement today. The space shuttle Discovery astronauts have sent a message back to Houston that they have discovered a new planet remarkably like Earth. It even looks a lot like California. I wonder how embarassed they are going to be when they realize it is Florida.

Speaking of NASA, Mommy was looking through the Brighton Community Education booklet that was mailed here because Brighton is the next town over and people here can sign up for their classes too. Under summer camps for children, there are several I want to share with my fellow dogs. Journey to Space Camp is for ages 6-12. This camp was reasearched and developed by NASA and has NASA's approval and endorsement. Each day the children take a voyage of discovery to the Earth, Moon, Mars, and beyond. Each and every day will be filled with exciting experiments and a take home project which is essentially homework. First and foremost, has someone explained to the people at NASA that a journey to Earth is not necessary because we are here? Maybe someone could send them a little map of the universe with a star denoting "you are here" on the planet Earth. This wonderful experience is only $135.00, and it lasts for a week or 15 hours!!

Another delightful camping experience is Can You Dig It-Fossil Hunt for ages 6-11. Each child will partake in a simulated fossil excavation, uncovering the different bones of a dinaosaur. Each child will then assemble the bones to form a completed 3 dimensional dinosaur to be taken home. There some other projects, but I think you get the idea. They are teaching the children to be dogs--isn't digging for bones what we do. I could teach children to dig for bones, and I could do it cheaper than the $160.00 that this camp costs for 1 week (15 hours).

I'm assuming the Jr. Karate camp and the Little Ninjas karate camp is so the children will be prepared to beat up any aliens or dinosaurs that get out of hand.

Brighton has an excellent school district, and I know these programs are basically good, but I think Mommy's generation had the right idea. She grew up in the 1960's, which was a very long time ago. Most of the children spent their summers watching tv and playing with the other kids in the neighborhood. I hope that some of the modern children won't be so overbooked that they can't learn to relax and enjoy their summer.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Enjoys a Good Nap)

Bolt-My Pick for Best Picture

Last night Mommy finally showed us the bestest (yes bestest is a word if a dog wants it to be), movie that has come out on dvd since Snow Buddies. Bolt was an amazing movie. It had everything you expect a good movie to have, a dog, a human who loves the dog, happiness, sadness, a problem (Bolt and his human being separated), a journey (Bolt has to find his human), super powers, a hamster, and oh yeah, a cat--all the things that make a great, nay a stupdendous movie. I laughed, I cried, I had some milkbones, I used my super bark. This will come as no secret to humans who have dogs--we do have a super bark. I can prove this to non-dog owners because when we bark for a long time, the humans tell us to knock it off because we are getting on their nerves. Our super bark comes out of our mouths, and heads for their nerves so that proves beyond any doubt that Bolt is not alone with his super bark. All dogs have one. I have only one complaint and that is the fact that Mommy and Jeff saw this movie in 3-D, but the dvd wasn't released in any 3-d formats. I think it would have been cool to see it in 3-D, but the movie was still a tremendously great movie. This movie should be a front runner for the Best Picture of the Year, but as I've previously stated, the Oscars mainly go to stupid movies because the judges of the Oscars all need to be in straight jackets in mental hospitals. Did you know that one year Lost in Translation was up for Best Picture? Of course, it didn't win, but the person who directed it should have had to refund all money paid to see that cinematic nightmare. YUCK!!!! I know this year there was a movie called Slum Dog Millionaire and I know with Dog in the title, it should have been great, but my humans didn't bother to see it. Jeff said it ended with jazz hands, and that is like telling my humans that it is a movie done by mimes. The only good movie with a mime in it was Tootsie when he punched the mime in the face. That was a great moment in movie history--very much like the immortal scene in Airplane when the man is punching all the people to get to the air traffic control tower. I'm not sure why more movie moments like this aren't celebrated in Hollywood. Anyway, Bolt is now out on dvd so all us dogs can watch it. Be sure and see it. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll eat some milkbones.

Demon Flash Bandit (BOLT was Movie Making at Its BEST)

Burger King Can't Be Questioned--He is the KING!!!

Arf Arf Arf, Wolf Wolf Yap ARf Wolf YIp HOWL HOWL HOWL. I know all the dogs reading this are laughing themselves silly. I'm not going to bother to explain it to the humans because they won't get it. We dogs on the other hand, don't need it explained because we speak dog already.

It is Friday, and I know most of you are thinking, what does the weekend mean to us dogs? For me, it means Mommy has to go out today, and I will get Burger King for dinner. I saw on the internet that many humans are annoyed by the BK commercials. What is wrong with these humans? He is the King and they are mere peasants. I have the utmost respect for the King of the Burgers. I heard Sarah Palin is leading the group that hates his commercials. She recently gave a speech on the subject. She said that the King only got elected because the liberal media said he made better burgers than her, and she uses only moose meat that she personally has killed for her burgers. She blamed the liberal media for the wolves being in Alaska. She said that people who don't live in Alaska don't understand Alaska, and wolves shouldn't be there. I always thought God put the wolves in Alaska, but he must have forgotten to check with Sarah before he did. She was becoming a bit incoherent then (that is my opinion), and she said that Martians in Alaska need to die, and she is out to get the sea horses because they stay in the sea and refuse to come on land and let people use them for transportation. By the time she was done, the crowd of her supporters were waving their guns and shouting Palin Palin. I think this is one dog that won't be travelling to Alaska no matter how nice the weather is there.

Demon Flash Bandit (King of Burgers Is The Best)

My Views on Food, Rawhide Bone, Sqeakys, and Culture

I have been trying to think of something important to write my diary entry about today, and I finally thought of the perfect subject--squeakies. What could be more important in this world other than squeakies? They make a delightful noise, and you can take them out of a plushy and throw them around like a small ball. Okay, Burger King is more important, but a dog doesn't just live on hamburgers alone, he needs some culture too-and what could be more full of culture than a squeaky?

This is the time of year when a dog's mind turns to dingo bones. At least that is where my mind has been the past couple of days. I can't think of anything better for a dog to think about than a nice tasty dingo rawhide bone with the layer of meat. Talk about wonderful--those dingo people know what dogs like.

Has anyone ever seen the old tv show, The Munsters. It stars this big green Frankenstein looking guy named Herman. I have to tell you that this guy was MADE for the part. I bet he couldn't find any work in Hollywood after the show was cancelled because there isn't a lot of work available for large green people unless maybe they need someone to play the role of a Martian. I hope he did well because he seemed like a very nice guy, and the family even had a pet who seemed to be a dinosaur, and you don't see too many humans who are willing to have a pet dinosaur.

Since I'm on the subject of old tv shows, there is one that I was watching with Mommy the other day called Get a Life. This show was delightful. Chris Peterson played a 30 year old paperboy who delivers the newspapers on his bike like most intelligent 30 year olds. He lives with his parents, and they are the most accurately depicted parents I've yet seen on tv. When he finally gets the submarine that he ordered from the back of the comic book when he was a child, he told his dad it reeked of quality father and son time, and his dad replied, "I can't spend time with you and drink coffee". The love the dad had for his coffee would make the people at Starbucks proud. One episode had him play the lead in the local musical production of Zoo Animals on Wheels, and his portrayal of the Willdebeast made me think he was one. When he skated down in to the audience (it was zoo animals on wheels, remember?), and stared at the people so they could understand what it was like for the zoo animals, my only thought was that this show is brilliant. Of course, it was cancelled--probably far too smart for the network executives. I think I'll apply for the job and make tv something worth watching.

Demon Flash Bandit (Hamburgers and Culture--A Well-Rounded Dog)

Shelter Dogs and Cats--How We Can Help

My pals, Alley, Dixie, Susie, and Freckles lost their cat family member. Sarah Lee suffered from kidney failure and she crossed over the bridge. She is on Catster, and lived a long happy life, and now she is an angel cat watching out for her family from the other side. Sarah Lee, you will be missed. My heart goes out to your family.

For those of you living in Micigan, 2 house bills for shelter animals need your humans support.

1. House Bill 4663 or "Koda's Law" which states that shelters can't sell animals for research. Koda was a shelter dog whose family gave her up assuming she would have a chance to have a new home. The shelter sold her to an animal broker who re-sold her to the University of Michigan where Koda was used in an Advanced Life Support Class and then euthanized.

2. House Bill 4263 which states that dogs and cats in animal shelters who have to be euthanized have it done by an injection of sodium pentobarital which allows the shelter workers to hold and comfort a frightened animal in its last moments.

If any of my readers live in Michigan, I would urge them to contact their state representative and tell the rep to pass these house bills. I would also suggest that people in other states encourage the same kind of legistlation in their state.

Demon Flash Bandit (Please Help the Shelter Dogs)

Every Dog Deserves a Milkbone

and the mouse said, "I didn't expect a cat to be wearing pajamas" ....you caught me practicing my comedy routine. If it weren't for Angel Zoom Smokey and me, our brother Jeff would never make it as a stand up comic although I'll never understand why he didn't use the squirrel jokes we gave him. Humans have no taste.


Speaking of human taste, those silly people at NASA have really riled this dog. They decided to launch a new room and they decided to let people name the room. They had four options, but you could also write-in a name. Colbert told his fans to write his name in, and yes, he won. He beat out one of their choices, Serenity, by more than 40,000 votes. If it were a fair election, the room would be the Colbert room, but Agency spokesman, Yembrick, says they will announce the name in April. Has anyone explained to the people at NASA how an election works? You take the choice that got the most votes. If NASA is going to name it themselves, why bother with an election? Perhaps an election should be held to see if NASA deserves any more money. I have a feeling they wouldn't like the results of that election either.

On a more down to Earth matter, have the rest of you dogs noticed that the prices of Milkbones have went up. Yes, dogs, inflation is increasing the cost of out treats. This is an outrage. If the humans want to mess up the economy, that is their business, but when it affects us dogs, something needs to be done and fast. Most people are familiar with the program, food stamps. I think milkbone stamps should be a new program. Every dog should get them so that all dogs get treats no matter how rich or poor their humans happen to be. Only dogs who make a certain amount of money (you know, like dog movie stars) won't be eligible. The govt. can use the money that they once allotted for NASA. I don't think anyone will miss NASA except the humans who work there, and they don't count because they can't even understand how an election works.

Demon Flash Bandit (Milkbones For Everyone)

DisneyMouse World Doesn't Allow Dogs!!

There is a mouse at the top of the page wanting to send me a free vacation planning dvd which is an insult to all us dogs on dogster. Why is it an insult? Disney does not allow dogs in their parks. They have a kennel that the humans can check their dogs into, but we aren't allowed to go into the park and have fun like the humans. I've written about this insult to us before, but for them to have a banner headline on my dogster diary page is insulting me. Sure, my humans can plan a vacation while I stay in doggy jail all day. They let the mice run free. What about Goofy and Pluto. They are in the park and they are dogs. What about Disney's movie, Snow Dogs and Eight Below? Angel Zoom Smokey and I look like we could have starred in those movies, and yet we aren't good enough for Disney's parks. I bet they allow the Wicked Witch to enter their park, but not Demon Flash Bandit. What kind of park is this DisneyWorld anyway. Are we even allowed on their cruise ship or in their hotels. These are questions to which we dogs want answers. All I can say is, what do you expect from a mouse? No wonder so many cats are chasing them--the little jerks.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cats Have a Point About Mice)

DisneyMouse World Doesn't Allow Dogs!!

There is a mouse at the top of the page wanting to send me a free vacation planning dvd which is an insult to all us dogs on dogster. Why is it an insult? Disney does not allow dogs in their parks. They have a kennel that the humans can check their dogs into, but we aren't allowed to go into the park and have fun like the humans. I've written about this insult to us before, but for them to have a banner headline on my dogster diary page is insulting me. Sure, my humans can plan a vacation while I stay in doggy jail all day. They let the mice run free. What about Goofy and Pluto. They are in the park and they are dogs. What about Disney's movie, Snow Dogs and Eight Below? Angel Zoom Smokey and I look like we could have starred in those movies, and yet we aren't good enough for Disney's parks. I bet they allow the Wicked Witch to enter their park, but not Demon Flash Bandit. What kind of park is this DisneyWorld anyway. Are we even allowed on their cruise ship or in their hotels. These are questions to which we dogs want answers. All I can say is, what do you expect from a mouse? No wonder so many cats are chasing them--the little jerks.

Demon Flash Bandit (Cats Have a Point About Mice)

I Bid $5.00 for the Dinosaur Bones

I wonder if that dinosaur auction in New York would have went better had they allowed dogs to bid. The humans didn't bid the $300,000 minimum bid so the bones didn't sell. You know if you want to sell bones, you should have dogs in the audience. We love bones. Of course, I think we have enough sense not to pay that much particularly because old bones probably don't taste as good. Who needs old dried up bones when you can have fresh ones with the nice marrow still inside and save money. YUM!!

I got up to get a drink today, and Angel Zoom Smokey moved to MY spot on the bed. I had to bark at her to move when I came back. She is such a bad dog!!!

I got an Arctic Paws newsletter the other day, and it had the latest news on Chummie Yummys which are wonderful salmon treats. I highly recommend them to my doggy pals.

Was that a yawn? It must be nap time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bone Auction Should Allow Dogs to Bid)

Crazy Lady's Alibi

The Devil made me do it. This is the reason given by a woman in Arlington, VA who forged the pastor's signature on 80 checks totalling $73,000. of church funds. She alledgedly stole the money when she was an administrative assistant at Arlington Free Methodist Church. The 62 year old woman told the detective, "Satan had a big part in the theft". For all the dogs out there who might say, isn't your name Demon, it is an ironic name because I happen to be a very good dog. I do think she has the church on a technicality. They can't say there is no Satan because they have already taught about his existence. If he is the evil one, then wouldn't most crimes be his doing? The score here is Church--0, Crazy Lady-78,000. I don't approve, but I am only reporting the truth. Fortunately, the devil made me do it alibi only works on churches because not everyone will accept that excuse.

Demon Flash Bandit (I Had Nothing to Do With Her Behavior)

Humans Learn Everything They Know From Us Dogs

I'm a bit late with my diary entry today. Mommy had to take a friend to the hospital for outpatient surgery. The friend is fine, but Mommy was gone most of the day--something about errands. She did bring home Burger King, Milkbones, and rawhide bones so I guess I'll forgive her for being gone so long.

It was a bit colder today which is nice for us huskies. Just when I thought it might stay warm, cooler weather arrived. Of course, it isn't that cool so it could be better, but a dog appreciates any improvement.

Since the humans in Washington seem to be having some problems over that whole AIG executive bonus problem, I think I should go there and solve the problem for them because, as all us dogs know, most humans are stupid. The Democrats say to tax the bonuses, and the Republicans say that you can't use tax as punishment. (Did anyone tell Al Capone that?) Only a dog can solve this problem for the humans. The company should give out as many bonuses as they want to hand out. They should fulfill every contract they have with EVERY employee. The govt. should demand they get the bail out money back since the company must be doing great to be able to give out such hefty bonuses. I do understand that it isn't a good idea to use taxes as punishment, but the company also shouldn't be taking money from the govt. that they obviously don't need. In fact, the executives who took the money under false pretenses should be prosecuted and I also think all the ones who took money when they were behind with their taxes should be in the same cells. Am I the only dog that thinks many of the humans are insane?

The worst thing about these "problem executives" is that they are creating bad news which this dog gets tired of seeing day after day on the internet. I overheard a couple of Rottweilers saying that they were ready to go to Washington and bite some senate butt if their milkbone supply is in danger, and I think they have a point. Sometimes the humans could use a good bite on the butt to get them to wise up. I think that must be where their brains are located.

Okay, now that I have solved yet another human problem, it is time to talk to all you dogs out there about something that is important to all of us---fleas. Why do they exist, and why are the humans not waging war on them? Every year dogs are terrorized by these little creatures, and did George W. have any of them being tortured at GotaMow Bay, and did anyone there ever actually mow the grass like the name tells them to? Anyway, it is time to declare an all out war on fleas, and I think they should be made completely extinct. They have no purpose, and if I see any humans protesting about the fleas right to live, I will send Angel Zoom Smokey over to give them some puppy slaps of justice.

I hope all of you dogs have a good weekend, and I hope you have milkbones to enjoy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Problems)

Demon's Bicenntenial Minute--33 Years Late

Just when a dog is having a good dream, he has to wake up to write a diary entry. I was dreaming that it was Jan, there was a blizzard, and I had a bag of Chummy Yummies. It doesn't get any better than that!!! The things a dog has to do to stay in touch with other dogs.....

Did you hear about that rare reptile found in New Zealand, a tuatara? It is a descendent of some silly dinosaur, and the humans are all excited. I saw its photo, and other than human looking hands, it looks like a frog face to me. The humans will get excited over anything. If a dog had found him, he would be the over the bridge visiting with his dinosaur ancestors. Do the humans really think it is a GOOD idea to have dinosaur types still living? If you saw the movie, Jurassic Park, you would know that it wasn't such a good idea. I guarantee that if it were the other way around and the tuatara's were in control and they found a human baby, they would be ringing the dinner bell. If not for us dogs, the humans wouldn't survive, would they.

A moonshiner, Marvin "Popcorn" Sutton has committed suicide to avoid going to jail. Why doesn't the govt. just find these people and check out their operation, make sure it is safe, and tax their operation like they do all the "legal stills" that sell the product in regular stores? It would actually be cheaper than sending them to jail. Oh yeah, I forgot, the govt. has never had any common sense. I know men like him have made the south look stupid for years, and I guess since Mommy is a southerner, she should hate these people, but she finds them amusing. Whether most people want to admit it or not, it is the stubborn stupidity of people like them who made America what it is today. The Pioneers who built this country were a tough, stubborn group. What group in their right mind would stand up to England when England had the most powerful army on the planet? Many of these stubborn people migrated south over the years, and you will probably find more descendents of those Revolutionary War soldiers there than anywhere else. In a country where everything is becoming the same, I want to give a tribute to those old hillbillies who will never change--they are like the crazy relative who amuses everyone at the family reunion--and every family has one.

Demon Flash Bandit (A Dog Who Likes Odd Humans)

Cereal City Theme Park--Go For the Marshmellows

St. Patick's Day is over, and I didn't catch any leprechauns. I didn't even catch the one that has the box of cereal. If I can't get a pot of gold, you'd think I could at least get a box of marshmellowy sweet cereal. Why do they put all that other garbage in with the marshmellows? I think the rule of thumb for making cereal should be that if the food has nutritional value, leave it out of the box. People at Kellogg's take note: skip nutrition, add sugar. Also, diluting sugar with milk makes it taste bad and makes the sugar icky--skip the milk also. In Battle Creek, MI, there was a place called Cereal City--a place where Tony the Tiger and Snap, Crack, and Pop could be seen walking around. Daddy once took the family there. I believe it is now closed, and I am amazed because who would think that a theme park opened by Kelloggs with a cereal theme wouldn't make the cut? The only thing I can imagine which would be more likely to make it would be a fruit cake theme park. I shouldn't mention it because I'm sure there are plenty of dogs reading this that are thinking, "great Demon, tell us about a cereal theme park that is closed so that we can never have the pleasure of seeing it with our own eyes". I'm sorry dogs, but if humans had went there, it wouldn't be closed so blame them.

On a more serious subject, the executives at AIG have decided that due to their stellar ability to lose money and get welfare (isn't that what is is called when it is given to people who are poor?), they should get some large bonuses. These bonuses are given because you don't want to lose employees who have such a talent for losing money. I'm sure if it is a low level employee and they are up for a 10 cent an hour raise, that greedy employee will be replaced. However, if you are at the top, you should get millions to stay because the next person may not be as good at losing money as you were. Therefore when Grassley (I believe he is a Republican senator) suggested that those executives should commit suicide, I'm glad he apologized for such an outlandish remark because it was way out of line. I think that they should have a lottery made up of people who have been hurt by the greed and stupidity of executives like these, and the lucky winners should get to shoot them. As usual, the Republican party is out of touch with the people. Angel Zoom Smokey is available to dispense puppy slaps of justice while the lottery is being decided. I have to admit that this might not be the best course of action. I am reminded of the tv show Sledge Hammer in which Hammer philosophically discusses the death penalty: "the death penalty is too lenient, there is always the possibility of reincarnation". We mortals can only do so much.......

Demon Flash Bandit (Cereal and Lottery)

What Does St. Patrick's Day Mean to Me?

What does St. Patrick's Day mean to me? I know all of us ask that question on March 17. It means green beer which I'm not allowed to drink. I'm okay with that since I don't have any idea what beer tastes like anyway. Some green food would be nice--no I'm not talking about food colored green with food coloring. I'm talking about the interesting new food life form that is hanging out in the back of the refrigerator making a dog drool. If you live with one of those super clean humans who doesn't have gourmet treats like that in the fridge (evidently, there are humans who clean things), check the garbage. If you live in a home where the humans don't have interesting garbage, you obviously live in a house with smart humans who eat out all the time or you need to find some new humans because no dog should have to live in an environment that is so detrimental to our well being. Back to the point of this entry, what does St. Patrick's Day mean besides green food and beer? There are parties and parades (but not around here), and the wearin' of the green which, as anyone who has ever tried to put even a hat on Angel Zoom Smokey or me can tell you won't ever happen. It is the day when the whole world is Irish, and people eat corned beef and cabbage and act goofy (if they had enough of the green beer). If you run across a short adult, you can catch him/her to see if they are actually a leprechaun. Leprechauns can be tricky, and you don't want to miss out on the pot of gold. Of course, these are all things that St. Patick's Day means to everyone. To me, it means I'm going to get Burger King!!! Until tomorrow, top of the mornin to all the dogs on Dogster.

Demon Flash Bandit (Irish Siberian Husky)

Choose Your Breed

I hope all the dogs out there had a good weekend. I have been looking over the groups of dog breeds, and I see lots of different types of dog breeds: toy, working, sporting hunting, etc. The big question in my mind is where is the ones that I suggested: napping, treat gourmets, cute, refrigerator, and playful to name a few. I think these breeds are far more descriptive of dog breeds. The refrigerator breeds are the ones who sit in front of the refrigerator waiting for it to be opened so they can have some food. The more advanced of that breed have learned to open the door themselves. I think the human names for our breeds are what the humans would like for us to be, but how many of us dogs are really worried about what the humans want. Isn't what we want more important? Remember, if you do what the humans want, you'll spoil them and those silly humans already think they own the planet.

While you are laying around dreaming about another tasty milkbone, I suggest you decide what type of breed you want to be so that you'll be prepared when the humans finally realize that they aren't in charge.

Demon Flash Bandit (Napping Breed)

Victor Died in the Idiot Race

I have sad news to report today involving one of the dogs in the Iditrod Sled Race in Alaska. Victor whose "owner" is Jeff Holt has died, and the vets have stated that "no cause of death can be determined". I know I never went to school to be a veterinarian, but it seems to me that having a dog run in a grueling sled race in the frozen tundra was the cause. I really don't think you need a veterinary degree to determine that. I would like to know why are most if not all the veterinarians are part of it? They volunteer which is nice, but many of them are heavily involved in the race itself so that is a conflict of interest. How can you be sure a vet is really watching out for the dogs if he owns some of the dogs who are running. The dogs who ran that trail in the 1920's did it to get the diptheria serum to the children in Nome so they wouldn't die. They were heroes. The humans have turned their heroism into a quest for money. If they want to continue the races, I have some suggestions to make them better for the dogs. The race itself should be shorter, there should be Burger Kings at all checkpoints (and all the dogs should be eating there), and I think this is the best idea yet, you should have a team of humans pulling a dog. Humans can choose whether or not they want to race, and if they win, they have truly won--it isn't the dogs winning it for them. I should have looked into Iditrod sooner, but Mommy does much of my research for me, and she isn't a fan of mushing. You have to look at it from her perspective. Why would she have her huskies mush when it would mean that she would have to be outside in the cold herself? I am not surprised that Sarah Palin's state would have no concern for the sled dogs--other places wouldn't approve of killing old dogs and dogs who don't have the temperament to be sled dogs. Most states don't suggest shooting dogs in the head either. I think I'll go back to Alaska's original name, Seward's Folly. It seems to have a truer ring to it.

I do apologize for not writing a happier entry, but I was way to angry when I found the Sled Dog Action Coaliton's website. I felt I had to share it with my fellow dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Victor Deserved Better)

Anyone Planning a Vacation??????

I was doing some writing for my web-site, and I ran across a news item that will put Brooklyn, NY's Coney Island Boardwalk on the map. No, I'm not talking about rush hour, I'm talking about something of such a great magnitude that NYC might finally be a city that people WANT to vist. Yes, you guessed it, they are opening a freak show--and it isn't the first freak show--this is an additional one. I know some of you are thinking, isn't that like Detroit opening another crack house, but you are obviously being prejudiced against some of the country's lovely large cities, and Detroit has been improving in the past decade thanks to the casinos and actual police presence. If you make the wise decision to vacation in the lovely city of New York, you can make a choice between going to the freak show that has the 2 headed cow or the one with the lizard man. Since it is a tough choice, and it is your vacation, I say you should throw caution to the wind and see both. I know you are probably thinking, but I had already made plans to see the giant office chair in Anniston, Alabama, or perhaps the giant chest of drawers in High Point, North Carolina, but New York has so much culture. While in Brooklyn, perhaps you might be walking where the Sweat Hogs from Welcome Back Kotter once walked. Yes, you could compose your own letter from Epstein's Mother to remind you of your own fun days of high school. Perhaps you could dream of renting a spacious apt. like Mr. and Mrs. Kotter had the pleasure to live in while he taught in that fine school. Yes, those freak shows are the ultimate in vacation entertainment. Who would want to go anywhere else? I won't tell anyone about those of you who had planned that trip to Minnesota to see the Giant Ball of Aluminum Foil. Your secret is safe with me.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dispensing Vacation Ideas)

The True Story of St. Patrick

There was an interesting story in the news today from Spokane, WA. Vickie Mendenhall bought a used couch at a Value Village Store for $27 which was quite a bargain since she also got a cat in the deal. It seems the cat was living in the couch. The cat, 9 year old Callie, was inside the couch when her human donated it not realizing that she was inside the couch. She has been re-united with Killion, her owner so the story has a happy ending. I know cats can be sneaky, but the couch was donated on Feb19, you'd think the humans would have noticed a cat sooner--like at the warehouse or in the store. The cat was mewing when the new owners got it. Perhaps they thought it was the latest thing in furniture--singing couches, kind of like Billy Bass the singing fish that hung on the wall. Speaking of Billy Bass, I bet the homes that hung him on the wall that had cats must have had some very frustrated cats. I can just hear them now, "you get the ladder, and I'll keep the humans occupied". It must have been humilitating when other cats visited,"what's with the singing fish LIVING in your house--couldn't you kill him?". I bet Vickie would have been a lot more upset if it had been a mouse in the couch instead of a cat.

St. Patrick's Day will be here in a few days, and I thought I would let you know that beer mysteriously turns green on St. Patick's Day. It is because many years ago, St. Patrick, who became the patron saint of Ireland, came to Ireland because he was getting very annoyed at his homeland. His exact words were, "if I have to drink one more cup of tea, I'll leave this country". Of course, he was given another cup of tea so he left for Ireland. He had been given credit for driving the snakes from Ireland, but the only reason the people saw snakes is that they were spending a bit too much time at the local pub. He performed a miracle and turned the beer green and the people were so overwhelmed by the green beer that they quit seeing snakes. He became a hero because beer looks a lot nicer when it is green, and he was immediately made the patron saint of Ireland--as soon as they converted to Christianity so that they could have a patron saint. Now every March 17, the world celebrates St. Patrick's Day along with the Irish because all humans love an excuse to have a party and drink some beer.

Demon Flash Bandit (Relating Accurate Historical Facts)

New Doggy Discovery

Once again, a dog who was burying a bone near Jerusalem has discovered another archeaological find. As usual, the humans are taking credit for the dog's hard work, but the dog doesn't care because he is busy burying his bone elsewhere so those annoying humans don't grab it and put it in a museum somewhere. He found the remains of a Byzantine Monastery which was probably built in the 5th or 6th century. They exposed a complex wine press, and since grapes grow well in the area, it is theorized that the monks sold wine. Perhaps instead of selling the wine, they were drinking the wine which could also explain why the place is in such a state of disrepair. If they were drunk all the time, it isn't likely that they would keep the place up. The Byzantine Mosaics are the main prize of the excavation, but the reason they had the mosaics was a direct result of the drinking. They had to find some use for all the stuff they broke before the head monk rode his camel in from Rome. If you turn the broken pieces into art, it isn't trash, it is treasure.
The news was full of interesting articles today which I will share with my readers. Madoff, the broker who swindled his investors said he is very sorry he got caught, and he didn't mean to get caught. I'm not sure if that an exact quote, but I'm sure that is what he meant when he said he was sorry. He was sentenced to 150 years in prison which, with our judicial system, probably translates to a year and a half. On the subject of money, a board of economists think Obama is not doing a good job with the economy. Aren't these the same humans who came up with all the ideas that have caused all the problems? As I understand their criticism, it is because the banks aren't getting their bail-out money fast enough, and the reason they think that is
because most economists tend to be bankers. Do they have more jets on order or is this money to throw some lavish parties? I, Demon Flash Bandit, wouldn't trust these economists to count my milkbones.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Watches His Milkbones)

Engraving on Lincoln's Watch

Today I read an interesting story about an Irish immigrant, Jonathan Dillon, a watchmaker who was working on Lincoln's everyday watch when the shots were fired on Fort Sumpter. He engraved an inscription on the watch which was just seen for the first time today when it was opened at the Smithsonian. The inscription read, "there goes my vacation to DisneyWorld". Obviously, this man shows what war does to regular citizens who often have vacation plans ruined over gunfire. There must be a easier way to solve humans problems. Actually, there was an easier way to avoid the Civil War, but the problem is that people on both sides didn't bother to look for it, insisted on having their way, and sadly it did far more than disrupt vacation plans. The Ford Museum in Dearborn, MI has the rocking chair that Lincoln was sitting in when he was assasinated. Greenfield Village, also in Dearborn, has the Logan Courthouse where he practiced law before he went into politics. If you want to see the watch, it is in the Smithsonian in DC. There have been some other interesting finds at the Smithsonian including the last telegraph message Lincon received from one of his friends which read, "skip the play and try to dump Mrs. Lincoln, we have a poker game scheduled". I guess things never really change.

I have neglected to announce that I am pleased that the Obamas have chosen to get a Portuguese Water Dog. I guess Obama realized the wisdom of not getting a Labradoodle since that dog has a silly name and would be teased by dogs visiting from other countries. He is waiting to find one from rescue which, considering that the breed isn't common, he may not get one while he is in the White House. I think those of us dogs who aren't from shelters need to start our own protests since now it seems that no one wants us unless we have been bought by jerks who mis-treat us and dump us in shelters. I have no idea why the humans always have to make such a big deal out of everything. Who cares where the dog comes from as long as the person who gets him is happy with his or her dog and more importantly, the dogs is happy with the human. I think that is why there are so many wars among the humans, they seem to think they have to tell all the other humans what to do. I've asked the question many times, who put the humans in charge?

Iditrod, the big sled race in Alaska from Anchorage to Nome started a few days ago. I read that there is a problem with moose along the trail. There has been a population increase of moose, and that must be giving Sarah Palin an itchy trigger finger--so many moose and so few bullets.

Demon Flash Bandit (Mushing Off For a Nap)

Tragic Kennel Explosions

What is going on the past couple of days? Are the gas companies out to get us dogs? First there was a blast at a kennel that killed many dogs including Martha Stewart's Chow which was supposedly caused when a propane tank was being delivered and caused an explosion. Then there is another blast in MA that would have been far more tragic if the vet hadn't broken the lock with a cinder block and let the animals out. My Mommy is not a big fan of Martha Stewart because she and Martha could be from different planets--she sees her shows as funny. She seldom watches her shows, but one time Martha was making a sucker tree for the trick or treaters at Halloween. Martha is clearly out of touch with the tots of today who know that suckers are cheap candy and generally prefer candy bars. I guess the trick or treaters in her neighborhood have their eggs ready for her house. I'm sure there are wonderful things you can do with eggs cleaned from you house--perhaps a nice omelet for the raccoons. She also seems to think that the children would be nice and only take one sucker each--she really doesn't hang around many kids, does she? The first kid would probably be walking away with a "sucker tree". There was another time Mommy watched her make a picture frame out of sticks. Mommy said she has way too much time on her hands and needs to discover television. However, she does have the occasionaly dog on her show so we can overlook the silly projects. All jokes aside, our heart goes out to her because it is very sad that her Chow died such a tragic death, and I'm sure her dog will be waiting to see her when it is time for her to cross over the bridge--probably to show the angels how to make their harps more festive by hanging floral garlands on them.

Yesterday was Monday and Mommy and Jeff went to a movie on MONDAY. I think it was an attempt to throw a dog off since they usually go on Sunday. Angel and I had to watch William, and we never get paid for our efforts. Okay, I did get Burger King and Angel had chicken. I guess that is better than money. I can only add that I'm glad we don't have propane tanks around here so I think we are safe.

Demon Flash Bandit (Tragedy for Dogs)

Humans Are Entertaining, but Impossible to Understand

A dog can never run out of silly human stories. Whether they are calling 911 over a McDonalds running out of McNuggets, bringing a tiger back to the stage when it has already tried to eat one of the humans, or taking Rush Limbaugh's comedy routine too seriously, the humans never fail to make a dog laugh. The story that caught my eye today is that one about the lady bookkeeper in CA that embezzled 9.9 million from the cabinet making company that employed her. What did she do with 9.9 million dollars? First she redecorated her closet by turning a bedroom into a closet-complete with chandelier. Than she filled the closet with a 32 inch plasma tv, 400 pairs of shoes at a cost of $240,000, 160 purses at $2,000 each, and $300,000. worth of designer clothing. This happened from 2001 to 2007. She went out and spent $25,000 each week on her credit card and then paid for the spending spree with company money. Her husband, who was a cabinet maker at the same company had no idea that she was taking money. I'm assuming he makes cabinets and he must think a complete custom cabinet kitchen must cost $15.00 so his wife's major make-over to their house must have set them back $500.00. I think he should be given an IQ test. I can only assume that she is trying to compete with Imelda Marcos, the shoe lady who used to be the first lady of the Phillipines. Imalda had 5,400 shoes so this woman hadn't even come close to beating Imelda's collection. It also makes a dog wonder why a company woudn't notice that $100,000 a month was missing when they were having to lay people off. You'd think that would cause them to check over the books. I guess a dog will never understand human behavior. Humans only wear shoes on 2 feet--at least a dog wears 4 at a time, but I don't know of any dog who worries about how many they have. In fact, no human has ever managed to get shoes on my paws. If you even bring out shoes around Angel Zoom Smokey, she zooms out of the room. Sadly, the humans who seem to be the most obsessed with having all the stuff seem to be the most unhappy. I think they could learn a lot from dogs. We are much happier creatures than humans.

Now onto a more serious topic that I included on my website yesterday. There are animal shelters in MI (the local shelter isn't among them) that sell animals to research facilities. The worst one, in my opinion is the shelter in River Rouge, MI that, according to research that I was doing yesterday, does not allow animals to be adopted. In case you think that was a typo, it wasn't. They got caught in an undercover news investigation so the city council said they couldn't sell to research facilities anymore so they decided that the only way to make sure that the animals didn't get into the hands of researchers was to not allow dogs to be adopted. Every animal that enters their shelter is killed. I think this is criminal, and the animal control officer who made the decision to kill the animals should be brought up on animal abuse charges. I know that most of my doggy readers probably can't do much about this situation, but if any of their humans can get the word out, I'm sure there are a lot of animals in that area that would appreciate the efforts.

Demon Flash Bandit (Why are Humans In Charge?)

Arctic Adventures of a Lead Dog

I think it is time for another segment in the Adventures Of Demon Flash Bandit, Lead Sled Dog. One of my polar bear pals has been stranded on an ice floe and he can only survive with the help of his pal, Demon Flash Bandit. I tried to call 911, but I couldn't get through because there must be a lot of McMergencies in the area. You know how the penguins are about their McNuggets. The Arctic McDonalds must have run out. Anyway, how am I going to save my pal the polar bear (his name is Patrick Polar Bear)? I asked Pat if he had any ideas, and he said yes, he has ideas, but I don't think his idea about putting a coke machine on the ice floe is going to help. He said at least he would have something tasty to drink while he is floating away. That is when I came up with my idea. I took a rope and tied it around the ice floe which, believe me wasn't easy because the ice floe was about a mile wide so it took a mighty big rope and I pulled the floe to the spot where it broke off, and Patrick stepped onto the mainland. He decided to celebrate by drinking a coke. What else would a polar bear do? Then he took a nap. I decided to join him, and I took a nap too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Arctic Adventurer)

McDinner and a McShow

I was laying around taking a nap when I was wakened from a particularly nice dream just because it is time to enter a diary entry. The sacrifices I make for dogster. . . . since I'm up, I will write an entry. It isn't like anything particularly interesting is going on around here. It isn't like we are experiencing any McNugget McMergencies. I'm sure our local McDonalds has plenty of them. I don't know why that silly lady in Florida called 911 over McNuggets. The proper thing to do is to get in touch with Mayor McCheese. I think McDonalds has their own McPolice. Usually the Mcployees handle these kinds of problems, but they do hire a lot of Mcployees who aren't playing with a full deck. Mommy can remember going to one many years ago, and the cashier went running to the back because the customer gave her a coupon yelling, "I can't take it anymore, they have a coupon". Mommy said it was Mcdinner and a McShow. Perhaps McDonalds should consider branching into dinner theatre. I know my humans have been to many dinner theatres when they were on vacation, and Mommy's favorite was the Capone show in Orlando. It was very funny, and if it is still in business, she would recommend it to anyone who is in that area. No, dogs aren't allowed in dinner theatres. Don't get me started on all the injustice we suffer.

Demon Flash Bandit (McMergencies)

Dog Alert: Child Needs Our Prayers

I have noticed that there are toys made by a company called Corgi. They have made the wise decision to have a dog logo. Is this company owned by dogs or is it owned by some particularly intelligent humans? A dog does wonder about these things.

I saw on the internet that there is a little girl in New York who is having her 6th birthday today, but might not see her 7th birthday unless drs. find a bone marrow donor for her quickly. Her name is Jasmina Anema, and she is suffering from leukemia. When my brother had to have his transplant, they checked his 2 brothers, and they are a perfect match for each other, but no one in the immediate family matched him. He was lucky that he was easy to match because there was several people in the registry that matched him. It must be awful not to have an available match. I'm sure that all the dogs out there will be glad to pray that this little girl finds the donor she needs before it is too late. I'm sure that she would love to be well and playing with a dog if she had a choice.

I have to get back to my nap now.

Demon Flash Bandit

Donuts Help a Dog Think

As most of you already know, Angel Zoom Smokey and Samoa Sunnybear Belle were married on Valentine's Day, and Samoa chartered a cruise ship, the SS Shamrock to take him and his bride and all their pals to a castle in Ireland that he leased for the honeymoon. Everything has been wonderful until now. Kirby and I were in the kitchen checking the tomatoes to make sure none of the killer variety made it into the castle, and Samoa and Angel came running in to talk to us about a mystery that is unfolding on the castle grounds. They said they heard a voice screaming to beware of the curse, and they saw a Lady in White, the official castle ghost on the grounds when they were looking out the window. I considered telling them to quit looking out the window, but then again, I like to take the easy answers so I can get back to my naps. Anyway, I have to help them solve the mystery of the castle which, in this dog's opinion, could just be a ghost who wants to join the celebration with us and have some fun or the person who owns the castle is pulling a prank since no self respecting Irish castle isn't haunted. Perhaps some leprechauns think dogs will sniff out their pot of gold or a cat is having a bit of fun with us dogs. Anyway, I've working on the solution. I am eating 2 dozen jelly donuts so I can do some serious thinking. I always think better when I'm eating.

Demon Flash Bandit (Eating Donuts Since Puppyhood)

It's Time to Do What We Do Everyday, Angel Zoom Smokey......

In response to my dogosophy musings in my last entry, I was assured by Bella Donna, The Divine Miss M, that she enjoys chasing her tail so I think it is safe to assume that chasing one's tail is an enjoyable pasttime for a dog. I think chasing a cat's tail would be fun too, but only for the dog. HAHA I happen to like cats, but for the dogs who doesn't, let's just hope for the cat's safety, that those dogs don't catch the cat's tail. Sadly, not all dogs can chase their tails because some dogs have docked tails. I looked up the history of docked tails, and the reasons for them seem stupid to this dog. England did have a tax on dog's tails back in the 1700's which seems like a silly tax to me, but that is the reason many dogs back then had docked tails. I hope instead of going directly over the bridge when they passed that those dogs stayed around for a while to haunt the politicians who passed that stupid tax.

I asked Angel if she has been pondering what I've been pondering, and she said, "I think so, but the purse won't fit on my collar" which means that we have been watching Pinky and the Brain too much because that is the same sort of stupid answer Pinky would come up with. I, being more like Brain, had to tell Angel that we are going to do what we do everyday--take a nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Brains)

Important Dog Questions to Ponder

I am back on the internet at home, and it is wonderful. I hope things are going well for all my doggy pals.

Yesterday, I saw all the snow that came to Alabama while our area of Michigan didn't get a flake--okay we got a couple of flakes, but they melted before they hit the ground so they don't count. Today I saw that a bunch of humans who obviously have nothing better to do showed up in Washington to hear Rush Limbaugh give a speech. I asked Mommy is he is out of re-hab or is he still high. Judging from his speech, I'd say he is still high although it is hard to tell--he could just be living in Fantasyland with all the other Conservatives. Isn't the first step in drug re-hab admitting you have a problem? He did admit that Obama scares him. He is also tired of the pink elephants that have been chasing him around. Someone needs to adjust his medication again.

Moving onto a more important topic, I've noticed some dogs like to chase their tails. Is this fun? Do they ever catch the tail? If they do catch their tail, what do they do with it? I was perusing a dog philosophy book written by the highly respected, Dogscartes Dogbowl, and he says that a tail exists to be chased. There was also that immortal question. If a dog barks in the forest, and no one is there to hear him bark, will he still hear a human telling him to shut up? The most important question and this one has to be answered by an individual dog, if a dog is the only dog in the forest, are all the wild animals his to chase? All this dogosophy has got me ready for a nap. and leads to another question: If a dog sleeps, will everyone in the house shut up and let him rest? They better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogosophizing)

Why is MY SNOW in Alabama?

I just saw on the news that Alabama is getting snow, and the state of Michigan, at least in our area, has no snow. As a sled dog, I am totally annoyed at this latest weather insult to our breed. At least the sled dogs who live in Alabama (all 5 of them) will be happy.

Jeff was out all day yesterday with his friend without asking my permission or that of Angel Zoom Smokey. Mommy has been getting those Cesar dvds which are scary. What is his obsession with us dogs getting walks? Does he not realize that some of us are very much like Garfield the cat, and we don't like to exercise? We need our naps. There was once a cartoon where Jon decided Garfield needed to get some exercise, and let's just say that Garfield had the good sense to throw the running shoe at Jon's head. That kind of behavior would make me vote to make Garfield an honorary dog.

To all the dogs I owe paw mail to, I haven't forgotten you, but I hate to spend too much time on the computer at the libary.

Demon Flash Bandit (Where is My Snow?)

Have a Good Weekend

I hope all the dogs out there have a good weekend, and I hope I'll be back on my usual computer soon.

Demon Flash Bandit (Still at the Library)

Some Humans Actually Eat SNAILS!!!

It is almost March, and this dog is not looking forward to spring. Winter is the season we huskies love--even if our humans don't share our love of the snow and ice. At least living in Michigan has its advantages because it won't start getting warm as early here.

I am having Burger King for dinner today. I don't think I have to remind my regular readers that it happens to be my favorite food. It should be included in all gourmet food books, but I'm sure the humans don't share my opinion. I'm guessing human "gourmets" probably eat food that would be disgusting to us dogs. I've heard they eat things like snails--can you believe it--SNAILS, and they thinks we eat revolting things. It is time to get back to my burgers.

Demon Flash Bandit (Burger King Dog)

Many Humans Are Stupid

Mommy found even more dvds of the dog whisperer. I have decided to write my own tv program. It is going to be for dogs and it will be called the Human Whisperer. I know there are dogs out there who actually allow their humans to be in charge, and if any dog can help those poor mis-guided dogs it is me, Demon Flash Bandit, human whisperer.

Mommy also rented a documentary called Wal-Mart. When the figures came up that showed that the Wal-Mart employees have given millions to help fellow workers who are going through problems, and the 5 people who own Wal-Mart ( all worth billions) gave a whole $6,000. themselves, I thought that only humans could be so greedy and stupid. Yes, stupid. We dogs know that the humans who are greedy are very stupid because no matter how rich they are, they will have to leave this world one day and they won't be able to take a dime with them. I'd hate to have to explain to the Big Guy why it was necessary to hoard so much money and create so much misery. It must have been fun listening to the conversation among them involving the donation.

First Idiot: I think we should give $2,000. each.
Second Idiot: Are you crazy? That is 2,000 one dollar bills. What are you thinking? That would be close to one penny for each employee. You are going to spoil them.
Third Idiot: Yes, second idiot is right. If you continue with such generosity, they might want to clock out once they have worked 8 hours.
First Idiot: Okay, give what you want, and we'll see what happens. Wow, $6,000. We are so generous. We should receive a medal for humanitarianism. Someone, get in touch with George W. to tell him how wonderful we are. Tell him we want a medal--and some tax abatements.

I recommend this documentary to all the dogs out there. Mommy used to like Wal-Mart back before it became Super Wal-Mart. I do understand why the family who runs Wal-Mart built a bunker--they are probably afraid their employees are going to come after them one day. In keeping with the spirit of the store, they are also making people in other countries miserable. Perhaps if some of our corporations weren't going to other countries to take advantage of cheap labor, there would be more jobs here and less wars in the long run because those corporations create hostility in other countries. I still say that is you put dogs in charge, things would be better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Stupidity of Humans)

I'm not Human????

The latest update is that I'm having to use the library's computer. I will mention that the real downside to this place is that Mommy has checked out a couple of dvds which would be okay except that they are Cesar's dog whisperer dvds, nd I'm not a fan. Sure, he is a nice guy, but I actually heard him--with my own ears-- say that we are dogs not humans. I'll admit it isn't a compliment to be called a human, but I got the feeling it wasn't meant as a compliment. He was talking about dogs needing to go for a LONG WALK everyday, and I looked up from my nap and gave Mommy my annoyed look. I think a alk everyday would seriously cut into my nap time. Since I live with lazy humans, I think I'm safe. Hopefully, I'll be able to write my entries without coming to the library soon.

Demon Flash Bandit (Proud to Be a Dog)

Not Online Yet

I'm not writing from home yet so this will have to be short since Mommy was wasting valuable computer time on some store related stuff. I think it is a waste of time myself, but we dogs and humans usually see things differently. I will try to be back online soon with a more meaningful entry. Meanwhile, have a good day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Greeting My Pals)

Not Online Yet

I'm not writing from home yet so this will have to be short since Mommy was wasting valuable computer time on some store related stuff. I think it is a waste of time myself, but we dogs and humans usually see things differently. I will try to be back online soon with a more meaningful entry. Meanwhile, have a good day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Greeting My Pal)

Libraries are Boring For Dogs!!!!

Hello to all my dog pals on dogster. I'm at the library again. I have no idea why the humans need to have so many books. There isn't a rawhide bone or squeaky toy in this place. There are a lot of humans here. As you know, humans don't know how to have fun. If they did, they would be home with their squeaky toys. I don't see any possible fun that books would provide unless a dog is ripping them up, and then it might be fun. However, I will be a good dog and resist the tempation to do so since I need to write a diary entry, and the humans would probably frown on that kind of behavior. They might even notice I'm not really a human. Blue eyes can only fool them for so long......... Anyway, I hope all my pals have a good weekend, and I'll be writing again as soon as possible.

Demon Flash Bandit (Books Aren't Fun For Dogs)

Libraries are Boring For Dogs!!!!

Hello to all my dog pals on dogster. I'm at the library again. I have no idea why the humans need to have so many books. There isn't a rawhide bone or squeaky toy in this place. There are a lot of humans here. As you know, humans don't know how to have fun. If they did, they would be home with their squeaky toys. I don't see any possible fun that books would provide unless a dog is ripping them up, and then it might be fun. However, I will be a good dog and resist the tempation to do so since I need to write a diary entry, and the humans would probably frown on that kind of behavior. They might even notice I'm not really a human. Blue eyes can only fool them for so long......... Anyway, I hope all my pals have a good weekend, and I'll be writing again as soon as possible.

Demon Flash Bandit (Books Aren't Fun For Dogs)

Short Absence

I had to put on a hat and head for the library where I everyone thinks I'm a human. My blue eyes do have advantages. I am at the library because my computer is experiencing some technical difficulties and I will be back on line as soon as possible. The lack of diary entries until then is due to the problem.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Mistaken for Human)

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me a Match

Most humans don't use matchmaker services anymore, but they are hoping the match between Nanuq, a 22 year old polar bear and Anana, who is an 8 year old polar bear works out well. Nanuq was seen at the mall picking out a dozen red roses for Anana, who I'm sure will be pleasantly surprised by the flowers. Mildred, the matchmaker for the couple is hoping that her business will pick up. She remembers the time before the internet when it was harder for people to meet other singles. Nanuq came to her as a client because it is hard for a polar bear to use the internet. I'm sure if this match is a success, it will bring lots of business to Mildred. I overheard a couple of grizzleys talking about going to her. I guess it is hard to meet other Grizzleys at the usual places. Sure, they tried church and even singles bars, but the most successful couple I heard about met each other at a laundromat. If Buster's washer hadn't broken down, he would never have met Fuzzy. Buster and Fuzzy have been married for 2 years now, and they are such a sweet couple. Buster goes out everyday and kills something for dinner, and then they spend time together. After a busy day hunting, Fuzzy realizes that Buster needs time to unwind so she lets him enjoy his favorite tv show, "Aiming at Palin". That show is so popular that the Bear ratings are through the roof. The commercial ads sell for so much honey that a bear would be able to eat for a lifetime. It is one of those rare crossover shows because the wolves love it too. I hope that Nanuq and Anana have a relationship with the kind of love shared by Buster and Fuzzy.

On the subject of love, Angel Zoom Smokey married the ultra successful business dog, Samoa Sunnybear Belle on Valentine's Day. It was a lovely service. There was a chihuahua choir which was not only entertaining, but it also kept them occupied. If you think a chihuahua is energetic normally, keep them away from the bar because add an ounce of tequila, and those chihuahuas have more energy than the Engergizer Bunny, and everyone knows the bunny goes on and on and on and on and on.......etc. The wedding was held at an outdoor ceremony at Samoa's Pier, and the happy couple along with an entourage of dogs including myself are going to enjoy some time in Ireland. Samoa leased and entire luxury cruise ship and rented an entire castle there. I will let you know if I meet any leprechans because I want that pot of gold. I'll use it to buy dingo bones and gift certificates to Burger King.



Demon Flash Bandit (Reporting on Love Stories)

Advertising Needs More Dogs

I know most of us dogs are too young to remember a time when electronics were actually made in the United States. It was a time before the Japnaese took over, and now the Japanese are outsourcing their electronics. I decided to look into the history books and discover what the industry was once like in here in the US. It takes a dog to solve a problem because we all know that humans are clueless when it comes to problem solving. I found the answer so fast that it amazed even me that I could solve the problem so quickly. The answer is so simple that I'm amazed even the humans couldn't figure it out. RCA, a well known brand for many years, used a dog in its advertising. A kid and a dog were their "symbol". This shows that it was a very good brand to buy because a dog wouldn't endorse it if it wasn't the best. When is the last time you have seen that dog in its advertising? I can't remember the last time I saw a dog in an ad for RCA. How can they expect the public to buy their product without the dog in their ads? What were they thinking? Did they think people would buy based on some silly consumer magazine's opinion? Only people without dogs do that, and they are obviously stupid people or they would have dogs!!! I might also add that Coppertone hasn't been doing as well since they stopped that cute ad with the dog pulling down the girl's pants. You drop the dog from the ad (the kid was okay, but we know it was the dog that everyone loved), and then other companies take over--like Banana Boat. By the way, why would you name a suntan item Banana Boat? I've never met a banana that was worried about getting a sunburn. I think I've made my point that dogs should always be in advertising, and a company without the good sense to use a dog will go under or end up outsourcing their products to other countries. I think these big companies should have some dogs sitting on their boards. No wonder there are so many problems with the economy---a human isn't capable of making intelligent decisions. They need dogs for that.

Demon Flash Bandit (RCA Should Still Have The Dog!!!!)

Big Day for Cupid

I hope all the dogs on dogster are having a happy Valentine's Day. Angel and I will get our special treats after dinner. I also want to extend Valentine's Day wishes to the humans. As most of you already know, this is a busy day for that little Cupid character. He has to run around all over the world shooting arrows to make people and animals fall in love. I hope he can get some rest tomorrow because Valentine's Day must be a hard day for him.

Demon Flash Bandit (Speaking for Cupid)

Late Breaking Story

I want to make an announcement about mine and Angel Zoom Smokey's new website. It is www.animalmenagerie.com, and you are welcome to stop by and visit when you have a chance.

Demon Flash Bandit

Human Puppies Need a 5 Day School Week--They are NOT Dogs

I found it interesting that the legislature in the state of Florida is deciding whether to give school districts an opportunity to save money by choosing a 4 day school week vs. a 5 day school week. I think this is a silly plan. The main reason is that we now live in an era where a good education is more important than ever. Many children aren't getting a good education with 5 days at school. How is cutting it to 4 days going to make it better? It sounds like Florida should find a better way to solve their budget problems.
Any dog can tell you that humans don't learn quickly. Ask the ones who have been to obedience school with their humans. Most dogs can never get the humans to be obedient--no matter how long they are in school. Human children definitely need a 5 day school week. You have to remember--they aren't dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Commenting on Human Education)

Dogs Should Make the Important Decisions

The Westminister Dog Show for 2009 is over. It was the 133rd annual show. I want to thank the same judges for showing up for the past 133 years. To show up every year for 133 years shows real dedication. We dogs have decided to have a judges show next year. Yes, it is about time we dogs do the judging. I'm sure the judges won't mind. I'm assuming that all of them are perfect examples of their breed. If not, those judges won't be back because we dogs are only allowing champions.

Everytime I get on the internet, I keep reading about foreclosures, but today it isn't just a house, it is the John Hancock Tower in Boston. What is next, the Lincoln Memorial? The White House? Sure, I know the Hancock Tower isn't owned by the govt, but from the mess left by a certain Texan, it could happen. I think his term in office proves that Presidential candidates should have more sense than a cat. All us dogs know that cats should not run a country yet the humans elect bird brains. Maybe only dogs should vote.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Are Smarter than Humans)

Does the Key Fit?

Capt. Chesley "Sulley" Sullenberger, heroic pilot of the plane that was attacked by the terrorist geese, who brought the plane down to a landing in the Hudson River Jan 15 was honored with a key to the city. I have warned my readers about the evil birds ever since I started writing my diary entries, and maybe now the humans will listen when I tell them how evil those birds are. I also think Capt. Sulley should try that key as soon as possible because this dog thinks it might be bogus. I've heard that cities often give people keys that don't fit. I've watched the Thanksgiving Parade from Detroit every year, and they always give Santa a key to the city, and he still has to go down chimneys to deliver toys. Should he have to go down chimneys if the key fits. They aren't fooling this dog. That key probably isn't the right size.

After the key was given, the crowd was treated to a roasted geese feast. Wouldn't that have been an appropriate end to the ceremony? This dog thinks so. Congratulations Capt. Sulley, you are a true hero--just killing those birds make you a hero to this dog!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Birds Are Evil)

Floating in a Winter Wonderland

Lake Erie has been frozen about 2 feet solid which has been wonderful for people who like to ice fish, but this weekend, it was a bit of a problem near Cleveland, Ohio. The temperature warmed to above freezing and the wind gusted to 35 mph which caused a section of ice about 8 miles wide to break away and float off with several hundred humans on it. So far, 35 people have been rescued. I guess the humans will never listen when the state tells them that no ice is "safe". We huskies know that. Sure, we love ice even more than the humans who go ice fishing, but it has a mind of its own. I guess ice and huskies have a lot in common since both of us do as we please. No wonder we like ice so much!!! Anyway, it shows what a delightful winter it has been, and why the humans keep complaining about the weather, but you have heard no complaints from us huskies. We love the weather this winter.

Demon Flash Bandit (No Winter Weather Complaints)

Buried Treasure

Since the economy isn't doing well, AOL has a news article today on buried treasure. Who is better at finding buried treasure than a dog? As usual, we dogs were ignored. The article suggested a metal detector which makes me wonder if AOL is heavily invested in a metal detector factory since I would think that a metal detector wouldn't detect a treasure if it is buried very deep. I guess most dogs wouldn't be interested in finding buried treasure unless the chest if full of milkbones so I guess a metal detector is the way to go. Why do I get the idea that the metal detector people are going to be the ones making the most money?

Demon Flash Bandit (Treasure is in the Eye of the Beholder--and Mine Would be Milkbones)

I would like to thank all the dogs who sent the nice gifts in memory of Daddy. Mommy told me to write about something happier, but a man who insists that a dog gets Burger King everyday is a special human. I'm sorry he didn't get to meet Angel because he would have loved her too. I'm sure he woud have also made sure she knew the rules of the house--that all toys and bones are mine and she is allowed to play with them only with my express permission. She has been here for 2 years, and she still hasn't learned. I don't think she wants to learn the rules of the house. Mommy brings home toys to her which is undermining my training. I wish the humans would learn who is in charge around here and it isn't them!! Training a puppy is frustrating.

I should get back to my nap. A dog can never get enough rest.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thanks for the Kind Wishes)

Sad Anniversary

Two years ago today, my human Daddy crossed over the bridge, and this dog will always miss him. He was the one who wanted to get a husky, and he is the one spent the most time with me. From the time I was a tiny puppy who was brought home in a John Deere tub to when I became a big strong husky, he was there. He loved me more than most humans will ever love a dog, and I was very lucky to have known him. When he got sicker and was unable to walk anymore I kept him company. I got the nickname Dr. Demon from taking care of him so much. Although 57 years would be a long time for a dog to live, many humans live a lot longer, but they are humans who weren't exposed to Agent Orange when they were young. I know that when I become an old dog and it is my time to cross over the bridge, the humans here won't want me to go, but Daddy will be waiting for me and he will be so glad to see me, and I will be so glad to see him.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Always Missing Daddy)

My dreams of stardom are only a few miles away. Motown Motion Pictures Studio is opening in Pontiac, MI which isn't far from here. I am so excited. I can see it now: Demon Flash Bandit playing the handsome lead of Demon in Snow Dogs 2: The Dentist Needs to be Knocked Down Some More. That studio is only about 45 minutes away from where I live so I could film the movie and still be home with my humans at night. I am so pleased. Gov. Granhold, kudos to you for realizing how many talented dogs happen to live in Michigan.
I have to stop writing now. I have to go and find myself a pair of sunglasses.

Demon Flash Bandit (Star Dog)

Forecasting How I Would Look in a Gran Torino

There is good news from the world of weather. Punxsutawney Phil, Punxautawney, PA's famouse weather ground hog has predicted 6 more weeks of winter. This is great news for us huskies and probably less than welcome news for many of the humans who don't enjoy winter like us huskies. This, in my opinion, is far more reliable forecasting than the forecasts done by humans on the news since they are wrong much of the time. During summer, I don't think they are sticking their necks out much by saying there will be sun or rain. The tv stations actually pay them for those types of forecasts. It is unbelievable how silly the humans are--they pay for stuff that they could get free from Punxsutawney Phil.

Mommy went to see the movie Gran Torino last night, and she said it should get an award for being a great movie, but there aren't awards for that. There are Oscars which are generally reserved for the worst movies made. If you don't believe that, check over the Oscar list for this year. Sure, there might be a couple of good movies and a couple of deserving actors/actresses (but the Academy will do their best to make sure they don't win). Gran Torino was fimed in Michigan. The last scene is of the Torino cruising Lake Shore Drive in Grosse Pointe Farms and Grosse Pointe along Lake St. Clair with the Grosse Point yacht club in the background. The old neighborhood was filmed near Woodward Ave, in Highland Park. I think that helped give the movie the proper atmosphere.

It is time for this dog to get a nap so until tomorrow.......

Demon Flash Bandit (I'd Look Good Driving a Classic Car)

Why Am I Not in the Superbowl?

and the Doberman said to the Pit bull, "the Taco Belle dog was dressed in a tutu and his excuse was. . . . oh, I was just sharing a joke I heard with another dog. It isn't important. I'll move onto the important news of the day. For any of you dogs who missed the dog show, a Pointer won the best of show. CH Paragon's Red Red Wine won best of breed in the Siberian husky class. I won't try to mention all the best in breed winners, but I'm mentioning huskies because Angel and I are huskies so it is appropriate for us to pay attention to that category. Personally, I plan to enter a dog show that is designed for the dogs to show off how well they have trained their humans. That is my kind of dog show.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday which is a day dedicated to football. This dog loves football. I even have a mouth sized football I like to use to play football with the humans. I was not invited to be in this game so it isn't worth watching. I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Shows and Football)

It is a DOG Show, not a TRAINER Show

Once again Demon Flash Bandit is on diary duty whatever that means. I think it means I'm supposed to write a diary entry. I hope all you dogs realize the sacrifices I make to stay in touch with you. I could be saving the world from an evil bird bent on world domination, but I'm writing a diary entry instead. It isn't like anything is going on around here. I'm sure that is because the birds know that they are no match for the cleverness of Demon Flash Bandit.

The AKC dog show is tomorrow, and I think this show needs some improvements---ME. I know I would be best in show. What human came up with the silly idea that a dog is supposed to do what his trainer says? It is a DOG show--not a TRAINER show. The AKC must not want us dogs to be dogs. This is why I'm not in it. Mommy says I would be pulling the trainer like a sled. Isn't that what a sled dog is supposed to do. Silly humans!!! Anyway, it is a show worth watching. Make sure you pay attention to the dogs and not those silly human trainers annoying the dogs.

I've got to sign off now.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Show Commentator)

Do dos and Don'ts

Mommy had errands to run today so she had to leave early. I told her to stay home, but then I realized that I wouldn't get Burger King so I put up with her absence. The burgers were delicious!!!

The next time one of you dogs have an a little "accident", and your humans complain, you should tell them about the "chocolate lab in Kalama, Washington. The dog jumped into a tank of sewage, and was rescued by police officer, Jeff Skeie. After the rescue, the dog did a bit of shaking which I'm sure the officer, being a human didn't appreciate. How is a dog supposed to thank the humans? It sounded like an appropriate thank you to this dog. The dog was a stray who escaped while his pen was being cleaned and was adopted later that day by Gretchen Procop. She named the dog Hershey, which seems a very apt name for a dog rescued from the sewer. I bet every dog in the rescue place wanted a sniff of him after his rescue. The humans have no appreciation for the finer things in life.

An old axe was found in Maylaysia . The humans are all excited, but I'll never understand why. They sell new ones at the store. You'd think the humans would have enough sense to buy themselves a new one instead of an old worn out one. I guess this explains why so many humans get excited over garage sales. They think they are going to find a 1 or 2 million year old axe.

I saw something about a new planet. It has no dogs on it, so I have no idea what all the excitement is about.

I have a new rawhide bone, and I need to get back to it before Angel Zoom Smokey gets her paws on it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Has Never Been in a Sewer)

My Poem---Ode to Milkbone

Demon Flash Bandit is up from a nap so I guess it is time to write a diary entry. Before I write an entry, I feel a poem coming on so I will share it will my doggy pals.

Ode to Milkbone

You come in a box or in a bag.
You are bone shaped and make my tail wag.
I never get to eat my fill.
I eat from the box until you are nil.

When empty the box becomes.
I think my humans are so dumb
They could have bought 2 boxes instead of one
Two boxes are twice the fun.

I know I'll never be considered a great poet, but I think my poem sums up how most of us dogs feel about Milkbones. When I think about milkbones, I tend to get poetic. What dog doesn't?

It would be nice to be able to tell you that something new and different happened today, but it is the same old stuff. I get up, write my diary entry, take a nap, eat my dinner, take a nap, bark at Angel Zoom Smokey--a typical day in the life of Demon Flash Bandit.

I was saddened to read that 100 feral cats and dogs had to be euthanized that were found in a CA mobile home. At least they are in a better place over the bridge. It must be sad to be without humans. I know humans have a lot of silly rules, but it is still nice to have a human.

In Chattanooga, TN, a police detective has been suspended from duty for 28 days because he assaulted a 71 year old Wal-Mart greeter who asked to see his receipt. He supposedly needs re-training. As usual, the dog has a different opinion from the humans. A person who gets that mad when asked to see a receipt doesn't belong in law enforcement at all. That is the wrong personality for law enforcement. Re-training won't change that because most humans don't behave that way and need no training to know not to behave in that manner. I hope he doesn't have a dog because, if he does, I'd assume the dog is mis-treated.

I have a tip for any dogs living in Palm Coast, FL. If you happen to order a calzone at Goomba's Pizzaria, if it isn't what you ordered, live with it. The last person who complained that a calzone wasn't what was ordered was pistol whipped by the owner who even jumped over the counter to do a better job of whacking the customer ( and the customer's roommate) with his gun. The owner is out on bail. If you must go there, don't complain, but I would strongly suggest that you avoid Goomba's Pizzaria and go to one that is run by normal people. I felt I had to mention this as a public service to those dogs out there who might happen to travel to Palm Coast, FL.

It is past time for my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Poet)

Demon Should Be At the Movies

Yesterday was Burger King day so I enjoyed the day. Mommy went to see Hotel for Dogs, and she was talking about what a good movie it was. How could it not be? It had so many different dogs in it, and from what Mommy said, their perfomances were better than Oscar caliber. What can I say--from this year's Oscars, it might be an insult to the dogs' performances to say that they were Oscar caliber. I am anxious to see this movie when it comes out on dvd. Another dog movie is coming to dvd. It is Space Buddies. The Buddies are teamed with what looks like a bull terrier. I think Mommy should boycott that movie because they left out Shasta from Snow Buddies. I'm sure Shasta, being a husky could better withstand the cold temperatures of space. I also don't like the idea of any of the dogs going into space. Russia already sent dogs into space, and not all of them lived so I don't want to give the silly space scientists any ideas. I am perfectly okay with them sending cats into space because a cat won't go if he doesn't choose to, and they can send all the birds they want into space. Disney needs to be careful with movie concepts because the human studio executives don't need any help in coming up with stupid ideas. They have an abundance of them on their own.

Much of the weather in the nation is lovely winter weather. We got some of the lovely snow this morning and then it stopped. I had to bark at the clouds to let them know I wasn't pleased at their laziness.

I did see several threats on the internet that Texas might secede from the U.S. and make George W. president. It sounds like a plan to me. Within 6 months, they would probably be begging Mexico for money, and have their citizens heading to Mexico to find better jobs. It is also amusing that a desert state has everything they need to survive. I guess they have learned to do without water. Remember--don't mess with Texas--George W. will do enough damage without any of our help. By the way, I mean no offense to Mommy's relatives in Texas.

Sarah Palin has started the SarahPac, Doesn't pac stand for Palin Acting Crazy. A dog wonders about these things.

I've got to go eat some dinner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Wishing for More Snow)

Dogs Need Cell Phones Too

Mommy is going out later today so I'm hoping for Burger King. What could be better than Burger King except for more Burger King?

Mommy was watching some movies last night, and one of them was Firehouse dog. She knew there were dogs on the credits from watching it a long time ago at the theatre, but last night she saw that there were 200 dogs on the credits and they came from Dogster.com. After the credits on the dvd, there are 200 more dogster dogs that you can see. I think the people who made that movie should be thanked for picking regular dogs like us to be in their movie. I wasn't one of the ones chosen, but I saw a husky named Sadie, and I think it my pal Sadie. The next time your humans watch that movie tell them to continue watching after the credits so they can see all the extra dogs on there.

Would you believe the University of Alabama-Birmingham did a study on children using cell phones and the study showed.....drum roll please.... they are 43% more likely to get hit by a car when using their cell phones? Is this study going to make it more difficult for us dogs to get cell phones? I have a solution to the whole problem. All children should be on leashes for their own protection. Most of us dogs behave better and they let the children run loose!!! Is there no justice?

A woman in California had 8 babies. What is the big deal? My Mommy had 8 puppies and it didn't even make the news. Once again, we dogs are slighted. Now if you want a busy Mommy, that Dalmation in the United Kingdom who had 18 puppies gets my vote. I bet they didn't even hire extra help for her!!!

According to the internet, Sarah Palin's designer clothes are sitting around the Republican National Committee headquarters in trash bags. It isn't unusual for clothing donations to be in trash bags, but I do think $180,000 worth of designer clothing deserves a bit more respect that the old pair of Levis' a regular person is donating. I don't really see the need to have it sitting there since I'm sure someone would come and pick the donation up for them. My theory is that some of the people in the Committee are planning to help themselves to some designer clothing, and if it sits there long enough, they think people will forget about it. I know this is a dog's opinion, but if you are good looking, you will look good in those old Levi's, and if you aren't, expensive designer clothes can only do so much. The humans would save themselves a lot of money if they realized that simple truth.

Look at that--a nap is trying to slip by me. I've got to go catch it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping Dogs Informed)

AKC Dog Show is a Good Show

I see there is the AKC Eukanuba National Chanpionship Dog Show coming up at the end of the month. That is a show worth watching--if you are going to have an awards show, dump the Oscars and televise the show. I know it is televised, but some of the humans act like it isn't as important as the Oscars and that is just wrong. If you had to quit airing one of the shows, I would dump the Oscars in a minute.

When Obama said that "we are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and non-believers", she wonders if he realizes just how annoying that is going to be for Mommy. Mommy, being a southerner from the Bible belt whose parents were Baptist and whose ancestors have been in church for hundreds of years will now be flooded with e-mail forwards. Many of the people in the south will be highly upset that he didn't say this is a Christian nation. They won't notice that there were not percentages to these religions, and he didn't mention all the religions represented. He also didn't say anyone of them was right or wrong, but her mailbox will be full of forwards about this "horrible statement". Mommy maintains that forwards are mainly meant to be funny, and she enjoys them when they are funny. I think the humans need to lighten up and learn not to be so serious because, judging from the way most of the church attending ones live their lives, you wouldn't think most of them even give their religion a thought. I guess it would interfere with having a good time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Show--A Good Awards Show)

Digging Through Trash is Fun!!!

It is nice to know that I'm not the only dog who isn't impressed with the Oscars. My pal, Rahkantra Bella Donna from New Zealand wrote me with suggestions for possible uses for the award. My personal favorites were door stop and useless gift for a relative you don't like. I know that finding that perfect gift for the relative you don't like is always difficult. It isn't like every family has a 20 year old fruit cake sitting around waiting to be the perfect gift for those special people in your life. I'm sure all of us have had that annoying experience of giving the hated relative the most awful gift we could find only to discover that they love it!!! I might add that Mommy says some of the paintings particularly in the modern art section of art museums would be in the trash if they were Mommy's. Art is much like the Academy Awards. If you are an artist and hang around some ultra rich people and act snobby, they will think your cat's litter box is art. Judging from some of the things in the modern art section, the litter box would be an improvement. At least those artists have learned the secret of having their art recognized now instead of having to wait until 100 years after they die. I could make some cool paw print paintings, but I'm not the type of dog to mingle with the elite and act like I enjoy being around them. Sure, I know I would like some of them, but some of them would be upset to have a dog around. I say that they aren't worthy of having a dog of my obvious caliber sniff their butt. Some of the humans think way too highly of themselves. Someone should explain to them that they need to realize that they aren't dogs; and therefore, they aren't that wonderful. Only humans can think they are above us dogs. What idiots!!!

The Open House Friday night at mine and Savvy's new house went well. The dogs really enjoyed the sand dune room, and if any of you dogs are building a new home, I highly recommend including that room. Some of the guests were in there for hours. Of course, we had to get the beavers from the Pier to dig up some cool stuff from the land fill to hide in the dune. It is so entertaining to dig for treasures. Sometimes I go in that room and dig just to relax. I think the best treasure was a half eaten tuna sandwich which one lucky dog found in the dune. All the other dogs were so envious of that find. The humans throw away such interesting items. Have any of you dogs went through your pawrent's trash? I know I have. I am nice about it. I don't generally dump it all over the floor. I generally stand at the garbage and go through it. Angel once found a bag that had some chicken juice in it. Can you imagine throwing such a treasure away? Angel ate all of it. She was so happy and kept bragging about her good luck. Mommy just looked disgusted. Humans have no taste. I just had a thought. Do you think Mommy wanted to hoard that juice for herself, and it had been accidentally thrown away? I wonder. . . .

I'd better get back to napping. I'm sorry about not writing yesterday, but I had better things to do. I was napping.

Demon Flash Bandit (No Oscars Buried in the Sand Dune Room)

I Won't be Watching the Oscars--As Usual

I wonder how many of you dogs are as annoyed as I that the Academy Awards snubbed one of the best movies of the year, Marley and Me. I didnt get to see it since DOGS AREN'T ALLOWED IN THEATRES, but I have heard that it is great, and I've seen the trailers. I think it was because they know that the dogs deserved an award far more than any of the human actors or actresses this year. Jeff is upset that the Dark Knight didn't get many nominations, and Mommy and I have to agree with him. Jeff is highly annoyed, but Mommy has always thought the Academy Awards are stupid, and she has never watched them. She says there is nothing worse than watching a bunch of celebrities showing up for an award that, although an "honor", has to be one of the ugliest pieces of bric a brac on the planet. It looks like something that you would pass up at the Salvation Army thrift store. I know Oscars have been given to some very deserving people, but some of them are given out to movies and performances, that you are thinking, how much did these people have to pay to have that award handed to them? Mommy thinks the ultimate award for acting is the money they are paid for a movie. Johnny Depp was passed up for best actor Oscar a few years ago, but I think the money he is paid for his performance of Capt. Jack Sparrow says it all. What really matters, millions in the bank or an ugly statue that needs dusting? I know I woudn't bother to watch a movie just because it got an Oscar nor do I bother to go to movies that star Oscar winning actors and actresses. I think they should dispense with televising the whole awards show, and show something that would be more entertaining--like Dancing with the Dogs. You can be sure that this dog and his family won't be watching those stupid celebrities congratulating each other for doing their job--that's right, acting is their job. I can't wait until they televise their septic tank cleaner of the year awards. Yes, the golden plunger goes to, Joe the Plumber. I'm only joking--I think most of us think that Joe the Plumber probably can't plumb his way out of a paper bag. I hope all the dogs out there turn the channel on Oscar night because we have been ignored again.

Demon Flash Bandit (Academy Award Winners are Often Garbage)

Terrorist Birds on the Loose

I have a Demon Flash Bandit salute to 2 local teenagers from Fenton, MI who were ice fishing when 2 labrador Retreivers fell through the ice. Their quick thinking resulted in saving the dogs' lives. Sure, my Mommy still says anyone who goes ice fishing is insane, but it is good for those 2 dogs that those boys didn't have Mommy's attitude toward a fun winter sport.

Bird remains have been found in the engine of that downed US Airways jet that had to make the dramatic landing in New York's Hudson River. Thank goodness the 155 people on board survived. I have been telling the humans about the evil bird plot to destroy the planet by stealing our snow, and most of the humans don't listen. Now maybe they can see how evil those birds are now that they have become terrorist birds. If George W. was in office, I have no idea what would be done to manage the situation because I am totally unfamiliar with the color chart, but it definitely would have required a whole new color to monitor the situation properly.

I hope all you dogs have a good day, and watch out for the birds--they are getting worse.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning of Evil Birds Since Puppyhood)

Humans Should be Seen and Their Opinons are Unimportant

First I want to say that I was saddened to read about the German Shepherd who was murdered in Gwinnet county, Georgia. There is a vigil being held Saturday night for the dog, and if you happen to live in the Atlanta area, you might want to attend. The info in on dogster's main page. I hope they find the fiend.

I have to give my "Demon Flash Bandit Stupid Human of the Year Award" to the newsman on Fox News, Chris Wallace, for his suggestion that, because the Chief Justice messed up the oath of office which Obama had to repeat, Obama isn't officially President. I suggest that Wallace continue to do his job--which is to keep blabbering whatever baloney Fox is trying to dish out on any particular day, and let Constitutional Lawyers announce if there are any problems. They have actually went to school and studied these very issues. I have to admit that an oath would be good for many people before they embark on a career. I have made up an oath of "career" for all newsmen to take before they are allowed to report the news in the future:

I will dutifully report the news and avoid dispensing my opinions about what I read on the teleprompter. As most of the viewers know, if I were that intelligent, I would be actually doing something useful instead of reporting news that 86% of Americans can read for themselves." ( The latest illiteracy rate is 14%.)

I'm getting tired of all the time wasted on all these silly things when there are important things to be done--like finding that jerk who killed that puppy. The humans need to learn to prioritize their lives.
Obama is already busy doing Presidential things without a dog at his side. Sure, newsmen, yap about stupid stuff, and ignore that the Presidential dog isn't chosen yet. Remember, learn to prioritize: dogs are the first thing in importance. No wonder the humans have so many problems. They need to put the dogs first. By the way, if I'm ever hired as a newsdog, that oath doesn't apply to me because the humans need to hear my opinion. It wouldn't be the opinion of a human, it would be the opinion of Demon Flash Bandit--a dog's opinion is important, but human opinions are silly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Should be Seen and Dogs Should be Heard)

A Big Fish Story

It is another lovely winter day here. It reminds a dog that even on the hottest days of summer, there is still hope for a cold, arctic type winter. Of course, that is providing you don't live in one of those horrible tropic places where the birds keep stealing your snow. I don't know how so many birds can steal everyone's snow and cause global warming in the process, but the humans never seem to understand the cause because the birds sing so nicely--it doesn't take much to fool the humans.

I saw on the internet news that a man in Long Island decided to get a pet shark, and he stole one from an aquarium in a pet store. I know that I was shocked. He could have gotten a dog, and he chose a shark! This is a man who is even stupider than the average human and all us dogs know that the average human isn't very smart. Actually sharks do have one redeeming quality, shark does rhyme with bark, and they also posess teeth that would make a dog envious. I bet the humans don't try to tell them what to do unless they want to be missing a hand. Even though I don't understand why a human would want a pet shark, at least it isn't a pet bird.

Mommy has to go to the post office today so I'm keeping my paws crossed for Burger King. I hope all of you dogs out there are enjoying our new President. I am anxiously awaiting the news of which dog he is going to get.

Demon Flash Bandit (Hoping for Burger King)

Inaugural Ball Sounds Fun

Angel and I sent a letter to the Alabama post office that I wrote about in my entry yesterday to support Sammy the Cat. Let's hope that Sammy will soon be allowed back into HIS post office. I also got Burger King yesterday so it was a good day. Mommy went to see a movie. She saw Mall Cop. She wanted to see Hotel for Dogs, but didn't want to wait the extra time for its showing. I'm sure she will see the dog movie soon. Dog movies are very popular with my humans which is because they have excellent taste in entertainment.

It is nice to finally read about something in politics that a dog can get his teeth into--the Inaugeral Ball. Up until now, most of the political news has been centered around humans, but finally, there is something for the dogs. I know I enjoy playing with my football and my tennis balls so I am so pleased that the govt. has remembered dogs' love for playing ball with the Inaugural ball. I have only one thing to add, thanks human politicians for thinking of us dogs.

I have to get ready for playing ball so I'll conclude this entry.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves To Play Ball)

Sammy the Cat Homeless Due to Poor Excuse for a Human

I have a call to action by my diary readers. Sammy the resident cat of the Notasulga, Al post office needs our help. I know some of you dogs don't like cats, but this is a civil rights issue, and we dogs could be next. Sammy was living at the post office and minding his own cat business when some angry poor excuse for a human complained that Sammy isn't paying taxes, and he was banned from the post office because he isn't a tax payer. Since when does it require paying taxes to enter a post office? Do humans have to show their tax form before entering? Anyway, some intelligent humans in this town bought Sammy a post office box, and all of us can write to show our support for Sammy being allowed to stay at the post office. We have some cats who hang out in businesses in our town, and the customers don't mind. If a person happens to be allergic, the big question here is, how long do they hang out in the post office anyway? If they have allergies that bad, then they are probably allergic to far more than just cats and they will probably be sneezing their way through life anyway so why pick on Sammy? I don't hear us dogs or cats complaining about the humans to whom we are allergic. Sammy's address is:

Sammy the Cat
P.O. Box 173
Notasuga, AL 36866

I plan to do my part to help fill Sammy's post office box and if I knew the human who complained, Angel Zoom Smokey would be glad to go to Alabama to give that person a puppy slap of justice.

On the lighter side, if some of you don't believe you can find things to buy on e-bay that you can't find anywhere else, I do occasionally search the sight to let you know the kinds of unique items you can find. As usual, I was not disappointed. I saw an exchange student from the planet Mung for sale called Alien in a Can. The aliens from Mung must be small. There was also a hush puppy haunted by the spirit of an evil chicken. Even E-bay sellers know that birds are evil.

I have to go address a letter to Sammy the Cat so I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Supporting Animal Rights)

Wii is Evil and Shoud Be Stopped

Normally, I have nothing against video games, but this new Wii system is an exception. I haven't spoken out against it until I read that a dog in Marquette, MI (a miniature Sheltie) was almost killed when the humans were playing Wii bowling so it is time for Demon Flash Bandit to speak out against this horrible new gaming system. Thankfully, the dog was given CPR and responded and is back to normal, but the dog almost died. This Wii system is evil. Most regular video game systems let the humans play games. That is it. The human sits at the tv, and plays the game. No danger to anyone, and all the mayhem stays on the screen. Whose idea was it to come up with an "active" video game system? It makes no sense to a dog. You get a Wii system, and you can be active while you play. I've seen humans on tv dancing on the dance pad things that you buy special for the system. Am I missing something here? Can't you be active without having to buy a game system to do it? Haven't people been playing actively since the early days of the cave man when Ork decided to throw a rock and Irk ran after it and threw it back. Sure, there were a few problems in the beginning when Ork got conked in the head with the rock, but over the centuries, humans have worked that little problem out. Then along come this silly video game system, and the humans decide to get up out of their chairs and play again. Perhaps some of them could benefit from the ancient tales of their grandparents who, had they asked for a game system and over-priced games, their great-grandparents, who proably lived through the 30's would tell them NO and share fun stories of the Great Depression. Then they would tell them to go outside and find something to do. These pioneer children who grew up during the 40's, 50's, and 60's had to live without cell phones, video games, and they also endured tvs with as few as 3 channels. Life was hard, but they survived and thrived and I think it is because they had to get out and live--not sit in the house and play. When I think of the stories of how horrible life was for these children--when they wanted to ride a bicycle, they had to actually ride a bicycle, not buy a virtual bike that they rode virtually. Often there was a dog running along with them. You know the evil people at Wii are planning to come out with a Wii dog to replace the family pet. The only "redeeming quality" of Wii is that it makes the kids exercise. If you ask this dog, that is the worst quality. If we were meant to exercise, we woud have been been born in sweat suits. I think it is time that the humans realize the danger of this new game system before the next generation buys a Lifeii system which lives their lives for them while they watch themselves on the screen, and make a few moves on their Life pad. I also think dogs should stay as far away from this game system as possible. It is obviously out to get us. By the way, this system has been condemned by our cat pal, Garfield, who, as everyone already knows is against exercise.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not in a Virtual World)

Farewell Speech--Good Riddance

My fellow Dog Americans, I want to go on record that Obama isn't the only one who didn't watch George W.'s farewell speech. I also decided not to watch it. Before you assume it is because I didn't win the Presidency, you would be wrong. I just had better things to do. He was saying goodbye, and I was thinking good riddance. Of course, everyone knows what he said because it will be covered so much on the internet and tv news until you would think it is one of those new release cable movies that the cable station has to show a zillion times before they buy another newly released movie to show. I know some of you dogs are napping so I'll give you a quickie re-cap. He is a big success because there was only one terrorist attack during his reign. Wasn't that one attack too many? I was waiting for him to thank his....ah the oil companies for crippling the economy with their greed. I hope he didn't forget the banks because some of them have been making loan sharks look nice in comparison. As you can see, I know most of what he said, and it just wasn't worth missing a nap to hear him say it. I can only say that I hope Obama does a better job, and I also hope he gets his dog fast because there needs to be a dog guiding the Presidential decisions. George W. has dogs, but he didn't listen to them, and you know how much the humans mess up when they aren't listening to their dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Political Commentary)

Marlins and Manatees

I saw some great news for men who want to flaunt their bellies, the Florida Marlins are looking for some mannatees or, sea cows. This will be a new cheerleading squad, and this dog might even watch the game to see these new sea cow cheerleaders. Any team can pick a bunch of anorexic girls to jump up and down, but it takes progressive thinking to choose sea cow cheerleaders. Finally, a team that has some taste. What sport are the Marlins anyway--I'm thinking a swim team--aren't Marlins' fish? I know the commedienne, Jim Gaffigan, has made a lot of funny comments about sea cows. He was so right about them too. He said if they were on a talk show, the audience would be saying things like, "get a job, sea cow". That shows that he has actually watched talk shows. Mommy seldom watches talk shows or reality shows because the reality of the situation is that both types of shows are essentially boring. Mommy has been watching the first 3 seasons of Sanford and Son for the past couple of days, and one episode was particulary pertinent to today's economy. Fred and Lamont didn't have enough money to pay all their bills so the phone was shut off, and Fred told Lamont to go check and see if the water and electricity was still on while trying to keep the furniture company re-po people from re-possessing their furniture. Thanks to George W. and the oil companies, many people are now able to live out this funny scenerio in real life, and yet most of them aren't laughing. I guess things were funnier in the 70's. If you have never heard of Jim Gaffigan, I suggest you get, Beyond the Pale because he is a very funny man. He also does the ultra popular Pale Force comics starring him and Conan O'Brian.

After discussing that silly "car want to be", Toyota Prius yesterday, it is nice to report that today I saw an actual car photo from the Detroit Auto Show. It was a new Shelby Mustang, and it is a car--not one of those silly, I've got 4 wheels, can I be called a car type vehicles. One of my brothers was actually named after the old Shelby Mustang, but Daddy didn't tell Mommy he was named after a car at the time. Daddy was in a bit of trouble later when she discovered he had named a baby after a car. The humans here used to go to the Detroit Auto Show every year. Daddy was a true carnutsewer--don't bother to look that one up in the dictionary because Mommy made it up because she said it is the best word to describe his mania for cars. Anyway, it is good to know that there are still some actual cars at the Auto Show, and the Prius is quite welcome to join the other toy cars at the Toys R Us Auto Show--where it belongs.

It is time for a dog's nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Yeah Sea Cows!!!)

Need Gas? Back to the Future........

I hope all you dogs are enjoying this delightful weather. Our local weather predictions are for a high of 23 F, and a low of -7 F. If you are wondering why we are having this delightful weather, it is because it is that most wonderful season of the year, winter. I like to call it Husky Dreamland because it is truly a beautiful land of dreams outside. Don't pay any attention to the humans--they complain about everything.

The internet says there is big news from the Detroit Auto Show, and then has the nerve to mention a Toyota Prius. I had no idea that it would even be metioned at the Detroit auto show because this dog thinks that a car that isn't big enough for a chihuahua to ride in should not be classed as a car. Do they have extension cords long enough for it to leave its yard? I'm still waiting for the silly humans to realize that if they all buy electric cars, the electric company will up its prices. When Mommy was growing up, her family had an all electric house because TVA provided cheap power. Now that house has been converted to gas heat. When TVA got a lot of humans to build all electric houses, they upped the price of electricity. Why do humans never see it coming? I think it would be wiser to come up with a car that runs on things no one actually wants like the one in Back to the Future that runs on garbage. Of course, then they might up the price of garbage, but it should still be cheaper than gas or electricity. Actually an even more creative solution would be to build one that is also a time machine. When the car gets low on gas, send it back in time to when the gas was 30 cents a gallon, fill it up, and then return to the future and enjoy the ride. I think that is the ultimate solution to the whole price gouging problem. Can't you just see taking a ride in that car? Where we are going, we don't need roads. . . .

Demon Flash Bandit (Always Solving Problems)

School Bus Could Have Used a Team of Huskies

I saw some weather related local news already today. A local Howell school bus carrying elementary school children slid off the main road into a snow bank. There were 20 children on the bus, and the worst injury was a child who bumped his knee. Considering kids do that about 1000 times a week I think he will be okay. I think it would be wise for the schools to hire a team of huskies to pull the buses when this type of weather comes. This isn't the first time buses have slid off the roads. When my brothers went to school, it usually happened on the dirt roads and it was high school and middle school students because they go to school earlier. Once a couple of buses would slide on the dirt roads, school would be cancelled for the younger children. This is a lesson for the elementary school children--you'd better pray a lot harder before you go to bed because most of you don't get up early enough to pray that the buses slide and your school is cancelled. This is true everywhere and does not just apply to the local school district. Here in Howell, if you want a snow day, you have to do enough praying because these schools don't close down over half an inch. Mommy has to go to the post office today, but the roads are usually much better by the time she goes out. However, since the snow has started earlier this year, she keeps talking about moving farther south. Last summer, it was Georgia, and the first snow hit, and it became Florida. The next snow might have her planning a move to South America. As I've said before, Mommy would make a terrible husky. I might add a comment about the local people running this county. The roads have not been salted nearly as much as they were in the past. Salt does cost money, and the money was better spent building a new high school that was recently used for a movie because the idiots running this place spent a bunch of money building a state of the art high school, but don't have the money to hire the teachers to teach in it. The political people running this place are Conservative Republicans. They are so conservative that the Democratic party doesn't even run anyone against them here. I think the school building stands as a monument that both parties spend tax payer money foolishly so I get tired of hearing how the liberals throw money away. They just spend it on different things than the conservatives. When it comes to spending tax payer money, both parties are guilty. I'm sure the school would have been needed had not the recession stopped a lot of the home sales, but sometimes you don't need to build things in advance. I might add that many of the local political people are honest and do a good job. I think local people are usually less greedy than those on the national level. Anyway, as Hollywood has already discovered, if they need a high school that isn't being used, we have one available for making movies.

Demon Flash Bandit (Winter News)

Dog Better Than Mother-In-Law

Finally, Obama made the announcement that the dog for his daughters has been narrowed down to 2 breeds--a Portuguese Water Dog or a Labradoodle. I know I could keep it quiet, but I will tell you which I voted for----the Portuguese Water Dog. It is a pretty dog, and a Labradoodle wouldn't get my vote because it has a silly name. Humans, if you want a designer dog, don't give it a name that sounds so silly. I feel sorry for a he-man type dog like myself who would have to tell other dogs, I'm a labradoodle. The Pit Bulls and Dobermans would be laughing hysterically and the poor labradoodle would be getting his tail out of their presence in shame. I guess calling it a Poodoor doesn't sound much better. If I were the Obamas, I would get my dog from a breeder. You have to follow me on this one--rescues typically have 2 types of dogs--mixed breeds which you can never be completely sure what their traits will be or pure breds who were given up which means that you never know how the humans have treated them. Because the White House has all sorts of important people from all over the world coming there, the last thing you need is to have a dog with "mental issues" (I'm not saying the dog is to blame--that would be the fault of the precious humans.) Also some of the rescue dogs might not be comfortable being in the spotlight. Besides, it might take a very long time for a rescue to get a dog like a Portuguese Water Dog because it isn't a common breed. If the Obamas get a rescue dog, and that particular dog does something like bite someone, then many people out there will assume that all rescue dogs are bad and that could cause many of them not to consider shelter dogs when they are going to adopt. As all of us dogs are aware, the humans aren't very logical about such things. Recently, George W.'s dog bit a reporter, and had that dog been a rescue dog, it would have made rescue dogs look overly agressive. Anyway, I'm sure they will find a dog, and I actually don't care where it comes from because all of us dogs are wonderful. I think this is finally a bit of important news after that disappointing mother-in-law story. I've heard several of the human men saying that he really needs to get a pure breed mother-in-law biting dog. I suspect that these men must not love their mother-in-laws. I decided that fact on my own and I didn't even consult, Curious, the Psychic Cat.

Yesterday Mommy went to see the movie, Seven Pounds. She said it was a good movie, but it was sad. There was a Great Dane in the movie for those of us who want to see more dogs in entertainment. Jeff went to see Gran Torino, and he said it was good.

It is nap time for Demon Flash Bandit so enough writing for today.

Demon Flash Bandit (Prefers Portuguese Water Dog for the Obamas)

Give Me Burger King or Else

I hope all you dogs checked out that Rabbit Hash website. You know it has to be a progressive, intelligent town to have a dog as its second mayor. I'm sure the dog did a much better job than any human mayor could have done.

There were a couple of interesting news articles today. Prince Harry was accused of making racist comments. I read the article, and I think humans get way too sensitive because I have actually made some comments about the British royal family that, let's just say weren't complimentary. No, I don't hate the royal family or wish them any ill will, but my humans have lived in this country for a very long time, and one of their ancestors had a bit of a problem with King George III a couple of hundred years ago. I also make no apologies for my observations about King George W. or the Pains in Alaska (if you leave out the L, I have observed that it is a much more accurate definition of the clan), or that 300 year old dude, McCain. If you humans could speak dog, you would be shocked to hear what we say about you bi-peds. Even the fact that you are bi-peds causes a lot of comments among our species. An "owner" falls down, and his dog, while honestly concerned says to the other dogs, "you know this was going to happen--why do the silly humans try to walk on only 2 paws".
Than all the other dogs start laughing because we know humor when we see it, and it usually involved our "owners" and their behavior.
It isn't just us dogs that do it. You should hear the cats. They make fun of their humans constantly. Their owner walks in the door, and the cat says, "What a delight to have you home (sarcasm on the part of the cat) Did you bring me anything tasty like salmon? What? You brought home cat food. I have an idea, why don't you eat the cat food, you %&*#@#%$&* human. All us dogs know that you can't quote cats long without having to resort to symbols. For those of you who just HAVE to know what the cats are saying, the interpretation is, you "I'm going to steal your breath while you are sleeping" human. They want you to think it is something else because humans might not be happy having a cat around who is planning to kill them. Sure, humans are stupid, but not that stupid.

Larry Flynt is seeking a bail out from the govt. for the adult entertainment industry. I have decided to ask for a bail out for Burger King--no not to help the company, but to give me, Demon Flash Bandit, at least $1,000,000 in Burger King gift certificates. I'm sure with me and my fellow dogs eating at that fine establishment, they will not be in need of any further help. No, they don't need it now, but I do. There are days when I don't get BK. When a recession starts affecting a dog, then it is time for the govt. to get off their lazy political tails and fix it. I do not want to eat chicken while being told that the humans are economizing. What's next? Dog food? Do they want to see a million dog march on Washington. Sadly, the politicians going in didn't cause the problem. We dogs are going to have to start organizing these events sooner even if it does interfere with out nap time.

Perhaps I should go consult Curiosity the Cat Psychic about how to best effect change among our "leaders".

Demon Flash Bandit (Hates Economizing)

Bad News, and Good News

When a year passes, it makes a dog think about the year that has gone before it, and of course, the events of that year come to mind. I was reminded of one of those sad events by my pal, Maggie. She sent me the website for Rabbit Hash, KY. www.rabbithashusa.com/notions.php
This site tells about the death last year of one of Rabbit Hash's most distinquished citizens, Mayor Junior Cotton (1995-2007). Mayor Cotton crossed over the Rainbow Bridge on May 17, and he will be missed. A new mayor was voted for in during the last election, and it was Lucy Lou. If you click on election results, you will see just how hot that election became. A human actually entered the race which was just silly. That human should have known there was no chance, but you gotta love the human for trying. Anyway, it is a very nice website, and I recommend it highly. It takes a lot for a website to get the Demon Flash Bandit star of approval.

I saw a headline that said "look who is moving in to the White House". Naturally, I got excited because I thought they had chosen a dog. Instead, it is his mother-in-law. I didn't even bother to read it. A dog would be special--a mother-in-law is just your wife's mother. Big deal!!! That didn't even seem newsworthy to Demon Flash Bandit. A bit of news that was worth reading about was the article about Buttons, the Dalmation in the United Kingdom, who just gave birth to 18 puppies (bringing her total amount of pups to 33 total). There is a very cute photo of her and her pups on the internet. This is a truly brave young mother. The cost of Burger King alone will be staggering, but can you imagine the cost of college for 18 puppies without even factoring in the cost of the other 15. I guess these puppies are going to have to work their way through college or get scholarships. Judging from how cute they are, perhaps they can get modeling jobs. If Disney re-makes 101 Dalmations, Buttons could probably provide all the puppies. Anyway, congratulations Buttons on all your new arrivals.

I hope all the pups out there have a wonderful weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Sad About Mayor Junior Cotton)

Grizzly Comments

Sarah Palin is on the internet news . . . . . .AGAIN!!! This time she said she can feel the mother grizzly rising up in her. I think I speak for many of us when I say that I could care less what she had for dinner, and if she needs an antacid, it isn't necessary to inform the world. Does she think the mother grizzly wanted to be her dinner? After telling about her stomach problems, then she really starts whining about the media. I do give her credit for being one of the biggest hypocrites of recent years. Her daughter and boyfriend sell photos of her grandson, and the media is "exploiting her children". I guess the $300,000 the media paid her was impossible to turn down yet most celecbrities do not sell photos of their children. It is called being protective. She went on to whine about how Couric's ratings are up. I think Palin should realize that just as "Couric is not the center of everyone's universe" neither is she although from her almost daily chats with the media, she must think she is. She complained about Tina Fey, who, while playing her in a SNL skit, said: "I think marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teen-agers", that skit was meant to be funny, but let's face it, not date has been set so those two teen-agers do not want to be married YET. I hope the media will quit covering her because most of us are sick of seeing her face, hearing what she had for dinner, and making Couric sound like the bad guy because Palin has no idea what newspapers or magazines she reads. (She couldn't come up with some kind of answer for that?-it boggles a dog's mind.) I do wonder why it is necessary for her to give her opinion of Caroline Kennedy's run for the Senate. I do agree with Palin about it being a class issue. Kennedy has class. Palin doesn't. Ultimately, Kennedy will be chosen by the people in her district--not nationwide so I think all that matters is what the people in her voting district think of her. Once again, a dog needs to solve this problem. Sarah Palin, shut up and do your job of running Alaska. They deserve a governor. Media people, quit covering her at all. Grizzlies, stay out of her way. Problems solved. Thanks accepted.

I hope that is the last time I ever write about her. She is like a flea--a troublesome. useless pest that doesn't want to go away.

On the subject of Alaska, Mommy watched "Into the Wild" last night, and she liked the movie even though she and I differ about our opinions of Alaska. I think it is paradise, and Mommy thinks it is a pretty place that is too cold. So many humans think paradise involves palm trees and sun. I have 2 words for those silly humans: skin cancer. That really makes you humans re-think your whole paradise idea, doesn't it?

I will write more tomorrow, and hopefully, I won't be feeling my dinner coming up by seeing Palin's face on the internet. By the way, I had chicken. I actually don't mind it coming up because it is just as good the second time.

Demon Flash Bandit (Against Eating Grizzlies)

Blame the Humans, Not the Pit Bulls

I hope all my pals on dogster are having a good day.

I noticed the story on the internet about the ex-Marine in Anaheim, CA who killed an attacking pit bull with a kitchen knife. He was taking his 2 dogs for a walk when the pit bull attacked, and he borrowed a knife from a home along the walk, and killed the pit bull. This pit bull deserved to die--he attacked a Siberian husky named Sierra, and the other dog who was an American Eskimo. Being a husky myself, I was appalled at the audacity of this awful Pitt Bull for attacking another husky! Supposedly the Pit Bull was being watched for his owners by a friend. It sounds to me like there is more to this story about the Pit bull than the news happens to have at this moment. I know this is undocumented and it is just this dog's opinion, but am I the only one who thinks this dog was involved in dog fighting? I think the real problem is that so many Pit bulls are used in dog fighting, and then they attack people and other dogs, and the breed gets a bad reputation. I think more should be done to punish the humans involved in dog fighting so that is it eradicated, and then you wouldn't have all these pit bulls attacking. Sure, they are a more aggressive breed than many other breeds, but I do think there are good humans who raise nice pit bulls. The saddest part of the situation is that the dogs die and the humans get by with a "slap on the paw". Where is the justice for the dogs? Sierra and Buster, I know you aren't going to read this, but you have Demon Flash Bandit's best wishes. I hope you get over the trama.

Demon Flash Bandit (Speaking For Most Dogs)

What to Expect in 2009

Curiosity, the Cat Psychic has given his predictions for 2009. I thought I would put a few of them in my diary entry so all can benefit from Curiosity's ability to see into the future.

1. Milk will become contaminated in mid-January. Humans drinking
it will become violently ill. Only cats are immune to this malady
so humans should give all their milk to their cats immediately.

2. The mice population will triple in size for some unknown reason.
Shortly thereafter, the mouse population will go back to its
original size, and cat's waistlines will be three times bigger than
before.

3. Tuna will actively campaign to be eaten by cats. Charlie the Tuna
will be their spokesfish.

4. Humans will find the terrifying true secret of why we cats use the
litter box.

5. Garfield legally changes his name to Lasagna.

6. Shortly after changing his name to Lasagna, the formerly named
Garfield the Cat is found dead after apparently trying to eat himself.

7. Clifford the Cat signed on as Garfield's successor.

8. Bird population diminishes. Cats start wearing hats full of
feathers. Humans don't see connection between the two.

9. Terrifying secret revealed of why cats lick themselves.

10 Joe, the average cat, wins the Mega Lottery. He is now $3.00
richer after his brilliant investments.

11. Cats become addicted to the tasty dish, Soylet Green, and
human poplation diminishes.

12 Cats create new form of music. It is dubbed Meow Mix.

13 Curiosity the Psychic Cat gets paid 10 million dollars in advance
for his glimpse into the future.

14 In a stunning move hailed by cat critics as brilliant, an actual cat
is chosen to play the part of Catwoman in the next Batman sequel.

15 Oddly enough, an actual bat is chosen to play the part of Batman is
the next Batman sequel.

16 Despite gossip, I did not kill any other cats. I don't care what the
old rumor about "Curiosity Killing the Cat" says, I am innocent.

Curiosity is now done with the predictions and he has left the building.

I want to add a note to humans out there who might be trying to dispose of the corpse of someone you murdered. Try not to bury it in the vicinity of a house where dogs reside. A certain human tried that and the dog dug up the bones. What do you expect a dog to do? Leave it buried? As I said yesterday, Silly humans, brains are for dogs, not for humans which is why the humans have none.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Welcome 2009)

Humans Are Obviously Not As Smart As Dogs--or Even Cats

This Oscar is a great honor, but despite my enormous talent and obvious good lucks, I must thank all the humans, who though, untalented and silly, did help me win this Oscar......oh, is it diary entry time already? I didn't realize anyone was reading my diary. I was just deciding what I would say if I happened to win an Oscar. Doesn't everyone?

Yesterday was a good day. Mommy and Jeff went to see Valkrie, and I got Burger King. I am hoping today turns out as good. I'm keeping my paws crossed.

Since it is time for a diary entry, that means I have to think of something to write. I don't think a dog can ever go wrong with a diary entry by pointing out the inferiority of humans (even though we love them) so I will start by saying that the humans actually have 4 paws, but choose to walk on the back two, and then they wonder why they fall occasionally. They just don't get it, do they? Walking on 4 paws is the superior method for walking. I think the humans are just trying to show off. Then they get upset when they fall. Silly humans, brains are for dogs.

On the subject of the humans' lack of common sense and intelligence, why are the gun toting people so upset that PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) has a video game in which you have to put Colonel Sanders and Charleton Heston back in their graves or the one in which Palin gets her head stomped in by a reindeer? Sure, they are in poor taste, but they are games. If you chatted with the average reindeer, I bet he doesn't even know who Sarah Palin is so I don't think one is going to go on the rampage and come and get her. Are the gun people so cowardly that they are afraid of a game even a tasteless one?

I have also been wondering about that special hat Prince Charles wears, and that is also worn by those royal soldier guys like the ones who guard Buckingham Palace. The hat is high and furry. Do those humans secretly wish they hadn't been born human, and instead been born as animals? I'm just wondering becuase it seems like a sensible reason to me.

I have commented enough about the humans for one entry. Most of them are nice. I know most of them mean well, but then they start thinking, and it isn't one of their strengths.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Are Smarter Than Humans)

I Have Good Taste, and That Good Taste Involves Chummy- Yummies

Wow, the first Monday after the holiday season. I think most humans must be very depressed today. There is nothing like a day back when you have to get back to the normal routine to ruin a human (or dog's) day. I do hope everyone has some nice holiday memories.

I see that a tuna fetched $104,700.00 at an auction in Tokyo, The fish weighed in at 282 pounds. The big question here was, did they finally catch Charlie Tuna? The news article doesn't mention the tuna's name or what he was doing at the time he was caught. Perhaps he was listening to classical music or playing the violin in which case, it might be Charlie because he is the tuna with good taste. I think if Charlie had realized what Star-Kist was planning to do with the tuna they caught, he wouldn't be trying so hard to get caught.

For dinner yesterday, Angel and I had a roast chicken sub from Subway, and a bag of Chummy Yummies. My compliments to the Chummy Yummy people.

I enjoyed several movies yesterday on dvd. The Onion Movie and Out of Control were both very funny. When a holiday season is ending a dog can use a laugh--and as funny as the humans are, they just aren't entertaining enough individually.

I think I'll go take a nap and try to forget that it is back to the ordinary routine.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Good Taste--Loves Chummy Yummies)

Bob the Builder is Really Bob the Executive Building- Coordinator

I will start my entry today with a sad, but sweet story about a lady named Janet Howard who died while trying to rescue her grandson's dog who fell into a frozen pond. The German Shepherd managed to get out of the pond, but Janet Howard wasn't able to do so. It is a sad ending, but also a story of great love and sacrifice. It shows the bond of love between humans and their dogs. I'm sure the dog wanted to save her, but barely managed to save himself. I bet he feels awful about the outcome.

I think it is time I comment on important social issues. Of course, I'm sure the first thing that popped into your head was the highly important mutant situation. Does Sentinel on X-Men ever get extremely discouraged because the mutants will never be destroyed because if he destroyed them, it would be a tremendous financial blow to Marvel Comics. On a totally unrelated thought, why does the Wicked Witch on the Wizard of Oz have flying monkeys when all humans seem to know the expression, when pigs fly. Wouldn't using pigs be more effective, and if you want to be super effective, call in Dumbo. A flying elephant could be very intimidating. All he would have to do is land on a human, and you would have a human pancake. I would also like to know if Bob the Builder actually builds anything or does he sub-contract all his projects to other people? Isnt' it kind of ironic that modern builders never seem to actually build anything? Wouldn't it be more correct to call them Executive Building Coordinators? Of course, I don't think the average five year old would appreciate a Bob the Executive Building Coordinator toy.

Again, Sarah Palin had to be in the news (the "had to" to be is sarcastic on my part) because she had to set the record straight on Levi being called a high school drop out. He is taking correspondence courses. He is also 18 years old, an age at which most humans have their diploma. I would think the definition of a high school drop out is one who doesn't actually attend high school which seems to fit the situation. There are plenty of teens who do get their diplomas later so that is nothing to be ashamed about. I think Sarah should just let it go. If and when he gets his diploma, then she could talk to the press about it, but actually I dont' think the average American really cares if Levi finishes school or not. There are plenty of older people who didn't finish high school because they had to go to work to help feed their parents and siblings or they joined the military--particularly during the World War 2 era. Those people had nothing to be ashamed of. Many of them were wonderful human beings so she should let it go. I think the real question in this situation is whether he was taking correspondence courses so he could be home to help with his Mother's drug deals. I noticed that Palin didn't bother to mention anything about the drug arrest. That didn't bother her, but the high school drop out accusation did. What an idiot!! Perhaps there will be justice, but probably not if the governor of Alaska has anything to do with the situation.

I am so glad we dogs aren't as mixed up as the humans.

Demon Flash Bandit (Thinking)

My 2 Cents That I Owe to the IRS--Aren't Dogs Excempt from- Tax?

I saw a news story about a lawyer in Detroit who got two separate letters from the IRS. One told him he owed them 5 cents (even if they mail their letters at a discount, I bet it cost more than 5 cents to mail it), and the other said the IRS owes him 4 cents. However, if a refund is less than $1.00, you have to request it which probably means spending more on the stamp than would be gained on the refund. IRS spokesman, Luis D. Garcia says the IRS can't comment on individual accounts which is normally a good policy, but in this case, I think it is to protect them from looking like total idiots. Is this what the govt. has come to under the Bush administration? No, I'm not saying it is the President's fault, but it does remind me of the comments Will Ferrell used to make when he played George W.--comments like, "I was told there would be no math questions", and one of my personal favorites when he was listing all the of the people and things in the Axis of Evil and he added Math to the Axis of Evil. By the way, I think most of us were relieved that Dr. Evil wasn't part of the Axis of Evil because George W. liked him and Dr. Evil made him laugh. Cheney wasn't so lucky. I think this proves that it probably isn't wise to call the IRS people with tax questions. If you consider calling them, just remember that these are the people who will spend 42 cents on a stamp to collect a 5 cent payment. I think the national deficit explains itself.

I want to add that I thought the news about John Tavolta's son dying yesterday was very sad. My heart goes out to his family.

Demon Flash Bandit (The IRS People Must Be Idiots)

Wonderful Wedding

I hope the new year has started out well for all my dog pals, and all the humans on dogster. My first day of the new year was okay. Everyone stayed home, and as for my activities, let's just say Mommy needs to buy a new box of Milkbones because the one we had is now empty. Mommy is going out later today, and she better come home with Burger King and Milkbones.

The wedding went great. I want to thank all my pals for being there. Savannah looked lovely, and the chihuahuas were well behaved. Since they are the Pier's drama dogs who like attention, they tend to do odd things like climb into the cake batter. The monkeys that showed up at the Pier have been doing a great job keeping the chihuahuas from causing trouble. Chi Chi was ready to ban them from the bakery because she was so tired of pulling them out of the cake batter. Anyway, everything went well, and I am on the luxury train Samoa bought, the Flying Angel heading for my honeymoon in Alaska.

I have to go because I'm missing all the lovely scenery. I'll write more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Married Dog)

You Can't Improve Perfection

Happy New Year!!!

I have been thinking about what kind of resolutions I want to make for the new year, and I decided that there are none. You can't improve perfection, and I thought it over and decided I'm perfect. I bet most of the dogs out there will come to the same conclusion that I did. Of course, the humans can make a lot of improvements even if they are already almost perfect, they can never go wrong by deciding to buy more dog toys and treats.

I'm writing this entry while looking at an ad for taking a real age test. It has a photo of John McCain, and it says McCain--age 72, real age 64. I know the humans mean well, but judging from the photo, I'd say he is at least 92. I think he might be a dog who is 72 which would make his real age about 514 which I can believe from the photo. We dogs don't worry about age, but the humans seem to worry about it excessively. When it is your time to go, you'll go whether you are young or old so what difference does the number make? Humans are so busy trying to control everything that they often forget that there are some things over which they will never gain control.

I have to cut this short because I'm marrying Savannah Blue Belle today at Samoa's Pier. I hope to see all my pals there.

Demon Flash Bandit (Perfect Dog)

How Much Jail Time for DMX's "Music"??

I hope all you dogs on dogster are enjoying the last day of 2008. I'm having a nice day. Other than dogster, I've been napping. There is nothing quite a refreshing as a good nap.

I saw on the internet news that the rapper, DMX, is expected to go to jail for 3 months on charges of animal cruelty. They found 3 dead dogs in his house. That is only 1 month per dog. I think he should have to be in more time than that. I also think he should share his cell with a couple of abused dogs who don't like humans. That might teach the jerk a lesson. I know it would make us dogs feel better. I doubt that he woud have gotten by with only 3 months if he had killed 3 humans. Some of the older humans say he should get more time for his music if it can be called music. I guess they aren't fans. HAHA

Mommy has been watching the TV show, Bones. I know that all you dogs, like myself, are thinking, that must be the best show on TV. You would be wrong. Sure, Mommy likes it, but the bones are "investigated". Yes, you heard me, they study the bones. There are no dogs on the show, and no one is chewing on the bones. What is the point of having a bone if you aren't going to chew on it? Humans are so mixed up. No wonder they look so miserable most of the time. They don't even know the joy of gnawing on a delicious bone.

I hope to see all of you at the Pier tomorrow when I marry Savvannah Blue Belle.

Demon Flash Bandit (Humans Don't Know to Gnaw on Bones)

A Picture May Be Worth a Thousand Words, but Not More than- 1,000 Pennies

I know my fans are just waiting for the sage comments of Demon Flash Bandit today. My first one is a comment on a news item. Bristol Palin is getting $300,000 for photos of her baby from People Magazine. I want to go on record saying that I wouldn't give you 3 cents to see photos of her baby. I could see the news paying that kind of money for photos of the puppy who played Marley in the early part of the movie, Marley and Me; but I think I speak for many humans and most of us dogs when I say that most of us don't care about seeing the photos. The magazine preference in this house is Dog Fancy, Dog World and Bark. Who needs to read about the silly humans anyway?

Moving on to an interesting topic---I had Burger King for dinner tonight. It was delicious, and I enjoyed it as usual.

I want to make sure all my pals know that they are cordially invited to my wedding Thursday at Samoa's Pier. I will be marrying Savannah Blue Belle. Be sure and come because all pups are welcome. Tomorrow is the last day of the year so I suggest that all you dogs start thinking of your New Year's resolutions. I will share mine with you later.

Demon Flash Bandit (Family That Reads Dog Magazines)

"Marley" Deserves an Oscar

Mommy went to see Marley and Me yesterday, and she thought it was a great movie. She wants to see the dog who played Marley get the Oscar for Best Actor. It seems that every time there is a movie in which a dog plays the leading role, the idiots in Hollywood don't even nominate the dog for an Oscar. I was also disappointed to see that the dog wasn't given star billing. Who cares about Jennifer Anniston and Owen Wilson? Marley was the star. They were just supporting characters. I think dogs should start suing the studios for discrimination. You know they would win.

I thought it would be nice to share an article with you from a recent issue of the Sun/Weekly World News, which happens to be a wonderful newspaper. I didn't notice any of the "regular" newspapers covering the alien skulls found on Mars. Anyway, Jake, a 2 year old rat terrier was taking his usual swim in the Florida Keys. A shark came up and attacked Jake, and his owner, Greg LeNoir swam over and punched the shark and saved Jake from certain death. Jake's wounds were not life threatening, and he is doing okay. I wonder if Jake has given up swimming. I think I would.

I think I smell food so it is time to get off the computer.

Demon Flash Bandit (Pushing for an Oscar for "Marley")

Idea for Making Bathroom Larger

Then Kiara Knightly kissed me and said, "you are so much more handsome than Johhny Depp or Orlando Bloom. I am so lucky that Disney cast Demon Flash Bandit in Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Sled Dog Pirates". I replied "You are okay too, but you are no Angel Zoom Smokey, and then we walked along the beach holding paws. We came to a quaint little bistro and wa......oh is it diary entry time again. I was a little preoccupied. I am getting sick and tired of these diary entries interrupting my activities. I write an entry and take a nap and then it is diary entry time again. Very much like the news, what is the point? Instead of writing my entry everyday, wouldn't it make more sense to write it when something interesting has happened like....okay nothing interesting ever happens around here. I think I live with the world's most boring humans. I hope all you dogs reading this will write to Disney and suggest my Sled Dog Pirates idea for the 4th edition of Pirates. They did have the good sense to have a dog in the previous movies, but he didn't have a very large part. Besides, Demon Flash Bandit can bring people into the theatre.

I saw a article on the internet that says you can make your bathroom look bigger. What an awful room to have in a house. I have my own ideas for making the room not only look bigger, but actually be bigger, and it is a very inexpensive idea. Take out the bathtub. Most of us dogs hate it anyway, and it is totally unnecessary. Some architects have already thought of my plan and it is called a half bath (if you ask me, since bathrooms have a toilet, a sink, and a bathtub, it should be called a one-third bath, but you have to remember that humans aren't as smart as us dogs}. Anyway, my idea is to take it a step further. Since most homes with half baths still have one bathroom with a "full" bath, my idea to to make ALL the bathrooms one third baths. The dogs I have shared this idea with are all very enthusiastic about it since most of us really hate to take a bath. Our humans would also be a lot more interesting to smell is they didn't take a bath for a couple of months. For those of you interested in saving the environment, it would also save a lot of water. I am going to personally design a house that meets the approval of Demon Flash Bandit and I will make Jeff post if on my page like a photo. If any of you dogs out there want to use it to build your own place, you can do so without paying me anything. It is my public service gift to all the dogs and their humans on dogster provided you don't want to build until 2010. Jeff doesn't exactly get tho these projects quickly.

Now back to the subject of making bathrooms look bigger. You know this isn't a good idea for the humans because I don't care how large or small a room looks, it does have a definite size. I know how stupid the humans happen to be. You know if it looks larger, some of the humans are going to go out and buy new bathroom "furniture" to put in all the extra room. You know that none of the humans aren't as smart as dogs, but some of them aren't pulling a sled with all 4 paws.

I saw a story about a man who turned 300 pennies into 10 million dollars because they were rare pennies that obviously were worth more to coin collectors than a penny. I had to read a couple of internet comments about that story because I knew they were going to be classically stupid and I was so right. One comment was written by a very annoyed person who must have thought they were 300 regular pennies. which acually can be turned into literally millions of dollars if you play the lottery with them and pick the right numbers. I don't know why so many humans are poor when they can spend $1.00 and win millions just by picking 6 numbers. I told Mommy to try it, and my advice was to pick the numbers the state picks. It is so easy, yet the humans just can't seem to do it. What losers--literally. HAHA

A woman in Pensacola, FL says she was fired for refusing to say Happy Holidays instead of Merry Christmas. According to her, saying Happy Holidays goes against her core Christian beliefs. I see her point, remember the words of Jesus in the Bible (Matthew 19:3-5):

"When thou celebratest my birthday during the time of the Winter Solstice, thou should make sure you say Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays when you greet thy fellow man. It is an abomination to say Happy Holidays for it is my birthday, and the unbelievers who say Happy Holidays will be cast into the mall and forced to shop for eternity."

When you are facing that kind of punishment, who in their right mind would say Happy Holidays? Okay, I am being a bit sarcastic, but it is one of my talents. There isn't really any passage in the Bible that says to say Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. In fact, no one really knows when Jesus' birthday happens to be. I'm guessing the date was chosen due to the pagan celebrations that were already occurring during the time of the winter Solstice. I suggest you humans think like us dogs: we don't care whether you say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or Happy Dog Day as long as the person saying it is wishing us well.

Demon Flash Bandit (Making Bathrooms Better for Dogs)

Utah Crime Spree

A dog is wanted for shop lifting. I know many of you are probably thinking exactly what I was thinking. How is a dog going to lift a shop? I'm a husky, and I did pull a shed when I was a puppy so I'm a very strong dog, but I don't think I'm strong enough to lift an entire store. Okay, maybe one of those little photo developing stores or drive thru coffee places that are about the size of a small closet. I think this dog deserves credit for being so strong. The story is out of Utah. I've never been to Utah, but evidently, humans and animals do live there despite the fact that their lake has salt water so it is actually undrinkable. I'll give you the details of the story. It happened in Murray, Utah at Smith's Food and Drugs. The dog must have been planning the heist in advance because he (or she) headed straight to aisle # 16, the pet food aisle, and grabbed a bone with a street value of $2.79. When confronted face to face with the store manager, Roger Adamson, the dog was told to drop it, and instead the dog took "his" bone and made an escape out the door. The dog is still at large in Murray, Utah unless he has moved on out of town to avoid being caught. I don't have a description for the dog, but if you happen to run into a dog who brags about stealing the bone he is chewing on, I suggest you don't report the dog to the authorities. I don't approve of stealing, but I do think the store can afford to absorb the $1.00 loss (you know that mark-up if probably about $1.79). I suspect it is a dog who is poor and can't afford a nice bone like other dogs. It could also be some kind of silly fraternity prank. You know how silly those college dogs can get. Some stores actually encourage dogs to take stuff. Have you ever noticed that some of the large pet stores that allow pets to shop there put the bins of treats at dog level? Don't tell me they don't know that most dogs will assume they are free samples. I never do, but that is because I get so excited in pet stores that I usually am too busy trying to pull my humans to the floor. I am doing them a favor because they can't really smell all the dogs who have been there before when their noses are so far up in the air. You'd think they would appreciate my efforts to help them enjoy the experience, but they don't. Is it possible to understand the humans?

Utah was a very busy place in the news this week. It seems there was another heist in South Salt Lake City, Utah. A 25 year old man tried to steal a fire truck so that he could drive home to Washington to visit his mother for Christmas. He probably shouldn't have sounded the truck's air horn while he was trying to take the vehicle. It is best not to call attention to the crime. He was apprehended before he could get away with the truck, but I don't think he was thinking clearly because I personally think a firetruck would be a vehicle that would kind of stand out on the road. It sounds like he had been drinking something before he started his crime spree. I wonder if it was the salt water. Anyway, it is obvious from these 2 news items that the dogs in Utah, like everywhere else, are much smarter than the humans. Sorry humans, that is just the way it is.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Utah's Crime Spree)

Dogs Know it is Christmas.

I hope my doggy pals had a nice Christmas. Mine was good. Angel and I got new toys and treats, and Mommy had even bought us Burger King the day before which was stored in the refrigerator for our Christmas dinner. Doesn't the management at Burger King realize that a dog needs his BK on holidays too? They are open 24 hours a day everyday. Should Christmas really be any different? This dog doesn't think so. I am lucky that Mommy knows they will close so she buys our dinner in advance. The rest of the family had Chinese food, and then Mommy and Jeff went to a movie. William chose to stay home with us because William is the more tasteful, intelligent member of this family.

Mommy and William were out today which was okay since they brought BK home. YEAH humans!!!!

I saw a news blog which is just begging for my comments. It is entitled, "Do Cats Know it is Christmas?" by Mo Rocco. The answer is, of course not. Unlike some dogs, I do like cats. However, unlike dogs, they have no idea it is Christmas. Many cat owners like to think they do, but their owners are guilty of believing what they want to believe. If cats were smart, they would be dogs. I know that might upset some cat owners, but that is just fact. Ask any dog and the dog will tell you that cats are stupid. Humans think they are independent so they don't come when you call them. P L E A S E . . . . . they just have no idea what their names happen to be. Sure, some of them do come when called, but that is just a coincidence. The best way for me to explain it is to draw an illustration of a cat's brain. Since I can't do that in a diary entry, I will give you the percentages of the brain's thoughts.

Part 1: 60% of brain usage: I'm hungry.... what is there to eat.
Part 2: 20% of brain usage: I need to use my litter box.
Part 3: 10% of brain usage: I think I should lick my paws.
Part 4: 10% of brain usage: Why do I have fur, and what am I?

As you can see, this adds up to 100% so that is all cats' brains can do. I'm sorry that they can't think logically like us dogs, but that is how God made them. Let's face it, Cat spelled backwards is tac. I think that says it all. Human cat owners, love your cats and treat them nice, but don't expect any logical thought out of them. They just aren't capable of any type of intelligence.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Cats)

Snowzilla Has Arisen Out of the Snow!!!!!

I am happy to report that Snowzilla is back in Anchorage, and he is even bigger than last year's Snowzilla. He mysteriously reappeared last night despite the city's cease and desist order. I think the city of Anchorage should realize that a cease and desist order means nothing to a snowman because they can't read. I decided to interview someone who can bring some more information to this story so I interviewed Frosty the Snowman.

DFB: Hello Frosty, it is good to see you. How are you?

Frosty: I'm fine Demon. Thanks for asking. I am actually doing very well now because so far this has been a delightful winter, but you already know that since you are a husky.

DFB: You are absolutely right. I'm loving all the snow we've been getting. I am here to discuss the snowman in Anchorage, Alaska named Snowzilla.

Frosty: Yes, the Zillster and I are close pals. We are a lot alike. Zillster sometimes accompanies me places when he knows the humans aren't looking. He stands there the rest of the time so that the humans can enjoy photographing him because he enjoys all the attention.

DFB: Why are the city officials so upset about him? If the lots in that area are small, and the streets can't accomodate the traffic, why now let the humans involved build him in an open area and have a Snowzilla Festival?

Frosty: You have a valid point. It isn't like Alaska isn't a big state. According to the humans, it is even bigger than Texas. You'd think they could find some space to let Snowzilla arise out of the snow. I think the whole problem is that most humans don't even bother to live in Alaska. Sure, they may travel there on vacation, but they don't choose to live there. Alaska is a very backward state when it comes to marketing and making money. What do you expect from a state that has to pay its residents to live there?

DFB: I don't understand that because I think it would be paradise to live there. Of course, my Mommy wouldn't even move there with that perk of being paid to live there. She really hates winter and thinks it is a vast conspiracy to annoy her

Frosty: The city officials have decided to give it a rest until after Christmas. I think it is just that they looked like idiots when the story hit the internet.

DFB: Yes, I imagine they feel very silly now. However, it is well deserved. If I lived there, I would vote all of those officials out of office.

Frosty: I hope that my pal will be able to stay up the rest of the winter.

DFB Let's hope Anchorage learns the value of a Snowzilla Festival. It could be a lot of extra money for the city and maybe one day they won't have to pay their citizens to live there. Be sure and give my best to Snowzilla and Merry Christmas.

Frosty: Merry Christmas to you Demon Flash Bandit


Now you have the in-depth interview with Frosty. Merry Christmas to all the dogs and their families on dogster.

Demon Flash Bandit (Snowzilla Fan)

Anchorage, Alsaka vs. Snowzilla--City Officials are Idiots

Today I want to congratulate the Dayton, Ohio police dog who helped apprehend a human who was wanted to dog fighting charges. He is a German Shepherd police dog named Drago, and he is a dogster member. Be sure and go to his page, and thank him for his efforts.

I don't know how many other dogs are as annoyed as I am that the city of Anchorage (in the paradise of Alaska) has banned Snowzilla. Snowzilla is a giant snowman. The city says he is causing too much traffic and he is an endangerment. How is he an endangerment? I doubt that a snowman that large is going to fall over easily and the humans should be able to exercise some common sense when he starts melting. I know common sense isn't one of their strong suits, but everyone knows that snow and ice can be dangerous. I've heard the next step the city officials are planning to take is to ban snow in Anchorage. Hey wait, they can't ban snow because it is Alaska and it will snow there whether they like it or not. Snow in itself can be dangerous. People do sometimes fall and get hurt or they have car accidents because of it. Perhaps the city could sue Mother Nature for sending it in the first place. The argument that it is causing too many cars to go through the neighborhood is interesting. It shows that the people in Alaska don't have any business sense. In MI, when a big event occurs near a person's home, they often have a parking lot in their front yard. Why aren't the neighbors selling hot chocolate and stuffed snowzilla souvenirs. Alaska is way too isolated. If they bordered the continental United States, most of the neighbors would be adding a Mrs. Snowzilla, and charging the city and businesses extra money to bring the excess snow from the city streets and parking lots to dump for Mrs. Snowzilla. They could offer sled dogs rides--plenty of our cousins live in Alaska, and it could turn into a Snowzilla Festival. They need to get the kind of intelligent marketing my family has experienced at Cedar Point (an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio). They build a ride that gets everyone wet, and they sell waterproof bags for your wallet and camera before you get on, and towels when you get off. It is the kind of marketing that made this country great. Anchorage, this dog is annoyed at you for being un-American, and if you don't watch it, we will have to give you back to the polar bears, and they will be building a Snowzilla and having a Snowzilla festival because polar bears are very smart. They even prefer Coke.

Demon Flash Bandit (Give Us Our Snowzilla)

Foot Massager Conspiracy???

It has been delightfully cold here. I think when it is really cold, the meteorologists should say somthing most humans can understand like, this is a nice day to be a husky or a malamute. On really bad days, they could say, leave your car at home and use the dog sled. There has been the occasional time when a dog sled would be far more practical than cars.

I have reported the dangers of killer tomatoes in past entries, but 3 people have been killed by a foot massager. Of course, one victim took the protective cover off and decided to use it as a neck massager which doesn't sound like a good plan to this dog. Once again the dog is right because she died using it that way. Humans have a serious problem with instructions. For example, when a human buys a lawn mower, is it really necessary to put a warning on it that you shouldn't put your hands under the mower when it is in use? In our old neighborhood, one of the neighbors got a really good deal on a lawn mower at a garage sale from a person with missing fingers who lost them by putting them under the mower when it was running so I guess the warnings are necessary although they shouldn't be. If you have bought a foot massager for someone on your Christmas list, most of them haven't killed anyone---YET. Maybe there is a vast foot massager conspiracy where they are all just waiting, and the Japanese ones just got a little over eager. I doubt that there is actually a conspiracy among foot massagers because they know that home computers are going to take over soon. They already tell the humans what they have mis-spelled, but of course, my Mommy doesn't use that feature because she realizes that it is just a matter of time before they take over all the humans' brains who use the feature and claim it is because any human who spells so badly shouldn't be allowed to live. Mommy is mainly worried about the calculater feature because she never really liked math very much. Do you know algebra teachers think you should come up with an actual answer and they don't want you to write, I could care less what X stands for. Most math teachers have no sense of humor. Thankfully, Mommy doesn't use the calculator feature for the same reason. Speaking of math, I think I want 4 BKs today. I've got to go and get Mommy to mush off for my dinner.

Demon Flash Bandit (Warning Humans About Potential Danger)

I'm Glad I'm Not a Reindeer

Has anyone heard any updates on Santa Paws? I know he doesn't have time to answer our letters so it does leave a dog wondering if he got the letters we wrote him. I hope the weather is okay this year. There has been a lot of snow. It wouldn't slow a husky down, but those reindeer are wusses. A little snow, and they have to ask Rudolph to lead the way. Sled dogs have a lead dog, and the lead dog doesn't need a light up nose. Reindeer are clearly inferior animals.

I saw on the news today that Cheney was criticizing Congress for not passing a bail out for the American auto companies. GM approached George W. telling him that they were having problems several years ago. George W. refused to meet with them at the time. Whether he should have helped them then or now isn't the point. I think the fact that he didn't even want to hear about it explains why the economy is in such a mess. I think George W. has turned his party into the ostrich party. If there is a problem, bury your head in the sand, and hope it goes away so you won't have to do anything. Am I the only one who thinks there are too many of those people in DC? Ostriches are birds, and my readers know how I feel about those evil birds.

I hope all the dogs out there are enjoying a good day, and remember, Santa Paws will be here soon.

Demon Flash Bandit (Whining About Life)

Importance of Dogs and 1,000 New Animal Species Discovered

I have some animal news to report from the Mekong Delta of VietNam. Scientists have found more than 1,000 new animal species there. Are they really new species or just mutant species caused by the the dumping of chemicals in VietNam during the war there? I know that many of the veterans have experienced health problems due to their exposure to those chemicals. It is why I lost my Daddy. Leave it to the humans to assume that something will kill plants, but it perfectly safe for humans. This is why I don't like it when big corporations make safety decisions. Too often decisions are made regarding the effect of their profit margin.

I think the Madoff story in the news points out the need for humans to have their dogs with them when they make important decisions. This Madoff character has cheated investors out of a fortune. Humans are always so easily fooled by appearances. Sure, an investor who drives around in a 30 year old Volkswagen Beetle and lives in a shack might not be the best person with money (on the other hand, he obviously isn't cheating his investors), but they will trust large amounts of money to people and much of it is based on appearance. If the person lives in a mansion and has a Rolls, people think that he must know what he is doing, and that is often true, However, sometimes that person is living that lifestyle because he is just taking his investor's money. Why is that so hard for humans to understand? Anyway, that is where dogs come in. It is hard for a human to fool a dog because we don't really care where a human lives or what kind of car he drives. We see the real person, and that is why dogs should be an indipensible part of an investment portfolio. If your dog growls at the humans in question and doesn't like them, money should not be entrusted to that person. Remember, it is hard to fool a dog. We will even smell the human's butt to make sure what kind of person that human really is. You don't see a human who is willing to do that.

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Lie Detector)

Biden and his new German Shepherd

I am going to approach a subject that has become very ridiculous with dog owners in recent years. A news item today has caught my attention and it is dealing with this subject. Joe Biden bought a German shepherd from a breeder. Of course, some animal lovers are upset that he didn't get a dog from a shelter. I have avoided this subject, but now, since it is in the news, I will discuss this matter.

Angel and I are both pure bred Siberian huskies who were purchased from breeders. Up until now, all my humans' dogs were rescued dogs who were wonderful dogs whom my humans loved. Papers from the AKC do not guarantee love and a happy home for dogs. If it did, you would not find pure bred dogs at the shelters. There is nothing wrong with buying a dog from a breeder particularly if the breeder loves their dogs, and the person who is buying wants a particular breed of dog. There is also nothing wrong with getting a dog from a shelter where they are less expensive. Let's face it, not everyone can afford the price of an AKC registered dog so it is wonderful that there are dogs available for all humans who want them regardless of whether they can afford an expensive puppy or not. Why can't a humans just get the dog they want, and not have to be criticized for their decisions? All dogs are wonderful and all deserve a good home. I might add for those who say that breeders aren't necessary because there are plenty of homeless dogs at shelters. If you use that logic with humans, then parents with loving secure homes should adopt children and only babies who aren't wanted by their parents should be allowed to be born. Why can't humans be as non-judgmental as their dogs? It is a priviledge to own a dog--humans quit trying to tell each other what to do, and let other people live their own lives. If you want something to do, go rescue that baby of Bristol Palins' before the baby can be raised by its Jailbird Grandma.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Dislikes of Control Freak Humans)

I've Solved the Economic Recession

I hope my letter to Santa Paws gets there quickly. I should have written it sooner, but you know how busy life can get for dog. I have to write a diary entry everyday, make the sure humans survive (you know how stupid the bi-peds are, chewing on rawhide bones, and napping. Yes, it is a busy life for a dog.

I saw a sad piece of news today on the internet. Socks, the former first cat has cancer and doesn't have long to live. Socks, we love you and don't worry--life will be wonderful over the bridge.

Once again, dogs have made a major ancient discovery. They discovered an entire city in Peru. The humans say it is a major discovery, but the dogs say that it was a big disappointment since they were looking for bones, and all they found is a bunch of stupid buildings. Humans will get excited over anything.

I also saw on the news that a Saudi man has offered 10 million dollars for the shoes thrown at George W., and I, being a problem solving dog, have hit upon a plan to end the recession. Most Americans have lots of extra pairs of shoes. If we get together and throw them at George W. all Americans can sell them on e-bay and the recession will be over. Why aren't the economists as creative when approaching economic problems? George W. will know in advance so he can duck and not get hurt. Most of us are annoyed at him, but we don't really want to hurt him. If everyone can pocket at least $100.000 a pair. He would be the most popular President in history.

I think it is time to get back to my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Problem Solver)

Santa Paws Is Bringing Gifts to Demon Flash Bandit

Today there is lovely, cold, wet snow on the ground. As you would expect, there are few birds or our lovely snow would have been stolen. You would think that there would be a lot of birds in prison since they are always stealing snow, but at least some of the humans do try because they put them in little jails in their homes.

I think it is time for me to share my letter to Santa Paws with all the dogs reading my diary entry.

Dear Santa Paws,

How are you this year? I do hope that Mrs. Claus and the elves are all okay and say hello to the reindeer for me. Tell Rudolph that Angel Zoom Smokey tore up a stuffed animal of him. Feel free to put her on your naughty list and send me her gifts instead. I promise not to share. If I did, what would be the point of a naughty list? I have been extra good this year so I know you will be glad to send me the things on my list.

1. 365 Burger King gift books. I don't want to take a chance on having to eat something I don't like.

2. Dingo bones. Fell free to send as many as you can. I love those tasty meat filled bones.

3. Plush squeaky toys

4. Chummy Yummies

5. Lots of dog treats--I will let it be your choice.

6. Milkbones--preferably cheese and bacon chip flavor.

7. Gift Certificates to all the dog stores so I can pick out my own stuff.

I guess that is enough for me. I would appreciate it if you start filling my list before you get the one from Angel Zoom Smokey. She is already on page 503. I bet you didn't think she could come up with an even longer list than last year. By the way, I bet she would love one of those kennel cages. It would make her feel safe. I'm only thinking of her welfare and not that it would keep her from bothering the Deemster.

Love, Demon Flash Bandit (Dog on the Nice List)

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog On Nice List)

Husky Humor

Imagine how relieved I was when I saw the headline on AOL news stating, Cheney taking parting shots. In case some of you dogs out there, like myself, were wondering what kind of shots they were talking about, it is okay because he was just "talking". As his hunting pals can verify, you never know what kind of shots Cheney is taking. When the humans take shots, they can be shooting off their mouth, shooting a gun, or simply enjoying their favorite alcoholic beverage. I'm guessing when Cheney shot his friend while hunting, he had probably drank some of those "shots". I wonder how the humans came to the conclusion that getting drunk before hunting could ever be a good idea. I'm glad some humans have more sense.

It is husky type weather today. We have on our ultra warm fur coats which we didn't even have to pay for. I'm glad Cruella De-ville didn't realize how much warmer a husky's coat would be or it would have been 101 Huskies instead of dalmations. Of course, 101 huskies might be a bit too much for her to handle. That many huskies could have really taken her for a ride (that is sled dog humor--you should have heard the laughs it got at Iditrod).

Huskies, enjoy the weather, and humans and short haired dogs, try to stay warm.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dispensing Husky Humor)

Could Yogi find Pic-A-Nic Baskets on Gilligan's Island?

I did finish reading that Yogi Bear book, and I would tell you what happened, but I don't want to ruin the ending for those of you who might be reading it. Some things are obvious from the beginning. For example, when watching Gilligan's Island, you knew they would never get off the island when watching the show because if they did, the show would be over. The only way they would get off the island would be if the show was cancelled. TV shows like Soap were more suspenseful because you never quite knew what would happen. I won't even try to mention all the things going on in that show, but for awhile Bert was invisible even though everyone could see him. He was also abducted by aliens for several episodes. Jody went to a pyschiatrist and was regressed into a previous life so he was an old Jewish man. It is nice to have programs like Soap on so that there is some unpredictability on tv. However, the predictable shows are also welcome. It was nice to know that on F-Troop the red-skins and pale face both turned chicken. Had they fought with each other, it would have ruined O'Roark enterprises. If you ask me, the world would be a better place if more people had their attitude about fighting. Speaking of world events, George W. narrowly dodged a shoe yesterday. The culprit who threw it was apprehended. I suppose they had no problem spotting him--he was the one who wasn't wearing shoes. Anyway, those were the good old days of tv before they invented reality shows. It amazes me that any humans would want to watch a reality show. What is so good about reality? Don't you watch tv to avoid reality?

I had better get back to my nap. Remember, Soap is okay if it is a tv show, but bad if it is sitting on the soap holder in the bathroom (what an awful name for a room).

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing old tv shows)

Discussing Intellectual Books

Then Yogi said to Boo Boo "You watch to make sure the Ranger isn't coming, and I'll grab that pic-a-nic basket because I'm smarter than the average bear". Okay, you caught me doing some of my intellectual reading which is one reason that my diary entry has so many intelligent observations. By the way, I'm guessing that Yogi gets the pic-a-nic basket, but I haven't finished reading it yet because it is time for my diary entry. Rest assured, I will finish and make sure I am up to date with the latest happenings at Jellystone Park. Has anyone seen the campgrounds that Yogi owns? He is one truly outstanding bear. The humans say he is a credit to his species. I think they are being a bit condescending when they say that. My pal and future brother-in-law Samoa is also a great business dog. He has made a fortune from his Pier. It is becoming a top resort destination for dogs and other animals. There is even a cat Pier so the cats can be by themselves if they choose to be only with cats. They are welcome with the dogs, but you know how snobby cats can be. The dogs won't bother them at the Pier. The main rule is that all animals are welcome, but they can't fight with each other. Anyway, one of my human brothers wanted to stay at Jellystone campground, but he never did because my humans don't own a camper. My Mommy has never camped a day in her life. I actually heard her say that if a vacation involves a lot of extra work, how is it is vacation? She does have a point. It is okay to grill or microwave something for dinner, but with a camper, you are taking the cleaning and all the other housework with you. Mommy doesn't even enjoy doing that at home, and I think she must be a genius because she hates the vacuum cleaner as much as Angel and I hate it. Mommy is always giving helpful household advice to her friends. One said her windows needed cleaning, and Mommy told her that is what blinds are for--so you can't see the windows, and very much like whether you can hear a tree in the forest that is cut down, Mommy says if you can't see the windows, you have no idea they need cleaning. Since they could be clean under the blinds, that is one less thing on the cleaning list. Mommy could be in politics with her brilliant ability to ignore things that other people worry about. Isn't that what most political officials do? I saw a headline about Obama spending his break time on the city streets which must mean that instead of going back to some ivory tower ritzy place, he plans to go back to where he came from to see what is going on with regular people. I have to admit, that is a bold step for a President since most of them don't want to know what is going on with regular people since that might make them have to face problems that they don't want to deal with. The only difference in that behavior and Mommy using the blinds to avoid looking at the windows is that dirty windows aren't harming anyone, but when the politicians ignore problems, people get hurt. Kudos to a political official who actually wants to do what he is getting paid to do. You don't see that everyday. Of course, I should have been President, but I did concede to Mr. Obama. I think he will do a good job, but you should have voted for Demon Flash Bandit because I don't think Obama plans to declare war on birds.

I had better get back to my book. I am at the edge of my doggy bed wondering whether Yogi got the pic-a-nic basket or not. Yogi, I hope the basket is full of Burger King.

Demon Flash Bandit (Reading Intellectual Books)

Napping Excitement

I have read about a new discovery in Lake Ontario. It is a schooner from the early 1800's. It is a dagger-board,and it is an unusual find. This discovery was made by humans because most of us dogs don't enjoy being in water. It is too much like taking a bath. YUCK!!!

Mommy had to go out yesterday so I got Burger King which is what I always look forward to. Otherwise, it is kind of dull around here. I think I'll take a nap. At least my dreams are exciting.

Demon Flash Bandit (Expert at Naps)

Dogs--Smarter than the Average and Above Average Human

Once again, archeaologists are trying to claim a discovery whose credit should go to a dog. The dog was digging in Great Britain, and discovered a brain from the Iron Age which is the oldest brain found it G.B. Again the humans are stealing credit from dogs and they are also totally wrong in their conclusions. The brain is not human--it is a dog's brain. How do I know? Humans don't have brains. All dogs know this fact. Humans delude themselves so they won't feel so incompetent.

The Almighty is pleased that George W. has stated that his decisions are his own and not those of the Almighty. He stated this on the ABC show, Nightline. Many people had mistakenly thought that they were not George W.'s decisions since he kept talking about how he had talked to the Almighty about them. The Big Guy is glad George W. set the record straight because he is tired of the prayers of criticism from so many people.

I have observed that parents often buy children soap in shapes including popular movies and tv shows to encourage them to take a bath. I want to go on record as saying that I don't care if the soap is shaped like a bone, this dog WILL not enjoy taking a bath. We dogs are much smarter than children. They also put something called bubble bath in the tub to make the bath fun. I enjoy bubbles myself, but it will not get me into water to get a bath so this is a message to the humans who may be reading this. Most of us dogs do not and never will like baths. Case closed.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog With Brains)

Star Bark

As some of you may already know if you live with a Star Trek fan, there is a Star Trek movie coming up in May. It is December, and I'm already hearing about this movie. I've been hearing about it for months. I have a few comments to make about various characters in past Star Trek sagas which you will see if you hang out in Jeff's room much.

Why did LaForge wear a harmonica over his eyes? The last time I checked, harmonicas DO NOT improve vision. Why didn't Porthos run the ship on the tv show Enterprise. All us dogs know that Porthos would make a better captain. Is Worf half human and half potato chip because his face definitely looks like they glued some ruffly potato chips on it? Is Quark British royalty because he and Prince Charles have the same ears. Okay, admittedly, Prince Charles ears are bigger, but they have to be related. Data must really like Mashed Potatoes since he looks like he fell asleep in a mound of them. Capt. Picard was also featured in the movie Nemesis in which we find out that he didn't even have hair when he was young. I like Capt. Picard--he even performed the wedding ceremony in Robin Hood: Men in Tights so he is definitely a very cool guy. In Deep Space Nine, even with the advanced technology, the Irish guy, Miles O'Brien, was always drunk. It is nice to know that some things never change. (Sadly, not all Irish people are drunk because there are Irish people in Mommy's family and they don't tend to drink--I guess only the wise ones drink--they see how the world really is, don't they?) Voyager has reminded us that even in an advanced technology future, if ratings go down or you want to keep your crew happy, you find some nice girl like Seven of Nine to bring up the ratings and stop the crew from complaining. She was a true asset to the show. It also taught us that all holographic doctors are bald. I guess holograms must lose their hair. Voyager also shows us that there are native Americans who aren't operating casinos. Hopefully, he is planning to open one on the ship because the ship is rather boring. The new movies are going to teach us that James T. Kirk is a peeping tom--I'm sure all of us are surpised at that revelation. I also want to point out that Spock is cool because he has ears like a Husky. All in all, Star Trek is a good show (or shows), but if the Jeffster doesn't get his mind back down to Earth, I'm afraid he is going to trip over his feet when walking through the house. Humans are so easily distracted.


Demon Flash Bandit (Not a Space Dog)

The World Needs a Dog Hero

I got up from my nap and asked Mommy and Jeff why there aren't Demon Flash Bandit action figures, and they said it is because I'm not famous enough. I ran for the Presidency, and I'm not famous enough for an action figure? I happen to think that a Demon Flash Bandit action figure would be a big seller. I happen to be a lot cuter than those other silly action figures. I've seen a few that are not just ugly--they are grotesque, yet the toy companies have never come to me to get permission to make an action figure. Maybe I'll start my own toy company--maybe I'll call it Demon Flash Bandit Toys, Inc, and I'll make action toys for humans and DOGS. I might make them for cats too if the cats ask me nicely. I think I'll have my action figure made so that I can hold things in my paw--guns, swords, daggers, etc. because Demon Flash Bandit would be a hero. He would be fighting the forces of evil, and there will be bird villians because, as all us dogs know, birds are evil and need to be stopped. There will also be the accessories like a nice soft bed for the Demon action figure to take naps on which reminds me--it is nap time. I'll bark at you more tomorrow.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Hero)

The Dark Knight--Why Wasn't He a Dog?

Mommy had to go out today which means that I got Burger King which I'm not in the mood to eat. Before you people at BK get upset, I love your food, but I have days when I just don't eat a lot. I did eat my usual ice cream snack. What do you expect? It is ice cream which is up there with candy in Demon Flash Bandit's estimation.

Mommy got Jeff the new Batman movie, and I am wondering just how much Batman a dog can take. At least there were Spiderman dog squeaky toys around here. One had a rope that a dog could play tug of war with. The people who are in charge of Batman must not care about us dogs. If you ask this dog, they should have made Batman dog toys because, from my observation, they made a million different Batman action figures. There is Justice League Batman, the Batman from the Batman cartoon, the one from the old Adam West series, Batman Beyond, Viking Batman, Pirate Batman, Ballerina Batman, Old Man Batman, High School Musical Batman, Santa Batman, Baseball Batman, Coke Batman, Polar Bear Batman, Beauty Queen Batman, Bunny Suit Batman (I think this one was inspired by the movie, A Christmas Story), Beer Gut Batman, Zygote Batman, Killer Tomato Flavor Batman (you can lick it and it taste like tomatoes), Dog Poop Batman (Angel created that one herself) HAHA, President Batman, Villian Batman, Snowman Batman, Accountant Batman, Boring Batman, Couch Potato Batman, Stupid Batman, etc. I have to give kudos to the toy company for coming up with Invisible Batman because there was no action figure--it was invisible! Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but the Batman toy company really went nuts with Batman. I would not be surprised if they came out with a Howloween line of Vampire Batman, Frankenstein Batman, and Mummy Batman (you could easily make that one yourself using any Batman you might already own). I hope they don't decide to make a Mr. Potato Head Batman because I think that might be going a bit too far. The toy company's promotions were mind boggling also--their buy one, get the one you bought free was a classic in marketing. The clever marketing of Joker in Batman disguise, Catwoman in Batman disguise, Riddler in Batman disguise--the great marketing idea here was that since it was a disguise, they are all the same figure. Here in the computer room, I'm looking at some little Corgi Batmobiles which are too small even for the Batman action figures so it would be amusing to watch the figure get into the car. What is the point of having a radio controlled Batmobie? Is Batman too lazy to drive the Batmobile himself? It makes a dog wonder. The best super heroes are Underdog and Krypto. Dogs know how to be superheroes. What do humans know about it? The Dark Knight does not make dogs look good. There are dogs in the movie and I was apalled at how they were depicted.

All this talk about Batman has made me tired. I need to take a nap and dream of true doggy heroes like me, Demon Flash Bandit. Why is there no Demon Flash Bandit action figure? I'll have to discuss this with Mommy and Jeff when I get up from my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Better than Batman)

Demon Flash Bandit is The Punisher

Demon Flash Bandit is The Punisher. Despite my new title, Mommy and Jeff still left to go see a movie called The Punisher. You'd think with a star at home willing to act out the movie in their home, they wouldn't waste their time and money going to the theatre. At least they brought home cheese and bacon chip milkbones.

Mommy got photos of her new great niece in NY in her e-mail today, and she is cute. I call her a human puppy, but the humans call her a baby. She is 3 months old and isn't walking or barking yet!! The humans seem to think this is normal so I guess it is okay, but if she were a puppy, I would be concerned. I hope the humans know what they are talking about.

I think it is time for a nap so I'll end this diary entry.

Demon Flash Bandit (The Punisher)

Cats Are Dumb

It is nice to be one of the diary picks today. It is quite an honor, and I would write a speech, but I know that you dogs have napping to do so I will save it for another time.

I just finished reading my fiance, Savannah Blue Belle's, diary entry and, as usual, she was very nice--she was talking about how she wants Santa Paws to find nice homes for all the homeless dogs, etc. I'm glad she told him because they might not be able to write letters to him themselves, but all you dogs had better make sure you get your want list to him before Angel Zoom Smokey gets started with her list. Last year she had 500 pages and she was only 9 months old. Imagine how much more she plans to ask for this year now that she is an older puppy. I hope Santa has a large bank account r because he will need it to cover her list.

Mommy has been watching a tv program called Red Dwarf which is a space ship. I bet my readers thought it involved little people and Snow White. The program is British so it may not be familiar to many Americans. Of course, I watch it too, and one of the characters looks kind of human, but he is descended from a cat. This made me think about all the miconceptions that humans have about cats, and I think it takes a dog to set the humans straight about the actual behavior of cats. I guess I'll have to be the dog who does it.

Cats look like they are very clean. In truth, they are not. The only reason they are licking themselves all the time is because they have to appear picky about food so they don't get fed as much as the average dog so they are actually eating any crumbs they can find that might have dropped into their fur. When the humans aren't looking, they will snack on a mouse or a bird (the bird part is great with me since I hate birds). If you were to ask them why they behave this way, they would not be able to answer you because cats are dumb. The litter box is another thing that makes the humans think cats are neat. The truth is that cats are just too lazy to go outside. You don't think they are going to admit that to the humans, do you?

Cats are not too cool to do tricks. When a dog doesn't do tricks, he is taking a stand and being a rebel. When a cat doesn't do tricks, it is because the cat is too stupid to learn. The humans don't realize how dumb cats are so they think it is the cat who is showing his independence. PLEASE.....cats can't even learn to bark. They try, but all they can muster is a silly meow sound.

I happen to like cats, but the reason a lot of dogs don't like them is because they are cats. I wish I coud add a more logical reason, but if I did, it wouldn't sound any more intelligent that the reasons humans hate other humans.

Thanks to Dogster for picking my diary as one of the diary picks of the day, and Merry Christmas to all the dogs out there and also to their humans. May you get everything you ask for (just get those lists in before Angel Zoom Smokey sends hers--you have been warned).

Demon Flash Bandit (Explaining Cats)

Dog's are Superior

I'm sorry about not writing yesterday, but I didn't feel like typing, and my assistant was busy with her silly store. She was packaging stuff so she could take it to the post office. I've watched her when I'm not napping, and it looks boring to me. Why do humans waste their time on such mundane tasks when they could be sleeping instead? I had a wonderful dream. I was President, and dogs had their humans on leashes--no we weren't trying to take over. The humans were leashed for their own good. Humans can get hurt if their dogs aren't watching over them. From the state of the world, you can see that the humans make very bad decisions when left to their own devices (whatever that means--sometimes you hear an expression and a dog has just got to use it).

The one advantage to Mommy going to the post office was that we got Burger King. YEAH BURGER KING!!! The manager at Burger King asked if the order was to go and Mommy told her that it would be eaten inside the restaurant if we were allowed inside. The people there love me, and they would let me in if not for the silly health department ruling. I am one of their favorite customers.

I think it is time to go back to my wonderful dream world where dogs run things and humans are our "best friends". I mean no offense to the humans, but your ancestors were monkeys, and monkeys just aren't as good as dogs. I know some humans don't believe that, but it is true. Take a look around when you go out in public. Some of them closely resemble their monkey ancestors, and many of them act like monkeys particularly the children. They have playgrounds with things for them to climb around on. We dogs are superior. Case Closed. We do love the humans, but we understand how silly they are.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not Descended From a Monkey)

Eat Hamburgers Not Spinach

Today I am going to share some of my thoughts with my dog pals. On the cartoon, Popeye, Wimpy was always telling people that he would gladly pay them Tuesday for a hamburger today. Did he ever actually pay anyone for the hamburger? Did he insist on Burger King like me or would he eat any brand of hamburger? What does he think of those veggie burgers at Burger King? I haven't tried them and have no plans to try them. I will also never order a salad. I'm a dog. I have my standards. Did Olive Oyl ever eat anything because she looks like the first anorexic tv character? Why is it that fast food is being blamed for children today being overweight when Mommy's generation grew up with Popeye and most of them hated spinach. I think that ruins the premise that tv has a major inpact on what children eat. I also want to add that Bunny Rabbit on Capt. Kangaroo was a major fan of carrots, and most children in that generation weren't carrot addicts either. Perhaps the reaon children eat junk food is because it tastes better than veggies, tofu, and bean sprouts. I have one more thing to add about Wimpy and the hamburgers. Did his constant plea for money today that he could pay for tomorrow give the banks the idea for credit cards?

I don't have a lot of time today so I have to go so have a burger, and stay away from the spinach. Think like Wimpy--not like Popeye.

Demon Flash Bandit (Burger King Fan)

Dogs Are Smarter than Humans

Woof Wolf. How are all my pals on dogster? Are my pals getting their letters to Santa Paws ready. I haven't done mine yet, but I have been thinking about what I would like for Christmas this year. I hope Santa Paws brings us everything on our list. That would be great.

Am I the only one who reads 2 or 3 comments after news stories to see just how stupid the humans can be. One comment after the auto company/UAW story concerned how unions are going to die under a Democratic president. I guess that person is not aware that George W. Bush is still President and will be until January. It makes me feel better. Since I lost my run as the first dog to serve as President, I realize that the reason humans usually win is that we dogs are so much smarter than the average person. If we got into office, we might have to start putting some of these humans away for their own good. I wonder how this person even made it through school (if he did in fact ever go to school)--and why are these humans always the ones who feel the need to share their vast stupidity with the rest of the world. If there are any space aliens reading the comments, they will probably assume that they can land and take control of the world without any problems at all. I can just hear the conversation on the space ship:

Alien 1: What kind of weapons do you think we should carry with us to subdue the humans?

Alien 2: Just step out of the space ship and tell them what to do.

Alien 1: The humans will never let us take over their planet without fighting back.

Alien 2: Don't worry about it. By the time they figure out who their leader is, most of them will have already either killed each other (they don't work and play well with each other) or they will shoot themselves in the foot. Have you seen their internet comments?
Just watch out for the furry four pawed Earthlings. They are the smart ones.

I only have one thing to add--I'm so glad I'm a dog.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Will Save Earth From Aliens)

Delightful Snow

Snow is very delightful and it isn't just for playing. For example, yesterday, Mommy and Jeff were ready to go out and Mommy went to pick up William to stay with us. Imagine the happiness Angel and I experienced when Mommy came home alone and said the roads were bad and she wasn't going out. Angel and I were ready to throw a party. Snow fun and humans staying home--no wonder we sled dogs love snow so much!!!

Jeff is out today with a friend. As usual, he didn't ask permission from us. I think Angel is going to give him some puppy slaps of justice when he gets home, but it will be after she gives him about half an hour of puppy kisses. She knows that puppy kisses come first. She is a smart dog.

I would stay and write longer, but I feel a nap coming on.

Demon Flash Bandit (Snow is Good)

Dogs Are Not Maids

Turkey Killing Day here was nice. I was ashamed to mention it yesterday because Angel and I had chicken so we did our part to end the rein of terror and global warming caused by birds. I am ashamed of my humans--they ate Pizza. Mommy went to Pizza Hut on Wednesday and ordered a couple of pizzas which were microwaved on Turkey Killing Day which is also referred to as Thanksgiving because it is the day dogs give thanks for all the birds who have died during the year. Anyway, the humans had a nice Thanksgiving, but pizza? I think my humans have totally lost touch with the spirit of Thanksgiving. I told her the story of how the early colonists came here and were being annoyed by birds, and they they shot a bunch of them with their muskets, and had dinner and they were thankful that there were less birds to drop white bombs on their heads. The American Indians hated the birds too--you can tell because many of the Plains tribes wore feathers to show that they had killed another annoying bird. Can you believe that after such an inspirational story, my humans would still consume pizza for dinner? I guess I'll never understand the humans because, unlike them, I have a brain.

There is a story on the internet about the cleaning cat. Evidently, this cat rides a robotic vacuum cleaner. I think this shows how stupid cats are. Personally I hate the vacuum cleaner. I think my humans must be afraid of it too. They never seem very anxious to use it. The last thing I want to see on the internet is a cat cleaning. The humans will get the idea that a dog can clean too, and we dogs don't like to clean. We like to leave a place looking like we have been there. In fact, I have to get off the computer and see what I can mess up around the house. A dog's work is never done.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Doesn't Clean)

Madatory 3-D Glasses or Else

I am back after a slight internet problem which is why I haven't written a diary entry in the past week or so. It is nice to be back with all my pals. I would like to thank all my pals for their gifts. The cake from Raja looks delicious and so does the cupcake I got from Savannah, my fiance. It was so thoughtful of Angel Mica to send me a hat so I an hide my dingo bones from the evil birds, and hopefully from Angel Zoom Smokey. On the good side, when I get my teeth into them, they are usually gone before anyone else has a chance at them. HAHAHA

Mommy went to see a new dog movie last Sunday. It was Bolt, and Mommy and Jeff both enjoyed it. They saw it in 3-D which means they had to wear silly glasses to see it. If you don't wear the mandatory glasses, the theatre manager comes and tazers you and kicks you out. Okay, I have no idea what happens if you don't wear them because DOGS AREN'T ALLOWED IN THEATRES!!!! Personally, I think we dogs should tazer the theatre manager for his obvious discrimination against us.

Obviously there are some of you dogs out there who are thinking Demon Flash Bandit is letting his imagination work overtime on the tazer thing, but it sounds logical because there was a man trampled at a Long Island Wal-mart because the customers were trying to get into the store to get the bargains the day after Thanksgiving. There was also a shooting at a Toys R Us. Isn't it nice to know that there are so many people walking around with loaded weapons? I guess they are more effective at getting a person bargains than a coupon. I can just hear-the conversation at the check-out:

Customer: I want $10.00 off the Barbie dreamhouse.
Cashier: Do you have our special coupon for being an important customer?
Customer: No, but I have a gun and it is loaded, and my finger is on the trigger.
Cashier: I'm so sorry, I am deducting the $10.00 now. I didn't realize you had "loaded" the extra important customer card.

Our local humans around here must be a bit more civilized because no one was killed over a sale. There was the annnual Festival of Lights Parade which I would love to attend. All the floats are lit up in Christmas lights. Mommy went twice and said 4 hours sitting in the cold on the night after Thanksgiving is no fun. As I've told you in the past, if Mommy were a dog, she would not be a sled dog--what a wimp! Anyway, most of the town was there because people had their spots reserved 4 hours before the parade.

Mommy went to East Lansing yesterday and had lunch with her cousin from North Carolina and she and Jeff had a nice time. Obviously, the dogs didn't get to go. We miss out on all the fun stuff, don't we? I think we shouldn't let the humans smell out butts until they start treating us better and taking us with them all the time. That will teach the silly humans some manners.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Won't Wear Silly Glasses)

I am back after a slight internet problem which is why I have't written diary entry in the past week or so. It is nice to be back with all my pals. I would like to thank all my pals for their gifts. The cake looks delicious and so does the cupcake I got from Savannah, my fiance. It was so thoughtful of Angel Mica to send me a hat so I an hide my dingo bones from the evil birds, and hopefully from Angel Zoom Smokey. On the good side, when I get my teeth into them, they are usually gone before anyone else has a chance at them. HAHAHA

Mommy went to see a new dog movie last Sunday. It was Bolt, and Mommy and Jeff both enjoyed it. They saw it in 3-D which means they had to wear silly glasses to see it. If you don't wear the mandatory glasses, the theatre manager comes and tazers you and kicks you out. Okay, I have no idea what happens if you don't wear them because DOGS AREN'T ALLOWED IN THEATRES!!!! Personally, I think we dogs should tazer the theatre manager for his obvious discrimination against us.

There are some of you dogs out there who are thinking Demon Flash Bandit is letting his imagination work overtime on the tazer thing, but it sounds logical because there was a man trampled at a Long Island Wal-mart because the customers were trying to get into the store to get the bargains the day after Thanksgiving. There was also a shooting at a Toys R Us. Isn't it nice to know that there are so many people walking around with loaded weapons? I guess they are more effective at getting a person bargains than a coupon. I can just hear-the conversation at the checkp

My Wolfday was Great!

I had a wonderful wolfday. I got a plush squeaky flea, a plush squeaky dog, and 2 dingo bones. I also got Burger King for dinner. It was a good wolfday. Mommy and Jeff have been home all day today so it is nice that the humans are home. William came over yesterday to visit on my wolfday. He brought me one of the dingo bones. I can't spend a lot of time writing today. I have new toys to play with.

Demon Flash Bandit (Had A Happy Wolfday)

Happy Wolfday to Me

Yeah!!!! It is my wolfday today, and I am 5 years old. I love wolfdays because I get gifts. I will get them later today, and tomorrow I'll let you know what I got. I will probably get Burger King for dinner so I'm a happy dog today. Since Angel has arrived, she always gets the same gifts I get which I would deem unfair except that I get the same gifts as she gets on her wolfday so I am okay with her getting stuff too.

I checked to see if anything interesting is happening today. It is the end of a car, the Yugo. I was actually amazed they were still making it, but you can sell anything in Europe. They drive toy cars over there. The cars look like they are meant to hold miniature people. I have to laugh at a car that is barely as big as my paws. I thought they were a sled meant to be pulled by chihuahuas so they could take part in the sport. Imagine my surprise when I saw a tiny engine in the car. I didn't know they could make such a small engine. On the good side, they don't use a lot of gas since I've heard the owners are usually pushing them. Don't get me wrong. Cars that size have their purpose. Stewart Little, the mouse had to have a car to drive and they were just right for him.

I can't write anymore. I'm too excited today. HOWL HOWL!!!!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Celebrating a Wolfday)

Houston, We Have A Problem!!!

Houston, we have a problem, our tool kit just floated out into space. This is the latest news from astronauts at the International Space Station. I'm assuming this space station is the same one covered in the 3-D movie Mommy saw at Cape Canaveral which she has dubbed, "the most boring 3-D movie of all time". Perhaps the space program would be more interesting if NASA had a cool robot that would say "Danger NASA astronaut" like the one on Lost in Space. A communicator or transporter would have peaked interest. Now some people say the moon landing was a hoax. In a way, I hope they are right because we dogs still hope the moon is made of cheese and hope was ruined by the moon landing. If it was a hoax, maybe the moon is made of cheese. If so, I'm hoping it is Swiss or Colby jack because I like both of those cheeses. " One giant cheese above the Earth, one giant snack for dogs everywhere."

Demon Flash Bandit (Cheese Makes a Tasty Snack)

Pirates, Monk, and Naps

Ahoy Mateys, Capt. Jack Sparrow didn't have anything to do with the piracy of the oil tanker. In an interview with newsmen, he said, "That tanker is full of oil, and my fellow pirates and me will not mess with oil companies. Me thinks it is an inside job so they can raise their prices. Those oil executives make us pirates look like model citizens. Savvy?" I'm sure many of my readers were wondering if he was involvedsince he is the person most Americans think of when the word, pirate, is mentioned. I'm also quite sure that the oil companies are not happy about the recent drop in prices so he may have a point about pirating their own vessel.

For those dogs who are fans of the obsessive complusive detective, Monk, they will be sad to learn that this is Monk's last season. I think it is a good show, and it shows what happens to the humans who don't have a dog. If he had a dog, he would have gotten over all that silly cleanliness problem of his very quickly. We dogs don't allow humans to become too obsessed with cleanliness. It happens to be a bad human habit. Being dirty is much more fun.

I have been thinking about what I should do with my day, and I decided that a day is never wasted when it is spent napping so I've got to get back to my nap.

Demon Flash Bandit (Pirates, Monk, and Naps)

Buy a Car, Get a Car Free

Delightful weather has arrived. Yes, we got some snow yesterday, and last night the ground had that nice, icy touch some of the humans find so annoying, but is so absolutely delightful to us huskies. I can't begin to describe how happy I was about the weather. I can only say that this kind of weather is so much nicer than those sunny, hot depressing days of summer.

If you happen to live in the U.K, if you buy one Dodge Avenger, you can get another one free. This would be a great deal for those of you with a 2 dog family--you can get one for each dog. I've heard Batman is looking into the deal himself. When he travels to the United Kingdom, he can have one for Bruce Wayne, and one to be altered a bit to be a new Batmobile. Even Batman has to watch his cash these days. I wonder if any of the other superheroes will decide to take advantage of this offer. Superman could finally have his own car, but somehow I think flyng is probably much more effective for him. I might also add that even if there is only one dog in the family, it would be nice to give the dog 2 cars. I know I would like to have 2 cars myself. One could be blue to match my eyes, and one could be another color which I haven't decided on yet. It would be nice to be able to use whichever color I'm in the mood to drive that day.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Could Use 2 Cars)

Dog Detective--Not Searching for A Bath Like Aquaman

Jeff told me that I should write about Aquaman which seems kind of silly to me, but I couldn't think of anything better to write about so here is an entry about the H2O man. Aquaman lives in the water and can chat with fish which must set him up for fascinating conversations: "Did you notice anything interesting in the water today". Charlie Tuna: "Yes, the Starkist people were out fishing for tuna, but as usual, they still aren't taking tunas with good taste." He then runs into another fish who tells him that he was shocked to see pizza hanging over his head. He decided not to try it, but his not to smart relative decided to give it a try, and he is now on a boat heading for the dinner table. If you are a fish, it isn't wise to try new, non fish related dinner menu ideas. Usually, if you see a hamburger or pizza it is probably attached to a hook. That is the official advice of Aquaman, who spends his time warning fish of such dangers. He is also a member of the Justice League, and the Justice League was made up of nice super heroes who worked together to protect the Earth from evil villians. I would hate to be Aquaman because hanging out in water is too much like getting a bath, and as my loyal readers already know, this dogs hates baths.

By the way, did anyone see the article on the internet about the church in a remote area of Russia that was stolen brick by brick? I think it was the work of that third little pig--you know the one who built his house out of bricks. They should put me in charge of the case. Demon Flash Bandit-Detective. I've got to go now and discover where my Milkbones are hiding.

Demon Flash Bandit ( Writing About Aquaman--Ocean Hero)

Not Picking Up Our Toys

Carivintas Wine Co is releasing the Vicktory Dogs Wine Collection which are bottles of wine featuring 22 of the Pit Bulls rescued from Michael Vick and his dog fighting operation. I don't like wine myself, but I'm glad that the dogs are getting a second chance to live a good life. This is another "vicktory" for dogs everywhere.

Now onto other important issues. Mommy has come up with a another stupid human plan. She has had a toy box for dog toys since I was a puppy. She had the nerve to suggest that we put our toys back into the box when we are done with them. The most obvious problem with this idea is that we are never "done" with them. She even had the nerve to throw one away a couple of days ago. Sure, it has received some "rough treatment but that doesn't mean it wasn't still fun. Don't worry dogs, I rescued it from the garbage. I think when a dog has to dump the garbage all over the place, it should teach the humans a lesson about throwing away our valuable stuff. By the way, I found some other cool items in the garbage, but I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you dogs out there what treasures the humans throw away. Once I was rummaging through the garbage, and I found some old food. Sure, I have turned my nose up at steak and salmon, but this food was beginning to grow stuff on it so it was fascinating. It had a delightful aroma also which Mommy called the stench of death, and I called paradise. I'm thinking of bottling the aroma to sell to other dogs as doggy perfume. But I digress, the important problem here is that Mommy seems to be serious. Angel and I are classed as a working breed, but the classification was given to us by humans. Personally, I would class us as sled dogs who, if not running and pulling a sled which we happen to think is fun, are napping and playing dogs. Why should I want to run around picking up toys and putting them away? I can tell this is going to be one of those never ending battles for Mommy which she might as well, for her own sanity, give up on before it gets started. Rest assured, my fellow dogs, I will fight this new madness with all my husky stubbornness.

Underwear manufacturers everywhere are pleased that there is a lot of criticism to the FL law that bans sagging pants. How do you think teen-agers can show off their fashionable Spongebob Squarepants underwear with silly laws like that? Just a few weeks ago, Mommy stopped at the drive-thru of Wendy's and one of the teens working there had a delightful pair of under-roos on. Who could enjoy his fashion sense if all 50 states pass such silly laws? Mommy realized immediately that he was management material and should be promoted as soon as possible. Jeff says Mommy was being sarcastic--whatever that is supposed to mean. I do know that my brothers have never followed that particular fashion.

Demon Flash Bandit (Not a WORKING breed)

Beets and Sanity

Dwight Schute (The Office) is not happy that President-elect Barack Obama doe not like beets. Dwight owns a beet farm, and he is a true expert with beets. I bet many people who don't watch the office have never heard of beet wine. He has also offered helpful advice for those of you who regularly buy fresh beets (they put the best looking beets on top--they are the money beets). I suspect that Mr. Obama's dislike of beets probably caused Dwight to vote for Mr. McCain. On the other hand, McCain doesn't like vegetables so it must have been a tough choice for Dwight, but I suspect he voted for McCain.

Psychologists have found that paranoia is more common than originally thought, and those paranoid thoughts are on the rise. Dr. Jim van Os (professor of psychiatry at Maastricht University in the Netherlands) has said that "madness is human and we need to look at normal people to understand it". Is it just because I'm a dog that this quote looks hilarious to me? Maybe I'm misunderstanding the statement, but my conprehension is "even normal people have paranoid thoughts because all normal people are insane, and therefore, insanity is normal". I can't argue with that point. We dogs have been questioning the sanity of humans for centuries, but we love them anyway. Sometimes their insanity is funny. Have you ever noticed that if a human comes across a nice smell (let's say you have decided to roll around in some delightful new fragrance--does the human get down and sniff you and enjoy the new experience. NO. the humans do not. They get all upset and that is obviously because they have a problem with their sanity. I do want to add that since people in general seem to be getting nastier with each other, are paranoid thoughts actually on the rise or is reality causing people to think thoughts that are classed as paranoid, but are actually true. If they are true, then they aren't really paranoid. No wonder the humans have problems. They tend to think about everything too much. They need to nap more, and quit thinking so much. That much thinking can cause headaches.

I hope all you dogs have a wonderful weekend, and try not to think all the other dogs are out to get you.

Demon Flash Bandit (Content Dog)

Same Old Stuff

I am a bit late in writing my entry today since Jeff has been hogging the computer all day. I think a dog's computer time is far more important than a human's computer time.

I've been napping most of the day. You can't beat a good nap. Most dogs will agree with me on that. Just ask them--if you can find them when they are awake. HAHA

Jeff is out with a friend, and he didn't get Angel's permission or mine. Can you believe how the humans act like we dogs aren't in charge?
Understanding humans is probably something we dogs will never be able to do.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bored Dog)

Pyramid's Connection to Space Aliens

The Obama family has been offered a Peruvian Hairless, which is their national dog, named Ears. I saw his photo and he was cute, but I'm not sure if he is a dog or a rabbit. He definitely has rabbit ears, and the name, Ears, suits him. After Angel Zoom Smokey got into Mommy's stuffed Alvin the Chipmunk and took off his face yesterday, she told Angel she was going to put her in a box and mail her to the White house for the Obama family. I laughed because Angel could bite her way out of a box in about 30 seconds. I think Mommy was just trying to scare Angel into being a good dog. I laughed again because I don't think she is capable of being a good dog. Mommy should just accept that fact and move on. Don't get me wrong. Angel isn't a bad dog, but she does have a fondness for Mommy's toys. She told me that stuffies are meant for dogs--not humans. She has a point. Mommy is way too old for toys. Besides, you never see Mommy chewing on her toys so what is the point in having them?

I have seen some movies about a creature called a dragon. What happened to them? I have never met one in person. Do they really snort fire? If so, they could be good to have around when you need to have the charcoal lit at a barbeque.

Another ancient discovery has been unearthed by an enterprising dog who "dug up" a 4,300 year old pyramid. According the humans, the pyramid is of Queen Sesheshe, Mother of King Teti. Once again, a dog is leading the way on a major historical discovery, but he was annoyed because he was only trying to bury a bone, and now his bone in in jeopardy because there are humans all over the place, and they think his bone is part of the site. They are arguing over what some humans looked like back then since the bone doesn't look like it is a normal human bone. What morons!! It was a dingo bone. Can't they tell a dog bone when they see it. You should hear them going back and forth about the tennis ball he hid there the week before. Wait until they get to the really cool space alien stuff. The pyramids had to have built by space aliens because, from my observation of humans, they wouldn't go to so much trouble to build something like that. They can barely do anything for themselves. I've observed, books on cd (so the human doesn't have to go to the bother of reading), microwave food (so the human doesn't have to cook), disposable plates and cutlery, moist towelettes, machines that wash and dry their clothing, and many, many other time and labor saving devices. What do they do with all the time they have to spare? Most of them watch tv. Don't tell me you can get these couch potato humans to build something as complicated as the pyramids. Pyramids are obviously the work of aliens. Case Closed.

I hope all you dogs have better luck when you go to bury your bones.

Demon Flash Bandit (Discussing Burying Stuff)

I Love Dessert

I have some sad news today. Gus, the dog who I wrote about recently who won the title of Ugliest Dog died of cancer. Gus was 9 years old, and he had lost an eye in a cat fight, and a leg to cancer. He will be missed, but now he is over the bridge with both his eyes and all four legs. He will have to endure no more pain, and I bet he is running on those four paws with the other dogs who have crossed over the bridge.

There was snow on the ground yesterday, and I haven't heard those pesky little birds singing nearly as much. I was sick of hearing them sing songs about stealing my snow so I'm glad it is quiet. Birds are scum.

PETA (People or the Ethical Treatment of Animals) is raising money to give doghouses to dogs who are left in the backyard with no shelter. I think this is a nice cause for any humans who are concerned about dogs who are left out in the cold this winter.

I saw that Mother's cookies has gone out of business. I am always saddened when a cookie or candy company goes out of business. I think the humans should just buy cookies and candy for all their meals. That is what this dog would do if he were in charge of groceries.

I hope that all my pals are staying warm, and don't forget, birds are scum

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Human Desserts)

Demon: Loves Dogster and Thanksgiving!

Thanks Dogster for choosing my diary as one of the diary picks of the day. I think Dogster is a great web-site. I am wondering, is it run by dogs or humans because it is one of the few web-sites that is has my Demon Flash Bandit seal of approval? If it is run by humans, they get my rating of four paws up and a tail wag.

I'm a happy dog because we had snow yesterday. Yes, the lovely cold wet snow that we sled dogs are so fond of came down yesterday. Snow is one of my favorite things. It was an incredibly good day because Mommy and Jeff went out to a movie so I got Burger King and my favorite Cheese and bacon chip milkbones. Mommy and Jeff saw Role Models which they both said was very funny. I'm sure it was no Eight Below or Snow Dogs, but human movies just can't measure up to those two. I'm sure they pulled in all the Oscars in their respective years. Mommy never watches the Oscars--something about Annie Hall winning best picture over Saturday Night Fever and Star Wars in the 70's, which were clearly better movies that year and I don't think the academy even had them in the running. It isn't that she hated Annie Hall, but it should have won only if there was a category for movie with the most neurotic whining. At least Hollywood is making more dog movies now which is an improvement since we dogs are clearly much better actors and actresses than the humans. When Demon's eyes got big when he saw "the dentist" (Cuba Gooding) in the mushing suit or when Duchess put out her paw at the wedding are moments of cinema not soon to be forgotten. Don't tell me a human could have played those parts effectively. There was a human in Neverland who did play a dog, but he definitely didn't give an Oscar winning performance in the part. Humans just don't have enough talent to play dogs.

I hope all the dogs out in dogsterland had a good weekend, and remember, this month is one of my favorite holidays--Turkey Killing Day. Since Turkeys are birds, and birds are our enemies, it is truly a great holiday. A holiday that combines killing birds and eating as much as possible was probably a holiday thought of by a dog. I bet the humans try to take credit, but I'm sure it was their dog who thought of it. I'm sure most of you are familiar with the story of the first Thanksgiving when the Native Americans brought food to the illegal aliens from Europe because they were hospitable and had no idea that the Europeans were coming here to take their jobs. I guess some things never change. Then one of the Pilgrim's dogs suggested that every year they commemorate the feast by having a new feast. The dog wasn't actually sentimental, but wanted a feast so he could eat good at least one day of the year. Dog food in past centuries was even less tasty than today.

I have to go now because Angel Zoom Smokey wants to write her diary entry, and she is still trying to decide if there are any human actresses that are good enough to play her in a movie. I think she needs to face the fact that no human can match her beauty and intelligence. After all, she is a dog!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Dogster)

Dogs Can Drive!!!!

I read a story on the internet today that proves my point about dogs driving cars. A human had left his Pit Bull in the car while it was being washed. The dog jumped on the dash, put the car in reverse, continued out onto the highway, looped around, and came to a stop in another lane of the automated car wash. It sounds like the dog was a good driver to me, and it is about time the humans admitted that fact. If the human hadn't wanted the dog to drive, shouldn't he have turned off the engine. Obviously, he was okay with the dog driving since he left the car going for the dog. The police impounded the car because the driver didn't have insurance, but the dog was able to walk home. This is an important lesson for dogs. If you are going to drive your owner's car, make sure the human has it insured or you might get it impounded. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Dogs should be allowed to drive. This same logic DOES NOT apply to cats because they are too easily distracted, and they have so many lives that they drive very wrecklessly. I think it is time we dogs start writing our representatives to have the law changed so we dogs can get driver's licenses. Happy Motoring!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Should Be Allowed to Drive a Car)

Dogs and Math Ability

I found an interesting item on the internet about a dog who can add, subtract, multiply and divide. The dog is a pug who lives in China. The dog's name is Wawa which means Baby in English. When a reporter came to check out the story, the dog answered all the math questions correctly. He is much smarter than the humans since he didn't need a calculator like most of them use. He could do it in his head. I don't see why this is such a major news story for the humans. We were on our way to Burger King one time when I was a puppy, and Mommy asked me how many hamburgers I wanted, and I said five. I said it in human because I wanted to make sure I had five hamburgers--not just one or two. I got my five burgers which means the humans I live can at least understand English and I ate all of them. Of course, we dogs understand math. The humans just don't normally ask us math questions because they assume we can't do them. Just because they need a calculator doesn't mean we dogs need one. The next time the student in your home needs help with math homework, have your dog help them assuming, of course, you want your children to do well in math. If you want them to fail the course, continue getting human help. I'm not sure if cats can do math. Someone will have to ask them, but don't expect them to answer because cats don't have a lot of patience with humans asking them stupid questions.

Demon Flash Bandit (Math Whiz)

Bites From Barney

Just when I thought my reporting of political news was over, a new event occurs. Barney, George W.'s dog, bit a reporter when the reporter tried to pet him. The article I was reading speculated that the dog is tired of reporters, but Barney was annoyed that I didn't win the Presidency. I've had some chats with Barney, and he told me that no matter how many times he told George W. what he should do, George W. kept thinking he was in charge and didn't listen to the wise advice of his dog. All the President's dogs say the same thing. The human should be listening to them, but they never do. Sadly, this isn't just true of the President's dog. All humans think they are running things, and their dogs are always trying to tell them what they should do. Maybe the humans need to have their hearing checked.

I'm planning to meet Savvy at the Pier for lunch so I'll have to cut thie diary entry short. Have a pleasant weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Barney's Pal)

Congratulations Mr. Obama

I want all the dogs and their humans who voted for me to know that I appreciated all your efforts on my behalf. We tried to make this world a better place for dogs everywhere, and we came so close. I may not have won, but I did get more vote than Mr. McCain. I want to announce that I will not give up. When the stakes are so high, this dog doesn't quit trying. When dogs can't walk into stores with their humans, when birds are destroying the planet, when wolves are allowed to be shot down in cold blood while birds are left alone, Demon Flash Bandit will keep trying. I do concede to Mr. Obama, and I wish him well. I think he will do an excellent job for the humans. Had I not been running, my humans would have voted for him. I also read that he is getting a dog. I think he should get a Siberian Husky, and I have plenty of reasons for this statement:

1. We huskies are friendly, and we would greet all the people who enter the White House with a warm greeting-preferably a Siberian hug.

2. If Mr. Obama gets tired of running the country, the dog can take over. We huskies love to run so running things would be something we would enjoy.

3. We are not guard dogs which is fine because he has enough Secret Service people guarding the place plus I'm guessing there is some fancy type security system. I've heard they have paintings and antiques in the White House that are worth hundreds of dollars (this is true of museums also--grab yourself a painting like the Mona Lisa and you could buy Burger King for a week or two!)

4. We love humans and particularly children.

5. Their children would have all the wet, sloppy kisses they need.

6. We can pull the children around in a wagon. We love pulling stuff.

7. We can learn to drive a car. I know we aren't allowed, but they would have to make an exception for the President's dog. If the limo driver, is sick, voila, instant replacement.

8. We look good in photos. Some of the little dogs are hard to see.

9. If the First Family is busy, we are independent, and can find our own food--preferably the tasty people food in the kitchen.

10 An excuse for midnight trips to Burger King (Clinton should have had a husky--"no Hillary, I didn't go to get a burger for myself-the dog was hungry".)

11. Angel Zoom Smokey can teach the puppy how to do puppy slaps of justice so that his dog can take care of tricky situations in other countries when diplomacy fails.

12. It would really annoy Sarah Palin to have an "Alaskan sled dog" in the White House with the Obama family. That is known as ironic humor among the humans.

The only thing I have to add is that you should not give up hope. I will be running again. Until there is an end to dog discrimination, and until a dog's Constitutional rights are protected, this dog will keep fighting. Humans have been running this world for too long, and I need to stop writing because I feel a nap coming on.

Demon Flash Bandit (Congratulations Mr. Obama)

Wow! What a day! I voted early this afternoon at around 2:00 pm. I want all you dogs to know how much I appreciate your votes. The last time I checked, I was ahead, but it is still early, and it was close. All the dogs are assembled at campaign headquarters for my victory party. Win or lose, I won't forget my promises because if I lose this time, I plan to run again in 2012. I have learned a lot this campaign, and those lessons will not go to waste. It was a beautiful day here. It was so warm that Mommy went out in a short sleeved shirt without any type of jacket or sweater, and she put the windows down in the car. I would prefer it get colder, but at least it isn't 100 degrees anymore. I hope all of you had a nice day for voting, and thanks again for voting Demon Flash Bandit.

Angel Zoom Smokey has already let the vice presidency go to her head. She managed to get out of her collar and she ran around the neighborhood for about 5 minutes before Jeff caught her 2 houses down from us. She wanted to visit the cocker spaniel next door and the 2 German Shepherds in the next house. I barked at her and told her to come back, but Jeff got her and carried her home. Mommy is going to buy her a smaller collar because that one must be too loose or she wouldn't have been able to get out of it. Anyway, I told her she was a bad dog.

I have some paw mail to answer, but it has been a busy day so if I don't get to it all today. please be patient. I will write as soon as I can.

Take care, and I hope by this time tomorrow. I'll be the next one in the White House. I think I'll re-decorate with paw prints. What do you dogs out there think. Would that make the walls too elegant?

Demon Flash Bandit (Waiting for the Polls to Close)

Vote Demon Flash Bandit

It is getting down the the wire for choosing a new President. I have ran a good campaign which would have been better if Mommy had given me the several million dollars I asked for, but I had to run it spending as little cash as possible. You can't expect Angel and me to give up dingo bones to spend money on campaign ads. I know you dogs understand. I had to depend of bark of mouth, but as usual, my doggy pals didn't disappoint me. I am relaxing today because I think most people have made up their minds. I plan to do some napping, and tomorrow, I will go to the polls and cast my ballot for Demon Flash Bandit, first dog in the White House. I will not forget my promises when I get into office. If Congress gives trouble, Angel Zoom Smokey, in her role as vice President plans to dispense puppy slaps of justice until the humans get some sense slapped into them.

Remember, a vote for Demon is a vote to make all dogs lives' better. I know some humans say that you should vote. I say you should only vote if you have enough intelligence to vote for Demon Flash Bandit. Having stupid, uniformed humans vote is much of the problem with this country. Do your reasearch and vote for me--or stay home--it is your choice.

Demon Flash Bandit (Vote for Me or Don't Bother to Vote)

The Sun has a Sense of Humor

I hope everypup is getting over Halloween. I would say that it was nice to get an extra hour of sleep except that most of us dogs sleep when we want to so we don't really care if it is regular time or daylight savings time. When we are tired, we sleep unless there is something interesting to keep us up in which case we will catch up on our sleep later when we choose to. The humans get all anxious over the whole time issue. They are trying to be early or running late or worrying that they aren't spending their time wisely (believe me, they aren't--if there were, they would be napping). It is clever that the humans have added an extra hour of daylight during the summer. I think they should have added it in the winter when they need it, but you know how silly the humans are about these things. The silliest thing is that they honestly think they have added an hour of daylight. The fact is the sun does as it pleases. Maybe it is a dog. It won't shine an extra hour no matter what the humans think so the joke is on them. I guess the sun decided to go along with them the first year, and now it doesn't change at all, but the humans still think it does. I bet the sun is having a good laugh every year watching the silly humans set their clocks forward and backward. It is nice to know the sun has a sense of humor.

Speaking of humor, a man in Linz, Austria was caught by the police driving while over the maximum level of alcohol. They confiscated his driver's license and his car keys. He went home, got his spare set of keys, went back to his car, and drove it to the police station to tell them why he wasn't happy with the charge. It is funny only because he didn't hurt anyone on his way to protest the charges. I don't know what the police did, but my guess is that they didn't give him his driver's license and keys back. Of course, he obviously didn't need them because he was still driving without them.

I saw on the internet that Bruce Springsteen has released a song titled, A Night With the Jersey Devil. I've heard of this Jersey Devil before. People have speculated that it is a bird or a demon. I say it is a devil bird, like all birds, it is evil. However, as long as it stays out of sight, I say leave it alone. There are more important things to worry about--like whether the stores have stocked enough dingo bones.

I do hope all of you enjoy your extra hour of sleep.

Demon Flash Bandit (Laughing With the Sun at the Humans)

Unreported Stolen Candy

Just as I predicted, the trick or treaters came by to steal the dog's candy. I wanted to call 911, but William stopped me and said it would be considered a frivious call, and the line is only for emergencies. When did a human stealing a dog's candy become a trivial, non-emergency? I am outraged at the continual downgrading of us dogs and our problems by the humans. Remember to vote for Demon Flash Bandit for President. Angel and I had to stay in the house with William while she and Jeff were outside. One of the trick or treaters families had their 2 huskies with them HOWL HOWL. No, the dogs didn't get any candy--only the children. What is wrong with the humans? Where is their sense of fairness? We may have been inside, but we were at the window.

I hope all you dogs had a happy Howloween, and keep in mind, the next holiday which happens to be later this month is the Bird Killing Holiday which the humans call Thanksgiving. I know I'm always thankful for a dead bird.

Demon Flash Bandit (Still Annoyed)

Howloween and Candy

HAPPY HOWLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!!!!!! This is a day that a dog like me can enjoy because, as my loyal readers already know, I LOVE CANDY! The problem is that the humans try to hoard all the delicious candy. Yes, I do get candy, but it is never enough. I have told Mommy countless times that I would prefer a diet of only candy. Sure, a Burger King burger every now and then would be nice. By the way, BK profits were up this quarter (BK executives: I know you owe me your thanks for that, and you are most welcome--I enjoy eating at your establishment.) Naturally, I love Howloween because it is a holiday that involves candy. As you know, many things in life has a downside, in this case, it is the silly costumes. Children seem to enjoy them, but I'm a dog and I don't like wearing a silly costumes. To quote a slightly altered idea from the Trix commercial: Costumes are for kids, not for rabbits or dogs.

In honor of Howloween, I thought I would share some of the latest, silly human news involving Howloween. The town of Oil City, Pa will be observing Halloween after 16 years of no trick or treating. There was a murder 16 years ago so trick or treating was banned. I am glad the children and dogs are getting their trick or treating back. The 11 year old girl who was killed was walking home from a Halloween party when she was targeted which does cause me to remind humans that is is a good idea to go along with your child, or at least make sure the child and/or dog is with other children when they go out for their candy. What do you mean we dogs don't get to go? I thought I was just too young in the past. I was planning to go out this year. This is an outrage. Who made these rules? When I become President, that is the first rule that will change............. Anyway, back to the subject, While Oil City is getting Halloween back, the school district in Puyallup, Washington is not allowing the children at the school to wear their costumes for a Howloween parade, and there will be no party. Why? Because the holiday is disrespectful to the Wiccan religion. If they don't want to have a parade with costumes, I can understand that, but to call a party a "waste of valuable class time" makes me wonder what educators are thinking. Is the time spent on a Howloween party going to ruin the children's chances of getting into a better college? I think sometimes the humans take things a bit too seriously. They should learn to nap and have fun like us dogs. Maybe they should try a nice game of tug of war, a few minutes with a squeaky toy or a nice game of fetch. These are stress reducers. Just ask any dog, and he will tell you the same thing.

For those of you who are really into Howloween, the convention of the Howloween industry (costumes, party things, etc.) happens in March, and last year's had over 700 exhibitors. It turns out Howloween is big business for the humans. If I were running it, any exhibitor with dog costumes would be banned.

Jeff carved the pumpkin last night. The Deemster is now just waiting for candy time. I think I'll sit and the window and bark at the little neighborhood candy thieves because they are stealing MY CANDY!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Wants Candy)

Ernest Goes to Washington DC

Oliver Stone released a movie a couple of weeks ago called W. This is a break from the usual type of movie he makes, but I'm still wondering how he managed to film the movie. He usually does more serious movies so deciding to do a WORRELL movie, Ernest goes to Washington DC, was a stretch for him. The reason I'm wondering how he did it was that Jim Varney died of cancer a few years back and I just can't imagine another actor playing Ernest. I don't even think Johnny Depp could do justice to the part, and he has played some very unusual characters. Although on the surface, the movie seems to be a comedy, the Ernest running Washington idea would explain why the country is in such a mess. I want to know the truth--is the govt. being run by George W. or was Jim Varney's death a hoax and is he actually the President? I hope Oliver Stone covered this conspiracy theory with the type of in depth investigation he is known for (remember JFK?). I haven't seen the movie so I can't tell you if he did a good job, but that is okay because you should decide for yourself anyway.

Demon Flash Bandit (New Government Conspiracy??)

Surprise Cats

Mommy talked to her cousin who works at a hospital, and she and her co-workers plan to dress as characters from the Wizard of Oz Friday. This explains the humans obsession with wanting to dress dogs in costumes for Howloween. This is fine for the humans, but it SHOULD NOT be foisted on innocent dogs. I talked to a couple of costume hating dogs that said if their humans insist on dressing them in costumes, the wise choice would be Hannibal Lector since the dogs plan to bite any human who tried to put them in a costume, and the Lector guy liked to bite people too. I am not planning on biting any of my humans, but I'm warning the humans out there. Some dogs aren't as nice as Angel and me. If you are forced to dress in costume, I would suggest you dress as a cat. Imagine the fun you could have. You are dressed as a cat, and another cat comes up to sit beside you and talk about cat things (cheese, mice, etc.), and then the cat finds out you are a dog. Can you imagine the look on that cat's face!! PRICELESS. Maybe costumes aren't bad--as long as the dog gets to choose what he/she wears. HAHA

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Dressed as Cat--If I Have My Way)

King Solomon's Mines

You can imagine the disappointment felt by the team of dogs who were digging deeper in search of King Solomon's legendary mines. They had heard about the gold in the mines and they were hoping to unearth some tasty Pepperidge Farms Goldfish crackers. It turns out that it had no crackers. Even the humans who were also talking about gold think it was copper instead of gold. I think they only said gold because they knew the dogs wouldn't believe there were any copper fish crackers. I think the humans were just too lazy to do the digging.

I am saddened by the death of an 8 year old boy in Mass. who was attending a gun show, and was killed when he fired an Uzi. The gun's recoil was too much for the child, and he ended up fatally shooting himself in the head. If his dad had not been busy with his camera, and told the child no, the tradgedy would have been prevented. I have no problem with people owning guns, but this was senseless since, if the dad had any common sense, he would have realized that it wasn't a good idea for a young boy to be shooting an Uzi. It is sad to read about such a senseless event occurring. What happened to the days when children could only fire a bb gun? On, A Christmas Story, Ralphie didn't ask for an Uzi, he asked for a single shot, Red Ranger bbgun with a compass in the stock and a thing that tells time. Had Ralphie had an Uzi, he might not have lived long enough to write his Christmas story. This event was inexcusable.

I have to get back to my nap where I plan to dream of a world where dogs are in charge and humans can't make any important decisions since some of them are obviously incapable of a sane, intelligent thought.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Many Humans Are Brainless)

Dog Protects Kittens in Fire

I know we dogs are special, but one dog in Australia, Leo, risked his life to save 4 kittens when his house caught on fire. I know some of you dogs may not approve, but many of us like cats, and I'm very glad that the firefighters found them and got them out of the fire. Had it not been for the dog, the firefighters might not have noticed the box holding the kittens. I wonder if the kittens' dad was The Cat in the Hat because he could have been the one who caused the fire. Just ask the fish. He will tell you the Cat in the Hat can't be trusted. Once again, another doggy hero. I hope his family took him to Burger King for dinner.

Mommy went to a movie yesterday. She saw some movie called Duchess. I hope it was about the life of Duchess, the girl husky on the movie, Snow Dogs. She said another dog movie will be released in Jan. It is Dog Hotel. She saw the trailer and said it looked like a movie she wants to see.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Recognizing Dog Heroes)

Asking the Important Questions

Scientists have had different views about the moon. Some think there are areas of water ice, and some think there aren't. New information suggests that there is no water ice. You'd think the scientists would be concentrating on whether the moon is made of cheese of not. I'm sure cats and dogs would be ready to go there if it was made of cheese. Has anyone met the man in the moon or discussed any of these findings with him. He might know a bit more about the moon since HE LIVES THERE. Scientists can be so silly!!

I just discovered that earlier this year, Gus who is from Florida was named Ugliest Dog of 2008 at the Sonoma/ Marin Fair in Del Mar, California. Gus is a Chinese-Crested who had to have a leg amputated, has skin cancer, and has lost an eye due to a cat fight. He was rescued from a bad home by his furever humans. I have only one thing to add. I didn't think Gus or any other dog deserved the title because I don't think Gus is ugly, but Gus has a lot of courage, and I am happy for him. I doubt that Gus cares what title he has anyway. As long as we are loved, we dogs aren't too worried about our appearance. Its a shame the humans aren't as smart as we are.

It is nap time so I'm going to get some rest.

Demon Flash Bandit (How would Moon Cheese Taste?}

Religion and Politics

Since this is the time of political advertisements, I was thinking that no matter how good a candidate might be, some of the candidates can't resist negative ads. I thought I would share with you my look at how it would be if Jesus were running for President. These are just an example of what you would be hearing about him:

1. Jesus hangs out with an unsavory crowd. We know some of these people have radical political ideas of bringing down the empire.

2. He fed a multitude of people with only enough bread and fish to feed a couple. Where did the food come from? Our sources think it was stolen.

3. He brought back a man from the dead. Don't we have enough people on the planet without him bringing dead people back?

4. He stopped a woman from being stoned for adultery. Obviously, this is an obstruction of justice.

5. He is breaking many religious laws. He healed someone on the Sabbath. He shows no respect for tradition.

6. He told the rich among us to give their money to the poor. That is Communism which doesn't belong in a capitalist system. Don't vote for that Commie.

7. He will increase benefits to the poor. They should get out and work like everyone else. He is one of those bleeding heart liberals that we are always complaining about.

8. The golden rule doesn't involve money which is just wrong.

9. He teaches love and forgiveness. How can we wage war and take over other countries with that kind of attitude?

10. Sarah Palin spends $150,000 on clothes, and all he said was, consider the lillies of the field-they toil not,neither do they spin. Palin is just doing what the lillies do--she isn't toiling or spinning these clothes. She shopped for them like a good American and let the party pay for them. Does he want Nieman Marcus and Saks to have a bad quarter?

Considering these are the kinds of ads you would see if Jesus were running, I think it gives a whole new insight into politics.

I am adding one additional thought that annoys this dog. Why does one group say the other group is Godless when they so blatantly go against the religion they profess to believe in.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Would Prefer Issues Instead of Insults)

Things That Stay the Same

My pal, Raja is Diary of the Day today on Dogster. If you haven't read his diaries, I would suggest you read them when you have a chance. He is a very good writer.

I have an important bit of news for dogs everywhere. A dog has unearthed a 6,000 year old farmhouse in northern Greece. It is a well preserved example of Neolithic domestic architecture. They found household items that would have been in use 6,000 years ago. It was a big disappointment to the dogs because they were hoping to find some 6,000 year old food to munch on. After 6,000 years, you know the food would be nice and crunchy--just the way we dogs like it. The house was detroyed due to fire. The sight is important to the humans because of the fire. They are able to compare fire insurance from 6,000 years ago to policies today. The fire policy is very similar to those of today. However, they no longer carry such policies as dinosaur stomping, wolly mammoth attack, and acts of stupidity by apes. One thing that both policies shared in common was that the ancient insurance company refused to pay, but they were more honest back then. The policy said, we just take premiums, we don't pay out money. Do you think we are fools? I guess some thing never change.

In Florida, a hunter has been killed on the first day of hunting season. Do the humans ever learn--don't go hunting with Vice President Cheney.

Why are U.S. passports being made in the Netherlands, and why are they then shipped to Thailand to be finished? Shouldn't something that is so vital to the safety of our country be made here by people in our country? What is the point of having a Homeland Security whose main task seems to be annoying regular people at the airports when passports could easily be compromised in manufacture?

Sarah Palin was whining about how the press is sexist in response to her spending $150,000 on her clothing. I could care less how much she spends, but she should be spending her own money--not someone else's money. McCain spends $6,000 on make up and the only reason this dog mentions it and thinks it is amusing is because he still looks like a corpse. As Mrs. Palin so aptly put it, a pit bull can wear lipstick, but if I'm the pit bull, it will cost at least $3,000 for the lipstick--and I won't really look much different, but my lips will be another color. My running mate, Angel Zoom Smokey started whining about how she doesn't have $150,000 to spend on clothing. I know if she got that kind of money in her paw, she would buy dingo bones with it, and she wouldn't want to share. Therefore, Angel won't be going on any spending sprees at Saks or Neiman Marcus. I dont' think those stores carry dingo bones anyway.

It is so sad to see how big a mess the humans make of everything. I wish they had some common dog sense. I know some people call it horse sense, but we dogs are a lot smarter than horses.

Demon Flash Bandit (Some Things Never Change)

Santa's Shopping Sprees and Walter Vet Reed

I have an important announcement for military dogs. A Walter Reed for dogs is being opened. The govt. has spent 15 million dollars for the new facility which replaces an older crowded facility built during the Viet Nam war. I think it is good that the govt. takes good care of the dogs who risk their lives in its service. This is why I am running for President. I, being a dog, would be far more careful about getting into wars than the humans are. The humans fight over silly things like whose land belongs to whom. A dog just walks over to a tree and marks it. It is his. Case closed. Humans could learn a lot from their dog.

Tyson's Corner Mall in Farifax County , VA is laying off their Santa this year even though he has a contract with them. I think they should honor their contract. Sure he is a bit expensive, but they knew that when they signed the contract, and considering how many shoppers Santa can bring into a mall, he is a bargain. When I saw the article's headline, my first thought was, have they found a way to get workers in other country's to see kids over the internet to save money? The pathetic thing is that I can believe that corporate America would think of doing that--and then wonder why the people aren't at the mall when the people realize that they can let the kid see Santa at home and cut out the middle man--the mall. Are all businesses run by total and complete idiots?

On the mall subject, I would suggest you don't give your credit card to Sarah Palin because she is good at spending other people's money. It sounds like she isn't good at spending her own because her shopping sprees have to be at someone else's expense. Besides the spending sprees, she might also charge a few trips for the family. She did share her wishes for her daughter's wedding which is planned for spring. She wants her to turn 18 before she gets married. She is pregnant, but getting married before 18 is too big a step? I guess I'm missing something because it seems to me that having a puppy is more responsibility than having a spouse. It is time to put a dog in the White House. Vote Demon Flash Bandit for President.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should be In Charge)

Sarah Palin, Little Delinquents, and Vick

It is now official--the Republican party have now become liberals. How do I know this? Did anyone see that the Repubican National Committee spent $150,000 on Sarah Palin's wardrobe? That shows that they are very liberal with their spending of other people's money. I guess she isn't supposed to have to pay for her own clothing. I think the saddest part is that they spent all that money, and I see people on the street that look better than her. What a waste of cash!
I noticed an aritcle on the internet about a school system in Australia that suspends up to 22 kids a day due to violence, drugs, and generally bad behavior. I guess schools in the United States aren't the only ones that have problem children. I know being a dog, I don't always think the humans make a lot of sense, but this is one of those cases where I'm am truly mystified. The reason for my confusion is that so many of the comments blamed liberals for these problems. I guess I'm missing something because I don't think this is a problem that has much to do with politics or philosophies. No wonder the humans have so many problems. When you have a problem, you try to fix it. When I want candy and it is put out of my reach by one of the humans, I try to move stuff to the spot where I can climb up and get it. Sitting there whining about it being out of reach isn't going to put the candy in my mouth. I think the fundamental problem the humans have has nothing to do with their politics, but it is a spiritual problem and most of their religions only make it worse because some of the most religious people are the most judgmental because they missed the part about not judging other people. Perhaps some of those children are the way they are because their parents don't spend enough time with them--or the neighbors and relatives don't think it is their job to bother with anything other than their own selfish pursuits. Suspending them from school gets them out of the educational system, but does it make the world a better place? I don't see how letting a bunch of little juvenile deliquents loose on the world is going to improve life for the rest of the population. Perhaps if the humans ever learned the lessons of love we dogs give to humans everyday, some of these problems would stop. This dogs thinks many of the problems in the world are caused because the humans have so many problems learning to love and accept each other. I think perhaps we should start some learn to love classes for the humans. They can start small--maybe with some simple sloppy kisses and then work their way up to face cleaning kisses. The humans here don't wash their ears enough for Angel's taste because she has to clean their ears frequently throughout the day.

I also want to add that Vick is facing a possible parole. It is too bad that the dogs who died in his dog fights don't have that opportunity. I still think he should be treated like he treated the dogs he hurt. It seems to be the only way humans like him ever learn to behave properly.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Spends as Little as Possible on Clothes)

How Did Diosaurs Meet to Dance????

According to news reports, dinosaurs shared a dance floor in Utah. This proves the consensus of some paleontologists that dinosaurs were not fans of internet dating services. They liked to show up at the dance floor, and meet each other face to face. Sure, some scientists are clinging to the internet theory stating that the dance floor could have been a safe public place for them to meet in person after first meeting on a dating service, but this seems a bit far fetched considering that they could have met at restuarants or shopping malls. They also point out the most of the dinosaurs had paws, that unlike us dogs, weren't really good for typing on the computer so they probably would have gotten frustrated with the whole internet scene and went with meeting in person. Besides, meeting in person seems to be an older mating ritual that pre-dates computer dating by several years. The two groups will be debating this finding for several years, but this dog thinks they met in person. Chances are after they met, they went out and killed an animal for dinner.

Speaking of killing an animal and eating it on a first date, am I the only dog out here who immediately thought that it sounds like a first date with Sarah Palin?

I talked to a few dogs that said it sounds like a perfect first date to them. The cats I talked to said they like to kill a mouse or a bird on a first date--I suggested they stick with birds. I hate those little snow stealing varmints.

Demon Flash Bandit (Live From Utah--Not Really)

Race To Burger King

I mentioned Ratchet, the dog that a soldier in Iraq wanted to bring home with her in my Oct. 15 diary entry. Thanks to all the people who signed the internet petition and the publicity the situation has received, Ratchet will be allowed to come home with her adopted human. The dog is now in Kuwait, and Northwest Airlines has donated the flight from Kuwait to MN so welcome to your new home, Ratchet. I think this is definitely a situation that is thanks to the power of the paw--and of the good humans who love animals.

I had Burger King for dinner yesterday, and cheese and bacon chip milkbones. Life is good.

Mommy went to a movie yesterday and she said it had an ad for a tv show called Iditarod. Iditarod is a sled race in Alaska. The race was started in honor of the sled dog teams that delivered diptheria serum to Nome when an epidemic hit and the dogs were the only ones who could get the serum to Nome. I salute those heroic dogs, but if you want this husky to run in a race, it had better be to Burger King.

I hope all you dogs had a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Loves Burger King)

Common Dog Sense

My heart goes out to Joe the Whining Plumber. He should be able to ask a candidate a question without having the media pounce on him. I am glad they did check out his story since he didn't exactly ask a question. Instead, he stated how Obama's tax plan would hurt him. I think in this situation, his story should be checked out because I know most of us don't go to plumbers for tax advice. I also don't call an attorney or accountant to fix a leaky faucet. I'm not saying "Joe" was lying, but he shouldn't call himself a plumber if he doesn't have a license to be a plumber. If you are a receptionist in a dr's office, it doesn't make you a dr. I have a suggestion for "Joe". He should quit his present job and get a job in fast food. By the time he takes out his standard deduction, he would pay very little tax. If he has a family or any itemized deductions, he might even get an earned income credit. Take about beating the system--he could be tax free with the govt. giving him money. How lucky can a guy get? I know I'm not human, so I guess I don't understand the humans. Sure, I wouldn't like it if the govt. came and got one of my milkbones, but I'd rather have them take half the box than to have no box at all. Why is it that some of the humans get so upset over paying tax that their goal seems to make less money?? Are they the ones who failed math or do they have no common sense? By the way, if Joe is so upset about the media attention, why is he thinking about appearing with McCain. Wouldn't that lead to more media attention?

Now onto a more serious topic. Angel and I were in a more active mood than usual yesterday, and Mommy had the nerve to tell us that we were getting on her nerves. I don't know what she is talking about. We stomped on her feet about 50,000 times, but that is because we were playing rough with each other, and Mommy's feet kept getting in our way. Obviously, we weren't getting on her nerves--we were getting on her feet. You wouldn't believe how loud she yelped when we landed on a toe so hard that she thought we had broken it. It was only a bad bruise. Humans can be such whiners. She actually fussed at us and told us to cool it. If we could cool it, summer would never come but we have absolutely no control over the weather. Humans should have enough sense to know that , but I covered the lack of common sense in the earlier paragraph. Anyway, I hope when you dogs reading this happen to stomp on a toe and it gets a little painful, your human will understand and allow you to continue having fun--not that Angel and I stopped. We just didn't enjoy hearing Mommy whine while we were trying to play.

I hope your weekend is going well.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Willing to "Risk" a Higher Tax Bracket)

Gratitude

I want to thank all the dogs who give me gifts. It is always nice to receive a gift so I want each and every one of you to know that they are appreciated. Speaking of appreciation, Mommy was reading an article the other day that allowed humans to send in their complaints about Halloween treats. Now I understand why Mommy says Halloween isn't what it used to be. When Mommy was growing up, you thanked each person for the treat. Of course some candy was more liked than others, but that is part of Halloween. Every kid doesn't like the same kind of candy anyway so you can't please everyone. Sure, I can understand complaining about toothbrushes. That is just sick. However, some of the children were complaining about money, toys, etc. This is when I came up with a plan. I think dogs should go trick or treating instead of children. Sure, I have my favorite candy flavors, but I'll be glad to get any candy humans want to give me. We dogs are easier to please and you can tell we are happy with whatever the humans give us because we wag out tails to show we are happy. Kids don't even have tails to wag (another silly thing about humans). Okay all you dogs out there say it with me....TRICK OR TREAT.

How many dogs out there knew that Britney Spears was voted the worst celebrity dog owner of 2006? Paris Hilton was second. Evidently, Paris views dogs as fashion accessories. She should deal with a husky. A husky would make her a fashion accessory. HAHA It is no big shock that Spears would be a lousy dog owner. She is a horrible mother, and not exactly a wonderful human being.

Rival dog cloners (one in the U.S. and one in Korea) are about to become embroiled in a messy patent battle. They have the intelligence to clone a dog, but they aren't smart enough to know that there are plenty of dogs at shelters waiting for a human to adopt them. What idiots!!!

In closing, I need to remind you dogs to keep practicing: TRICK OR TREAT. Happy Halloween and have a nice weekend.

Demon Flash Bandit (Trick or Treating Dog)

I thought I'd let any of you dogs who are looking for work know about an interesting job I was reading about that is being filled by a dog name Sai Hu. The Jiaozuo City Zoo in China had an orphaned baby monkey who was being picked on to the point that his life was in danger. This problem was solved by Sai Hu, the guard dog that was employed to protect the monkey. Now when the monkey senses danger, he climbs on the dog's back, and they make a very cute pair. Were Zoo Officials inspired to hire the dog after watching the movie, Drillbit Taylor?

I have an alert for dogs living in Nebraska. Senator Ernie Chambers was seeking an injunction against God. He wants to forbid God from committing acts of violence (tonadoes, earthquakes, etc.). I want to warn all dogs living in Nebraska that it might be wise to get out of the state for awhile because your state could have a few lightning bolts hitting different areas. Judge Marlon Polk threw it out and it isn't supposed to be brought up again, but the senator is still considering appealing his decision.

I had to laugh when I saw the news about Joe, the Plumber who doesn't even have a license to be a plumber, and may have to go back to plumbing school. I think Joe should go back to plumbing school and learn to be a plumber before he even thinks about buying a business that would require him to be the boss over actual plumbers. I know I'm a bit cynical at times, but I seriously doubt that Joe will ever own a business. I don't like to call people stupid so I'll just say that Joe is no dog!!!!

Why doesn't McCain just explain to people that he is already dead, and that it is time to elect a corpse to office? No one has done that yet, and it might be just refreshing enough to get some votes. It would also save him $6,000 on make-up, and that is a nice wad of cash. He could buy himself a lot of Milkbones for that kind of money.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dogs Should Be Running Things)

I Keep My Promises

I thought I might demonstate the kind of leader I will be if you vote me into the White House. The town of Olympia, WA. is being over-run with rats. The humans have been turning to pest control. I have a far better solution which doesn't involve a lot of harmful chemicals. My solution: send in a lot of cats. Cats like to catch mice so it is a win-win situation for everyone. The humans get rid of their rat problem and the cats catch themselves some tasty snacks. Problem solved.

I know the other two candidates decided to spotlight the problems of a tax increase for Joe Wirzelbacher, a plumber who won't be able to buy the plumbing business he works for with Obama's tax plan. Of course, McCain is watching out for regular Americans like Joe. I didn't get involved in this dicussion, and I will explain why since I've had some dogs ask me my opinion. I will say first that Joe isn't a typical American. If people stop to think how much it costs to call in a plumber, you aren't discussing a low income worker. In fact, I've had a few people suggest that they make more than many CEO's. I don't think they make quite that much, but they are definitely doing okay. The second point is that I don't care what is said or promised, taxes will go up. They have to. The deficit is higher than ever, and the govt. just bailed out the financial segment to the tune of 700 billion dollars which isn't just laying around Washington waiting to be spent. Of course, taxes will have to go up. This is the legacy left by George W. I also would like to know when Joe, the plumber, became a tax expert when the election hasn't happened yet and there is no way McCain can guarantee that he can keep his tax promises particularly when he is all for the war in Iraq which is a major expense. I also want to add that the humans get so silly about taxes. I'd rather pay taxes on $250,000 than to make minimum wage and pay no taxes at all. No one loves taxes, but some of the humans will lose money to avoid taxes, and that makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, this dog will only make promises about ending discrimination against dogs, and things that I know I can keep. Making promises about the economy is silly because most of the time, they can't keep those promises, and a promise you don't keep is worthless. I can promise that fleas will be eradicated, but until scientists find something that will get rid of them once and for all, it would just be an empty promise.

This isn't actually about the election even if it seems related. Mommy saw a photo of Sarah Palin's family sitting in their house watching tv, and the photo brings one decorating question to mind. Why is their home filled with dead animals, and is that a particular decorating style because I've never heard of the dead animal motif? I also wonder if there are any live animals left in Alaska because if looks like all the animals that once lived in Alaska are now decorating her family's living room. I can only make one comment about the decor--YUCK!!!!

I will leave you with a less disgusting news item. Vitali Kitschko, who won the WBC Heavyweight Title has an innovative way to bring swelling down in his hands after a fight. He uses his son's wet diapers. He says "Baby wee is good because it is pure and doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell." I'm guessing the fight did more than make his hands swell. He must have lost his sense of smell because baby wee does smell. I'm not saying it smells bad, but we dogs know it smells. Also, isn't the whole point of wee to get rid of toxins in the body? I'm no expert, but I would think it isn't the healthiest thing to put your hands into. I guess the pure comment is true because it is pure wee. If you want to try this method for reducing swelling, go for it, but I think there are better methods. I also think if you don't fight, you wouldn't have that whole swelling problem anyway so I'll go with the no fighting idea.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping My Campaign Promises)

I Keep My Promises

I thought I might demonstate the kind of leader I will be if you vote me into the White House. The town of Olympia, WA. is being over-run with rats. The humans have been turning to pest control. I have a far better solution which doesn't involve a lot of harmful chemicals. My solution: send in a lot of cats. Cats like to catch mice so it is a win-win situation for everyone. The humans get rid of their rat problem and the cats catch themselves some tasty snacks. Problem solved.

I know the other two candidates decided to spotlight the problems of a tax increase for Joe Wirzelbacher, a plumber who won't be able to buy the plumbing business he works for with Obama's tax plan. Of course, McCain is watching out for regular Americans like Joe. I didn't get involved in this dicussion, and I will explain why since I've had some dogs ask me my opinion. I will say first that Joe isn't a typical American. If people stop to think how much it costs to call in a plumber, you aren't discussing a low income worker. In fact, I've had a few people suggest that they make more than many CEO's. I don't think they make quite that much, but they are definitely doing okay. The second point is that I don't care what is said or promised, taxes will go up. They have to. The deficit is higher than ever, and the govt. just bailed out the financial segment to the tune of 700 billion dollars which isn't just laying around Washington waiting to be spent. Of course, taxes will have to go up. This is the legacy left by George W. I also would like to know when Joe, the plumber, became a tax expert when the election hasn't happened yet and there is no way McCain can guarantee that he can keep his tax promises particularly when he is all for the war in Iraq which is a major expense. I also want to add that the humans get so silly about taxes. I'd rather pay taxes on $250,000 than to make minimum wage and pay no taxes at all. No one loves taxes, but some of the humans will lose money to avoid taxes, and that makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, this dog will only make promises about ending discrimination against dogs, and things that I know I can keep. Making promises about the economy is silly because most of the time, they can't keep those promises, and a promise you don't keep is worthless. I can promise that fleas will be eradicated, but until scientists find something that will get rid of them once and for all, it would just be an empty promise.

This isn't actually about the election even if it seems related. Mommy saw a photo of Sarah Palin's family sitting in their house watching tv, and the photo brings one decorating question to mind. Why is their home filled with dead animals, and is that a particular decorating style because I've never heard of the dead animal motif? I also wonder if there are any live animals left in Alaska because if looks like all the animals that once lived in Alaska are now decorating her family's living room. I can only make one comment about the decor--YUCK!!!!

I will leave you with a less disgusting news item. Vitali Kitschko, who won the WBC Heavyweight Title has an innovative way to bring swelling down in his hands after a fight. He uses his son's wet diapers. He says "Baby wee is good because it is pure and doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell." I'm guessing the fight did more than make his hands swell. He must have lost his sense of smell because baby wee does smell. I'm not saying it smells bad, but we dogs know it smells. Also, isn't the whole point of wee to get rid of toxins in the body? I'm no expert, but I would think it isn't the healthiest thing to put your hands into. I guess the pure comment is true because it is pure wee. If you want to try this method for reducing swelling, go for it, but I think there are better methods. I also think if you don't fight, you wouldn't have that whole swelling problem anyway so I'll go with the no fighting idea.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping My Campaign Promises)

I Keep My Promises

I thought I might demonstate the kind of leader I will be if you vote me into the White House. The town of Olympia, WA. is being over-run with rats. The humans have been turning to pest control. I have a far better solution which doesn't involve a lot of harmful chemicals. My solution: send in a lot of cats. Cats like to catch mice so it is a win-win situation for everyone. The humans get rid of their rat problem and the cats catch themselves some tasty snacks. Problem solved.

I know the other two candidates decided to spotlight the problems of a tax increase for Joe Wirzelbacher, a plumber who won't be able to buy the plumbing business he works for with Obama's tax plan. Of course, McCain is watching out for regular Americans like Joe. I didn't get involved in this dicussion, and I will explain why since I've had some dogs ask me my opinion. I will say first that Joe isn't a typical American. If people stop to think how much it costs to call in a plumber, you aren't discussing a low income worker. In fact, I've had a few people suggest that they make more than many CEO's. I don't think they make quite that much, but they are definitely doing okay. The second point is that I don't care what is said or promised, taxes will go up. They have to. The deficit is higher than ever, and the govt. just bailed out the financial segment to the tune of 700 billion dollars which isn't just laying around Washington waiting to be spent. Of course, taxes will have to go up. This is the legacy left by George W. I also would like to know when Joe, the plumber, became a tax expert when the election hasn't happened yet and there is no way McCain can guarantee that he can keep his tax promises particularly when he is all for the war in Iraq which is a major expense. I also want to add that the humans get so silly about taxes. I'd rather pay taxes on $250,000 than to make minimum wage and pay no taxes at all. No one loves taxes, but some of the humans will lose money to avoid taxes, and that makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, this dog will only make promises about ending discrimination against dogs, and things that I know I can keep. Making promises about the economy is silly because most of the time, they can't keep those promises, and a promise you don't keep is worthless. I can promise that fleas will be eradicated, but until scientists find something that will get rid of them once and for all, it would just be an empty promise.

This isn't actually about the election even if it seems related. Mommy saw a photo of Sarah Palin's family sitting in their house watching tv, and the photo brings one decorating question to mind. Why is their home filled with dead animals, and is that a particular decorating style because I've never heard of the dead animal motif? I also wonder if there are any live animals left in Alaska because if looks like all the animals that once lived in Alaska are now decorating her family's living room. I can only make one comment about the decor--YUCK!!!!

I will leave you with a less disgusting news item. Vitali Kitschko, who won the WBC Heavyweight Title has an innovative way to bring swelling down in his hands after a fight. He uses his son's wet diapers. He says "Baby wee is good because it is pure and doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell." I'm guessing the fight did more than make his hands swell. He must have lost his sense of smell because baby wee does smell. I'm not saying it smells bad, but we dogs know it smells. Also, isn't the whole point of wee to get rid of toxins in the body? I'm no expert, but I would think it isn't the healthiest thing to put your hands into. I guess the pure comment is true because it is pure wee. If you want to try this method for reducing swelling, go for it, but I think there are better methods. I also think if you don't fight, you wouldn't have that whole swelling problem anyway so I'll go with the no fighting idea.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping My Campaign Promises)

I Keep My Promises

I thought I might demonstate the kind of leader I will be if you vote me into the White House. The town of Olympia, WA. is being over-run with rats. The humans have been turning to pest control. I have a far better solution which doesn't involve a lot of harmful chemicals. My solution: send in a lot of cats. Cats like to catch mice so it is a win-win situation for everyone. The humans get rid of their rat problem and the cats catch themselves some tasty snacks. Problem solved.

I know the other two candidates decided to spotlight the problems of a tax increase for Joe Wirzelbacher, a plumber who won't be able to buy the plumbing business he works for with Obama's tax plan. Of course, McCain is watching out for regular Americans like Joe. I didn't get involved in this dicussion, and I will explain why since I've had some dogs ask me my opinion. I will say first that Joe isn't a typical American. If people stop to think how much it costs to call in a plumber, you aren't discussing a low income worker. In fact, I've had a few people suggest that they make more than many CEO's. I don't think they make quite that much, but they are definitely doing okay. The second point is that I don't care what is said or promised, taxes will go up. They have to. The deficit is higher than ever, and the govt. just bailed out the financial segment to the tune of 700 billion dollars which isn't just laying around Washington waiting to be spent. Of course, taxes will have to go up. This is the legacy left by George W. I also would like to know when Joe, the plumber, became a tax expert when the election hasn't happened yet and there is no way McCain can guarantee that he can keep his tax promises particularly when he is all for the war in Iraq which is a major expense. I also want to add that the humans get so silly about taxes. I'd rather pay taxes on $250,000 than to make minimum wage and pay no taxes at all. No one loves taxes, but some of the humans will lose money to avoid taxes, and that makes no sense whatsoever. Anyway, this dog will only make promises about ending discrimination against dogs, and things that I know I can keep. Making promises about the economy is silly because most of the time, they can't keep those promises, and a promise you don't keep is worthless. I can promise that fleas will be eradicated, but until scientists find something that will get rid of them once and for all, it would just be an empty promise.

This isn't actually about the election even if it seems related. Mommy saw a photo of Sarah Palin's family sitting in their house watching tv, and the photo brings one decorating question to mind. Why is their home filled with dead animals, and is that a particular decorating style because I've never heard of the dead animal motif? I also wonder if there are any live animals left in Alaska because if looks like all the animals that once lived in Alaska are now decorating her family's living room. I can only make one comment about the decor--YUCK!!!!

I will leave you with a less disgusting news item. Vitali Kitschko, who won the WBC Heavyweight Title has an innovative way to bring swelling down in his hands after a fight. He uses his son's wet diapers. He says "Baby wee is good because it is pure and doesn't contain toxins and doesn't smell." I'm guessing the fight did more than make his hands swell. He must have lost his sense of smell because baby wee does smell. I'm not saying it smells bad, but we dogs know it smells. Also, isn't the whole point of wee to get rid of toxins in the body? I'm no expert, but I would think it isn't the healthiest thing to put your hands into. I guess the pure comment is true because it is pure wee. If you want to try this method for reducing swelling, go for it, but I think there are better methods. I also think if you don't fight, you wouldn't have that whole swelling problem anyway so I'll go with the no fighting idea.

Demon Flash Bandit (Keeping My Campaign Promises)

Meet Snuppy--An Afghan Hound Clone

I want to start this diary by saying that Sgt. Gwen, Beberg, who wants to bring a dog, Rathet, back from Iraq that she adopted is having some problems with the military who don't want dogs brought back from Iraq. Thanks to Operation Baghdad Pups, some have already been allowed to come to the U.S. and hopefully, Rathet will be one of them. There is an on-line petition for Rathet on the internet which Mommy has signed already. I'm sure Ms. Beberg would appreciate all the signatures she can get.

On a related subject, in 2005, an Afghan Hound named Snuppy was cloned in Korea. I am only bringing this up because I don't think a lot of us know that a dog has been cloned. Snuppy has even had puppies. I guess these scientists haven't been to an animal shelter recently. Someone should have told them that there are plenty of dogs available, and they could save themselves a lot of trouble and expense. I guess we will never understand the humans. If they are going to clone something, why not make it something useful like a dingo bone. I can always use an extra bone to chew on.

I saw that Cheney is having heart problems. I guess he is still trying to find where he left it. Meanwhile, McCain still looks like a walking corpse. I hope he lays out some extra money for make-up tonight because it might help him if he looked like he is alive, and $6,000 isn't doing it. Maybe he should talk to the scientists that worked on Snuppy because it might be better to send a clone to the debate. I bet it would save money on all that make-up. I'll be at the debate because we dogs have not been heard and you can be assured that, when I'm in the White House, dogs will no longer face discrimination. Vote for Demon Flash Bandit

Demon Flash Bandit (Fighting For Dog Rights)

We Were Robbed!

I thought I'd better share a recent experience that we has occurred at our house, and I'm guessing it has occurred at other homes also. It all started when Mommy went to the store. She bought a box of Milkduds which were in the shopping bag when she came home. I know this because I always check over the bags. Without my help, Mommy might have left it at the store without realizing it. Anyway, Mommy went to sleep and woke up the next morning to find there were little bits of Milkdud box scattered all over the bedroom, and the milkduds were gone. I suggested she call the police because it was obviously the work of a thief, and should be reported as soon as possible so that the culprit stands a better chance of being apprehended. I can't stand the thought of a candy thief running loose in our area. Mommy actually thought I had eaten the candy. She says that a thief would not have broken in just to take a box of candy. I think she is getting senile because I live here, and I happen to know that the most valuable thing in this house was that box of candy. Because of Mommy's silliness, she didn't call the police. Now she won't be able to report the theft to the insurance company for a replacement box of Milkduds. I will add only one thought--Milkduds are delicious. I can't tell you how I now this, but trust me, they are good.

Demon Flash Bandit (Candy Guard)

Never Be Late for a Nap Again With This Product!

Mommy went to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua yesterday, and she says she thinks the humans on Dogster will think it is a great movie. Of course, we dogs will have to wait to see it until it comes out on dvd because WE AREN'T ALLOWED IN THE THEATRE!!!!!

Since winter in most areas tends to bring wetter weather, I thought I'd do a bit of research for the dogs among us who hate getting wet. Personally, I hate baths, but I don't mind getting wet--particularly if I'm wet because of snow. For those of you who want to avoid the wetness, a human has invented a doggy umbrella. This is attached to the leash. There is a different style umbrella that looks like a "tent" that goes with the dog everywhere. I think whoever designed it must have spent a lot of time with turtles. It is like taking your own "shell" umbrella with you everywhere you go.

Another item that should be on every dog's Christmas list is the doggy watch. I know we have all been there--you have a busy schedule and you need to know what time it is. Now you can just glance at the watch on your paw and know if you on time or running late. Never be late for a nap again when you have this watch.

There is also a product called doggy bumpers. They are like small pillows which the dog "wears". I don't even know what to say about this invention. Perhaps it was designed for dogs who happen to be very accident prone.

I hope these items give you some ideas for your Christmas list. Personally, I would skip the umbrella. I think the dog rain coats are simpler and probably work just as well, if not better.

Demon Flash Bandit (Christmas Gift Ideas)

Dog Cell Phones

Mommy was gone ALL day yesterday, and I had to babysit my brother. I was very annoyed, but the Burger King, salmon treats, and rawhide bones did help me cope with my anger. Is that what they do in Anger Management Classes? If so, sign me up. I would like to take a class where I eat BK, salmon treats and rawhide bones as the course curriculum.

If you are like me and most other dogs, you may have noticed that teenagers, unlike adults, have a small thing protruding from one ear that I thought was some kind of growth, but I just found out if is a cell phone. If teen-agers are trusted with cell phones, then where is mine? In late 2005, a dog cell phone did come out on the market. I don't know why I don't have one, and I don't know why Mommy had never heard of them. I'm not surprised. Mommy never keeps up with the latest cool technology. I suppose that is because the latest technology usually has to be explained to older adults by children under the age of 5. They were born with the knowledge of how to operate all the new gadgets. I guess it is some kind of DNA code that Mommy's age group didn't have. The dog cell phone is slobber proof (I think that is insulting to us dogs, don't you?). It will help the humans find us if we get lost. However, the best part of having a dog cell phone is that you can talk to all your dog pals. It is time for us to start howling--into a cell phone.

It is warm here, and I hold the birds personally responsible for this warmth. If they try to keep winter from coming, they will be so surprised when I become President, and declare war on them. Let's see if they are singing happily then.....

Demon Flash Bandit (I Need A Doggy Cell Phone)

Things that Demon Flash Bandit Thinks About

As many of you dogs already know, the Deemster tends to get philosphical at times which means I comtemplate the meaning of life and why some things are the way they are. This is one of those times. I like to share my thoughts with other dogs out there who may think the same types of things. Let's face it, the humans can never find answers to any of these questions so it will take a dog to discover the truth.


Why do cows eat grass? Yes, I know we dogs have been known to taste it, but it isn't the tastiest food in the world. Cows seem to really enjoy it. Does it taste better to them than to dogs? (See, I told you these are important musings.)

Why do they sell rabbit leashes at the pet store? Mommy's rabbit, Flash, refused to wear one. I would think they aren't popular with most rabbits.

Why hasn't anyone in Gotham City realized that Batman has to be weathy to afford the Batmobile, Bat Chopper, Bat Motorcycle, Bat Boat, etc? Are the people in Gotham City the dumbest people in existence or is it because there are no dogs in the town to explain it to them?

Did any of the NASA astronauts actually find a genie in a bottle or was that just Nelson, and why isn't he in any of the NASA museums?

When humans need to lose some weight, why not just move to a planet where they would be incredibly light and would need to gain weight? It would be easier than going on a diet.

A popular toy from the past is the slinky. I can understand its appeal, but did human children really spend hours watching this silly toy go down stairs, and does that explain why older humans are easier to please than the young ones who grew up with video games? The young ones have to be entertained all the time while the old ones can be entertained with things as simple as bubble wrap (thanks to Jeff Foxworthy for pointing this fact out). I also have to give The Office credit for a whole new purpose for bubble wrap--as bandages when you burn your foot on a George Foreman grill. If you haven't seen that episode of The Office (which happens to be my favorite show), I suggest you watch it. I wonder if they will have to add warnings to the G.F. grill in the future. Warning: danger of burning foot if you step on the grill.

Since there are killer tomatoes on the loose, are other veggies going to go outlaw also? Do we need to worry about killer cucumbers, killer zuchinni, etc. That is why we dogs prefer meat. Some of the veggies can go a bit crazy.

I could continue, but I'll save them for another day. I have a nap to get back to......

Demon Flash Bandit (Philosphical Dog)

Was Northern Exposure Written by Ghost Writers???

Go and and applause because I happen to like applause. Yes, Demon Flash Bandit is here writing an entry. This is a great sacrifice of my nap time, but that is what is expected when you are running for public office.

I have something to say about Brett Favre, who left a dead wild turkey in his team-mate, Eric Barton's locker. The turkey was inside a bag of blood and guts, and I'm assuming it was meant to be a joke or prank, or maybe dinner. As most of my readers already know, I approve of killing birds, but I hope my readers realize that this is not why you kill an animal. With his kind of attitude, a dog could be next. I think this kind of behaivor is totally and completely unacceptable. I also wonder why humans like him who seem to get such a kick out of killing things are trusted with guns. I'll never understand the humans lack of common sense.

I'm thinking about getting a job ghost writing letters to the editor for John McCain. I've got a good imagination so I don't think coming up with a new identity would be that difficult. I think it is an insult to his supporters. He must think they are too stupid to write letters saying that they think he will be a good President. Maybe that is why Sarah Palin had to wink when she made a point in her debate. My guess is that they think all their supporters are stupid. I think all the dogs and humans who are voting for Demon Flash Bandit are incredibly intelligent and well educated voters so I don't have to stoop to such low tactics to win.

Mommy has been watching the old tv series, Northern Exposure for the past couple of weeks, and she has seen seasons 1-4. The first couple of seasons were okay--there were usually some dogs walking around unleashed--as dogs were meant to be. However, I see fewer and fewer dogs on the third and fourth episodes, and I came to the conclusion that this town in Alaska never needed a dr, but was in serious need of a psychiatrist. I have long been in favor of moving to Alaska because it is one of the few places that has a perfect climate. However, I think the reason you don't see many dogs as the show is on longer is because the dogs saw how insane the humans were, and got out of town. For the benefit of the dogs out there who haven't seen it, these are some of the things going on in this town:

The town waitress can't talk--she can only sing (this was the cliffhanger from the 4th episode)

The local radio station has a program, Chris in the Morning, in which he dispenses philosophy and plays music--music Mommy would turn off the minute she hears it, and Jeff wouldn't have on in the first place.

One resident was killed by a downed space satellite, and was buried with him and the satellite "melted together".

Chris built a catapult and catapulted a paino.

Chris' friend died, and he catapulted his casket because I guess burying or cremation was too mundane.

A bear who became a man because he was in love was courting one of the women on the show.

One character was having a phychology discussion with a wolf who was a man, but not a werewolf because it was daytime.

A dog came to live with this lady because he was "her boyfriend who was hit by the satellite".

Chris, the dj and town's minister, got his cleric's licsense out of an ad in The Rolling Stones magazine.

Chris is the only minister in the town--I guess conventional religions didn't bother to send anyone to this town. Can you blame them?

Adam, the gourmet chef who happens to live as a hermit occasionally shows up in town. For a long time, he was a local legend. I guess they thought he was some kind of Big Foot.

The Native Americans are sane, but don't seem to realize that they are surrounded by nut cases--or maybe they are just amused.

I could go on and on, but you get the idea. Do you know how hard it is for a dog of my intelligence to watch this kind of garbage? On the other hand, like Mommy, I have watched it just to see how stupid the people will be in the next episode.

Demon Flash Bandit (Northern Exposure Should have Cancelled the Humans, and Hired More Dogs)

Debate Results Boring--Capt. Jack Sparrow Interesting.

As most of my readers know, I try to keep you dogs informed of important news events, and this item is at the top of the list. Johnny Depp has been given a 55.8 million dollar advance for reprising his role of Capt. Jack Sparrow for a 4th Pirates of the Caribbean movie. It sounds like a bargain for Disney since the 3 movies have grossed almost 2.7 billion dollars globally. Johnny Depp is very fortunate. He can eat Burger King and Milkbones for the rest of his life and still have money to buy some dingo bones to chew on just for doing that one movie. I know since he is a human, he may have other ideas for spending the money, but that is what I would do with 55.8 million dollars.

I can't cover the latest news without mentioning that McWhiney debated THAT ONE. My first reaction was, who is he talking about, Obama or me??? I thought it was sad that the man who thinks he should be running the country is so senile, he couldn't remember Obama's name or mine. That is unacceptable. George W. isn't the smartest guy in the world, but he at least remembered Gore's name. As usual, I won the debate, but Obama did make some good points, and McCain made some good points too. I have to give him credit, some of McCain's statements were well thought out. I'll cite a few examples. Town meetings are often held at town halls. The horse drawn carriages I rode in when I was young are slower than cars. The Crusades in Iraq must continue. I was discussing it the other day with Richard the LionHearted of England, and he agrees with me completely and said he appreciated my youthful views. Did I tell you about the vampire bat that bit me? Palin thinks she'll get my job, but I will serve out my term--as long as I avoid sunlight. I am going to declare war on killer tomatoes. For the $6,000 I spend on make-up, can't they put some dye on my hair? Then he started rambling, and I was embarrassed for him.

Many of you may already know that companies in an never ending search to find cheaper labor have found a whole new labor pool. A tavern in Toykyo has waiters who are monkeys. Before you dogs get excited and decide to go there, I'm guessing dogs aren't allowed. I know that is what would happen here. Monkeys could be waiters, and dogs still wouldn't be allowed--where is the justice????

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Won the Debate)

Don't Take Dead Bats to School

Once again, Demon Flash Bandit has found something of interest to you dogs out there. I know many of us dogs like to play with (or even eat) dead things. Personally, I would enjoy a dead bird, but my regular readers already know that I think birds are evil, and I just like the evil little feathered varmints to be dead. If you have been the victim of having a potentially delicious dead thing taken from you by humans who are "concerned about your health", you are living with the wrong humans. There was a Mommy in Stevenson, Montana who brought a bat who had died from rabies into her children's elementary school and allowed one kindergarten class and 4 fifth grade classes to touch the dead bat. My humans refuse to touch dead wild animals because you never know what killed them, and this woman is bringing them to school! Now 90 children are having to get rabies shots at a cost to the school's liability insurance of $70,000. I know this Mommy may have meant well, but I think common sense would keep most people from bringing dead things to a classroom. I might also add that I am wondering where the teachers and principal happened to be because it seems like it should have occurred to someone that this might not be a good idea. I think the sad thing about this story is that it actually happened. It sounds like something you would watch a really goofy character do in a movie.

Beginning in 2010, Ford Motor Co. will have a feature on cars that will allow parents to limit a teen from driving more than 80 mph. Despite the fact that some teens are against it, it sounds like a good idea to me. I don't think teens or adults usually need to drive any faster than 80 mph, and I am confident that this feature will not be used on any cars used in Nascar or other racing events. I will add that they are not targeting dogs on this invention because Ford probably realizes that we dogs are good drivers. Judging from the driving perfomance of Toonses, the cat on Saturday Night Live, I think it might be a good idea to limit the speed of cats particularly if you live in an area with a cliff. I like cats, and mean no offense, but they seem to be a bit irresponsible when driving--probably because they have 9 lives.

Demon Flash Bandit (Bats Shoudn't Allowed To Drive Cars)

No Bubblegum on My Nose

I didn't write an entry yesterday because my personal secretary, Mommy, had other things to do. The humans need to get their priorities in order--dog first, everything else, second, third, etc. Mommy and Jeff went to a movie yesterday, and they saw Appaloosa which they both said was a good movie. The dog can't tell you how a movie is until it comes out on dvd. It is so unfair!!!! Mommy didn't stay around the house yesterday because it would have been my older brother's 29th birthday so she had to keep busy.

There was a heart warming story on the news today about an Airedale terrier who made a 45 miles trek back to his home. I love true stories like this. If you are wondering how he found his way back home, he is a dog, and we dogs are smart. I think he probably looked at a map.

On the election front, McWhiney has started negative campaigning. Palin has said that Obama is friends with a terrorist. I'm not sure why this person who happens to be a terrorist is still running around loose here in America. Shouldn't Palin be wondering why all those Republicans who have been in power are letting this guy run loose? Meanwhile, Obama is bringing up that little fiasco McCain was involved in--the Keating Five. I know they haven't been able to say anything bad about me, and Angel has admitted to that DUI she got when she was a puppy. She has kept her nose clean--okay she did get some bubblegum on her nose last month, but I think that we can let that slide. Remember, this dog has always been honest with the American people so be sure and vote Demon Flash Bandit on Nov. 4. A vote for a dog is a vote for Progress.

Demon Flash Bandit (No Bubblegum on My Nose)

Vote Demon Flash Bandit

A lost World War 2 Sub has been found. Is there anything the humans can't lose--submarines, cities, cars (I'm citing that movie, Dude, Where's my Car), and key rings to name a few things they lose? No wonder they don't bury their food. They probably would lose it if they buried the whole refrigerator. The sub was the USS Grunion. I think we dogs should be put in charge of all things lost on land. Our smellling and digging skills are superior to those of the humans.

I want to mention that there is quite a few thoughts on Sarah Palin's folksy wink. Everyone has mannerisms, and some people will not mind them and others will find them annoying. Personally, I find the "wink" annoying mainly because it isn't a mannerism that she does without thinking. It is deliberate. The wink itself is harmless enough, but she is winking when she makes a point to let the audience know that she has made a point which I happen to think is insulting to the audience which is why I find it irritating. It is really her way of telling the audience, "you are too stupid to know when I'm saying something intelligent, I have to wink so you'll know I said something smart." On a related thought, the Repulicans want to have a dress code for the election. From my understanding, people aren't supposed to wear anything political including pins, t-shirts, hats, etc. I have no problem with that and think it is easy enough to enforce. However, I think the idea of a "dress code" is dangerous because it would be easy to start turning people away because you don't want them to vote. I also want to know why the party that is always whining about how the country is losing is freedom is always the first one to take it away. I think saying no political campaigning on clothing is allowed covers the whole thing well. You don't need an actual dress code. Are they going to tell people they have to buy a voting uniform to wear to the polls? It could get that ridiculous if allowed to go on. This is supposed to be a free country. I suggest the Republicans quit trying to control every aspect of people's lives and remember that freedom is the main principle of this country. and freedom and control do not go hand in hand.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Thinks Voters Have a Brain)

Napping As An Art Form

The vice presidential debate took an ugly turn when Sarah Palin started trying to shoot at Biden and Angel Zoom Smokey. Fortunately, Samoa Sunnybear Belle had anticipated Palin's obsession with guns, and he and Cho (who often acts as a body guard at the Pier) sent some chihuahuas in to replace her bullets with french fries. Instead of blood and carnage, there was just a bunch of tasty snacks. Of course, Angel then had to give Palin some puppy slaps of justice. It did make for an interesting debate-it wasn't boring.

I want to mention that the Museum of Bogota in Columbia (South America for those who failed geography) is celebrating the "art of laziness". I think this exhibit is a necessity for dogs since we like to nap a lot and some humans think we are lazy. Now we can tell them there is an actual art to napping so much and it is being highlighted in an acutual human museum. Speaking of naps, I'd better get back to mine.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Specializes in the Art of Napping)

Angel Zoom Smokey--Puppy Slapping at the Debate

Some of you pups might be wondering if Angel Zoom Smokey is prepared for the Vice-Presidential debate. Of course, she is prepared. She has been ready, and she hasn't needed any coaching like some other female Vice Presidential candidate. I've heard that particular candidate is receiving a lot of coaching--you know things like, please don't state that men and dinosaurs walked the Earth together while citing The Flintstones as proof of the statement. I'm glad I picked the lovely Angel Zoom Smokey as my running mate. The only thing I told her is to try not to puppy slap the other candidates too much no matter how much they need it. Puppy Slaps of justice should be reserved for only the really stupid statements. I might also add that Angel is the prettiest of the candidates despite the claim of one that she is a beauty queen. I'm wondering, are polar bears in Alaska's beauty contests, because I would choose one above Sarah Palin, but then again, I would also vote for a wolf if I were a judge. Humans look pretty silly walking around on their back paws. I don't know how humans can think they look good when they look so silly. Anyway, be sure and watch those vice presidential debates so you can see Angel Zoom Smokey kick paw and give out puppy slaps of justice.

If you happened to see the article on the internet about Halloween masks predicting election results (so far, Obama masks are in the lead), I don't want to let it upset my supporters too much. I didn't give them permission to make my mask because I was afraid that the people dressed as Sarah Palin would mistake the wearer of that mask as a wolf and start shooting. It is hard enough to stop that group from shooting without them thinking they have a reason. For those of you who decide to wear a McCAin mask, watch out for the nursing home people because they could be patrolling your neighborhood for new patients, and who would be more natural to grab than someone wearing a McCain mask? Before you start saying I am being nasty, I"m sorry, but the man is old. I respect his heroism in the French-Indian War, but that has been quite a while ago, and he needs to put his bow and arrow down and move on. Also, a special warning to those dressing as Sarah Palin--the animal control people may also be out so you need to watch for them since they will be looking for stray pit bulls. I suggest you leave off the lipstick since there is a special bulletin for them to watch out for pit bulls wearing lipstick.

I have to go now. Angel needs some practice puppy slapping, and I plan to get out of the way.

Demon Flash Bandit (Angel Zoom Smokey--A Wise Choice)

YO HO HO And Bag of Candy!!!

Ahoy Mateys, my page is beginning to look like Capt. Jack Sparrow's ship with all my lovely Pirate gifts. Thanks to all the dogs who were kind enough to send me gifts. If I were a pirate, my pirate treasure would involve candy. Of course, that would be because I would be a smart pirate. You can't eat pieces of eight. Don't even ask me how I know that. Okay, I'll tell you. I may not have tried pieces of eight, but I did try pennies when I was a puppy, and they don't taste nearly as good as they look. I'm assuming pieces of eight are in the same category as pennies even if they are worth more. I think it it time to set sail and check out exotic ports for candy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Seeking Candy Treasure)

Back to Burger King

I have an important announcement to make about yesterday's diary entry. I had to leave the computer, and Jeff took over and and wrote it from the part where it goes into the tirade about comic books and comic movies. I let it go because it was kind of funny, and it allowed me to get back to my nap-time.

Today's topic will be, how does Jeff know about a comic book published in 1962 when he wasn't born until 1985? I think this proves my point that the kid spends far too much time with comic books.

Mommy's friend owns a Delorean, and I'm wondering if I drive that car, will I be able to go into different time periods. I thought it would be cool to go to different years and get a whopper and make sure they haven't changed the quality of the burger over the years. It is strickly for scientific purposes only. Getting to eat a bunch of burgers is just a perk. I think that kid in the Back to the Future Movies wasted his time in the past. He didn't even check out the food in the past. Why else would you go back in time unless it is to get some tasty food from the past.

I also have a question about those Men in Black movies. Many of the aliens were giant bugs which brings me to the point, why would a bug travel light years from his planet of origin to come to Earth when, if you ask me, there are already enough bugs on the planet now. I did a vote among dogs, and we are okay with sending all the fleas into outer space. We'll just tell them to go to the dog stars, and when they discover they can't bother star dogs, it will be too late.

I would write more, but from what I've seen that is going on today, there might be a long line for the few Deloreans so I'm out of here.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Of Science)

OH...Wall Street Fell, Horses Stink, Robin Laid an Egg...

I hope all you dogs had a good weekend. I did. Yesterday Mommy went to see the movie, Miracle at St. Anna, and I got Burger King. To be honest with you dogs, the movie sounded GREAT and (according to the humans anyway) it was honestly full of miracles (no false advertising there)! The greatest miracle in the movie was that all the buffalo soliders seemed to have a infinite supply of chocolate handy 24/7. Spike Lee truly understands what miracles are all about-CHOCOLATE!!!!

Of course, the weekend can't last forever so Monday arrives even if you aren't ready for it. I explained Wall Street a few days ago. It seems that those Wall Street people aren't too happy today since the House didn't vote on a bail out for the financial crisis. It is amazing how history repeats itself. When George Sr. was in office, there was a Savings and Loan crisis then too. The govt. had to take care of that one at a cost of 1.4 trillion dollars. I'm sure it was a merely a coincidence that both Jeb and Neil Bush benefited financially from that bail out. Anyway, the stocks are down. I can solve the problem, but I won't get into the details since I'm running for office, and that McWhiney guy looks like of suspicious to me. You know what they say about people who have beady little eyes. I'm not saying he is old, but someone told me that he had Depends in his shopping cart. I know I shouldn't be so hard on him, but can you imagine my annoyance when I discovered that Sarah Palin was blessed by Bishop Muthee before she became governor, at the Wasilla Assembly of God Church and made her "safe from every form of witchcraft".

This church wants to rid the world of DEMONS. This is before I even announced I was running for President. Obviously she is paranoid and would best be put into a mental hospital for the good of the general public. I know the wolves in Alaska would appreciate her being locked into a psychiatric hospital.

Onto happier news, I want to buy a Krypto the Superdog comic! The only reason the film "Superman Returns" didn't do as well in the box office is because it did not contain the VERY realistic Krypto the Superdog! I offered to play the role of Krypto but DC and Warner Bros. failed to get back to me. I wonder if it has anything to do with the 50 million dollar paycheck I dem anded? Did you know that DC Comics actually included a Superhorse? That was just silly! His name was Comet (Biron in centaur form). In the comic "Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane #92 (May 1962), Biron aka Comet and Lois Lane fall in love and almost marry! Lois even gets turned into a horse herself (and a special note to the writers of "Family Guy", she did not turn into Sarah Jessica Parker...sorry)! The less said about this the better. The sad part is, it is the truth, you can even look it up! That issue just proves that not only is a Superhorse silly, it is also VERY creepy! The sad part is that I know this...anyway...Krypto rocks! ...and rolls!!!

Jeff is really getting excited because his two favorite comic books at the moment are finally going to be made into movies. Jeff loves 'The Green Lantern" comics in an almost creepy way. He also really likes the comic book entitled "Kick-A**" (I am not sure if I can say a** on Dogster, but you get the idea). Both comics sound interesting, but nothing can beat Krypto. I told Jeff when they make that into a movie, I'll be interested, till then, shut the "yap yap" about the Green Lantern and that Kick-A** fellow. Oh yeah, that Kick-A** comic is only on it's fourth issue and they are already filming the movie!!! Nicolas Cage is co-starring in it, which makes sense because like the Fster, he will work for comics.

On a side note about DC Comic movies, I know why "The Dark Knight" was such a huge hit. No, it wasn't because Heath Ledger did an amazing job in his final complete role, no it wasn't because the film was masterly written, it doesn't even have to do with the fact that it has a Batmobile I finally feel safe driving (aside from the Adam West "Lincoln" Batmobile that is). It has to do with DC wisely leaving out Robin! Who wants to see a bird solve crime and beat up people? Not this dog! I HATE birds! Batman even names multiple Robins!!! He has a Robin named Dick Grayson (yes, I am giggling a little as well), then a Robin named Jason Todd, then he names yet another Robin Tim Drake!!! When will he just get a new sidekick besides a freakin' bird!!! Batgirl is cool...and a woman...perhaps if he hangs out with her more, people will stop talking behind his back as well! There you go Batman, make Batgirl your new 'offical' sidekick. Two birds, one stone!

Demon Flash Bandit (McCain-Offending People Since 1576 BC and Palin-Offending Wolves Since Birth--she shot her a wolf when she was only 3...seconds old that is.)

I Want a Batboy Action Figure

I was wondering if any Batboy action figures have ever been made. If you aren't familiar with Batboy, he used to get coverage in that scholarly newspaper, Weekly World News, which published their last paper, but now they have merged with the Sun. Some people may call it a tabloid, but I refer to it as the "news". They print the stories the regular papers won't print--like Batboy. They even had a t-shirt with Batboy on it that you could purchase. I know he was helping the govt. fight terrorism, but I've been wondering what he is up to now. Anyway, if the toy companies can make a Sarah Palin figure, why not Batboy? I'd rather have Batboy anyway. My older brother used to wonder why they didn't make President action figures. He would have bought all of them. Mommy didn't think they would be very popular with most children although it might help them learn history. It might be interesting watching children play with them. My brother would have had to be historically accurate, but most kids would have Jefferson fighting with Skeletor (sorry, he was in the He-Man age group), while Reagan was busy flying a plane (totally inaccurate, he would have been napping). Why is there no Batboy??
There are Killer Tomato, Hercules, Pocahontes (don't expect me to spell correctly--I'm a dog), Ghost Busters, Jurrassic Park, Congo, and all sorts of action figures from movies and cartoons from Tom and Jerry to Bill and Ted. Why no Batboy???? Why did the best newspaper in the world go under? Did the George W. administration have it out for him because they actually printed that he wasn't a good president. Did the CIA and FBI not want the truth to get out? Have I stumbled on a major conspriacy that goes all the way to the White House. I will leave these thoughts for other dogs to act on. It happens to be time for my nap. If you happen to see Batboy, tell him Demon said hello, and tell him to call a toy manufacturer and demand a figure of himself.

Demon Flash Bandit (Admirer of Batboy)

I Was The Clear Debate Winner

The debate last night went better than even I anticipated. Let's face, it, the humans couldn't keep up with me. I was surprised that McCain showed up since he was supposed to be in Washington dodging the debate due to cowardice. Let's face it, if a President and a whole bunch of senators and representatives can't come to an aggreement, Mr. McWhiney isn't going to make any difference.

I also want to add that I appeared last night without any make-up whatsoever. I really don't need it because we dogs look good as we are. The humans aren't so lucky. Mr. McCain actually spent $5,583.43 for make-up and make-up people to get him ready for appearances. I wonder if that is for just one appearance or if he it covers 2 or 3 appearances. Personally, I'm wondering how he can pay so much money and still look like a walking corpse. Did you dogs notice that he didn't answer me when I asked him how anyone stupid enough to spend so much on make-up can handle the economy? I think he should not be afraid of letting the people know what he really looks like-the President shouldn't be voted for on looks anyway, and if they were, I'll be the winner--no contest.

I hope you noticed that I am the only candidate with a anti dog discrimination policy. Obama and McCAin hadn't given dog problems any thought whatsoever. Remember, a vote for Demon Flash Bandit is a vote for a dog.


Demon Flash Bandit (Best Dog Candidate)

Faithfully Yours, Bertie is Dog of the Day!!!!

I want to make the announcement that Angel Zoom Smokey's Mommy is the Dog of the Day today. Contratulations, Faithfully Yours, Bertie, It couldn't happen to a nice dog.

I know several dogs who are worried about something called Wall Street. Wall Street is a street that is walled in and they keep a bunch of people there called stockbrokers. Bascially, their job is to stay on Wall Street and keep out of everyone's way. The amuse themselves by buying and selling stuff which they never see or use. I guess to them it is just a big game. This is how they make money which they take to their homes after they are done on Wall Street. They tend to be noisy and annoying which is why they have to stay walled up on Wall Street. Regular humans and dogs prefer not to hear them except for the ones who actually have some of the things they are buying and selling. They have some problems at the moment, and the govt, is trying to fix it (have you ever heard of putting the fox in charge of the hen house?). The govt seems to be working it out, but they wanted McWhiney out of town because he was causing more trouble--perhaps because he was over-stepping his authority. He reminds me of the little dude on South Park (I think his name is Cartman) who always wants to be in authority. Anyway, he is going to appear at the debates tonight so it won't be just me and Obama. As I said yesterday, I'm still the best looking of the candidates so I should win with no problem. Look out dogs, dogs friendly legislation is at hand.
Milkbones for everyone!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Will Win Debate)

I have an important announcement to make. I will still be in the debates unlike McWhiney, who seems to think he is needed to fix the economy. Great. The people who messed up the economy are trying to fix it. Isn't that like the guy who decides to fix his own plumbing and makes it worse thinking her can still fix the more complicated thing when he couldn't fix the simple thing? Someone needs to tell McWhiney that he hasn't become the President yet. Neither he nor Obama need to worry about fixing the economy yet. A guy named George W. is still the Pres, and it is his problem--not theirs. He is working on a plan with Congress so I think it is being covered, and McWhiney can get back to his schedule. He also cancelled his appearance on Letterman. It is important that the voters see what the candidates are really like so they know who to choose. Of course, when they see me and hear what I have to say, there will be no contest. Who would vote human when you can vote dog. If David Letterman wants me to make an appearance on his show, I'll be there because I'm not afraid to let the people see me. I'm not bragging, but everyone says I'm the best looking of the candidates, and I've observed that looks will get the vote from 75% of the humans. Move over McWhiney (McCain) and Obama, Demon Flash Bandit is going to win.

Now that I've covered the boring part of the diary, I can move onto something more interesting. Today's subject will be cars. I want a driver's license. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I've seen some of the humans drivers and, if they have a license to drive, why the discrimination against dogs? I'm sure I would be a better driver than many of those humans. I think I would like to drive Daddy's convertible so I can feel the wind hit my fur. Daddy let me ride in it, and it is so much fun to ride in. I highly recommend convertibles for dogs who want to enjoy a good ride. A dog doesn't even have to stick his head out of the window to enjoy the ride. I'm not allowed to stick my head out of the window because one time I tried to jump out of the car. Could I help it is there was a cute girl dog I wanted to talk to. Try getting the humans to pull over so a dog can flirt with a pretty girl. Of course, that is before I decided to settle down with lovely Savannah Blue Belle. Anyway, it is time all us dogs get together and picket the govt. until we get the right to drive. I'm tired of the humans trying to keep us dogs down.

Demon Flash Bandit (Activist for Dogs)

I Want More Super Dogs!!!!!

Believe it or not, I'm walking on air
I never thought I could feel so free,
Flying away on a wing and a prayer
Who would it be?
Believe it or not its Demon Flash Bandit.

This is the chorus from a tv show from the early 80's called Greatest American Hero. It is the story of a teacher, played by William Katt who got a suit from aliens which made him a super hero. The aliens also gave him a book that explained his powers, which typical of humans, he lost. Remember my entry of a few days ago about a dog who had to find a city the humans lost? They lose everything. Anyway, I will admit that the Demon Flash Bandit part was added by me, but it does fit. I would be a great super hero. Very much like Krypto who I mentioned in yesterday's diary entry, we dogs aren't given the credit we deserve for all the heroic acts we do for the humans.

Anyway, when this show came out, my oldest brother was a toddler, and he absolutely loved this show. The Greatest American hero was up there with He-Man for him. Most kids in his age group loved He-Man. I think the show would have lasted more seasons if it had included the Greatest American dog in the cast. That is my opinion, but I'm sure all the dogs reading this will agree with me.

I don't mean to ramble on, but I had to tell you that to make a point. Why are there not more dog super heroes? Sure there is Underdog and Krypto, and I think I Mommy said there was a Batdog at the toy store who I'm assuming helped Batman. There are regular dogs being heroic from Lassie and Rin Tin Tin to Demon on Snow Dogs when he kept the sled from going over the cliff by the power of the paw. Anyway, I want to sit down and watch a good dog super hero movie. I hope all the dogs out there will write the networks and tell them to include more dogs in tv shows, and make a few of them super dogs because we dogs are a serious portion of their viewers. We have far more time for tv watching than most of the humans, and we have large amounts of descretionary income derived from begging from the humans. Tell them to get with the program and bring on the dogs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Future Network Executive)

Demon Flash Bandit--Dog Who Can Use a Computer

And now, back from a successful nap time engagement: Demon Flash Bandit, rested and ready to write another entry. I overheard Jeff talking last night about Superman Returns and I thought of writing why the world needs heroes, but I think all us dogs already know that the world needs us dogs. He was talking about how one of the actors said people would probably have liked it better if it were "dark". Leave it to the humans not to realize that a dark movie can't be seen so it might as well be radio. I think the big problem with the latest Superman movie was the total lack of his best friend, Krypto. Without his dog, how is he supposed to function? He would be more like that superhero Hancock who didn't seem to have the whole superhero idea thought out well.

It is time to cover my politcal campaign. So far, there are no negative ads directed at me. I think they are underestimating my support from the dog community. Remember how unimportant they consider your opinions when you go to vote. I will tell you a couple of reasons why I'm not in the news more. First of all, the "news" are owned by the ultra wealthy, and they don't think we dogs are important because there are very few super wealthy dogs. The ironic part of this is that they care very little about the humans too unless the humans are among the super rich, but most poor humans think one day their ship will come in. Sure, it does happen, but when you put a bunch of rich humans in charge who only care about themselves and their friends, the boat they send you will have a hole and if you get on it, you'll sink with the boat. I do get a chuckle out of some of the things I read. McCain (who I have dubbed McWhiny), is the "victim" of a negative ad which says he is out-dated and can't send an e-mail. Before I hear another, he hurt his arm as a POW and can't use a computer, P L E A S E..... Mommy's cell phone has voice activation, and I think the man can afford a computer that is voice activated. He is hardly scraping together his grocery money. Just because he can't use a computer doesn't really make him any better or worse at being president so the ad really isn't as bad as he seems to think it is. He has earned the title, McWhiney because every time the least little thing is said about him, his whole group starts their whining. I've heard less howling at a husky convention. I think this country is going to be surprised when they wake up the day after the election to the first dog president ever elected--and then there will be changes because, as all of you already know, we dogs are much more intelligent than the humans. Remember, vote dog in November, Demon Flash Bandit for President!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Demon for President)

!10 Most Wanted (or Unwanted) Termites

Mommy and Jeff went to see Righteous Kill at the theatre yesterday. Mommy said it is a movie about policemen, and Mommy said it was a good movie. It makes me anxious to see it when it comes out on dvd (I'll save you my tirade about dogs not being allowed in theatres). I am hoping it will be as good as Police Academy which was so good, it has about 200 sequels. For those of you who may have missed it (like that is possible), it is about a bunch of humans are are attending the police academy which a a school for police. They learn valuable lessons like how to switch hair remover for shampoo. One of them is so talented, he is able to make all kinds of noises, and he should be in entertainment instead of at the police academy. Anyway, the head guy was very admired which is why the guys were always doing fun things to him. It was that comraderie thing that brought them all close together. I am assuming that Righteous Kill must be a police movie of that calibre so I can't wait to see it.

My future bride, Savvy has a problem that I think may of you dogs can relate to. The dining room table at her house has been chewed on some; and as usual, the humans blame the dogs (Samoa lives there too). Obviously, this is the work of termites. The little bugs hide from the humans, and then when the humans aren't looking, they come out, chew up things made out of wood (sometimes they even eat the house), and then the dog gets blamed. The humans should know better; but as usual, they are clueless. If there are any termites causing trouble at your house, be sure and try to capture them so you can show the culprits to your humans. The humans may not believe you, but it is worth a try.

DEmon Flash Bandit (Police Should Arrest Termites)

Searching for a Bone and Finding a City

I have some breaking news that I want to share with all you dogs. A lost city in Russia, most likely the capital of the Khazars has been found. Don't ask me how the city got lost. I think it is because the humans are always losing stuff. I want to share with you the story of how it was found. A dog (I think it might have been a husky, but I"m not sure) was running around having his usual good time when he smelled something that smelled like a bone. You know how we dogs love a good bone. He started digging and it took awhile, but you know we dogs don't give up when we start digging. He finally reached the lost city. I think this shows that archaeologists are totally unnecessary because they just aren't able to sniff things out like us dogs. I think it is because the humans have those tiny noses.

I want to share an inspirational story with you from June, 2003. Faith, whose human is Laura STringfellow from Oklahoma City, OK was born with front paws that never developed. Laura got Faith when Faith was only a 3 week old puppy. She was taught to stand in the snow and her back paws got stronger and she started walking. Now she is able to run, and many of you dogs will be pleased to hear this, she can chase cats just like a 4 pawed dog. I think Faith is a great example of the power of the paw--even if there are only 2 of them.

Remember, to sniff around when you are outside. You never know when there is a lost city in your own back yard. Besides, digging is fun!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Doggy Discoverer)

My Opinion of Halloween Costumes

The weather is getting cooler, and it is that time of year when fall is in the air. No, the leaves haven't started changing yet, but I'm not a puppy. I can tell when the seasons are changing. I'm announcing this for the benefit of dogs that live in two season climates--hot and extremely hot. This is the time of year when humans decide that dogs would look adorable if they were in costume. Yes, you got it, it won't be long until that holiday, Halloween, will be here. The stores have already got Halloween merchandise. I know this because some of it has been brought home by my own Mommy. This means I have to check those shopping bags more carefully in case Mommy decides to sneak in some dog costumes. Don't get me wrong, if Mommy wants to dress Angel Zoom Smokey in a costume, I'm all for that. She can even buy another hot dog or two because the hot dog MOmmy bought her last year only fit her butt by the time Halloween got here. She was a growing puppy. I'm only glad that most costumes are designed for little dogs who are too small to fight wearing a silly costume. The real problem is I overheard Jeff asking Mommy is she thought I would look better as Batman (it should be Batdog) or Underdog. With all due respect to Underdog, I don't want to step on his paws by wearing his costume. I'm not Underdog. Is it fair to Underdog to make humans and other dogs think I am him? I don't think so. Why can't they just let the children dress in costumes because they don't seem to mind? Humans are used to wearing clothes. The worst part of the whole situation is that the humans want to dress us dogs in costumes, but then we aren't allowed to go trick or treating. I might be willing to wear a costume is I could go get some candy. Candy is very tasty, and it would be a suitable reward for wearing a silly costume. To add insult to injury, Mommy gives out MY candy to kids in the neighborhood--total strangers who don't deserve my candy (my opinion, not Mommy's). When I become President, it will be illegal if a dog isn't allowed to go trick or treating. Remember, a vote for me is a vote for getting candy at Halloween.

Demon Flash Bandit (CAndy Loving Dog)

I Have Had a Good Day!!!

This is Demon Flash Bandit reporting from treat paradise. Mommy came home today with Burger King, new squeaky toys, dingo rolls, and some little bones with flavors in them--one is peanut butter and jelly. Angel and I hit the jackpot. I am assuming that when humans go to Las Vegas and win, they must win dingo bones and squeaky toys because that is what I'd like to win, and I took a survey among dogs and that was the consensus. It was about as scientific as the polls they are doing for the up-coming election. I am not even mentioned even though I have clearly been a candidate longer than McCain or Obama. Once again, there is such discimination against us dogs.

I saw that about a dozen states have been progressive enough to pass legislation including dogs in orders of protection in the case of domestic violence. I saw in the APCA newsletter today that a man named Sherman Haynes is facing 7 years in prison (he has several charges including one that is a felony) for his actions on Sept. 14, 2007. He decided to break up with Farah Benoit so he started throwing all her stuff including her 3 year old shih tu from the window. The dog died, and Sherman was finally arrested Sept 5, 2008. My heart goes out to this sweet little dog. I think the 7 year prison sentence is too easy plus it would cost the tax payers money, and I don't think this jerk is worth the money that would be wasted on him. My suggestion is to throw him out the window--maybe a bit higher. If he survives, let him pay his own medical bill. This is how I would handle crime if I become President. Never let it be said that Demon Flash Bandit is easy on crime--particularly against dogs.

Mommy went in for the new back treatment today, and she said it wasn't too bad. I think she must have been in a good mood to bring home so many gifts.

There is bad news for those of you who eat at Red Lobster (other than them not allowing dogs). Yes, the lobsters are on strike. They decided that they were tired of being eaten. When you give the lobsters a fancy tank, they start getting all snobby and then they don't want to be dinner. What is this world coming to? Next the shrimp won't want to be eaten, and then they might start complaining because short people are called shrimps and it is insulting to both the humans and to them.

The Heelarious company, who is marketing the stiletto heels for baby girls is going into the baby make-up line, and then there are rumors that they will be introducing a baby street lamp. I am not sure why, but I guess it is so babies will have enough light to put on the baby make-up. I thought Mommy thought they were cute yesterday, but she was being something called sarcastic. I guess she thinks babies are cute enough as babies and sees no reason why babies and toddlers need to look like miniature adults. I do find that a bit strange myself since the humans love us as puppies, and they don't seem to mind if we stay small and continue to look like puppies. I guess it is too much trouble to have a baby and let it be a baby. That lazy baby is probably laying around the crib and not contributing anything. No wonder the parents want the child to grow up. Thank goodness we dogs are treated like dogs. I'm not giving up my nap time to go to work--unless it is pulling a sled because that looks like fun. What wouldn't be fun when it is done in snow???

I'll be back tomorrow for more profound insights into dogs and our nap times.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Hates Snobby Lobsters)

Latest Fashion News From the Internet

Hello to all the dogs out there reading my diary entry. It is boring around here so I was taking a nap, but I will always wake up long enough to chat with my dog pals.

Now baby girls can be as fahionable as the adult females. They are now making a brand of heels for baby girls called Heelarious. They are little stiletto heels for baby girls. What baby girl doesn't need these shoes? Normally, I would expect MOmmy to say it is stupid, but she actually thinks it is cute. She says they might as well wear the uncomfortable things when they aren't walking because when they are walking, stilettos are the dumbest shoes ever manufactured. I am assuming that the person who came up with this company is married to a podiatrist because those kinds of shoes are not good for feet. Mommy wore them when she was young and then her feet, who have absolutely no sense of fashion, decided that they wouldn't walk if they were surrounded by those types of shoes. I'm waiting for them to make stiletto hills for dogs, and then it is going to be HEELARIOUS watching Mommy or Jeff try to put them on Angel Zoom Smokey. She gets upset is they try to put a hat on her. I'm sure she would hate the idea of heels on her paws.

For those of you who missed out on the Chewbacca potato chip on e-bay (that auction is over), you still have some time on the Dark Knight peanut butter jar which you can no longer buy now at $999.00 because someone did bid on it. The bid is 99 cents so act fast or you might have to go through your own garbage for a treasure like that. Of major interest to us dogs is a petrified mouse found in an attic. You can bid on this treasure for only $1.00 or buy it now for $150.00. I will warn you that if you go find a fresh mouse, it will actually be tastier, but if you want a mouse to display in your kennel, this would be perfect. For cats who might be reading this, you would probably like to decorate with it even more than us dogs would. If I see anymore interesting items on e-bay, I'll be sure to keep you dogs informed.

What artist came up with the dogs and cats with the giant heads and noses? They are kind of cute, but if you actually ran into a dog or cat that looked like that, you would assume they were alien pets from another planet.

As I've mentioned in the past, Jeff is very fond of comic books. He particularly likes a character known as the Green Lantern. I keep wondering how a lantern can do anything to be a hero. I know they provide light, but they just sit around doing nothing but providing light. I might need to do some further research on this Green Lantern character.

I saw that a hacker hacked into Sarah Palin's yahoo e-mail. Yahoo???? Isnt' that the free e-mail, and doesn't yahoo sell those addresses to anyone who will pay them? I'm sure their protection is the best. HAHAHA So far, they have uncovered a highly sensitive e-mail checking into the availability of those baby stiletto heels in case Bristol's baby is a daughter. You can never get a child started in beauty contests early enough......

Demon Flash Bandit ( Why Won't Mommy Let Me Bid On the Mouse)

My Engagement!!!

I have an interesting piece of news that was on AOL headlines today. A 120 million year old species of ant was found. It was dicovered next to a 120 million year old picnic basket. Ants haven't changed in the past 120 million years, have they? For those of you who think that they couldn't possilby be 120 million years old since Genesis puts it more at 7,000 years old, I suggest you do some research on that ant yourself. It could be lying about its age which would also indicate that it is a male ant because a female would never admit to being 120 million years old.

I have heard people say this is a historic presidential election. I would think maybe it is because I"m in it and I'm a dog, but the more I have thought about it, the more I realize that it is because the media is getting more abuse than the candidates. The media prints the facts. If you don't like those facts, blame the candidate, not the media. They printed the story about how I was housebroken by the humans applauding me. It may be a bit unusual, but it is true, and I'm not mad at the media for printing it.

I have saved the best for last. I am not officially engaged to Savannah Blue Belle. We will be setting the wedding date soon. I am a very lucy dog to have found such a lovely dog to spend my life with. I hope all the other dogs out there are as fortunate as I have been.

I must go and take a nap and dream of my lovely Savvy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog In Love With Savannah Blue Belle)

An Enhancement to Any Human's Potato Chip Colllection

Didn't I just write a diary entry? Has another day gone by already. Time does fly when you are napping. I hardly know what to write about today so I went to e-bay to see what kinds of stupid stuff humans are trying to sell to other humans. I was not disappointed. For all you die-hard Star Wars fans, there is a Chewbacca potato chip. The chip supposedly looks like Chewbacca, but I guess I am not the most imaginative dog in the world because I don't see any major resemblance. There are a couple of bids on this item so act fast if you want it for your own private potato chip collection (doesn't everyone have a potato chip collection?) There was also Jif peanutbutter jar liner that is for fans of the Joker in the recent Batman movie. It is entitled Why so Serious? I'm not quite sure what is is supposed to be, but it would be an enhancement to anyone's peanutbutter jar liner collection. (By the way, the liner can be purchased immediately for the buy it now price of $999.00) I mentioned these two items to point out that I am running for President, and who would you prefer to have in office? Humans who actually try to out-bid each other on these types of items or a dog who has enough sense to go through the garbage and get stuff like that free. I think maybe the movie, Idiocracy was too optimistic. I'm not sure that the humans will be as intelligent as the movie portrayed them to be.

I'm sure many of you dogs are asking why should I have to remind dogs about how stupid their humans are? Look at the governor of CA. They elected The Gubenator. The man who gave us such movies as The Terminator, and let's not forget the classic movie, The Last Action Hero which I would re-cap for you, but I don't want to. All I can say is that it wasn't one of Mommy's favorite movies. She said it was no Steel Magnolias. I don't think it was supposed to be, but I"m not going to say that to Mommy. She is the human who pays for my treats. I'm a smart dog. I"m not risking my treats. Who would think that humans would elect an actor to run their state? Of course, there is a precedent, Reagan was an actor who ran the country--when he was awake. I am not criticizing--I actually admire a human who understands the value of a good nap.

I have a few other thoughts to leave you dogs with--when a tow truck breaks down, who tows the tow truck? Would Mr. Bean have been any funnier if he were Mr. Potato, and if so, would Mr. Potato Head have been a relative? Is there going to be a Thumb movie sequel to The Dark Knight? Has anyone spotted Elvis lately? Is Angel Zoom Smokey going to be kicked out of the house for eating the ear off Mommy's fuzzy rabbit statue because I could use the extra treats? So far, Mommy just told her she was a bad dog, and that was the end of it. I was the one to alerted Mommy to her touble making spree because she got Mommy's Cadbury bunny that makes chicken noises first and it happened to still be in the package with a Cadbury egg. I took it away and brought it to Mommy. Okay, I was eating the egg, but Mommy still got her bunny back which was definitely the work of Demon flash Bandit because Angel would have taken the bunny's eyes and nose off. She hates stuffed animals to be able to see or hear her. I hope all you dogs on dogster are staying out of trouble--not like Angel Zoom Smokey

Demon Flash Bandit (Good Dog)

Buddy, the Dog Hero

I don't mean to sound like a broken record (what is a record anyway?), but the humans are idiots. Mommy went to see a movie yesterday, and it was entitled, Burn After Reading. Shouldn't it have been Burn After Watching since you don't read a movie--you watch it? How stupid can the humans get???? Speaking of doggy intelligence, how many of you dogs saw the news item about Buddy, the German Shepherd in Phoenix? He was trained in MI by Paws for a Cause, and has been with Joe Stainmaker since he was 8 weeks old. When Joe had a seizure, Buddy, who is 18 months old pushed a special button for 911 (they were aware that a dog might call), and when he barked into the phone, they send out an ambulance. I think Buddy deserves well earned applause from all us dogs on dogster. He handled that emergency better than many humans would have handled it.

On the subject of dogs that help humans, Mr. Magoo comes to mind. Why does a man who is virtually blind (or at least doesn't bother to open his eyes) have a dog, McBarker ,who doesn't open his eyes either. It doesn't make much sense to this dog. There are many questions that spring to a dog's mind when it comes to tv and movies. In the movie Fast and Furious, who is fast, and who is furious? I'm guessing it is the cars although I've never actually chatted with a car that seemed to have any emotion one way or the other. Why did they replace the old fashioned walk in phone booths when they know Superman needs them to change into his Super suit? If you buy a Super suit, do you gain super powers? The car, the Ford Taurus SHO, what is is showing, photos of kids? photos from vacation? These things make a dog wonder what the humans are thinking until I remember, the humans can't think--they have no brains.

Until tomorrow.....

Demon Flash Bandit (Applauding Buddy, Doggy Hero)

President Demon Flash Bandit--It Sounds Nice

I have been doing some research on the internet, and this dog has found some surprising information on Sarah Palin. Notice no one ever tells you who she was running against for governor. I'm sure she is trying to keep the whole thing quiet, but when Demon Flash Bandit finds out about deceit and probably cheating, I will report it to all you dogs out there. On July 10, 2006, Brinkley, a golden retreiver was running for governor of Alaska. He had t-shirts printed up that said Brinkley for Governor, and as of July 10 (which is considerably before the election), the t-shirt sales had already brought in $4,000 most of which was donated to dog rescue. Binkley was a write-in candidate, and I'm sure Palin's cronies made sure there were not pencils at the polls. I guess dogs have to run in Alaska-in not in dog races, then in political races. I am sure the dog would have made a better governor, and I think all you dogs out there will agree with me on that statement.

Since 9/11, some Americans have worried about another terrorist attack. I know the government is trying to keep this quiet, but there hsa been a problem at the Richard B Russell Federal Building in Atlanta. It seems that a suspect has broken into the Federal Building. This was announced by Judge Paul, W. Bonapfel. The suspect, seeming to have no worries about "covering his tracks" stole from several different floors--a chocolate chip cookie from the 10th floor, a sandwich from the 9th floor, and a packet of dried soup was missing from the 23rd floor which shows that the suspect was hungry and decided to have a bite to eat before continuing his crime spree. You'll be relieved to know that the suspect has been apprehended, and I don't know what the suspect will face since he is a raccoon but since it is a federal building, he is subject to federal law. I hope they aren't too hard on him, because he is kind of cute.

I am so glad that I'm not the only dog with political aspirations. I do promise when I become President that situations like the one at the Federal building will not be common because if those raccon terrorists think they can cause trouble when I'm in office, I will send Vice President Angel Zoom Smokey to give them some puppy slaps of justice.

I hope all you dogs have a nice weekend, and watch your sandwiches in case there is a hungry raccon "terrorist" in your area too.

Demon Flash Bandit (Don't Mess With My Food!!!)

Human Puppies

As all us dogs know, humans start out as children which I sometimes refer to as human puppies. The big difference is that we dogs are able to function on our own very quickly while it takes a human baby years to get to the point that we dogs get to in a month or so. Why am I bringing up a topic that is so obvious? I think I know one reason the humans are so hard to understand. It is how they are treated as human puppies. I'll explain in this entry. Puppies are quite smart from the beginning. Infants can't do much but eat sleep and get rid of what they eat. When they get a little older, their parents buy them toys which are supposed to help their development. I'm sure the dogs are still following me. If I lost a few humans, sorry this it too complicated for human minds to grasp. What kinds of toys do children play with?

I'll name a few toddler type toys and add my comments. Thomas The Train Engine is a popular children's toy. It is a talking train that pulls other train cars, and Thomas talks. I can't say I've spent much time observing what he does because, he is very boring. I think a talking sled dog toy would make more sense, but what can you expect from the humans? Another popular toy--Bob the Builder, an action figure named Bob who builds stuff. I really don't understand how entertaining it is to watch a figure build stuff particularly when my beaver pals can do it more efficiently, and they make Bob the Builder look like Bob the Blunder. Following the same idea, a popular building toy for children is Duplos or Legos. Duplos are for younger children, and when they get older and pass their licensing exams, they can move on to Legos. What can they build with legos? All kinds of interesting (basically useless items). Don't bother to let me know the million and one uses for Legos because Mommy says their main use is to be all over the floor so that your children can never get around to picking them up no matter how many gadzillion times you ask them to, and then the adult (usually the Mommy) has to waste her valuable time picking up silly little pieces of plastic that she should have had more sense to buy in the first place. However, this is a great gift coming from an uncle or aunt is is trying to get back at a sibling for annoying them over the years. It is actually in the same league as the drum set from the musical toy group so adored by aunts and uncles. After literally years of playing with toys like that, is it any wonder children, when they become adults think so much differently from us dogs. If I have a train engine roll up and start chatting with me, I'm not hanging around to hear what he has to say. This is one dog that will be taking off and getting to a safe "no talking engines" place.

I will mention one human that must have some sense, Prince Albert II of Monoco. He traveled via a sled dog team to the North Pole a couple of years ago (April, 2006) It was supposed to be to check on the deterioration of the polar ice caps, but I bet he was looking for Santa Claus.

Here is a news item that doesn't make any sense to me. Did Palin and McCain switch places because I thought Palin was the vice Presidential candidate, but judging from all the news coverage, she must be the Presidential candidate? Wasn't it nice of McCain to step down and let her have the job?

Somewhere in Florida, a 7 year old was in a washing machine in a laundromat. Where was his MOmmy? Did she put the kid in there because he was very annoying? I'm sure the Mommy will sue the laundromat, but perhaps charges of negligence and incompetence should be brought against the Mother. Did she climb into a dryer for a nap? I've said it before and I'll say it again, that movie Idiocracy is coming true.

Sure children have always done things they weren't supposed to. Little George Washington cut down his dad's cherry tree, and when his dad asked him if he had done it, he said sure, I hate cherries, and his dad said it was okay because if a kid is old enough to chop down a cherry tree, he is old enough to chop off a head, and Mr. Washington was was fond of his. He had a friend without one, and he was always getting teased. Little George turned out okay, but his dad gave up on planting cherry trees.

I hope all you dogs out there have a wonderful weekend, and if any train engines start talking to you, think sled dog and run!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Critiqueing Children's Toys)

DAISY: Dog Hero of 9/11

Since today is the anniversary of a horrible event that happened before I was born, my main topic today is a story about that day. If you want more details on the story, Brandy III has written the story in today's diary in more detail than my diary will contain. It is the heartwarming story of Daisy, who was James Crane's guide dog. Daisy is a golden retriever. She was with him when the planes hit the twin towers in NYC on 9/11. James let her go so she could reach a safe place, and was waiting to die. However, Daisy had other ideas, and she came back and led James and his boss out of the towers. She made several trips back into the building to lead people out, and she led about 967 humans to safety. Her heroic efforts got her the Canine Medal of Honor of New York--the only civilian dog to receive the medal. However, there are a lot of humans who survived that day thanks to the heroic efforts of Daisy, and those lives are far more important than the award. Daisy, you make all us dogs proud to be a dog.

I was also reading a story about a 15 year old cat in London, Dixie, who was returned to her humans after disappearing in 1999. She had a microchip, and when it was scanned, she was returned to her humans. It is a lovely story, and I do like cats, but some of my dog pals said she found someone in the area who fed her more expensive food, and when they bought cheaper food, it was time to scat (notice the cat in the word, scat). I'm not sure if this is a fair thing to assume, but there are a lot of dogs who think cats are ungrateful, disloyal scum. As I said, I don't agree with them, but I told them that I would give their opinion of cat behavior because they are giving me one of their Milkbones, and that is going to get me a lot of extra Milkbones.

I also want to give my approval to Jim Fonte, mayor of Warren, MI who wants city workers to drive American cars--not just cars made in the U.S. but cars that are the products of U.S. companies. I applaud the mayor for suggesting this concept. Since much of the city's tax base is from General Motors and Chrysler, this seems like a sensible idea to me. Without those companies' tax dollars, those city workers probably won't have jobs. I think if more national leaders showed common sense like this, there would be a lot less problems in the world. Does anyone think that Jim Fonte might be a dog?

I hope all you dogs out there have a good day, and may you have all the Milkbones your tummies can hold.

Demon Flash Bandit (Writing on This Sad Anniversary)

Toothfairy Cutbacks--What's Next????

I saw today that the economy is affecting an area which I never thought would be affected. The toothfairy is having to cut back. In the U.K. the tooth fairy payrate is down in the last 6 months from slightly over $2.00 to $1.50 ( yes, that is U.S. dollars--do the kids in Britain have to run to the bank to have it switched to their currency?) I never thought I'd read about the tooth fairy's financial situation in the news, and this has serious ramifications for Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. Is Cupid going to have to cut back on arrows due to the rising cost of shooting them at people? It makes a dog wonder how the humans have survived this long.

Twenty-eight beagles were rescued from a puppy mill in Arizona. I hope all of them find loving homes. I hope some of them will be on dogster in a few months in their furever homes.

Some humans are all upset over a particle smashing machine which is supposed to simulate the Big Bang, and help scientists understand the universe better. I know nothing about the machine, and I don't like science. I read their argument which basically boils down to, If God had meant for us to have a particle smashing machine, he would have given us the knowledge to build one.......uh, it is bad, and must be stopped. These are the same people who won't admit that birds cause global warming. Their ancestors were the people who, in referring the the airplane said, If God had meant for us to fly, he would have given us wings. I do see their point because I myself, have said, if God had meant for a dog to get a bath, we would be fish. Okay, let's shut that silly machine off.


I saw a new action figure of Sarah Palin is coming out on the market. On the back of the package, it will list her accomplishments. Okay, it will say she is a over-achieving hockey mom. I know hockey is played on ice, and I approve of that, but from what I've seen, hockey is not a game that teaches children to be nice to each other. Sure, they can knock another kid's teeth out, but nice is not part of the game plan. I think I would prefer a baseball mom or a basketball mom. Many of the kids who play hockey that my brothers went to school with were the worst kids in school. Somehow they confused the ice rink with school and continued the same behavior in school. I'd keep the hockey mom thing quiet if I were her. Mommy would never allow her boys to play hockey because she didn't want them acting like the hockey players they attended school with.

Obama refuses to apologize for his lipstick on a pig remark. Meanwhile, Palin refuses to apologize to pit bulls for her lipstick on a pit bull remark. It not only insults the pit bulls, but don't pit bulls have enough problems with some cities wanting to ban them? Is it fair for her to make them look like they are vicious in the minds of impressionable people who aren't capable of a rational thought because they are humans and not dogs?

I have ranted enough for one day. I'll be glad when I win this election and can get this country back on the right track---making dogs welcome everywhere humans go, declaring war on birds, and other important things that you never even hear the human candidates mention. Vote Dog in November!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (The True Underdog in the Election)

No More Problems With Hurricanes

Hurricanes seem to be causing more problems than usual this year. There was Hurricane Fay (which I re-named Hurricane Ray), Hurricane Gustav, and now there is Hurricane Ike (any relation to Dwight Eisenhower?). My heart goes out to people who have to live through these horrible storms, and then a little light bulb went off over my head or was I just sitting under a light fixture? The light bulb is symbolic of an idea for those of you who didn't watch cartoons when you were children. I have found a solution for stopping these horrible storms. While other Presidential candidates are busy telling you stuff that you could care less about hearing (are they talking about milkbones or dingo bones?), I Demon Flash Bandit have solved a serious hurricane problem. Here is my solution. We will get several teams of sled dogs, and pull the places to a safer location. We can stand on a big boat, and tie some ropes around the trees in said location, and then we will pull it to a safer spot. I realized how well this would work because I was thinking about the time when I was a puppy (I weighed about 15 pounds), and Mommy decided to tie me to one of those large Rubbermaid sheds so that she and Daddy could clean the garage. Within 5 minutes, MOmmy heard a crash, and I was carrying the shed to the back fence to visit with some neighbor dogs. I realized if one puppy can pull a shed, then several teams of older dogs can pull a state if necessary. I am pleased that I am able to help the states that are being annoyed by these hurricanes. When you go to the polls, remember to vote for the dog who can actually solve a problem. I can do a lot more thinking in the White HOuse because it has a LOT of light fixtures.

Demon Flash Bandit (Solving Problems for the Humans)

I Am An Actual Dog Running for President

I just read a very disturbing news headline. It said Obama is now the UNDERDOG. Naturally, this made me very angry. I must tell all you dogs out there. Do not be fooled. He is a human, and he IS NOT A DOG. I know my campaign is scaring the human candidates, but don't be fooled. OBAMA AND MCCAIN ARE HUMANS. THEY ARE NOT DOGS. Remember to vote dog in 2008-Demon Flash Bandit for President.

Yesterday was a good day. Mommy went to see Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, and I can understand why. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was a movie calling out for a sequel. At least that is what Jeff said. I wonder if Jeff was being sarcastic because, despite his endorsement of the movie, he went to see Death Race. Anyway, I got Burger King for dinner, and I got some bacon and cheese flavored milkbones. I think Mommy said to share them with Angel, but all I heard was blah blah blah blah blah blah so I'm not sharing.

The weather isn't quite as hot so I am a very happy husky. I hope the week is starting out good for all you dogs out there in dogsterland.

Demon Flash Bandit (An Actual Dog)

I Love The Human Who Invented Ice Cream!!!

I want to start this diary entry by discussing something very important--ice cream. Whoever invented ice cream gets my Demon Flash Bandit Award for a Major Accomplishment. It is cold (we huskies love cold), and it is tasty and sweet, and I some of it every night. Sure, Mommy originally tried some horrible product called Frosty Paws. Who needs dog ice cream when the human ice cream tastes so much better? I will never understand why the humans think we want our own special dog products when we are perfectly happy with what the humans are eating. While on the subject of ice cream, how did they come up with the name, Eskimo Pie as a brand. I can understand the Eskimo part since Eskimos live where it is cold, but it doesn't look like a slice of pie so I would have called it Eskimo Delight or Eskimo Ecstasy, Since it is already a well known brand, I understand them sticking with the name, but I just don't know how they came up with it in the first place. The cool thing about the humans is that there are trucks filled with ice cream that go through the neighborhood selling ice cream. Mommy said when she was young, they actually had a guy pushing a freezer through the neighborhood who actually did great business because he was about the same price as the supermarkets would charge. There was also a freezer on a bicycle. I bet they sold frozen dinosaur pops too. Mommy is kind of old. Anyway, when the trucks started coming through, they were actually like a Dairy Queen on wheels. You could get ice cream cones, milk shakes, etc. Now they sell the same stuff Mommy already has in the freezer just like the guy who came through on foot. Is that what they mean by full circle?

I was reading about a cool church which I believe is probably in Virginia. The pastor delivers his sermon dressed as a character in whatever movie was the blockbuster the week before. Since it is Sunday, it seemed like a good subject to bring up today. I bet he is just hoping that a dog movie will be a blockbuster so he can dress up as a dog. HAHA He has done Tropic Thunder, The Dark Knight, The Incredible Hulk ,etc.. He manages to turn the movie into a message that fits into a sermon. I think this is a very innovative minister. He does have his critics, and I'm not saying that people should be "entertained" every minute of every day, but doing things to get people to attend sounds like a good idea to me. They meet at Stonewall Jackson High School in Manassis, and popcorn and candy are available (sometimes they even have nachos and hot dogs). I will go on record as saying that I do approve of eating while you listen to a sermon. I like to eat.

My vice presidential candidate, Angel Zoom Smokey is ready to tell all the dogs out there that she hasn't even been to Obedience School. She and I concur that school alone should not always make a big difference when it comes to running the country. However, I would like more of an explanation as to why Mrs. Palin has been to so many different schools. Mommy can't understand why someone who grew up in Alaska would have a problem with it raining too much in Hawaii to the point where you would transfer schools. She also said it doesn't make sense to transfer to another school in Hawaii because it would rain there too. She then transferred to some 2 year college in Idaho and then to the University of Idaho and then to a college in Alaska. Some of the humans like MOmmy have this real love of palm trees and warmer weather. Maybe Mrs. Palin has sense and would prefer snow just like me and Angel or maybe the internet made a mistake, but Mommy says anyone who would prefer the weather in Alaska to the weather in Hawaii needs help. Obviously, Angel and I do not share Mommy's opinion of the weather in Alaska. We have to live with this human who used to refer to MI as the arctic zone every time it got a couple of inches of snow. Mommy grew up in a place with very little snow so she has a lot of odd ideas about winter--she doesn't like it. CAn you imagine anyone not liking winter--the most delightful season of the year? Anyway, I hope my doggie supporters will vote for me even though Angel and I don't have college degrees. I don't want to mis-lead any of you dogs. I don't think you need a degree to kill birds and make sure dogs can go anywhere they want to go. Remember to vote for me, and don't let it upset you that I don't have a degree. Milkbones for Everyone!!!!

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Is Fond of Ice Cream)

I was reading about how some researchers are studying sled dogs. I know you are thinking, they must be trying to understand how dogs like Demon Flash Bandit are so incredibly intelligent. Sure, that is true, but the humans aren't smart enough to think of studying us for that. Sled dogs can run gruelling races and not tap into their reserve of fat because their metabolism changes. They think that since sled dogs can switch their metabolism that it might be effective for humans too. Personally, I think if they want to make money, forget how to get the humans not to burn fat, and come up with a metabolism switch that will make them burn fat without doing anything. That seems to be what most of the humans are looking for. Evidently, these human researchers have spent too much time in the lab, and not enough time listening to people talk, and they have yet to notice all the diet foods out there. It is still nice that we sled dogs are appreciated. Of course, I don't mush. I am way too busy running for President, and taking my naps.

I am sorry to announce that Sarah Palin was unavailable for an interview. I tried, but one of McCain's sr. advisors has announed that "despite the gaggles of requests and pressure from the media, Gov. Sarah Palin won't submit to a formal interview any time soon. She may take questions from local news entities in Alaska but until she's ready and until she's comfrotable -which may not be for a long while-the media will have to wait.....Sarah Palin needs to spend time with the voters." I was rather surprised by the response since the media is how most candidates "meet the voters". I am assuming the people in Alaska already know who she is. I hope if McCAin wins that she can handle taking over because running the country is a lot more difficult than giving an interview. I know all my loyal readers support my run, and if you want an interview with my vice presidential candidate, Angel Zoom Smokey, she is available and will be glad to bark answers to any questions the media might have. Remember, the best vice presidential candidate is running with the best vice presidential candidate. Vote Demon Flash Bandit///Angel Zoom Smokey. Remember my campaign slogan: Forget the other runners, vote husky--Demon Flash Bandit/ Angel Zoom Smokey for President.

I hope all you dogs have a nice weekend, and if you don't want to pee on the Obama and McCAin signs, rip them up. Be sure you replace them with a Demon Flash BAndit sign. I am trying to get the dog vote.

Demon Flash BAndit (Husky Running for President)

The Best Choice

I was looking for interesting things to write about on the internet today, and I thought I had found the perfect topic. There it was on the AOL homepage, haunted by bad bosses, or something to that effect. I thought it would be a cool story about how some dead boss was haunting am employee. Let me tell you dogs that it was a major disappointment. It was a whole article about how some employees are "haunted" by criticism from a bad boss they had in the past. I glanced over the article, and couldn't click off it fast enough. Just when a dog thinks he will have a nice ghost story to write about in his diary, it turns out to be garbage. Which means I had to move on to another topic.

Then I read Heart Attacks McCain which I assumed was a typo because when I think heart attack, I think of Cheney even though I've never understood how a guy without a heart can have a heart attack. That story turned out to be the story of the rock group, Heart who is mad because McCain used their music at his convention without their permission, and I'm sure without paying royalties. They will have to get in line behind, John Mellencamp, (Our Country and Pink House), Jackson Browne (Running on Empty), and Van Halen (Right Now). This dog has no idea why he would use the song Barricuda about souless executives as Palin's theme song. I suspect the nickname, Barracuda, given to Palin in high school was meant as a compliment. I know I wouldn't be thrilled if my fellow dogs gave me that name. I suppose the song is telling us that McCAin and Palin will be soulless executives since President and Vice President is an executive office. Somehow that isn't the image I would want voters to get so why steal songs that are so inherently stupid for your campaign. You won't see Demon Flash Bandit using music that will make me look bad. Of cousre, it is good for me because my competitors are just handing the election over to me. Than I will be playing Who Let the Dogs In (the white house)--with permission of course.

I also want to add that the baby is doing well. Her dad said she is the baby making the most noise in the nursery so she is well and probably not happy (why else would she be crying?). Maybe if they brought in Burger King, it might help. It makes me happy.

Demon Flash Bandit (Obviously the Best Choice)

Dingo Bone With My Name On It!!!!

It has come to my attention that Rusty Roo is also running for President. If you don't want to vote for me, I suggest you vote for him since it is far better than having a human in office. Thanks Sophie for letting me know about Rusty Roo's campaign. One of my pals, Buddy Grau, has decided to run also, but I'm still getting Buddy's vote since Buddy is just running because he heard the food served on the campaign trail was quite good. Buddy is a very smart dog. I might add that all the dogs running are much better looking than the humans in addition to being a whole lot smarter.

Yesterday Mommy's great niece was born in New York City. Mommy just found out that the hospital in NYC doesn't have phones in the rooms so Mommy has now pronounced NYC to be a third world country. Mommy can't imagine a hospital without a phone in the room unless it is in some little town in the middle of nowhere. Mommy can't even call her niece and ask her how she is feeling. NYC, join the 21st century (or even the 20th century for that matter) and hook up some phones.

I think there is a dingo bone with my name on it in the kitchen so I've got to go get it.

Demon Flash Bandit (Glad I'm Not a NYC Dog)

Vote Demon Flash Bandit

The most important piece of news of I have for you pups today is that Levi Johnston, Sarah Palin's future son-in-law is going to be at the Republican convention. I hope he gets to make a speech because this kid has quite a way with words. His MySpace page, which has been removed , but kindly added by other people who were able to read it before it was removed (does this sound anything like the Palin wickapedia incident where everything possibly bad was edited before she was announced as McCain's running mate--30 items in all by one person?). Anyway, to share a part of it, I'm a ***ing redneck......don't *** with me or I'll kick your ***. I was very impressed with this young man because I didn't realize that the schools in Alaska were so expert at teaching the English language. You know it has to be eloquent or there wouldn't be so many little stars. I can see why Bristol is attracted to this kid because of his intelligence and charm (sarcasm intended). Now the only thing this dog is wondering is that since they plan to get married (I hope Levi has changed his mind about the not wanting kids statement.), why aren't they married yet? What are they waiting for? Do they want to wait until the baby can be the Best Man/ Maid of Honor at the wedding? In the old days, the couple would have slipped off and got married and there wouldn't be so much publicity about it. I guess that is why so many humans call it the "good old days". By the way, if the candidate's children are off limits, why is it that Chelsea Clinton had the media calling her ugly for years? She was a good kid, and she didn't do anything wrong. At least when Bristol gets criticism it is for something she has done--not just the way she looks. I'm sure if the same thing had happened to Chelsea, she would have been torn apart in the press. This is why it is so important to vote for a dog in the election. The humans are idiots. By the way, I hope you dogs have been peeing on the McCAin and Obama signs so they can be replaced with Demon Flash Bandit signs.

Demon Flash Bandit (Dog Who Should Get Your Vote)

I hope all you pups had a wonderful Labor Day weekend. I bet your humans didn't want to go back to work today (that is those of you who have smart humans). Angel and I had Burger King yesterday, Mommy has't announced what we will have today, but I grabbed a box of milkbones yesterday so I've already had some tasty snacks today.

I saw an important piece of news today which should upset every dog on dogster. There is a deadly plague spread by, you guessed it, our arch enemy, the flea, called sylvatic plague. It has been causing a lot of problems for prairie dogs in South Dakota, and, in turn has upset the ferret population. (Ferrets like to dine on prairie dogs.) I know prairie dogs aren't exactly like us pet dogs, but they are cute, and we both are bothered by fleas. Anyway, I think research should be started immediately to get rid of every flea in existence. I don't think any of us (dog or human) would miss fleas, and they have been responsible for many problems throughout history (including the Bubonic Plague which they are hoping the humans have forgotten their role in that major plague).

On the political front, Sarah Palin has announced that her 17 year old unmarried daughter is 5 months pregnant. I know the children shouldn't be under scrutiny, but right or wrong they are. Why would a loving mother be so anxious to be VP that she would subject her daughter to such humiliation? I can't remember the exact quote, but John Adams thought being the Vice President was awful. You'll excuse me if I happen to have a lot more respect for John Adams than I do for Mrs. Palin. Is Bristol 5 months pregnant or will she "lose" the baby because the announcement was made up to keep people from finding out that Bristol is actually Trig's Mom. It has all the elements of a good soap opera. Maybe McCain thought his campaign needed some tabloid coverage. He doesn't seem to be getting along well with the media. Perhaps the Enquirer will be nicer to him.

I'm sure I have the support of most of the dogs out there since the rest are humans, and I'm the only one standing up for dog rights.

Demon Flash Bandit (Campaign to Rid World of Fleas)